Why does chasing after a girl push her away?

[smg8689]

I broke up with my girlfriend over this past summer. The reason for it was something completely stupid. It was based more on an insecurity than what she actually did. So the day after I tried to apologize and explain, but she didn't want anything to do with me. She was pretty pissed that I would end it over something so small and was just really hurt. We dated for about 6 months and for the last one the insecurity caused me to not be the best boyfriend. She brought up a few things. Since then I had been trying to fix things and get back together with her, but all I've done is come off looking needy and emotionally messed up. I've tried leaving her be for awhile and waiting for her to come back on her own, and she did a few times, but every time I show the slightest sign of not being over her she up and leaves again. She said at the beginning she wanted to work things out eventually, but she changed her mind. She'll never say it, but I know it was because I couldn't let her go. It really sucks because the reason I can't let go has more to do with not forgiving myself for ruining a good relationship with the first girl I've ever had these feelings for over something so stupid than it does anything to do with me being needy or unconfident. So what I want to know from girls is why is a guy not caring and not trying to fix things OK, while the opposite makes you run away and move on? I will never understand.

[embemm99]

I have 3 exs and with each and everyone of them at some point I have wanted them back - this usually occurs when we haven't spoken for awhile and I hear or see something that reminds me of them. So I might contact them if they don't reply or there busy and its obvious they don't want me back I want them more. If I message him and he replies really keen and happy I don't reply because I know I can have him whenever I want no point in the chase.

Yes a girl loves being chased but only the first time you get together, after a break up its a whole new ball game. Basically that saying of who ever loves the other person less has the power in the relationship. Make yourself sound happy and busy when you talk to her - don't ever sound sad! (you can obviously show true emotion once you are back together) but until then she has to think that you may have a better offer if she continues to push you away. When she asks what your doing etc don't give much detail and take a few hours to reply. If your not doing anything make something up! It's all phycological - no girl is going to be keen on taking you back in a hurry if they think you are waiting for them because that just puts the ball in her court to take as long as she wants and it gives you more opportunities to look desperate.

Everyone has been in your position - even do some googling.. never let an ex know you want them back until they make it 110% clear they want to be with you!

[smg8689]

Why are girls like that? That makes no sense. The problem is supposedly that I don't care about her, but when I pour my heart out suddenly I'm not good enough for her. Its so hard to bottle these feelings up. I've never felt like this, and I don't like it. If she really felt the way she said, she'd want to be with me period. not because I'm something she can't have. Say what you want about guys, but girls are actually the worst ones in relationships. You do have the best advice though. Thank you.

[embemm99]

Honestly if you feel as though in your relationship you showed you cared about her and she knows you cared about her then its just attention seeking. Every girl will say it after a break up "I feel like you just don't care anymore and things aren't the same" all that bullsh*t so that you say all these nice things and feed their ego. Unless you actually did treat her poorly I would just say "I have done nothing but showed I cared for you and I always will care for you but until you realize that

[embemm99]

nothing is going to change." There is two people in a relationship and what she has basically done is f***ed you because she's telling you she wants you to care more but at the same time no one gets an ex back from all "take me back I love you" stuff. I hope things work out for you :) And yes I agree girls are a million times more complex and read into everything!

[Yaoi-Anime-Fangirl1]

I think in that situation, the girl has gotten over you mostly after awhile but still wants to be friends with you so when you show that your not over her she leaves...Is the possible reason I think of anyways.

My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and he tries to get back together with her and solve things, talk about his feelings and how he messed up (he broke up with her first) but it only seems to annoy her, since she just wants to remain friends, which is what this makes me think of.

[smg8689]

Yea, that is dead spot on what I'm going through. But we're not even friends. She recently had her tonsils taken out so I just texted her to see how she was feeling and she went off on me. Haven't talked to her since. She texted me a week after that, but I just ignored her. I can't do friends. I'm so pathecticly, painfully in love with her I can't be around her and be just friends. I'm dying on the inside, and if I try bottling it up like guys are supposed to I'm only gonna end up killing myself

[Yaoi-Anime-Fangirl1]

Well you can try confronting her then, since if it fails you probably wouldn't be able to be just friends with her anyways, with how painful it'd be for you... So you can find out exactly what she's thinking, and if you have no chance at all of dating her again, I think its better to just be blunt with it in these situations, then at least you know what's going on. That or you can just not talk to her and work on moving on, its up to you really.

[louiseee]

I love being chased. it doesn't push me away at all. She is probably being pushed away because you were an idiot and she doesn't trust you.

My boyfriend broke up with me twice for stupid ass reasons. We are together now and have been for a year and a half. But, I don't trust him right now and he is having to work his butt off to get me to trust him again. I feel like he will up and leave me again at any moment and maybe that's how she feels. It's scary. You hurt her and it's going to take time if she ever gives you another chance.

Also, it could be that she is over you. You were only together for 6 months, and whether you were saying "I love you" or not, she could have easily moved on and found some one she likes more.

[smg8689]

She went from saying she couldn't picture herself without me to not giving a sh*t less in 24 hours. There's more to it then the reason I said I wanted to break up, but I don't have the space to explain. But she didn't want me to leave, she poured out some deep stuff, and that's why I went back to her to appologize THE NEXT DAY prepared to do anything to fix it. I thought I was wrong, but now she's just proving me right. She has nothing to be scared of, and all I ever do is try to prove it.

[gummybear888]

if you are in her life too much I guess it may turn her off because she gets bored or thinks you're desperate or just is genuinely not attracted to you. the best thing is to give her space, regroup and think about why it went wrong.

I think that some girls are immature and pick the bad guy for that reason.

sometimes some things are unfixable or to be unfixed.

[smg8689]

The problem was that I wasn't in her life. I've never come close to feeling this way about any other girl and then all of a sudden I was falling for her faster than she was for me. I don't normally do relationships and I have no idea what I'm doing. I was scared so I ran away, but life without her is too painful. She tried to stop me so I let her, but then she turned around and threw me away. I never cheated or physically hurt her, just said I wanted to break up. It should be fixable if she cares.