If you have a boyfriend that you love, is it cheating if you hang out with a guy who is interested in you?

[DJ-SMUT]

I have a boyfriend, in fact we are talking about getting engaged. I also have a recent fairly new friendship with this guy who happens to really like me a lot. My boyfriend has been out of town now going on two weeks. While he has been gone, I have just kinda been going on with my normal life and in my normal life I happen to have a lot of guy friends and clients that are guys. I recently made friends with this one guy who really has a huge thing for me. He is a mechanic and offered to fix my car so I let him and then we have also kicked it a few times after that as well. I have abandonment issues (so I've been told) and the company this new friend has brought me has been a distraction from how much I miss my man. I have no romantic feelings for my new friend what so ever, I just don't like being alone and he likes keeping me company. I have set my boundaries with him and he has never crossed them. So is this considered cheating? My boyfriend knows about him and how he likes me and calls me all the time and basically to put it nicely, he wants to beat him up. Now when my boyfriend comes back into town, should I tell him? I almost feel guilty for spending time with this other guy and Id feel weird if I didn't say anything.

[NotSoBad]

I would be extremely careful with this situation. Hanging out with another guy (or girl in a mans case) is always going to cause some type of problem. Sure you could talk to your boyfriend about it and quite possibly he might be all right with it. But then what if he gets a new girl friend whom he hangs out with. Imagine him telling you the same thing.

"Well she really likes me, but we just have fun hanging out together. Don't worry she is only a friend."

Now the fact that you have "abandonment issues" would lead me to believe that you would have a huge problem with this. Maybe not at first, but resentment grows.

Besides hurting your boyfriend you are also hurting two other people... yourself and the new guy.

He likes you and you are leading him on. If he likes you he will eventually try to make a pass at you. He may even be the type of guy that waits until you are completely vulnerable (drunk, in a fight with your boyfriend, or he might be that last fling before you get married)

I say you are hurting yourself, because in my eyes a woman that flirts with other men or leads them on while she has another boyfriend is a sad girl. I'm sorry but the fact that you need this other man around to fulfill your abandonment issues really says a lot about your insecurities.

You should really make some time for yourself and figure out what you really want in your life. Instead of hanging out with other men when your boyfriend is gone you should try starting a new hobby or furthering your career.

[smith2267]

It does NOT always cause problems. I've been the guy friend in these situations, and nothing bad happened.

[NotSoBad]

Ok, but how do you know all that goes on? A lot of couples like to make their relationship LOOK perfect, but in reality it's a complete mess of unspoken pain and suffering.

[AJtogo]

It's not cheating if you haven't done anything with him. However, you are placing yourself in a situation where something could happen. Your boyfriend has made it clear (stupidly wanting to beat him up) that he's not pleased with the friendship and yet you continue. I think you have to ask yourself why you're continuing to see this guy when the guy you're going to get engaged to disapproves.

Turn it around. How would you like your boyfriend hanging out with a girl that really likes him?

[Anonymous]

I have been in this exact same situation. Based on my 6th sense, I've hid my male friend away from my husband. We've only hang around each other as pure friends. No boundaries have ever been crossed. My reasoning for hiding my male friend is because my husband has a tendency to be easily jeaous and eventually somehow drive ALL my males friends away. I've recently went through counseling and realized that my husband has been verbally abusive, physically aggressive, & controlling as well towards me.

It sounds like your 'boyfriend' has personal issues if he wants to 'beat up' your friend. Maybe your boyfriend is very insecure of himself... but there is really not a need for him to say something like that. I, on the other hand, learned it the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Not a good idea. It is good to have friends and youur boyfriend can not stop you from doing that but it is not good to contiue hanging out with someone who is interested.

It is upsetting your boyfriend which is not good and that could push him away. You could also be building up the hopes of the friend who likes you.

As the guy said think how you would feel if your boyfriend hung out with a girl who was in to you? You would not like it so don't do it to him.

[smith2267]

See what weaponzero said...who's to say all her guy friends don't like her? If she's pretty, I almost guarantee they do.

[deeteedork]

It's not considered cheating but you might want to take it easy. Even if you may not have feelings for him now be careful because that "being alone" feeling and him keeping you company can develop into something more and then it could be considered as emotionally cheating. If I were you I'd tell my boyfriend because obviously if you feel guilty about it you must feel it's wrong of you to do. Let him know and hopefully he'll understand you're abandonment issues.

[WeaponZero]

Personally I think your boyfriend is a piece of sh*t for threatening violence. No man worth being with would ever do that. But that's beside the point.

Who's to say all your guy friends don't like you? Does being with a boyfriend mean not being able to have any male friends? Boyfriend better get used to it. Decent women have lines forming of guys who want to be with them and the line usually begins at their closest friends. Being with a boyfriend doesn't mean alienating those friends.

[smith2267]

Exactly! give this guy a best answer

[Anonymous]

It's not cheating. But it isn't honest not to tell him about it.

Your boyfriend sounds a little insecure and high on the jealousy scale.

Look, this mechanic is just another guy friend who happens to be attracted to you. I'm often---usually, even--at least somewhat attracted to my female friends. It usually doesn't go anywhere, certainly not when they have a bf. It sounds like the only person with a real problem here is your bf.

[ivarei]

if you're just hanging out when I see nothing wrong, just don't step over the line.

[Holden5]

If you don't have any feelings for him then him I don't see the trouble. But if your boyfriend dosnt like that your doing it, then don't go see him. You wouldn't want this to come between you and your boyfriend.

Hope this is helpfulll

[smith2267]

Yeah, but boyfriend seems like a lousy catch, don't you think? Threatening violence over this?