Showing true colors: Your boyfriend or ex?

[sarahd]

I read an interesting statement that when you are being dumped, your (now) ex is showing more of the "real" them than anyone you thought they were as a significant other...I was just curious what other people think of this?I know many many people struggle with "How could they, why would they, I thought they were more committed, caring, (fill in the blank)" I think there is some truth to it-thoughts?

[anony84]

I find this interesting because it is something a friend and I were just emailing about this morning.

I don't know if it's a 'true colors' sort of deal but rather you were used to them treating you one way and now, they aren't in love with you anymore and therefore don't have any reason to treat you that way anymore. They might very well be treating you the exact same way they treat all their other friends but to you, that is a change and an unpleasant one because they might be less loving, less patient, less gentle than they used to be.

It could be them showing their true colors now like you said ... but I think it's probably more a change in attitude resulting from the change in relationship status rather than some sudden behavior al revelation.

[sarahd]

Well put! I think it might also be the idea that we see others as good=black and bad=white. You experienced more of the positive in someone for so long and then suddenly they aren't their "old self" anymore. Actually its more that you are experiencing the full range of someone after the break up, and not just the positive and it really skews your perspective!

[Ree-Ree]

This <3

[Anonymous]

i think this is absolutelly true...i always thought that my ex was friendly and helpful and a gentlemen and that he never talks bad about people after the break uo he only used me to make out and I was so in love that I just didn`t see it... once, it was the first time we kissed us after the break up and I was so happy and it was at a ball and after he had his fun he just went to another girl and tried his luck if she also kisses him and I pulled him outside and was crying and was desperate and he was so cold this really scared me because I have never seen or experienced something like that

[rusiesq]

I don't really think that's true. They may be more honest about what's been going wrong in your relationship, but that doesn't happen often. When someone breaks up with their partner, it doesn't mean they are any less caring or committed- it just means they don't want to date that person anymore.

[islands7]

We (gals & guys) ALL try to become a better person than our common, daily selves for "our new love", hoping to build a better life and escape what we have become to take for granted.

When this bubble bursts, we might experience the "sour grapes" attitude and feel we trapped in our common daily life.

It's possible to cycle down into a persona that's less then our status quo personality and even blame, throw rocks at those that foiled our escape.

A better question might be "how to stay friends with exs". I would like to read some of that! I always get exs like you are describing!

[sarahd]

I know people will claim many reasons why staying friends with the ex is complicated, but for me the biggest reason I can't stay friends is because I just DONT trust them anymore. It's gone, they broke it and it isn't a matter of blame or punishment, they just gave up my trust and trust isn't always (and shouldn't be) something easy to regain. It's a sad fact but true.

[islands7]

I feel the same way, yet at rare times of encounter I see elements of what tricked me into falling for them - just before I remember the sting of their knife in my back. I'm afraid the ignorant or those short of time being too important for the rest of us simply pick up a knife when we are in their way, instead of just renaming a love a friendship, as it began.