Drunk cheating - do you tell your boyfriend / girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Lets say you have an SO for about a year - and you go out one night, get drunk and have sex with someone else.

Do you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend?

Does it count as cheating if your drunk?

Updates

+1 y

Oh no this isnt' about me at all. I was just thinking about the situation.


Like everyone values HONESTY and such, and everyone who says their a good partner, usually says they'll be very honest with their partner.


But I think a lot of people aren't honest and wouldn't tell - what do you say?

Updates

+1 y

Omg people really?


WOULD YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER IF IT HAPPENED? WOULD YOU BE HONEST WITH THEM OR NO?


That's the biggest question in big white letters here.


Yes I think it's cheating regardless if your drunk or not - some people don't agree. Just seeing who agrees and who doesn't.


geeze.

[Anonymous]

If you are serious about the relationship, you must be honest with each other, even when it hurts. I was in the shoes of a guy who was told by his girlfriend that she had sex with someone else, and this was after nearly two years of exclusive dating in college.

As to whether to call it cheating and whether to stay together, the devil is in the details. Initially I tossed her out of my car and called her a slut when she told me. But after giving it some thought, I decided I cared enough about her to find out more since it did not sound like her.

When we talked again a week or two later, she described a scenario that amounted to acquaintance rape. I decided to believe her story since I believed I knew her very well. She and I had decided previously to not have intercourse since it was against our shared beliefs. And I knew she had never done anything like that before. Because I believe I knew her character, I felt at peace with deciding to forgive and move forward. If she would have had a more questionable character, perhaps I would have decided she was a slut and moved on with someone else.

In any case, in our situation, we were together as boyfriend and girlfriend for a while longer before becoming engaged and being engaged for 3 years. At this point we have now been married for many years and have several children... who all look like me :-)

So, in my case I am confident that she has been faithful all these years since that happened, and that I definitely made the right choice. , once again, I recognize that every situation is different.

[gonyr]

for the update:

if you don't tell, there are two sides. either you care a lot and don't want to hurt the person, or you really don't care and won't suffer consequences for your actions meaning you may do it again

if you do tell, you may either want to be honest because you know the person deserves that, or you may be hoping they end it and cheating was your way out

each circumstance is different

[Asker]

True. you have good morals :)

[alchemy12]

Yes, it's still cheating because you chose to get physical with someone else, regardless of the alcohol.

Yes, I would tell my partner even though it would suck because I try to be honest with people and would expect the same from him. He has the right to know. Period.

Oh, and people who say they don't tell because they want to spare someone's feelings are not being honest with themselves. They just don't want to face the consequences of losing the partner or stomaching the guilt.

[Asker]

Well that's the thing - when your that wasted you don't make concious decisions. Your brain is on auto pilot - you don't recognize right from wrong - you just do stuff, not fully concious of what your doing.

Everything else you said 100% legit :D

[alchemy12]

thanks :)

[Leelee47]

Jesus guys. How many times does she hav to explain she's just curious.

As to answer your id like to think id be able to confess. I wouldn't deal with thay guilt well. Bit you nvr kno till ir in that situation

[Asker]

Omg ikr - like the biggest question was in bold white letters and everyone just answered the small sub question. Really? lol

Good answer by the way :D

[Leelee47]

Thx:) interesting q!

[rachiee]

Of course its still cheating. If you get arrested for being drunk in public should that be erased from your record because you were drunk? No. Its the same concept. Alcohol doesn't give you a pass.

[Asker]

okay so if your in this situation hypothetically - would you tell your boyfriend it happened?

[rachiee]

Yes

[gonyr]

if you think you should

if they find out somewhere else though, it'll be really bad.

if you want to take that risk then go for it. it'll hurt them a lot less if your honest about it, won't hurt them at all if they don't know

also consider if that was your action, is the relationship really what you want? it still can be. may not be

[Asker]

Thank you someone who fully read the question.

Well I don't know - when people are drunk they do stuff and don't remember. It's not like concious cheating, like the relationship could be all you want, but being drunk might have gotten you into trouble.

Hiding it would save your partner the pain - but since you were drunk and not concious of it, does it make the cheating any less severe?

[gonyr]

some people say "drunk mind sober thoughts"

even though your drunk, you still did it. Unless you get raped, drunk sex is still sex, and you make the decision to do it. not really remembering it doesn't change that, because at the time, you made that call.

[Asker]

well try to tell that to a girl who gets raped while she's drunk. Did she want the sex? Did she make that choice? Dunno. My friend had a fiance they've been together for 4 years and she got wasted and cheated. She absolutely loves this guy. When your that drunk, your not concious of what your doing at all. It's like auto pilot. Not remembering doesn't = making concious decisions at the time

[gonyr]

maybe not a clear minded decision, but if you really love someone, it shouldn't matter how drunk you are. if that side comes out when someones drunk, then it means its still in there somewhere

if your drunk enough, it becomes rape. people should be responsible enough to not reach that point, but it happens. If your drunk enough where you can't say no, its rape. but if your at all conscious enough, even if you blackout and don't remember it, you still made the decision at the time.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do that so it's impossible to answer the question honestly... Yes it's cheating... Yes I would tell them because the relationship would be over if I was looking for someone else.

[Asker]

You never know - unless you don't drink at all - or have great self control

[Opinion Owner]

I do know and I have amazing self control. =|

[Opinion Owner]

I also know that if my emotions where looking elsewhere for opportunity I would already be breaking up... I don't stand in a bad relationship because it is convenient and then shop around until I find a better girl. Either I'm in it completely and totally committed or not at all. I'm very black and white and extreme on that. There is no grey area for me.

[Asker]

well when your drunk - your not conciously looking for anything. sh*t just happens.

