Should I dump her before she dumps me?

[Anonymous]

We've been dating for 7 months and I refuse to give it a title because I don't believe in relationship anymore and I want to have my freedom even I'm not screwing anyone else

I can tell she really likes me and still trying to get a title. She seems happy when she is around me. However I can sense that she is now having a crush on someone else. I asked if she likes him and she denies but her smile couldn't hide her feelings towards him.

[Anonymous]

Expecting her not to have freedom but refusing a title so you can have your freedom is extremely hypocritical. You don't believe in relationships, but you want her to act as though you two are in an exclusive relationship. She's coming to realize that you really aren't going to be committed and she doesn't want to be treated as an option. You said "I never told her she can't like other guys." And then you go and say "I want a girl who will be by my side no matter what. I don't want her to like other guys just because I refuse to give her a title." So obviously it bothers you if she likes someone else. May I ask why you're even concerned about her leaving? When a guy tells a girl "We're not in a relationship," or "You're not my girlfriend," that's telling her she's not bound to you. She wants to be 'yours' but you refuse, so if she doesn't act like she's 'yours,' don't blame her.

P.S. As for the 'crush,' go read Othello. It might be all in your head.

P.P.S. How do you dump someone you're not in a relationship with? It's a bit hard to call it breaking up if she isn't even your girlfriend.

[Asker]

She has a crush on her physician. She won't leave me for him unless he is stupid enough to risk it which I doubt he will.

It just bother me because she doesn't have to talk about him so much

[Coconut1390]

Ten points to Gryffindor.

[CrystalMinds]

So instead of fighting for a girl you like you'll give up and let someone else have her?

If you really like her and if you really see this going somewhere, fight for her! Woo her, take her on romantic dates again, express how you love her. Because if you're gonna let someone else have her, even just in your head (as in: not making any efforts for her, not caring if you see her or not, not texting or calling her, ...) you'll make an arse out of yourself.

So either you fight for who you love or you give up and let her walk away. Because dumping someone before she dumps you, is quite silly especially since it's a problem easily resolved.

[kimbom]

So , she's not your girlfriend right ? Because you 'don't believe in titles' Well you're lucky she stuck with you for this long.

You are VERY hipocrytical. You care about her only if someone else does. Are you forgetting she is a human being , that loves you , she probably doesn't REALLY crush on this guy she is probably testing you, to see if you care about her. Which you strongly give the impression you don't. It seems as though you consider her like a 'dog' that you expect to only see by you, that is loyal to you but You don't owe her the same.

To be honest, you disgust me.

[Asker]

No I don't see her as a dog. Just a commitment phobic. I told her if she wants me to committ she has to earnings trust by showing me she really likes me no matter what in at least 3 to 4 years

[kimbom]

sorry I came onto you in that way I'm sorry , I shouldn't have.

I do think some of what I said but I think you should have a talk about your relationship and your mutual feelings and where you stand with one another.

[Asker]

It's easier said than done. Talking to her about my feelings would make me her hitch. Also if she really like this guy whatever in doing is just going to give her an ego boost

[kimbom]

No, there's nothing else to do you guys have to speak. To do the DTR talk .

[Anonymous]

You aren't playing by the rules.

You want a girl to be exclusive to you, but you refuse to make the necessary steps to make her exclusive.

You want to be secure that the girl will only like you. But you don't want to give her any security at all.

You're an a**hole.

[Asker]

I'm not an a**hole. I never tell her she can't like other guys.

I was very cuddly with her that night even she kept talking about this guy. I doubt other guys can do that

[Opinion Owner]

Then why are you afraid she will dump you?

[Opinion Owner]

And you said "I want a girl to stay by my side no matter what."

That IS saying that you want to be secure. But you won't make her secure.

[Opinion Owner]

"I want her attention all for myself."

But you won't do what is necessary, to make that happen?

[Asker]

Her crush wouldn't want her that's for sure. But she could be stupid enough to leave me to peruse him. It bothers me if she dumps me for someone not as amazing as I

[ObscuredBeyond]

Tell her that you don't really trust yourself in a commitment with her at this time. Apologize for any hurt feelings she may have, and let her know that she deserves someone who's more prepared to respect the idea of a relationship with her.

