Is it cheating to have a casual lunch with an ex-hookup?

[Anonymous]

A few weeks before I met my boyfriend, I hooked up with someone else. We never had sex, though, it was never serious. I eventually thought he was no longer interested and eventually met my current boyfriend, who is the love of my life. It's been several months, and the guy who I had previously hooked up with talked to me again. He knows I have a boyfriend because I told him all about my boyfriend, and made it clear that I was unavailable, but he told me that the reason we stopped talking was because he saw me with my boyfriend and figured I was unavailable (I met my boyfriend shortly after I hooked up with him). He wants to get lunch with me at our college, which is fine, because nothing physical would happen and he's a nice person as a friend, but I really don't want it to be misread by any of my boyfriend's friends, who might see us. This guy is nice but since I've been with my boyfriend I can't possibly see myself hooking up with someone else, it just seems so wrong and disgusting. Is it bad to have lunch though? My boyfriend is still friends with his exes, and this guy isn't really an ex at all, I don't have any feelings for him whatsoever, I just think he would make a good friend, and when it comes down to it, I'M the one who makes the decision between friends and something more, and I would never be something more and I have a feeling he wouldn't want to be either, because he's interested in other girls. But is this wrong?

Updates

+1 y

all of us are in the same college by the way, if that's not clear

Updates

+1 y

i've decided I feel uncomfortable getting lunch with him...what can I say to let him down without being rude?

[K4396K]

Lunch on campus is harmless and if your boyfriend's friends do see you together then let them. If you really are in a solid relationship then this should not rock the boat. You are a mature, independent, and confident woman. This is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that to yourself and to your boyfriend. Keep the conversation with this guy light hearted, laugh, and show him how happy you are. He'll get the message and understand that you are off limits.

Your boyfriend will admire you because he knows he can trust you and it will just further strengthen the relationship between you. Does your boyfriend tell you when he's hanging out with his exes? If so it might be good to let him know you're meeting this guy for lunch. Honesty is always valued in a relationship, even if your boyfriend appears indifferent to this lunch date, at least you are expressing that you appreciate honesty and openness .

If this guy does become a good friend, keep in mind he's still looking for a girlfriend. Other single girls may actually like this guy. So be sure to step out of the way when that happens. You don't need to excessively text, call, or facebook this guy. He is your friend but you have no claim to him. Still everyone wants to spread love so just remember- Karma, what goes around comes around.

This is just what I would do now if I were in your shoes...

[Asker]

The thing is, if this guy was a good friend, I would definitely do it. But I feel like he might have an agenda, and I wouldn't want to lead him on. I don't really know him that well aside from the fact that we made out a few times months ago.

[madmisskelly]

I agree with the rest. Let your boyfriend know you are going to lunch with the guy, and let him know that he is just a friend. Do try and be careful with this guy though. Don't do anything that could be read as misleading.

[madmisskelly]

All you can do Is just tell him the truth. Tell him why you feel uncomfortable and and that it just wouldn't feel right.

[Wolverine]

Let him be a 'Hi and Bye', casual-type friend. You don't need close friends who used to be into you. If you want your current to become insecure, then be close friends with the guy. But it should be obvious that he, more than likely, has an agenda. It could be that, now that you have another boyfriend, you look better to him. Just a thought/tread lightly.

[Asker]

Ok so do you have a good idea for a way for me to reject this guy without being mean?

[Wolverine]

Firmly letting him know where he stands in your eyes should be quite effective. If not, then avoidance is always a good backup.

[Hercules]

Just casually tell your boyfriend you're going to have lunch with a guy you hope will become a good friend. If he makes a cow, then you need to work it out with him because obviously you should be allowed to meet and talk with other guys.

[Hercules]

Just tell him you aren't comfortable having lunch with him. If he asks why, tell him the truth.