Why do women stay friends with ex-boyfriends?

[DW-Diver]

OK….maybe it is just me. I have been seeing a girl for almost a year. When we started dating she said she had male friends and that she was not going to change that, I was OK with that no issue. But now I find out almost all these male friends are former boyfriends (about 6 or 7 that I know of) that she has slept with. They are on her Facebook, here phone, she texts them talks to them, hell we even had dinner with one of them before I knew he was an ex. I am a very traditional conservative guy, is this normal these days? Am I just over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Well this woman must revel in all the attention. My partner did this too. He was "friends" with a woman in another country, only I later found out that they'd had an affair years ago (she's married and he'd talk occasionally about how she was in an unhappy marriage blah blah). He even said nothing had happened when I asked again. Lies. In the end I told him about photos of them that I'd found online and he confessed. But there was a tonne of drama to follow, especially when the woman started shit-stirring.

People should be upfront about this shit. If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing. Way to damage trust. They should also put current partners in front of exes, prioritise the current partner and show that they're important, cutting contact with the ex if need be. And the ex should respect this. Real friends don't drive a wedge between a couple.

[ShesSoSilly]

I don't have any desire to talk to my exes even the ones that were decent and it ended in a peaceful/mutual way. I do however have many guy friends but they all are like brothers to me I could never view them in a romantic way.

Personally I think you are right to care I mean that sounds kind of shady if she had all these exes as friends and didn't mention that they were exes. I've also been in that position where he was good friends with an ex but it wasn't more than one. I would talk to her and explain that you are uncomfortable and if she's respectful enough to even cut back on the time she spends with them I would take that as a good sign. If she becomes defensive and they are more important than your relationship and your feelings I think that's disrespectful, shady, and I wouldn't want anything to do with it personally.

[Anonymous]

I have asked this question before on this site and I am totally against anyone being friends with their exes. Men do it to by the way. :)

It is the biggest turn off to me. In my eyes they are still in contact as a way to hook up with them down the road again. That's just me.

In others' view from this site it is because "the ex is a good person they want to be friends, they can't just throw them away"..."they still care about the person"...

sorry that's the best I can tell you. I would be telling her she needs to cut the sh*t. Its not fair to you. She needs to make a decision if she wants to be with you or still have contact with all these people. She almost sounds like a pig.

[Indie98]

I TOTALLY 100% AGREE WITH YOU. IT'S A LOAD OF BULL.

[G_GTom]

Women keeping in contact with her exes is a bad sign, imo. She'd have to have a lot to overcome that in my book. For point of reference, I've never seen or heard of a woman who had enough to overcome that.

[TheUglyOne]

LOL it might be your luck. Often times, women and men for that matter don't want ANYTHING to do with their exes.

[DW-Diver]

I agree, first person I have ever met that collects ex's as freinds

[TheUglyOne]

well, I suppose there's a first time for everything. I've met people friends with a ex, as in one of them, maybe two, but not all of them.

[Indie98]

You totally have a right to be suspicious about things. If I found out that someone has kept that many ex boyfriends around, I would just move on. I never keep in touch with my ex boyfriends, why would you want to create more drama & insecurity for the next person you meet by keeping them around ? I admire you being such a traditional conservative guy. We need more men like you around these days.

[TheUglyOne]

aw that's sweet!

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's very common, especially not to THAT extent. I've had four exes and have only stayed friends with one of them, because we were good friends before we dated and after a couple of months after the break-up, we weren't attracted to each other anymore, so it worked out. Everyone's situation is different. If I were you I'd probably ask her what's up with each of these guys, how was she able to stay friends with them? Usually break-ups ruin any shot at that.