How can I safely leave a boyfriend I love but don’t feel safe with?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for almost 9 months, I love him so much but I honestly don’t know why. He has a drinking problem and everytime he drinks he does really dumb stuff I’ve caught him liking other girls instagrams, stalking he’s ex and other women he’s been with. But I can’t build up the courage to break up with him. He tells me he loves me he comes to see me he tell me things are gonna change and he’s gonna stop drinking and Focus on us but I don't know if I should just give up on us and move on. I have a really big fear of being alone because before I met him I was alone for 2 years and I felt so lonely and sad. It’s nice to be held and loved but people say real love is supposed to feel like home but I didn’t grow up having a nice home environment so what does real love really feel like? And will I ever find it?

[HollyK21]

It hasn't even been a year, and this is way too much toxicity, way too problematic, and too much attachment. Look, It’s completely okay to love someone and still need to leave them. Since you don't feel safe, break up over the phone, text or somewhere public, and consider texting or calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline for backup if you need it. I get that you're scared of going back to feeling lonely and sad like before. But being single and safe is so much better than being stuck in a relationship that drains you and makes you anxious. Real love is supposed to feel like peace, respect, and overall, safety. I believe you will find that one day, but you have to choose yourself first to make room for it. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Love feels safe, a trauma bond feels unsafe. It will be clear to you once your out of it. As for breaking up? Fuck it, if you dont feel safe why are you worrying about a social script? You need distance+time+safety. Ask your friends, ask parents, have police help you move your things out safely etc. Whatever part of you pushes back against leaving him isn't your friend and isn't there to help you it exists to keep you stuck where you are.

[Asker]

I don’t live with him. I’m only 22 but how do I leave it might be a trama bond I don't know

[Opinion Owner]

And thats okay, you dont need to diagnose it today. All I am saying is you should be the person who took their safety seriously and left rather than the person who was scared and stayed. One will build self respect and the other with crush your soul

[Nikki1989]

Treat leaving like a logistical exit plan. Keep your emotional cards close to your chest, stay calm, and do not broadcast your intentions. The less you say, the better.

[Asker]

I can’t do it in person I can’t look at him and break up with him knowing I love him

[es20490446e]

For being in company it doesn't need to be a boyfriend.

[Asker]

He doesn’t want to be with me unless he’s my boyfriend

[es20490446e]

I mean: probably the underlying problem has more to do with not having other people in your life.

[Asker]

It takes a lot for me to be interested in someone and I do just want a boyfriend but a good one

[es20490446e]

Don't be interested in anyone. Do activities with people you enjoy.

Having a single source of affection is the problem.

[Chayce]

You obviously love the toxicity & drama