That's what the inner workings of this question is - you did cheat by sleeping with another person - but you weren't aware or concious of it?

[Opinion Owner]

Shit does happen but only when you want it to... I'm completely aware of everything I am doing when I drink. All be it that drinking has lead to sex with questionable conditions sometimes. I remember something happening on a dumpster before among other weird things. =P None the less I knew what I was doing and remembered everything about it. When it comes to cheating, sh*t does not just happen with me... I've only blacked out once and that was more as a result of the concussion than the drinking

[Opinion Owner]

So I don't accept the question. You are asking it on the premise that drinking is an excuse for your actions and it is not... If you drink yourself into amnesia then the last thing you need is a relationship. You need to check into rehab.

[Anonymous]

of course it does, you put the alcohol in your

cup, you swallowed the alcohol in your cup.

You decided to act a little dirtier because you

drank a little bit. Your responsible for your actions

the alcohol is not a reason

[Asker]

Okay so would you tell your partner you cheated?

[Opinion Owner]

100 Percent

[Asker]

that's good, a lot of people would just hide it or lie

[Opinion Owner]

if your going to be in a relationship

why would you bother to cheat? If you

liked them enough to date them

why would you do that?

[Asker]

No this cheating wasn't intentional. It just happened via alcohol - it's still cheating, but if your girlfriend said she cheated because she got drunk, woke up in bed next to the guy the morning after, hung over and feeling like sh*t.

Like it wasn't just concious cheating, as in, if she hadn't of drank, she wouldn't have fathomed cheating on her guy.

What would you say to her? Does her not being concious of it change the circumstance, instead of it being intentional cheating?

[billnye]

intentional or not...its cheating. depending on your relationship, if you and your partner are the type of people who need to be open and honest to be able to trust each other, for better or for worse, you have to tell them.

[Anonymous]

I say it's cheating, even if you're drunk. And yes, ideally I say you tell your partner.

But that's on the condition that your partner can handle a mistake, without falling to bits. Not everyone can.

If they can't, then a lie is preferable.

[Arwens-Fire]

Yes I would tell my partner if it happened and it's still cheatng if the individual is inebriated.The guilt would get to me.But then again,i would never do that.

[dIO_oIb]

I was drunk once and had a one night stand. That one night stand lead to a pregnancy, but my baby doesn't count 'cause I was drunk. Golden Rule: If it happens when you're drunk it never happened and doesn't exist.

[Asker]

lol you can't erase a baby - and you can't erase the sex either.

Do you tell your partner or no?

[dIO_oIb]

He doesn't have to know about something that didn't happen.

[Asker]

lol but it did happen?

[dIO_oIb]

No, I was drunk.

[Asker]

it still happened - I agree it's cheating whether your drunk or not - but now would you tell your boyfriend or just blow it off - after your concious and KNOW that you slept with some other guy while you were drunk?

[dIO_oIb]

But there's nothing to tell... since nothing happened.

[Asker]

Ugh I don't know if you trying to be funny or what - but your missing the point.

[dIO_oIb]

No I'm not. There's no point here since I'm drunnk.

[Pebyron]

Only if becomes repeat behavior

The guilt alone is enough punishment

No need worrying your partner over a mistake

[Anonymous]

Yes it's cheating. Yes I would have to tell him, and I would want him to tell me. If it were me I would probably forgive him and I would hope that he forgave me too.

[Asker]

Lol this the same anon chick from below? :P

[Opinion Owner]

No.

[Asker]

yea - well thnx for answering :)

[Anonymous]

oh god .. obviously its still cheating, is that actually a question? You simply dump them and have drunken hooks forever because relationships clearly aren't working.

[Asker]

Some people don't count it as cheating because they're under the influence the question is - would you tell your partner if it happened?

[Opinion Owner]

Those people are delusional and will be single forever. Dump him and make up something, don't taint his future relationships.

[Asker]

um..whatever -

Would you tell your partner or not if it happened?

[Opinion Owner]

For the third time. I would dump them and make up a lie.

[Asker]

so you cheated on your partner via being drunk - so you'd dump them?

[Opinion Owner]

I would never cheat but in theory yes, they deserve better.

[Asker]

Wow...

That's pretty wow...

Punish yourself for cheating on them - holy sh*t you've got some serious ethics -

[CasaNorba]

hell no! and yes it does. cause your still responsible for your actions.

[Asker]

so if your faithful, why not tell them and be honest?

[CasaNorba]

if you wanna start ww3, then go ahead

[Asker]

ha ha - but at least your honest. You know it's funny - people on here say drunk cheating is just like normal cheating;

Honestly though - your girlfriend cheats on you not by concious decision vs she cheats on you conciously and out of unhappiness with the relationship.

Which one's more severe? Or does the circumstance still not matter?

[CasaNorba]

i don't think it matters. cause the bottle didn't grew legs and found its way up your mouth. you made your decision to get drunk and you know what alcohol might lead to.

[Asker]

Good point

[Anonymous]

I've done it and live with the guilt I told my bf when we got together if he did something like this I would
Not want to know

[doctorwhofan23]

Um it is obviously cheating and if you don't think it is... that is just wrong.

[Asker]

Okay now answer the bigger main question. Would you tell your partner you got drunk and cheated?

[doctorwhofan23]

It would be the moral thing to do. It would be more wrong to not tell.

[Asker]

I agree - although I think a lot of people would hide it

[doctorwhofan23]

I would hope if I met and dated a girl she would not hide anything.

[CuriousEddie]

Hmmm... was the other person drunk, too?

[Babyfffvjjv]

I think it's still cheating regardless

[Anonymous]

Im not even gonna repost to this

[Asker]

Just answer it. Why post on something not even worth your time. People are so stupid on here.