Do divorces happen because couples don't know how to or want to resolve conflict?

[Anonymous]

rather than having married the wrong person?

I don't think divorces happen because you married the wrong person. It is because you never actually sacrificed or compromised to make the marriage work. That is why your problems always got worse instead of better.

[Summeroflove]

The issue is that sometimes one spouse is willing to put the effort in while the other is not. What eventually happens is that spouse becomes so burnt out on it that they have no energy left so the other spouse blames the other for not putting the energy in.

People marry for the wrong reasons there is no genuine connection and they have no intentions of putting the effort in to make it work. People marry someone whose not compatible with them whatsoever whose looking for something completely different then they are. I’m not just talking wanting to have children but also financial goals, roles in a relationship, how many kids they want, and many other things.

A lot of people marry someone for materialistic and superficial reasons so you’re just using someone until you find someone else to move on to. Many times affairs and cheating of all kinds are very common of people trying to fill that void they feel in the marriage. Other marriages are simply because someone got pregnant so they marry each other even if they barely know one another.

Marriages take work you’re right they can work if people build on mutual respect and love for one another. They can decide they can stay married as well as loyal and make it through only if BOTH are willing. It can’t be one person doing it all.

[Asker]

I dont think divorce usually happens when you marry the wrong person. Divorce happens when people dont respect their marriage and refuse to protect their marriage since they believe they can always find someone better than the last

[Summeroflove]

That happens as well even if they are the right people. The choice to stay married takes both people though it can’t be one person wanting to make things work and the other isn’t.

I know they major differences in compatibility can be a issue but if both people love and respect one another enough they can make it through.

[Summeroflove]

Asker. Narcissists think that way they marry someone for materialistic and superficial reasons. Nothings ever good enough for them.

Once someone hasn’t lived up to their unreasonable expectations they begin to start fantasizing about having someone else until they do the same thing to that person later on

[Asker]

@summeroflove

people in other cultures such as jewish or muslim cultures. they marry at a very young age such as in their early 20s. No dating, no ex drama. They just married their neighbors. Then they are able to stay married for the rest of their lives, bearing many children over their long marriage.

In American culture, we date 10 people , trying to find "the one". After 10 boyfriends, you find the "right person". You date this guy for 6 years, stay engaged for 3 years, take 11 months to find a wedding venue, another yr to sign the marriage certificate. Then pop out 3 kids. 10 years later, you want a divorce. This is literally how americans do marriages.

why is it that people in other cultures who has never dated, never obsessed over finding the right person, was never picky, able to have successful marriages while you can't?

ultimately I don't think it has much to do with marrying the wrong person. Just a bunch of very entitled people with overly high standards for marriage. They think marriage is supposed to be the perfect fairy tale. A perfect love story catered to them. If anything is short of that, then they divorce.

[Asker]

I don't think most americans marry due to materialistic or superficial reasons though. Romance is way too overrated in our society. When every song that is released in America is about love. Girls are taught to look for fairy tale love stories at a young age or designed their own dream weddings at the age of 11.

[Summeroflove]

I may differ if people are happily married.

[Summeroflove]

Look that happens too where people get too carried away in a fantasy and can’t see reality until it’s too late.

[Asker]

@summeroflove

I think that people who are able to have long term successful marriage are the one who know how to settle. People who have ultra high standards, selfish, always want someone better than the last, believe they should always try to get an upgrade will never be able to maintain a forever marriage.

americans seem to think that successful marriages only happen upon luck, never sacrifice.

[Summeroflove]

Okay

[14gurlz2gagonit]

It's a conflict and one side at least just doesn't want to make it work. ... Oh shit, I was about to say it but then I read the rest of what you said just now. Yes, the refusal to compromise which also includes sacrifice at times is required to make any marriage work.

Sometimes it is better to not compromise though. If you're with someone that just demands to be morally reprehensible... you really going to accept it and change for them? Let's say they like to murder people and hide the bodies on one extreme end... or should you allow cheating on the less extreme end?

In modern relationships what I see most of the time is two people with moral values or values in general that just got together for reasons that were not much more than the sex and there is no fucking point in trying to make them work together. Shout out to all my dudes out there that were ready to make it work, but she demands to talk to her ex and flirt with guys with occasional cheating, while he gets blamed by the boomer standards for being the cheater still. Yeah, wasn't going to work.

