Do abusers/jerks ever regret mistreating their ex?

[BCRanger10]

Whether the abuser/jerk was a guy or a girl, do they ever regret the way they treated their ex while in the relationship? Do they ever try to make amends and if so, how were they received?

[knowmeyourself]

I'm going to answer this based on my experience. This is not to generalize people's behavior.

There's a huge difference between being "abusive" and "unintentionally hurting someone". With abuse, there exist a pattern of unaccepted behavior. They keep on hurting you again and again and once they feel you might leave, they breakdown and act like victims or they become overly aggressive. Abusers ENJOY hurting people especially their loved ones or people who are close to them. Abusers feed on others' misery. They enjoy to make people jump and to get a response from them. I've been told by a man, who supposedly loved me more than anthing, that he likes to see me cry. And no, he wasn't joking.

On the other hand, you may unitentionally hurt someone. It happens. We're human beings and we make mistakes. People who do hurt you without knowing or in the heat of a moment will make sure to apologize and will promise themselves not to hurt you ever again. Such people DO regret hurting others.

Abusers hurt you because they like it. They'd never stop unless they fear you might walk away because by then they will lose a great source of egoistic supply. Again, they feed on your misery. As for regret...they don't regret losing you. They definitely regret losing the supply and the joy you used to give them. People like these aren't capable of love. They just love the idea of having you in their life. You are important to them, not because you're special but for the great feelings they experience while being with you.

So, do they regret treating their ex-lovers badly? Of course not. In fact, they feel angry and bitter. They will put all the blame on you. And even if they tried to reconcile, it's because they miss the supply I mentioned to you earlier...they don't miss YOU.

An abuser will most probably remain an abuser. They might change temporarily to win you back or to act like a victim...but they'll never stop the abuse and the pain they cause to others unless they really want to. Nobody can ever change anyone but themselves.

Hope this helps. :)

[UncertainSteps]

I had a hard time trying to decide this as well with an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend of mine. I think that until they have some sort of wakeup call in their lives….then no, they won’t regret it. Not really anyway. As much as I tried to tell my ex-boyfriend that his words and actions really hurt me and that I was justified to have these emotions – he really didn’t see it that way. I was always told, “You just don’t see things my way” or “you need to learn to take a joke.” I think that while he acted out because of his own unhappiness and insecurities, he hadn’t dealt with that kind of self-reflection yet…and there’s no one anyone else was going to convince him. To this day he thinks I should just get over it and be friends and I can’t do it.

Now I also had an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me. He was less of an abuser and just more of a douche-y boyfriend at the time. But a year after it happened and we parted ways; I received an email from him wanting to apologize. He told me that his actions were very immature and he should have ended our relationship on a respectful note before diving into a new relationship. He mentioned something about going through an event that made him realize all this, but I have no idea what that was.

So I think abusers/jerks can wake up and regret their actions. I think with abusers it’s more of a pattern that’s tougher to break (and most likely it’s not going to happen) than a crappy ex who didn’t realize at the time his or her words/actions had hurt to such an extent.

[Coolah]

My first few relationships I was basically an awful human being, 15 years of feeling outright awful about yourself will do that to you, I don't care if your male or female, no one person can make you feel better. And when I started dating I used to put down my boyfriends, I was nice and all, but sometimes I'd say things that kept me up all night wondering what the hell I was thinking. We're all awful people sometimes, but I know for a fact only a few of us ever come to regret it.

I did attempt a few times to make amends, basically by not being so outright bitchy, and I can say that it always was well received.

[kespethdude]

No, they do not. Once an abuser, always an abuser. It's best the abused get out ASAP and never try to go back.

[Anonymous]

I had a guy who emotionally abused me, I gave him a second chance but he didn't change. It wasn't until he went through his own suffering that he changed and he apologized and we started talking once in a while in a friendly way.

Recently, I had a relationship in which I fell in love deeply and completely but I started noticing that I was being the jerk. I'd argue for stupid things and hurt my boyfriend's feelings (he was very sensitive because he had been a victim of abuse too). He doesn't trust me with his heart anymore and I really regret it. I hurt the one person I truly loved. He told me we could still be friends but he isn't ready yet and seems to be angry at me still. I tried many ways to show him how much I regret it but he isn't forgiving me so easily.

The thing is, we, the victims of abuse, have to make sure we don't end up repeating what we went through. Or make somebody pay for what somebody else did to us.

[Babygurl2012]

My ex was abusive so I think I can only answer this from what I've been thro and still going with my ex no he doesn't regret it at all he still likes to think its all my fault 4 everything I will admit I'm at fault 4 same but I still don't deserve what he put me thro and still is putting me thro

[BrokenAngel1]

I don’t think that they ever really regret losing you or the terrible things that they’ve done. They like to blame everyone but them and you never really get an authentic apology from them. They are control freaks with cold hearts