Have you ever discovered your partner's infidelity years after it happened?

[OlderAndWiser]

I recently heard an account of a man who learned, after 20 years of marriage and 2 children, that his wife had sex with his best man the night before their wedding. When confronted with his recently acquired knowledge of the cheating, the wife responded that she had been drunk the night before the wedding, of course "it meant nothing," and she could scarcely remember the details 20 years later.

She did not dismiss his feelings about the events but felt that it had happened so long ago that it should simply be overlooked or forgotten. He responded by filing for divorce.

Have you ever been part of a years-later revelation of infidelity? How would you have reacted if you had been in the guy in the story I related?

[AviatorTom]

There must have been something else in the marriage for that guy to file for divorce over a single event that happened 20 years ago.

If I were in that situation, I would consider our 20 years of marriage as more important than 2 minutes of questionable sex. In her defense, not to make excuses, this tryst was not technically cheating, since she was still single at the time, and it wasn't truly consensual.

It's interesting to note that, shortly before my first marriage, my fiancee actually arranged for 2 of my past girlfriends to meet me, and she told me that I could have sex with them if I wanted... before we got married, because after we got married, it would only be her. I declined the offer, though I did have a good time reminiscing about the past with the girls.

And No, to finally answer the question, no cheating has ever happened in my relationships.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that for the guy, it wasn't just what happened 20 years ago, but the deception that occurred every day for the next 20 years.

Frankly, I don't know how I would respond in that situation. I discovered my wife had cheated on me about four months previously, but we were already in the process of a divorce by the time I learned about it.

[AviatorTom]

@OlderAndWiser I hear what you are saying, but what deception? It was a non-event to her, and unless I'm missing something in the story, she was a good, faithful wife.

[OlderAndWiser]

My perception he felt she presented herself as a faithful and monogamous partner - when she wasn’t - and his best friend pretended to be a loyal best friend - when he wasn’t.

[exitseven]

@AviatorTom Wow, that is one cool story.

[Ariesman81]

@OlderAndWiser

I'd be cutting two people out of my life. To let that secret stew for 20 years is an evil thing to do. Just straight up disrespect.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Ariesman81 That what I'm thinking, but you never really know what you would do until you're actually in that situation.

[Ariesman81]

@OlderAndWiser

I had a girlfriend years ago that cheated. The guy she cheated with came clean to me days later. He and I became became good friends.

[Miristheiss]

I look at it like this. If he had known back then. If he had found out when it happened, would he have divorced her? If he would have divorced her for betraying him then he married under false pretenses. He had the ability to make an informed decision away. Every day of this marriage has been a lie. Also, it is not common for liars, cheaters to just change their ways. She's probably fucked around on him some more over the last 20 years as well.
The woman he thought he was married to actually never existed. She was actually a lying, dishonorable whore... PRETENDING to be a loyal, good wife.

[Ariesman81]

@Miristheiss

And he's now redpilled.

[Finchie40]

No that never happened to me , if it did , I never found out the truth so she did a good job at keeping it a secret lol , I know I would be hurt and devastated if i found out the truth , after all those years we were together , by assuming we actually loved and valued and stayed loyal to each other. To find out it was nothing but lies. I would divorce her ass as well because I would lose all respect and trust for her. I don’t stay with cheaters period , Every girl that cheated on me I exempt from my life , she means nothing to me anymore because people that can cheat on someone , do not love that someone , they just love the convenience of them. So to me that isn’t love , someone that truly loves you will not cheat on you period.

[Crimsyjo]

I think after 20 years together he over reacted big time. I bet he will regret it. If they had a happy marriage abd no reason to believe she ever did anything like that again. If I was in his shoes yes of course I'd be hurt and angry and I wouldn't just brush over it but I think I'd give it time and communication and I'd expect my partner to grovel a bit despite being so long ago. But divorce is too extreme.

My sister find out her husband had cheated right before they got married. But I'm not sure how long into the marriage or if she knew straight away and still married him? They are divorced now. But not over that.

[PeachyPie93]

I'd divorce cuz the whole relationship is a lie and the mf isn't even sorry. That friendship would be finished too even if it was them who told me.

[lightbulb27]

no, that be really awful... unless he wanted to be divorced anyways and this was just an excuse. I recall hearing similar story in English literature class... the guys kids weren't his own. I was most disgusted with the female teachers concern for his deceiving wife.

