He broke up with me but we still talk like lovers. It's been 1 year. I had a long distance and online relationship for 4 years. What should I do now?

Question

We've been talking for four years, but due to some issues on both our sides, we haven't met in person yet. im a very empathetic person, but the person I am with generally doesn't show empathy. I always have to take a back seat cos he doesn't try to understand my feelings. in some situations, he is rude and hurtful, and even tries to silence me. He says 'forget about it' or 'let's talk about something else.' We’ve had a long-distance relationship for four years and we were thinking about getting married in the future. But last year, he broke up with me, yet we still continue to talk in the same way. He still says he loves me, and we usually chat for an hour every day before going to sleep, saying good morning and good night to each other. But he still doesn’t want to be my boyfriend again, doesn’t want a relationship. I afraid I will completely lose him, that he'll block me and stop talking, so I don't say much. He hasn't come back yet, and we don’t have a shared future goal, although he had said in the past that he would marry me someday. He knows that I love him and want to marry him in the future. The reason for our breakup was that he said he never wanted children, and that he couldn't give me the attention I needed, etc. When I try to talk about this, he usually tries to shut down the conversation and avoid it. Or, if there's a problem, he brings up other topics to ignore the issues. When I try to talk calmly, sometimes he doesn’t want to talk at all. What should I do? How can I save my relationship? A few times, he has said 'we're just friends' in different months. He hasn’t always said this, but he has said it a few times, and I’ve been very upset and cried a lot. He is not as emotional and romantic as I am. He is a very grumpy person, getting angry and upset very easily. Even about the smallest things, sometimes he says hurtful things to me. I don't know if it's because he’s tired from working as a waiter, but he was like this even when he wasn't working.

StarWarGirl · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry first because whatever I'm going to tell you now can feel bitter to you and you could get hurt by my words. But you need to wake up.

Firstly I'll go as per your perspective, assuming it as "real" relationship. So let's assume it was a relationship a real relationship for 4 years. And now he broke up, because of whatever reason, (it doesn't matter). So a relationship is from both sides. If he doesn't want to continue this then you are wrong to force him to stay and continue it. You should respect his decision and should let him get out of it.

Now seeing it from your side. Being in such kind "relationship" when you feel neglected, not heard, or you are doing most of part isn't wise decision. And it can never go on forever. It's more like a slavery where our emotional needs are never met. And thus such relationship can never survive for long. And ofcourse it isn't a healthy relationship.

Now let's go to the other part of this question that you say you are in relationship for 4 years but have never met with each other. In this world of internet and scams do you think it is really possible to know the true person without meeting him in real? It's toooooo easy to hide the reality and fake. There are lot many such stories over internet like that kind scams, catfishing etc. So it's wrong to name it as "relationship". Yes ofcourse it is possible to love the person with distance. But it was then when the world was full of morality. Now if someone belive such they are either fool or in dreams so you need to wake up.

So from both ways you take it as "relationship" or as dream you need to come out of it.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

Grow Up! How do you break up with someone you've never even met yet! Get off your stupid phone and the social sites your on and go find a nice walking, talking real guy in person that you can hold and kiss etc.
These smart phones are making you young people so fucking stupid!

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Well I think he’s using you as a means to feed his own ego and to have someone to control. I think that you need to figure out that this isn’t going anywhere and just break things off on best terms possible. Tell him that you want to find a real relationship again and you want him to do the same thing.

He’s basically getting all the benefits of a committed relationship without having a committed relationship. He also has someone to fall back on if nothing else works out. You said he’s been toxic and not fitting your needs. I would be careful of online relationships in the future. I’m not saying they can’t work but most the time they don’t

Staximus · Answer

If you haven't met in person then you're in a fake make-believe pretend relationship

In_Trance · Answer

This is a fairy tale and a giant waste of time.

He broke up with me but we still talk like lovers. It's been 1 year. I had a long distance and online relationship for 4 years. What should I do now?

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