Am I her backup plan?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, there's just this girl I've become really good friends with, and while I know that she has a boyfriend I can't help but feel that she flirts with me a lot, lets me dance close when out drinking, wants me as her 'fitness-date' etc. I haven't had a girlfriend or even an actual close female friend before so I don't really know if that's just how some girls are; 'flirty by nature'? I've just gotten some idea into my head about me being like a backup-boyfriend for when she lets the other guy go (she's mentioned concern for him because of his friends and also told me that she didn't have any potential picture of them marrying [yeah, maybe a little extreme to consider]).

Am I over-analyzing or is this possible - I really like her so I don't know how to act accordingly, wouldn't want to make things awkward if this is just her way of being friendly :S Please help me!

[Brad_S]

It sounds like she might just be using you. If she is talking to you about her relationship problems that is not a good sign, you are in the friend zone. Girls will often flirt with a guy just enough to keep him around because they like the attention. She likes having someone to work out with, dance with , etc. And she isn't just being friendly, she is intentionally leading you on because she knows that you are looking for more than friendship. Don't let her treat you that way. Limit the time you spend with her, date other people, and refuse to talk to her about relationship problems. If you do that you could become more attractive to her. And she will view you as a potential boyfriend instead of a sucker who just boosts her ego.

Or I could be completely wrong about everything, who knows?

[Asker]

Well I have considered this kind of thing and I'm aware that some girls are like that, but she doesn't really seem that way to me, besides she also keeps complimenting my looks and such - I don't think she's using me but whether she compliments me because she knows I'm "lonely" or as slow build-up to something more is beyond me :)

[Anonymous]

I know people won't share my opinion but actually it's not bad being a back-up. It's like sports - you should train like crazy, impress the girl, so when the starting player gets injured you can outshine him and take his spot for good.

I mean, basically time is on your side. The pressure is on her boyfriend, not you. It's not like you can't go out and meet other girls whilst keeping this status quo. You've got nothing to lose but everything to gain. I say you are in an opportune situation currently.

[Asker]

That's actually a great way to look at it :O Thanks for that perspective :D

[XRabbitHeartX]

You're like her side line ego filler. It's good from a girl's point of view to know there's another close guy friend who will be there and who gives her more attention. It's like a comfort blanket. She knows you're always around and her ego loves this too. You're right, some girls are also flirty by nature but even then so, you're still a side line ego filler. You aren't over-analyzing it. It's good to figure these stuff out before you get caught inside a web. Just don't set yourself up for disappointment or believe in false hope. She has a boyfriend. Whether they're fighting or not, or having a bad time, doesn't matter. Her ultimate commitment lies with another boy. If you can deal with that then fine. Just don't let her lead you on or fool you.

[Asker]

Yeah, I sort of had the same idea, luckily for me she's the social and open type and she knows I'm a restrained guy so I guess she'll take the next step if she feels for it, or at least hints at it somehow - I also just really like our friendship so I suppose I'll settle as a friend even if she's single and not interested in me like that :) Thanks for the insight :)

[lilminx84]

Well it wouldn't hurt to just throw it out there and ask if you and her could ever be more. If she acts weird and backs off then she didn't see it that way. But then again what choice do you have to think differently when someone sends mixed signals. If you want her then pursue her and let her know it. Cause most men would risk a friendship if it means getting with the girl and being in a relationship. So either continue to let her rant about her boyfriend and you be that friend or go get her. Ur choice.

[Asker]

Maybe a little further into our friendship, we've only known each other for a couple months :P Besides she doesn't talk about those problems all the time, it's more because she actually brought it up (the concern) that I got this idea, but I don't want to risk a great friendship - We'll be studying together the next 3 years so I don't want to make things awkward : /

[Beck20]

Sounds like she is being flirtatious and not so much friendly. She may be interested in you and is probably not so much into her boyfriend anymore. She has mentioned she's not serious about her boyfriend. I would just be careful and if she makes a move even if its touching a lot like your arm, hugging you for long periods of time, etc. You just should be aware of where you draw the line especially since she is still in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

The question is , If this is her plan would you take her on her offer.

[Asker]

Yup :)

[Opinion Owner]

Funny , She must be special if you're willing to wait .

[Anonymous]

That's wrong , Just wait on her . But don't use someone like that .

[Anonymous]

probably so.