How long does it really take to accept a loss, divorce, or breakup?

Question

Loss of a loved one took me a few years to reach acceptance.

While this breakup has taken me 19 months to get over. I had an epiphany on Wednesday that we will never be together again and that I need to move on and focus on myself.

I want to apologize for all my posts about me and him to you guys. I know it has been tiring. But it's something I had to go through but I am truly in a better place about us.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

We are all different and when we lose something some one we love it is hard. It's even 10 harder if they are still in our lives some how because we know they are just right around the corner but we are not allowed to love them or see them because they started a new life.. and we have to respect that and the person they are with.

We are very special people and I believe we are all a sound wave a frequency that flows through the air

And when you can understand that then you also believe in it because you can feel it it doesn't matter how far away that person is from you you can't feel them

And it's not so much that you broke up in a physical sense because of the energy sense you still feel them that's the hard part

So like with anything else in life you need to feel something else that's something else has to take the place of what you feel for this person

I just answered a question about long distance relationships

And that feeling that you get or that you have or that you feel towards this person it's as if they are standing right in front of you so I know how tough it is to Let It Go

I haven't role played in a long time but it is one of the reasons why I'd like to role play because you can take that spiritual energy that feeling that I'm talking about and role played out with somebody to kind of help you take it away from your other feelings and once you can experience that with somebody else for me I say in a long distance relationship because for two energies to fill each other that distance is unreal but when you can do that then the next relationship that you're going to get into that is right in front of you or just around the corner you will understand it 10 times better and it will become deeper more rich with everything

But in order to get there you have to let go of this other to experience the new to experience the really do the way better the new life basically sometimes it takes a little bit more time than other times but it can be done

Even if you know that it's not going to last you have to at least experience it in that moment for what it is to take away from what you're going through right now to get to where you're going if that makes sense

MisterWack · Accepted Answer

“I want to apologize for all my posts about me and him to you guys. I know it has been tiring. But it's something I had to go through but I am truly in a better place about us.“

You have nothing to apologize for, you found your path out of the mess and decided to focus on yourself. Good job and pat yourself on the back, focus on yourself, be happy.

Frankly, I didn’t find it tiring or unpleasant or whatever. Saw it as helping a fellow member of the community of GAG. Don’t mind at all.

The thing about loss, grief, heartbreak is that it varies from person to person and everyone has their own ways to cope. Like if you take longer than a different person, that is okay since it is your own personal struggle to deal with. Do what makes you happy, do what gets you through this moment, and if you need to cry then cry, take care of yourself.
Don’t let others tell you otherwise about how long it should take or the best way to heal, you navigate that path with the people who care most about you like family and friends.

You’ll be okay, might take a while to recover and that’s okay.
You chose the right decision. Happy you are truly in a better place, nice job well done.

_Maya_ · Accepted Answer

I'll admit that I have not seen all these posts about your ex to the point that you feel it necessary to apologize to anyone here about it. Then again I am not on as much as I used to be. So I took some time to read carefully some of the replies and really think of an honest response.

So with that honesty I think that you are trying to fool yourself into thinking that you are over him when you really aren't. I know it is tempting to claim victory and get that short term boost of self pride cut you will end up right back where you were. I will explain. You say the following in the body of your post:

"While this breakup has taken me 19 months to get over. I had an epiphany on Wednesday that we will never be together again and that I need to move on and focus on myself."

Then you say this in a response to another user:

"No we had plans to see each other soon but I'm not even sure if I should still do that anymore knowing he doesn't feel that way about me. He just wants sex nothing more."

That is what I mean by you are only fooling yourself if you claim that you have come to the realization that you will never be together again and that you need to move on. While I agree that those are the right steps I can't help but wonder if you are really willing to take them when you stated that second part that I quoted. I think that you are only triggering a mechanism to feel like you have defeated your problem but really haven't actually done it. I don't practice marriage/family/relationship pysch or therapy so my advice should not be intended as such. My degree and area of work is far from it.

