How do I finally let go of a toxic first love ex for good?

[PinkNoir]

My ex and I broke up last year, over a year now actually. Still I have feelings for him even though he was absolutely terrible in the end. He is trying to get back together now but I need to cut contact again and let him go for my own mental health. I don't believe that he has changed to the point of being able to love me properly.

I think I'm having so much trouble getting over him because he was not only my first relationship but my first and for a while I really did want to marry him. He was genuinely amazing until I first looked through his phone and found inappropriate messages. After that he slowly became a different person.

I really hate that I have feelings for him bc logically I shouldn't love someone who has hurt me how he did emotionally or physically.

I feel like Like I'm mostly over him but I still struggle at times.

Updates

9 d

Forgot to mention. Without getting involved in another relationship.

[bowenw]

Keep busy with friends and family, leaning on them for support whenever you need it. Focus on yourself and setting goals. Do things you may have been wanting to do for a while but couldn't because of your relationship, such as learning new skills.

[PinkNoir]

I really haven't opened up to friends and family about everything I went through with him. First it was to protect his image but then it became embarrassment of what I allowed him to do before I finally left. I haven't even mentioned I'm speaking to him again. I need to allowed my support to support me. And those are good ideas. Thank you

[bowenw]

What happened was not your fault and you have no reason to feel embarrassed. Hopefully you have some trusted friends you can talk to about anything.

[PinkNoir]

Thank you

[WhitneySnow]

Therapy might help

[PinkNoir]

Yeah, I'm going to start therapy again

[Paige2006]

You never get over the first one... never.

[Anonymous]

How does he look? Find someone hotter