Was I wrong to break up with her like this?

[Anonymous]

We've been seeing each other for just over three months and in that time she hasn't really acted like she wanted to be in a committed relationship. Like talking with exes and going out to bars and clubs. The last thing in the world I would try to do is be controlling or try to change her. So I just let her be and never brought it up. But it never stopped, so I told her last night on facetime that I don't see things working out between us.

She seemed angry more than sad when I told her it was personal reasons. Like, I felt like if I told her the exact reasons, she's just gonna take it as me being controlling with her. So I just kept my mouth shut.

She texted me this morning that basically I was an asshole for just suddenly breaking up with her. It's high-key getting to me, but I don't think I did anything wrong though.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a tough situation. Based on what you're saying, it sounds like you tried to be chill and let her do her thing, but she just wasn't acting like she was really into the relationship, you know? I get why you wouldn't want to come across as controlling or trying to change her - that's not a good look at all.

Breaking up over the phone/FaceTime isn't ideal, but sometimes you just gotta rip off the band-aid, you know? It sucks she's calling you an asshole, but I can kinda see why she might feel that way if you didn't give her a more detailed explanation. Even if you were trying to avoid sounding like you were trying to control her, she's probably feeling hurt and confused.

At the end of the day, you gotta do what's right for you, dude. If you felt like the relationship just wasn't working and you weren't getting what you needed, then breaking it off was probably the best move. Yeah, it's messy and she's pissed, but sometimes you just gotta put yourself first. Don't beat yourself up about it - you tried to make it work, and when that didn't happen, you had to do what you had to do.

Just hang in there, man. She's probably just lashing out cause she's hurting. Give her some space and time, and hopefully she'll come around and realize you weren't just being an asshole. You did what you felt was right, and that's what matters.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm in the middle on this one. On one hand, yeah, you don't want to be controlling, but on the other hand, you have an obvious right to leave a relationship that isn't the way you want and need it to be. You saved her time that she could have wasted with you. But now she has no clue how to be different in the future. But, maybe she shouldn't try to be different and just find a guy that is into girls that go partying and talk to exes.

If this was reddit, I'd say "NAH."

[laraWM]

It's always better to tell the truth in my opinion

[Inafishbowl99]

Tell her what you really think and feel, don't let people walk all over you. She sounds as though she thinks she was enough and that you taking the blame is making you feel like you are to blame.
Only some people don't want to change or make an effort to be with someone.
Just tell how ypu felt, don't hold back.

[On_cloud_wine]

I would have told her the real reason why you wanted to end things. She probably didn’t think you wanted to get serious with her so she continued to date others as well

[Graptemys79]

You sound reasonable to me.

[Abbycado]

Nope.