MemeSupreme · Accepted Answer

uhhhh its different for each lol i get asking questions about it

a loss > there can be resentment, but its mostly just grief/longing for them. you dont ever move on if they were important, but it gets easier to deal with

divorce > there's resentment and a lot of hurt even if like the divorce was smooth and they were mature. i dont think you ever just move on completely

breakups > it really varies like you could not care at all or you could take years. like thats such an individual thing

Finchie40 · Answer

There isn’t a time limit on it , it
Just comes down to how you handle things and how much that person meant to you so no one else can decide that for you. Your connection with that person is only something you have. Through the years I have lost a lot of loved ones that impacted me in different ways. Losing my Mom was the longest one i experienced so far, because my life doesn’t feel the same without my mom , I miss other loved ones as well, but my mom was my go to person and without her here , life hasn’t been the greatest for me , I went through a long depression that I am still trying to get through it , because it still hits me that she is gone at times and damn it sucks. When I think of her , I try not to burden anyone else with it, so I will walk away and keep to myself when it impacts me. So again there is no time limit on how long you grieve over a loved one whatsoever,

Summeroflove · Answer

It depends on the person but if you’re immediately over someone that’d questionable. If someone sits there and tells me straight faced they just immediately got over their exes. Either they’re lying or I doubt they really loved them and know I’ll be next.

But it’s normal to eventually move on learn from it and find someone new. It’s also not normal to never get over someone and still be thinking of someone in a new relationship

AviatorTom · Answer

It depends on the situation. My divorce was amicable, after 20+ years of marriage. It took me about a year before I started dating.

Cyfris · Answer

So there are 5 stages of grief that everyone must pass to move on and that time can be different for everyone. It is different between break ups how long it can take. Don't feel the need to apologize for doing what you had to in your way to be whole again. All that matters is that you get there because some never make it out of the depression and into the acceptance. What I tell people is that break ups aren't losses but actually gains. All the stuff the memories that were good and bad they are all still there with you forever. but now you gained the chance to do the thing that makes it all worth while and find the actual person you will spend your life with. The one that is strong where you are weak, a shield when you feel threatened, a cool breeze on a hot day, warm breath on a cold day if ya know what I mean, And when you find that person the roots you plant can grow a tree so strong it can weather any storm and bares fruit so sweet you will never want another.. What is the saying. Dance like nobody is watching, sing like nobody is listening, and love like you've never been hurt.

nolabels · Answer

I'm glad you've received peace in that regard.

I've just recently returned to G@G after being gone for a while, so I didn't know of your story thus far.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been suffering.

My wife of 32 years passed away 2 months ago.
Things've been hard in many ways.
It's a new life for me to live by myself now, at least for the present time, but it'll be okay.
Although the burdens of adjusting to this new life are very heavy, I'd say that I've already accepted her passing.
I believe that I pre-grieved for her beginning with her glioblastoma cancer diagnosis two years ago.

I still recall the pain of a particular breakup when I was a much younger man.
It took a few years for me to even begin to get past that split, and even longer to totally accept it being over.

Cheers to you!

7Phoenix7 · Answer

You don’t need to apologize for healing out loud. Breakups can take a long time to fully accept, especially when the relationship meant a lot. It took me well over a year to fully heal from my last relationship. And I still have a mild case of PTSD so yea… and it actually sounds like you’ve grown a lot through the process, and that kind of clarity is important. I’m glad you’re in a better place now. Wishing you peace and a fresh chapter ahead. 🩵

RandomGirl42 · Answer

I have learned we never have to apologize for being our true selves. (As long as we hurt no one else) I have always wanted to reply more to you but I just never knew what to say other than I hope you find the happiness you so deserve and are worthy of. 💖

And if there's anyone on this site that should apologize for their posts it's me! 🤣

BCRanger10 · Answer

When I was younger, it might have taken me several months. My first girlfriend in high school, probably about six months. The last girl I was involved with (a "pseudo-relationship, we'll call that one), maybe seven or eight months... yeah, that was a bad one.