[Screenwriter]

And they also happen because you've sacrificed a long time and little HAS changed despite your efforts. And the problems don't necessarily get worse. But they never get better.

Went to therapy with my ex husband for years trying to resolve our issues until he simply refused to go and continued to be abusive. Finally after one last slap I decided he would never stop and filed for divorce the second time.

We were the wrong people for each other. I had issues he would not deal with and he had issues he would never take care of. Terrible combination.

[Nikki1989]

Poor conflict resolution often leads to breakdowns in communication. This is one of the major problems in modern society. People have got to the point when they think sending a text message is real communication. They are doomed to fail from the outset.

[Cormac995]

90% of the time yes. From what I've seen almost every time a relationship takes a sharp dip in a bad direction is when you start finding points of conflict you won't compromise on. Love and things like marriage are built on compromise because compromising is empathy. Unfortunately in today's world I think the vast majority of people are too selfish to do that which is why we're seeing such a big spike in divorces in my opinion. If you don't love your SO more than you love yourself, you're not in love, It's pretty simple. That said loving someone doesn't mean you sacrifice everything you like to please them either. Compromise, compromise is the key to lasting love.

[RavVid]

It seems more child cycle driven to me.

The median marriage marriage is 8 years which roughly corresponds to the 1.8 children getting into elementary school. At that point there is builtin child care at school and the husband isn't so necessary and the wife can resume work if she stayed at home for the initial years.

The next blip up is at 20 years and corresponds to the empty nest.

It may be cynical but 70% of divorces are unilaterally initiated by women but only 10% by men. Another 20% are joint applications and I'd guess relates to infidelity.

The cheated partner wants to get rid of the cheater and the cheater wants to get rid of the no good partner

[WonderingManII]

I'm not an expert, but I got to watch my Grandparents marriage make it to death did them part. And My parents are still together. I got to hear my Grandparents have disagreements. I got to hear my parents get upset at each other. But thing is, they didn't quit. My parents haven't quit. For some reason couples now days, don't like something, they quit. So I agree with the OP.

[soe11]

• There are multiple reasons.
• Those are part of it.
• It is depending on person to person.
• Currently trends is Living together as long as both happy and healthy.
• So I live together no tie up and no strings.
• Just a like mature understanding give and take policy.
• We both happy every single day of week, every month of year.
• No cheating, deceiving one another.
• Honesty and dignity as well as respectful manner.

[Miristheiss]

Selfish.

No moral core.

Stop dating and doing the work.

No sense of duty and honor.

They think they should feel happy every day and cannot work through tough times. Society preaches divorce is ok.

[OneViewpoint]

Some conflict doesn't deserve an effort to resolve it. Some things require a no tolerance policy. Physical abuse / violence. Mental abuse. Drug and alcohol addiction.

[Viran3]

You're right. Relationships usually continue because of how beautiful a girl is or how handsome a guy is. In my opinion, a relationship is turning two separate roads into a single lane. When you are with someone, it means that you will know their good and bad behaviors, their well-groomed and unkempt behaviors. Before being with someone, you should ask these questions: Can I fart or burp besides this, what would be their behavior if I was sick? How would they act if I had a bad day, etc.

[WhitneySnow]

I think sometimes it’s because they don’t know how to resolve conflict and sometimes because they married the wrong person.

[SotiCoto]

Divorces happen because most people don't understand the psychology of why they pair off in the first place. They mistake a purely temporary interest for something permanent.

[beenherebefore]

That could be one the reasons but I think there’s way more reasons why people divorce.

[BloodyMary6]

That or want to get married “cause that’s what's expected of us” or what “everyone else does”. Or it’s their way or the highway.

[DCVsMarvel2]

Divorces happen, because marriage, seems to be a thing.

Why do you HAVE to be married?

[Jeff51]

Maybe cause 1 of them has cheated on him or her.

[Anonymous]

Very often - yes, that's one of the reasons.

[NicholasRedone]

I'd say it's that plus the usual reasons

[ProbablyClueless]

Many times, yes.

[jahaims]

Divorce happens when immature people get married.

[wkhan_87]

Yes , i think that's the reason

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Most of the time