Does this mean he doesn't see a future with me?

[Anonymous]

My ex who has changed his ways who I am seeing again we are kinda talking again and seeing each other again and I take mood stabilizers that can affect my unborn baby if I were to get pregnant while taking the medication, it can cause birth defects and he said to me his exact words when you do decide to have children you should get off the mood stabilizer. If he truly wanted to have kids with me, he would have said it differently like him saying if I were to get you pregnant and he would say if we were to have kids one day. He didn’t say these exact words so I feel like he don’t want to be with me long term. What do you think? I have known him for 7 years and we been on and off for 6 years. At one point in the beginning he said he did want kids with me then things happened in the relationship that affected my mental health that made us break up so many times and he said person like me shouldn’t have kids out of anger because of my disability. And some other times when we dated he would say if you were to have kids one day instead of if we were to have kids one day.

His wording seem like he doesn’t see me having a future or having kids with me one day

He would want to have kids with me one day

A total of 3 votes were cast: 1 girls and 2 guys. See detailed results

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t read too much into the exact wording he used. When someone says, when you decide to have children, you should get off the medication, that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t picture himself having children with you. He could simply have been talking about the medication and pregnancy in general.

What stands out more to me is the history between you two. You’ve been on and off for years, and he has said hurtful things in the past about you having children because of your disability. So I can understand why a small comment like this would make you wonder what he really means.

Personally, I’d pay more attention to what he does now than whether he says we or you. Is he talking about a future with you? Is he making plans? Is he treating the relationship seriously and consistently? Those things will tell you much more.

And please don’t stop or change a mood stabilizer because of what he said. If you’re thinking about pregnancy, that’s something to discuss with your doctor or psychiatrist beforehand because the risks and safer options depend on the specific medication.

[HollyK21]

Trust your intuition, because I definitely think you’re picking up on a pattern. Language matters, so when he chooses to use phrases like “when you have kids” vs “we”, I feel like that’s him subconsciously (or consciously) distancing himself from a shared future. If he truly envisioned a future with you, it would naturally slip out to say “we”, or “our” family planning. I also don’t think it’s cool for him to weaponize your mental health and disability during an argument, telling you that you shouldn’t have kids. Even if his words have changed, that type of cruelty leaves scars, and cracks into your emotional safety. Also, 6 years on and off usually points to an unstable foundation. A guy who truly wants to build a stable, lifelong future with you wouldn’t leave you to basically decode hidden meanings in his statements.

[Asker]

Yeah so true so why is he acting like this towards me?

[HollyK21]

Of course I could be wrong, but I think he’s acting like this because he wants the benefits of your company (and whatever comes with it) without the pressure of a permanent commitment. After 6 years of this on and off stuff, he knows he can walk in and out of your life whenever he wants. We teach people how to treat us, so when you always welcome him back, he feels comfortable basically only leaving one foot in the door. He doesn’t have to fully commit to a “we” because he’s the current arrangement gives him exactly what he wants — attention and intimacy. With zero accountability for your long term future.

[HollyK21]

You’ve given him basically 7 years to do better, figure it out, and his behavior has shown you time and time again exactly who he is. Choosing not to believe it is now a personal choice, but my question to you would be, how much more time are you willing to give him?

[Kassandra1994]

The dude should propused to you or at least he should be shopping for a ring.

I dont understand why guys are like that.

[Asker]

Why do you think he should have proposed? We broke up before he considered that. What is his intentions?

[Kassandra1994]

From what I see he is acting kike an immature dude. You know him for years not sure why he is making you wait. In my opinión he should have ask you for marrige.

[Asker]

But we have been on and off for years

[Nikki1989]

He wants all of the benefits with none of the commitment. This is a common problem with men.

[Anonymous]

Since it is so on again, off again, he is probably not expecting a future, no. History says otherwise

[Asker]

But we are still going out he wants to go out with me again so what does that tell you?

[Pterodon]

What stood out to me was on and off for 6-7 years. On offs never work out in the end

[Asker]

Really? Why?