[tiffybaby]

You can't dump someone who isn't your girlfriend.

Any way. crushes are natural to have. It matters what she does about the crush. If you think she is going to "cheat" (I wouldn't see it as cheating since you said you were not an item) on you, then go ahead and "dump" her. You clearly aren't happy, and I personally think you would be doing her a favor.

Or you could talk to her about it, but I figured since you weren't really in a relationship you would just want to forget about her.

[Asker]

I bet if the guy make a move she would drop me for him.but unsure the guy won't make a move even if he's lusting over her

[tiffybaby]

If you are so sure that she doesn't want you, then stop wasting both of your time and stop "dating" her.

[Asker]

Although I can attract a lot of women. I'm tired of gold diggers so far she is the best I've ever had

[tiffybaby]

Then you should talk to her about what you are feeling, if you want this to develop into anything. you can't expect her to know how you feel just because you feel it, and she can't change what she is doing if you don't tell her what you are feeling uncomfortable with.

[JanJan]

If you don't want to be with her, than why do you care if she's with some other guy? You can't have your cake and eat it too, bud. Either you're with her, or she's fair game for other guys. You can't claim her for yourself but date other people. It doesn't work that way.

Just break up with her already.

[yopyopyop]

Well it's time to make a move.

Either you tell her you have changed your mind about the relationship, that now you are confident enough to say you are her boyfriend, and that you don't want her to look at other people, or you remain a sex friend, until she is bored of you or courageous enough to dump you for someone else.

She wants more than you offer now, so it's up to you to give it to her, or to accept the consequences.

[Roma-nm]

Every girl is different if another gal messed up and made you think relationships are not for you it's unfair to this girl. It's really selfish to leave her hanging even though your not with another girl doesn't prove to her that she's special, if you don't treat her nice someone else will, I'm surprised she stayed with you for that long, she should dump you

[ohwowitsnotkim]

To be honest, she should be dumping you for that other guy. Remember, you have one life to live and just because you don't believe in 'titles', you're going to lose a great girl. and most likely, the new guy is going to make her forget all about you.

[Asker]

It ain't gonna happen between her and her crush. Her crush is her physician. But I'm sick of hearing about how friendly and attentive he is to her

[vmw2008]

You can't really dump someone you're not in a relationship with. She's a free agent to date this guy.

[acka72]

Dude, clearly enough you do not love her enough. Otherwise, you wouldn't mind calling her your girlfriend. Actually, if you did love her, you'd be thrilled to call her your girlfriend. So basically, who dumps who doesn't really matter since it never was a relationship in the first place and if she finds someone else and you have issues with that, you are a huge looser and she deserves better.

[Asker]

I'm rich, successful, intelligent and great in bed. Doubt she can find another guy like me

[acka72]

Dude, I'd trade you in a heartbeat for a good enough man who loves me and treats me right but then again I'm rich, pretty and smart and I don't need to suck up to jerks. If she just wants you for all the exterior sh*t you've talked about, well then she kind of deserves you.

[Asker]

She is with me because I'm amazing

[Asker]

I'm talented with great sense of humor, knows how to have fun, great personality. These are things money can't buy. I also have an amazing body.

[acka72]

You are not getting my point. I'm more worried about you than her. Cause she-ll have a string of jerks comming for her but eventually she'll find her soulmate. You on the other hand have no f***ing clue what life and love is about. You don't even understand yourself and your own feelings. You are scared about getting dumped by someone you don't love and that you are not committed to. That talks volumes about you and how incredibly weak you are emotionally, sans looks, smarts and money.

[Asker]

Psychology is one of my 6 college degree. I'm qualified to work as a psychologist. I know myself very well thank you very much

[acka72]

Doesn't matter and having a degree in psychology doesn't make you emotionally smart. It just says that you were good at reading text books about psychology. Just by reading your comments, you showed grandiose sense of self worth and shallow affect. (hmmm that should sound familiar to a psychology major)

[Asker]

Whatever you say. Everywhere I go women come to me like I'm made of honey

[acka72]

Like sure they do... Troll.

