After DIVORCE, do you DATE for COMPANIONSHIP, SEX, or SOMETHING ELSE?

Question

After my then-wife and I amicably divorced after 20 years of marriage, I dated a few women. I must admit that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was looking for companionship, someone to do things with, and for sex. And that's (mostly) what I got.

It wasn't until a few years, and a few women, later, that I met my current wife, and realized that I did want something more than companionship and sex. We've been married for 9 years and counting.

To anyone who's been divorced, how about you?

What were you looking for when dating after divorce?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I was anxious to find a good man and get remarried and have another child.

But I got just the opposite. Dating rules had changed tremendously since before I was married.

Guys weren't interested in keeping a woman, just wanted to use us for sex.

They played so many games with women as well. Like say they would call and then she would never hear from him again. I guess this was old fashioned ghosting.

Guys were very noncommittal, wanted to keep their opinions open, have friends with benefits, see other people, etc.

They would say things like "It's not you, it's me" when he wanted to end it. Or, go and find someone you deserve.

I didn't find true love again until I was 62.

douride2 · Accepted Answer

Personally these days I am just looking for companionship.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I got divorced in March, 2015. I dated a few women and then met Ms. Ivy in May 2015. I dated her until the summer of 2017. Before Ivy, I just wanted companionship and, eventually, sex. After six months with Ms. Ivy, I wanted a relationship. Unfortunately, she was not The One, and I ultimately made that decision and ended the relationship. The I dated a few women, and met Ms. Teala. She had a certain "magnetic" appeal for me, and I dated her for two years until we abruptly and traumatically ended our relationship. Again, I dated without long term expectations until I met Ms. Helen in December, 2020. Now, we are married.

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

Same experience as you Tom. Except for the second marriage thing. I'm enjoying my freedom and meeting a diverse range of women of all ages. But I'm a LOT more picky about who I'll hang out with these days. Like I'm known where I hang out for being really difficult to get to know, LOL.

DishLady · Answer

Uuuuugh. Ok, so here goes:

I had ONE steady boyfriend after my divorce. The guy had been chomping at the bit to take me out and I had told him "NO" during the separation period bc I was still considered married. Once the papers were signed and the rings were off I accepted to go out with him and found it was nice to date. (I'd never done it before. Married v young right out of school.) I liked the companionship, the frisky energy that made me feel like a real woman for the first time... all of it... But bottom line is that he wanted to marry and while I was open to the idea, his mom didn't want a divorcee in the family. I was "dirty" to her. (We're friends now that her son married and divorced without kids.)

So... I took a nice long sabbatical from dating or looking or wanting anything from anyone. Some harmless flirtation here and there, but nothing major.

I guess... it would be nice to have a companion to share events with and chat with and all that. I would like that very much, but it has to be someone who understands and respects my values, not some rando who will disrespect me by hitting on other women while he's with me or talking about his sexual escapades throughout our dinner (which yes, has happened with some previous guy friends).

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

Something else.

After a divorce, most people aren’t chasing companionship or sex, they’re chasing peace, clarity, and a version of themselves they lost.

If someone comes along who fits into that, great.

But the priority becomes healing, not filling a vacancy.

You date with a different kind of intention after you’ve rebuilt yourself.

Bex2bex · Answer

For me I met a guy who was going through a divorce after being married for 17years, 2 children involved boy 11 years old and a girl 13 years old. The divorce went on for a year and a half and all I heard about constantly was ‘my wife this, my wife that’, I supported this man all the way through and I felt and saw that I was always at the bottom of his pile, I mean always.
I stupidly fell in love with this man and after a year of it after another argument he agreed he took me for granted, what a kick in the guts for me. There’s been loads of upset and he blames for for my outburst, countless times he told me to leave him as he no longer loves me but then when he calms down he says I didn’t mean it.
Am so confused but still feel I love him and I just can’t bring myself to move on as I keep questioning myself if am the problem.
I wish I never got involved in a man going through a divorce

LongLiveBillGates · Answer

Was married once when younger. Will never make that mistake again. I've dated and fucked many hot women since. A woman won't put out I dump her ass!

Anonymous · Answer

Very interesting question

When I was looking for a wife I was looking for very specific things... Qualities, children...

Now, later on, if I were to separate I don't know what I'm looking for. Firstly sex, or at least chemistry. After that, I don't know.

Dina88 · Answer

Now, I'm dating a woman again. My ex was always accusing me of cheating, but it was actually him. He got her pregnant, and I divorced him because I didn't want to deal with her. I have a partner who now lives with me.

exitseven · Answer

I have never been divorced but I imagine I would want both sex and companionship.

hafinjun · Answer

Not at first i wanted to get layed after a few i started thinking it might be nice to wake up next to someone I guess I was healed at that point

40andabellygoingon · Answer

When I got divorced a few years ago I noticed that it’s better to date overweight or bigger women with a career and their own place and with no kids.

msc545 · Answer

Now I practice self-preservation, and I hire prostitutes for sex.

jJanSmit · Answer

I've dated more women after my divorce than ever before. Mostly for sex. And indeed, after some time I met my current girlfriend. While I wasn't looking for a relationship

Nikki1989 · Answer

You want it all, surely.

Anonymous · Answer

Im Catholic. We can't divorce

Anonymous · Answer

I never had a divorce... or a date.

Raydergman26 · Answer

All of the above

After DIVORCE, do you DATE for COMPANIONSHIP, SEX, or SOMETHING ELSE?

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