Why a guy still hangs out with his ex girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

When a guy still spends time with his ex girlfriend does that mean he still cares about her? And in what way does he still care about her? I'm talking hanging out a couple of times a week, but no sex, just oddly affectionate sometimes. We both still hook up with other people too but nothing serious. If we broke up because he didn't want any serious relationships, is this his way of keeping me around for when he might be ready for something more serious in the future. Its our senior year of college and I feel like he just wants to have fun but I don't know.

[Anonymous]

If she is still that much in his life, move on. You deserve to be with someone who is crystal clear about his feelings for you. Hanging out with an ex is bad news. And I say this not out of insecurity... just knowing what an ideal situation is and leaving no room for other women. You should be #1 and the contact with an ex should be minimal. If they run into each other and are on friendly terms, that is a good thing. If it is more, like texting or other hangouts by themselves, no way.

[Anonymous]

It depends ... could be that its easier for him to have you as a friend than to lose you all together... And maybe he does still care especially if you loved each other. If he doesn't want serious relationships maybe he's just not the committing type maybe he wants to do his thing without any limitations

[Asker]

Oh he's definitely not a commitment person and he does want to do his own thing. If he's keeping me as a friend because he doesn't want to lose me altogether does that mean he still has some sort of romantic feelings for me or thinks that he might want to be together at some point in the future? Why would he not want to lose me? I can understand not wanting to leave things on bad terms or hate each other but why would he hang out with me?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I think its possible he wants to keep you around because he still has romantic feelings for u, he's not using you since there's no sex involved, and regardless if it ever led to that it would be because the both of you wanted to, it takes two remember that ;)

[native65]

If he still hangs out with her obviously he still cares about her... It could be as just a friend, or he might still have 'special' feelings for her.. Unless we know him, NO ONE can really answer that. This is something you can't generalize. It will be different from one person to another.

[Asker]

Those are kind of the answers I came down to in my head, I just can't figure out which it is. Any idea how to tell if he cares about me as a friend or still has feelings? This "friend thing" has been going on for almost a year. There have been signs that he still has feelings, an isolated kiss here and there or obvious jealousy when I'm with another guy, but there hasn't been anything clear cut in several months. He's done things to show me he cares but not convincing me he cares that way.

[native65]

I would say "ask him" but if he wants to have his cake and eat it too... he is going to tell you what you want to hear.. LIE basically.

[Asker]

But would straight up asking him jeopardize the friendship by putting him on the spot? If he does have feelings for me wouldn't he have done something about it by now unless he was unsure or too scared of commitment or something? Sometimes I feel like the feelings just haven't really developed all the way yet. Like he cares but just doesn't realize how much yet. Like when I'm with another guy and he is clearly jealous but doesn't stop it or when he kisses me and then gets all awkward and leaves.

[bassman]

It means he hasn't accepted the girl as his EX yet..so he hangs around waiting and hoping. He also probably see's that you're going to put up with his behavior. If he was really into you...he'd forget about the EX...and follow you around exclusively.

[Asker]

No dude, I Am the ex

[bassman]

Awe...sorry. I guess the next question is...who broke up with who?

[Asker]

He broke up with me a long time ago, but we kept hooking up off and on for about a year after that. Now we just hang out alot

[bassman]

The important thing is WHAT you want...not WHY he's behaving this way. If you're okay with thing hook up thing you have now...then go with it. If not..then you need to put a stop to it. I think if he really cared about you he would want to be in a serious relationship.

[Asker]

We don't have sex anymore, he said it wasn't fair to me, we just hang out. I think he thinks it would make things too serious and feel like we're dating again. And I'm not that okay with it. I miss it and it makes me feel insecure, I would feel closer to him if we still had sex. I would like us to be friends and still have sex, not make it a big deal. We could see other people too and just see where it goes, but I don't know how to have that talk with him. I don't wanna lose him in the process.

[bassman]

Well IMO it kinda sounds like your feelings aren't mutual. From what you said he has said...its seems like he isn't as into to you as you are him..and he doesn't want to have sex because he fears you will get too "serious" about the relationship. Then if he finds someone else...you might be angry/heart broken. Tell him you want the sex, minus the seriousness of a relationship. He can take it or leave it.

[kholland65]

It means he wants a girl toy without any rules. Your letting him have his cake and eat it too.

[Asker]

But we don't have sex so where does that leave it?

[kholland65]

Still might just like having a girl on his arm (figuratively speaking), or he hasn't gotten around to the sex yet. Might be easing you into it. The other thing that might be going on is he's trying to keep his options open. I wants to keep you in his back pocket "just in case".