Is she keeping me around as a backup?

We met about a year ago. We worked together on weekends. I liked her the minute I met her, but there were two big factors involved. I was not available and I do not like to date co-workers.

We started talking and she started putting signs of interest out there. Conversations with long eye contact, touching, complimented me, etc. One day she asked for my number. I had to give it some thought, so I told her I was busy at the moment, but I would give it to her by shifts end. She pestered me for it and grew increasingly bitchy until I broke down and gave it to her.

We talked on the phone during the week and over the course of a few months, things started changing. I became available and she was laid off for the season. Not wanting to rush anything, I just let things unfold. The conversations became more intimate than ever before. She wanted to set up a meet and "hang out", but we both needed to plan something around our busy schedules (we live an hour and a half away from each other). Whenever I had time, she didn't and vice versa. But I began noticing a change in her calling habits. No more weekends and evening calls.

Finally the obvious slipped out in a conversation. She has a boyfriend. She started seeing him a few weeks before she asked for my number. I didn't feel the way we interacted was appropriate for a "taken" woman. I wasn't looking to steal her. I told her this and she said "But I can talk to you about things he doesn't understand". Whatever, I stopped calling.

After 3 weeks of no calls she texts me "Been thinking about you. Hope all is well." Replied "Everything is great." She asks is she can call and I told her that is fine. Over the past month the calls are rare, but all made by her. She only mentioned the boyfriend once to express she is tired of just doing what he wants and letting her own hobbies slide.

She expressed a fear she was losing me to which I did not reply (silence seemed to say more than words). She tells me we are kindred spirits and the universe has made our paths cross for a reason. She is also going out of her way to drop more sexual innuendo now than in the past. My main changes is whenever she talks about getting together is I don't discuss it. I know it will go no where. She has been pushing to get her job back where I work. "I want to work with you again or I don't want to go back. It isn't even about the money".

She knows I at least had interest at one point. She devotes her time to this boyfriend that is 31 and lives at home (I am 38, own my own business and have a house). My gut tells me my opportunity was back at work when I wasn't available. She may have fallen in love with this guy in the meantime, but it is rocky (she had mentioned once they fight a lot). I am barely a good friend. What the hell does she want?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Dude. Drop that low-grade female now. I'm even disgusted by her behavior. It's women like her that make good women like me look bad. 1) She lied to you by engaging with you behind her boyfriend's back and continues to. Do you think she thinks that highly of you? It just shows she would do the same to you, if you two got together. Once a cheater, always a cheater, usually. 2) She only thinks enough of you to call every once in a while. If she really cared, or liked you, she would have broken up with the other guy by now. 3) She got bitchy until you gave her your number? Really? Is she your boss? I would've passed if I were you. She acts like an entitled bitch that always gets her way, thus this bullsh*t correspondence you two have going on.

    I agree with the other poster. You're a back-burner guy. You're there when she's bored. You're there when she wants attention. You're there in case she decides to end her disastrous relationship with the other guy. You're just there. She doesn't see you as anything more than that. She's stringing you along and enjoying it. It boosts her ego. She sounds like many a man that I've met. Lol.

    Always be weary of females that come on strong to you, or constantly make the first move. Contrary to what everyone else believes, most of the good women I know, including myself, never come on to a guy like that, or at all. Ladies drop hints, not act like a bitch to get your number.

    You sound like a successful guy that is a catch. Don't sell yourself short on such a low-grade woman. You deserve better. Don't answer her from now on and let go. Make her wonder and stomp on her little ego that you've been feeding. She'll get the hint and eventually go away. She has played with you enough, hun.

    Good luck! :)

  • You're on the back burner

    • Thank you! I do believe that is the case and it is a place I don't need to be. Not sure how to handle it. I guess the best course is continue doing what I have been, which is just living my life. When someone else comes along, it will be her loss.

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