BF and I just broke up because we were moving too fast. How can I change his mind?

[srndipity]

I've dated this guy for the past 2+ months, with a brief break in the middle. Both times, he got scared tthat we were moving too fast (I'm used to relationships that move REALLY fast, and he's used to the opposite). Last time, I ended things because I was dealing with some other personal issues, but we got back together when I really missed him.

Tonight, he said that he wasn't sure about the "relationship"( I thought we were just casually dating) because he didn't want to move so fast and wanted to just be friends. After talking for 2 hours, we decided that we still liked each other enough and wanted the same thing (to just move slowly / casually). Since we were never friends before we dated, we decided to move back to "talking" (in between being just friends & dating).

This whole thing makes me really sad though -- obviously, I'd still like things to move faster (plus I'm really unsure how he really feels). Any advice on what to do would be great- thanks! :)

[ArtistBboy]

To me:

- There aren't "levels" to dating. If he wants that, tell him to go buy Zelda

- You should try to compromise with him, to be respectful of his wishes

- He should do the same

I can relate to having a "right and wrong" time for just about everything. Maybe he can be more explicit in what he's actually wanting? E.g. He's cool with kissing/cuddling/hugging/romance/etc but just not wanting to have sex (inclusive to bj/hjs/anything else) because of his religion or other reason(s). Approach it in a logical manor but hold back your emotions, try to listen more and ask probing questions which will lead you to where you can understand what he wants.

I can say I want a girlfriend, but I can also feel like I don't want to have sex until marriage. I can also say I want a girlfriend and I can feel like I'm ready for a sexual relationship. Honestly the problem may not be "sex" specifically, but it was the easiest to target for my example.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Red_Arrow]

You call him your Boyfriend (which I assume is boyfriend, not best friend) and he saw what you had as a relationship. But you thought you were just casually dating? What does boyfriend mean to you?

Then you said the two of you want the same thing - "to just move slowly / casually". Then you turn right around and say "obviously, I'd still like things to move faster", so you don't want the same things and you were not telling the truth in one of those cases.

You like to move fast and not even consider what you are doing as being in a relationship. He wants to move slowly and believes in a relationship. You weren't made for each other. Cut the ties now before you really hurt him.

[srndipity]

Haha, I actually typed Boyfriend in because "guy that I'm seeing" seemed too long to put in the title. I guess by casually dating, I mean non-exclusive, not making plans for months in advance, meeting the parents, etc. I see your second point though- didn't even realize it when I was writing it out, haha.

[gummybear888]

You can't. he already made his decision. and he sounds like the definition of bull sh*t.

he said he 'didn't want to be fast' but he kept it 'casual'...

move on. he isn't taking it seriously with you.

I had one guy say that to me , and we weren't moving fast. I told him to his face he was full of it and to this day, I'm glad I never came back to him when he begged.

you can do better.

[Anonymous]

he doesn't want to fall in full love with someone and have it end up failing, he wants to know if your commited to him, I think

[ArtistBboy]

It could go farther than comitment (e.g. religion / sexual orientation / waiting for the right one / etc), but this answer is a good specific qualifier.