In the interim, where were some other women I'd dated that I'd been really into. Might have taken me a week or two to move on from those.

Glad to hear that you're holding up better now.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I will say indefinate. When my previous crush suddenly ghosted me it took me YEARS to get over her. I only got over her when I met and fell in love with someone better. But even so, I still find myself thinking about her ocassionally.

Buy when my current crush/best friend said she never wants to talk to me again and blocked me for almost a year, I was REALLY fucked up and devistated. I doubt I'll find someone the same or better, so if she hadn't come back, I don't know WHAT I would've done

LiamJHayden · Answer

Via death, maybe never. I lost my mom in 2011 and dad in 2014 and the losses still linger.

Dating, I get over it within a day. Either I wanted out or she did. No point in lamenting someone who wants to be somewhere else.

Cannot answer marriage as I have never been.

Gobbyjobby52 · Answer

I've only had one loss with a girl i liked from school who I had a lot of attention to growing up, she moved schools and I didn't get over her ever really until I was 20 or 21. She moved schools when we were 14. More minor interactions I've had to her by following her on x and concluding with time she's not interested in me in quite the same way the more I've gotten over it but I do think about her once in a while.

katiesmuff · Answer

These things can easily take years and years to get over if ever in your lifetime. I'm glad for you that you've come to terms with your breakup and move on for an enjoyable life. l

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

It took me a year for the loved one. I accepted it, but it's never fully healed. Every once in a while something makes me think of that person and I tear up. They're scars, they don't go away completely.

Divorce, I hope I don't go through this. For now we're fine, we're doing good. We're going strong!

Breakup... a week maybe. It felt more like "I wish it worked out, but alas"

MidnightRivers · Answer

No need to apologise, if anyone has an issue with it, sits with them lol. To be honest i think my first breakup i never been able to recover from. I suppose it either depends on the individual's ability to process feelings and regulate them or, the extent of type of situation and the complexity of connection that was had.

molonski2 · Answer

Divorce is 100s of times tougher , because you have so much more to deal with..
Trust me , make sure that doesn't happen to you , as you'd find it extremely difficult to recover , especially if children are involved.

sage2021 · Answer

Like the TV game show always asks the contestants "Is that you're final answer"?

dudeinohio · Answer

I've been recovered over a breakup anywhere from 30 minutes to. a year. Depends on the circumstances.  Glad you are healing. Find someone new. You deserve it.

Bricealan · Answer

@simslover92 Wish I knew. I feel I will never get over the loss of my brother.

Grond21 · Answer

I thought you were with this guy just recently, and you were thinking you had some real hope to be with him long-term. Am I getting mixed up?

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

It’s so tough to make that realization. I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten over any ex since I loved each of them. This said, I’ve had to accept that I can’t control certain things.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That depends on the person you know that better than anybody some people get over breakups fast some take a long time and some never get over it they just find ways to cope with it

Nikki1989 · Answer

There’s no universal number, as everyone heals differently. A death usually takes the longest to heal from.

Anonymous · Answer

So u have finally stopped messing with him?

lilBigPotato · Answer

It depends on too many things... Don't think there's a simple answer to that.

Shiprex · Answer

It can take anything from a month to a decade or even longer

exitseven · Answer

conventional wisdom says it takes as long as it takes.

LC75LC71 · Answer

It really depends. Ass kickings take a lot less time than breakups have.. Then there's family, friends, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure cause I never had a relationship, but I estimate it takes from several months to several years, depends on the relationship.

Jeff51 · Answer

It takes awhile and depends on the individual

MrFrenchFry · Answer

I guess it's how much you cared. Some women I'll never be completely over. Other women I really don't care.

Smegskull · Answer

Depends on the person. I am pretty good at compartmentalising so it takes me a day or two.

Randomguy28 · Answer

Its take decades I still not move on from our past hun 🥹

Paige2006 · Answer

Sometimes you never get over him or her!

eagle1951 · Answer

life time

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