[Asker]

Look who's trolling now. If she could find anyone better why would she stay for that long. Obviously I'm a better choice compare to those she knows in her life.

[acka72]

Troll.

[acka72]

She's a dumbass and weak willed. Any woman with character and self respect, would have dumped your sorry ass the moment you would have said, "Its not a relationship." Regardless of how incredibly perfect you think you are. FYI your condition is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

[Asker]

Seriously I think you are a troll or you just have lots if passive aggressiveness in you and feel the need to argue and disagree with others in order to feel control

[acka72]

No dude, I'm just completely apalled at your complete lack of empathy, ethics and respect for others. Be happy you don't have me close by, I wouldn't be as passive aggressive.

[Asker]

So what if you are close by?am I suppose to be scared?

[acka72]

I'd take photos of you and warn other women that you are only useful for onenight stands and outings at expensive restaurants. I would tell them that its not worth it and copy this page with your name and photo on it. So people have a clue to the degree of assholicness that you have.

[Asker]

Hahahahahaha you really crack me up. I'm an amazing guy with high education, great personality and of course rich an handsome. Feel free to advertise for me. Make sure those women are hot. I have high standard

[acka72]

True... but at least they are not expecting a relationship out of you and wasting +4 years of their life hoping you'd change for the better. If you are going to be an a**hole... at least be a descent one and don't waste the girls time if you are not willing to have a relationship with her.

[acka72]

You'd be the fun boy toy one shouldn't invest her heart in.

[Asker]

I'm desirable what can I say

[Anonymous]

Have you agreed to be exclusive? You're not in a relationship with this girl so you can "have your freedom" so she equally has the freedom to crush on someone else. I think you need to examine what you really want.

[Coconut1390]

AMEN, SISTA. I hope she finds either a) a sexy ass f*** buddy to make you jealous as hell or b) a sexy ass quality man who WILL want to make it exclusive, and also make you jealous as hell.

[Asker]

From what she told me her crush sounds nearly as sexy as I am. But I'm certain he wouldn't want her

[bobbi789]

Technically I think she should dump you. But you should dump her; by breaking up you'll be doing her a favor.

[Blondie6]

If your not happy then your the one who is responsible to either fix it or dump her. Make yourself happy.

[Anonymous]

You should just dump her.

Or better yet, talk to her about her crush and her, and how you feel about them.

[Asker]

I did talk about it and she denies that. She asked me if I really want her to talk about me to her "crush" I said no we are not in relationship and I don't want to ruin the flirting between you both.

I want a girl to stay by my side no matter what. I don't want a girl to like others just because I refuse to give her a title

[emily6]

Being in that situation, I'm loyal as f***, but if a guy refuses to give you any security, it breaks us ladies down if we stick with it for too long. If she does have a crush, then good for her for not hanging onto you and waiting for you to treat her like someone else will.

Decide if you want a relationship, or if you want to date.. you can't have your cake and eat it too. Girls need security in their man, and a relationship shouldn't be a guessing game of emotions.

[Anonymous]

Well, clearly, you're not happy. So the issue of her possible crush is irrelevant surely. Yes, break up with her.

[Asker]

I'm not happy because I want her attention all for myself. I asked if she talks about me to her "crush" she goes no because you said I'm not your gf

[emily6]

THAT was her pointing out YOUR choice. She doesn't agree with it and she's giving you one more chance... unless she's just using the "crush" as a mind game. Either way.. you gotta make a move or she's most likely going to leave.

[Asker]

I think that crush is real. She's been going on about him for months and always asking me questions about what he thinks

[JayJaysHere]

She should dump you. If she's sticking around even without getting a title she's a keepr. Don't make her pay for another girls mistake cause you'll lose her.

[josesmaf]

Trying to be the first one to bail on the relationship is no way to go about a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Dude you're a butthole. Relationships is not about losing freedom or whatever the hell that means. It's about love and truly nothing else.

[Asker]

Committed relationship never works. If it works people will not be cheating on their partner or getting divorced. Stop being so 1980s

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Yes. Since you're not giving her what she wants.

[Asker]

She can't dominate me