I think the moral of the story is... while dating before marriage, drink water or tea only.

Alcohol causes a lot of problems.

I've been trying to convey this to the teens... you can make little mistakes, but put effort into avoiding big mistakes. Some... cannot be undone.

[OneViewpoint]

Meh, I guess I just don't place the same importance on having sex outside a relationship that most people do. I don't believe we're meant to be monogamous for our entire adult lives. Especially if the desire dies off because of familiarity or vastly different sex drives.

But the timing on this one was the disturbing part. Hours before she walks down the aisle after she's agreed to marry this guy, she fucks his best man and covers it up. That isn't getting bored or discovering a difference in sex drives over time. She never loved this guy. She damned sure never respected him. He was just what she settled for. She married him for convenience. His entire marriage was a lie. She stole the best years of his life. I hope this guy was banging everything in sight all those years because you can be damn sure she was. This was not a one off event.

[Miristheiss]

No.

Per that story, women pretty much never accept accountability.

The entire marriage was based on a lie. If he had found out when it happened he most likely would have cancelled the wedding and dumped her. So by hiding that fact all of the 20 years were based on a lie.

He thought he was married to a loyal women that had his back when in fact that was a mirage and she was a skuzzy tramp with no morals. The woman he thought he was married to didn't even really exist. Just in his mind.

"I was drunk", "didn't mean anything", "it was long ago"

all typical excuses on why they should be able to do whatever the hell they want but have no consequences. Women hate accountability.

All the promiscuous women are like "my body count shouldn't matter", "that was in the past"... etc. They get to commit all of the actions but their actions should never have any consequences.

[PrincessC16]

I really don't know what I would do. That's a very hard decision. I'm sure I don't know about all of my boyfriends infidelity. I still can't believe I found out about the first one. I knew the 2nd one was going to happen before it did. Hurts too much still 😢

[ProbablyClueless]

It's always so weird to watch when two people really obviously have an inappropriate thing going on that everyone except for them has acknowledged. Like we're all just supposed to play dumb pretend that just because we can't prove that something has happened yet means it somehow isn't going on.

So freakin' cringe.

[PrincessC16]

Ugh... hurts so bad

[Blueeyes81]

I found out an ex had cheated on me and broke up with her on the spot. As the years went by several friends of mine confessed to sleeping with her while we were together. I guess they thought enough time had passed and I wouldn't be mad. They were correct in I wasn't mad but wrong that I wouldn't cut ties with them. Break my trust and I have no use for you.

[RedInnocent69]

Here must be a sense of water-under-the-bridge that shouldn’t affect all the good times in between, but yeah, it must make you rethink your whole relationship, what other friends might now and didn’t tell you, that your whole life has been a lie, really

[On_cloud_wine]

I knew someone who was in a relationship for about 10 years, on and off since high school.. she had sex with her boyfriend’s best friend he ended up becoming roommates with when he found out.. he broke up with her. She thought it was better to keep it a secret

[Fireguy17]

No, it was while it was going on.

Both times I thought something was going on.

Once I caught them I was gone.

[Shiprex]

Nope basically as it was happening though at least once though when it started I didn't realise.

[SteveSmith1985]

No I've never had that happen. But I would file for divorce too. What a nightmare.

[Jamie05rhs]

I would have done the exact same thing. Time passed does not absolve you from accountability.
If you're on the Most Wanted list, and they pick you up, you're going to jail. Period.

[Anastasia86]

Um I was the other lover I didn’t know it when the husband came home I’m like wtf. I got out of their.

[Cameila99]

Not me. But an Uncle, through Marriage, had a double life, having kids with both women. I was caught because my cousin brought her boyfriend to Christmas. It turns out they are brother and sister.

[DrPepper12]

Sux but I don't know what id do. Probably give myself a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

Not years. When I discovered it, it was ongoing and had been for a few months.

[Vampirelover_12]

What a queen she is. He's just jealous.

[Professor-college]

Yes.. well 11 months after it started happening

[IslaTheWitch]

I didn't... he told me...

[Anonymous]

Nope, I'm single, always have been :/

[DCVsMarvel2]

She was drunk. Sounds like rape to me

[OlderAndWiser]

They were both drinking. If it was rape, the friend would have never confessed. And if it was rape, she should have reported it not later than the next morning.

[disgustingweebtrash]

God forbid.