My Ex Reached Out After Years of No Contact, What Was the Point?

[Anonymous]

A few years ago he and I broke up because our relationship started to go down the drain due to him not filling out any job applications while being unemployed. I never really cared about the money, but I watched how his mental health was on the decline the longer he stayed unemployed. Also, him not even trying made me feel like he didn't care about the future we'd discussed together. One night he finally broke and told me he wanted to end it. We talked it out and I thought he was reconsidering (he said he needed time to think), but he just disappeared. For the most part, I heard nothing from him for almost 2 whole years. Last summer, he messages me and apologizes for his mental health getting in the way, saying I deserved better from him and wishing me well in the future. He again disappears. A week or so ago, he reaches out telling me about how he got a nice cushy job near where we used to live. I tell him we should play a game together that we used to like a lot and he says that he doesn't want to get addicted to it again, but if he feels like he can play it without doing so he's down. After that he sends me a big family update, and then a meme, asks me a question about if he should get an outfit and we talk a little. But then the last couple of days he just kinda falls off. I guess I'm just a little confused. Him reaching out like this shook me up when I thought I was over him. I don't understand what the point of any of this is.

[ohsheeT]

First. Opportunity is

To understand.. The point of all of this is you have an opportunity to live through everything that you lived through once again. Except for this time , it will be double worse


Opportunity number two
You get to think about everything that you went through
And the opportunity is to understand you and learn who you truly are. And these are become that person or go back\n In time. And relive it all

Or you have an opportunity\nTo let things just happen, take your time and not for one month. Not for2 months , not for3 , not for 4 , not for 5
But maybe 12 months and no less. . Let him honestly prove himself not only to him , but to you , too
Because in everything that you said, I see manipulations already that you fell for and\n It would be you that gets hurt even more this time if you don't remember what that felt like before and go ahead and do it. Because I guarantee it , you're gonna feel it 2 to 3 times
deeper.

No, here's the truth of the matter is, I cannot tell you what to do. You have to make the choices on your own. I hope you make the right ones

If he truly loves you make him prove it to you who he is, and that he's not going to change again, you can't just hand it over, you have to make him prove it. And he will, if he truly loves you, he will prove it, but I guarantee it, you're going to be manipulated. And hurt

He's looking for something right now. He's been probably looking forward for 2 years
But he can't find and if he tried and thought he found it but they would have walked away

So the only place to go is where he was a long time ago where he got away with the things that he got away with. He came back to you because he knows every button.. to push.. Except for now he's had two years to run it through his head to perfect it a little bit more

And I would be weary of anybody that said they wanted to end things

But\nRight now is the perfect opportunity him to prove who he really is, and they'll also get to prove to you. What money does to a man when he has had a for a long for a long time
And watch a different side, a different controlling side that pops out at you like I said, I wouldn't go back for a year but I can't tell you what to do you you should already in his voice.\nOn which path is plans are
If he just got a ku's job after two years of still not having a job. It had called you before that, even, but he didn't have a job. Well. The reason why he wouldn't get a job is so he could do what he wants to do with you. How do you know he truly loves you, haven't talked for 2 years.
So he's had two years to think about things. Like I said before anything you need to find out who he truly is again because he's not the same person I mean, you have a lot to think about. How long is he gonna hold the job for you? Don't know that you don't know anything really. That's why you have to give it a year to get reacquainted with him , to find out what's really going on

Sorry, I sound so negative but I mean, I read people pretty well and it's not gonna be good. Sorry to say, but it's true.\n Re-read your question to yourself even and then really be honest about everything, but listen to your own words. And then listen to the words that you didn't say

[Asker]

Thank you. You don’t sound negative, a lot of what you said is what is thought too. But would you be able to tell me what reads as manipulation on his part? Im blind lol

[ohsheeT]

Well, I mean, only you would know that because I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know that when you've been someplace before and you have felt many different emotions and you have felt pain and anger.\n And you lose a part of yourself. And as you walk away and each and every single day you become a better, more productive carrying person. And not to learn or remember that learning experience to go back in time and do it again makes no sense to me. It doesn't matter how good it was. What matters is how bad it was. And what it made you feel like

And when somebody wants something

[ohsheeT]

Well, I look at it like this.2 years have passed and he didn't better himself. He could have been working on himself prove to you that he has changed , but he waited till the last minute because of whatever reason he had no more time left to responsible and even after he got a hold of you , he's still didn't have a job so to me that proves nothing if I had gone through pain day after day after day , I would remember that , and I wouldn't want to relive it when we are in relationships and we're both not on the same page in one person leaves because the other person didn't even try something wrong with that picture but usually any relationship it works, and then it doesn't you break up and you go your separate ways, you learn your lesson to move on to the next one otherwise you don't move on to the next 1, it's taken 2 years.\n He hasn't changed at all really. Until you either give him an ultimatum or whatever, and he went out and got a job real quick. But neither here nor there\n He should have been working that 2 years had money saved up at his own place. And then that would approve in himself to you. And you could look at that in a whole different light , but it didn't do that

[ohsheeT]

But I mean, it's your choice.\n But before you make that choice, you should be very, very honest with yourself on the reason for going back if you do go back, is it because you're lonely, is it because you believe in him, is it because you're lonely? Believe me , I understand the do him a favor by not allowing him in for 6 months see what happens in that 6 months time. How far he can go? How far he can better himself if he can even go 6 months. That's what I mean about proving himself. Two years , we all change a lot in two years l read my think so but we do but remember, if you do go back, you have to have a reason and if you're to break app again, what's that reason gonna sound like in your head?
Have you gone out in the last pass, 2 years, though, without had any fun? Whatsoever knit anybody laughed

[ohsheeT]

And when you said you're blind , are you saying that it's just kind of going over your head , you can't really see it or are you literally blind. Because if you can't see it then just listen a little bit closer and you will feel it.
But at the same time, in order to do both of those, you have to truly love yourself. I mean, like you would not believe order for anything. Workout , you have to love yourself to the peak of peaks , and there's a reason for that

[ohsheeT]

Because for anything to ever work, there has to be a deep level of love.\n That deep level of love has to be to your highest peak, because if you cannot love you to that highest peak, then you're gonna go right back to the same problems, it's that simple. That peak gives you boundaries.\n And that's what the 6 months is all about. You basically saying you hurt me. You hurt me a lot. Hurt me a lot. I believe in you.\nAnd when he couldn't follow through\nIf he doesn't love himself to that highest peak , either

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"Him reaching out like this shook me up when I thought I was over him"

[Nikki1989]

Decent people stay friends with those they were once friends with.

[CuriousMufuxka]

He wants a little booty again.

[Danny_dan92]

He wants pussy