I don't know any statistics... But I feel like most people have a back up plan... Maybe not like you think... Not like... "If this dissent work I'm getting with x"... But I think a lot of people have that great of being left... And it might not be the entire time... But people notice other people... Even if you'd never act on anything... You can tell if you have a close relationship with a friend or find someone else attractive. So it might be more of a situation of... They don't have a "PLAN" for a back up... But I think most people have it in the back of there head who they would go to if there current relationship dissent work...
Though that's not too say that's arnt both men and wemon who actively think about plan B. Especially at the start of a relationship or of there having problems. I used to be like that when I was younger.
But I don't know how common it is for wemon to actually come up with a back up plan. Though I do know some wemon really do that
Absolutely! It's not even because we do not love our #1 man or because we want to replace him or cheat. It's really just smart, and some people like to know what their contingency plan is when life happens and horrible things come into play. None of us ever know for sure if we are in the percentage of people who will end up divorced, cheated on, left, widowed, or financially struggling single moms when our other half disappears unexpectedly.
Let's face it, men die. They die much faster than we do. The cheat and leave more often than women. These events should be expected. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Then, you will never find yourself struggling for long. I could suffer for 5-10 years after losing a partner, or I could cry a few days or a few months and move on with life easily and successfully. Why would I put my children through anything I do not have to?
I've always had backup plans. My male best friends are backup plans, my exes are backup plans, even my female best friends are backup plans! On the other hand, I am the same to them. My partners have had backup plans. It takes a village to raise a child, and there are so many suffering children and single moms and dads based on this American idea of needing to do everything the hard way with no logical planning. Why should I?
No, I will always be adored and cared for. My friends and children will always be adored and cared for. My husband will always be cared for. It's sensible.
Yeah, this is the type of woman no high quality man is going to settle for. Having many back-up plans. yet, you're in an open-relationship so that makes sense. Your comment does not apply to monogomous (exclusive) relationships. Most people don't tolerate their partners having a back-up plan. They want full commitment, as it should be. And lovely how you use the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" out of context in order to justify your own view on having a back-up. If you think an ex or some "best friend" or whatever should be in your kid's life, then you got issues. Plain and simple. So no, in this case, it does not take an entire village. Just sensible parents who prepare a child for the real world. I wasn't raised by a village, I was raised by my parents. And now I'm standing on my own two feet.
So if you think having back-up plans is justified because "you don't know what the future holds", then I suggest you never think about being exclusive in a relationship. But oh well, to each their own.
@TruthBringer You must not be a high quality man then, if you even have a definition for that outside of your own egocentric views... Your reply shows you certainly aren't high enough quality to get me or anyone I know. You clearly do not know what high quality men or women want. I generally date architects, business owners, engineers, higher ranking soldiers, and medical professionals. I don't have any problem attracting and keeping successful, intelligent, wonderful, kind, hard working men.
I have not always been in open relationships. They don't just grow on trees you know. I have years of monogamy under my belt. You can be fully committed and have back up plans. Hence my 14-15 year relationship with my husband and many other friendships and relationships lasting years or decades. How much relationship experience do you have again? Most people with back up plans are fully committed. Do you even know what a back up plan is? It just means that you know who you would go to if all else fails. Car insurance is a back up plan, so is home insurance. Neither mean you plan to total your car, break your spine, and set your house on fire in the middle of a massive earthquake. No, they mean that when things go bad everything will be okay. Clearly, that is beyond your comprehension. And, yes, many people in monogamous relationships have backup plans. Most people do.
@TruthBringer You do not think very well. Yes, you were raised by two parents. Imagine they both died when you were 5 and you had no other good options to raise you. Whelp, you would suck even more than you already do! No, every child does not have two parents to raise them. Every single parent does not have the resources to provide for their child alone. Hence the massive poverty oriented issues in the world. So, yes, it does take a village to raise a child PROPERLY. No, the term is not misused. You don't define a village, there are many cultures around the world successfully raising great people many different ways. Grow up. It doesn't take anything more than a crack head to raise one improperly. That should not be the goal though. My children are raised right and applauded by all who meet them. That was my goal. Raise them amazingly, travel the world with them, let them have access to many privileges and activities in life, set up a legacy for them to inherit, and make sure they never fall far in life. What great parent would not want these things? No one.
Thanks to my foresight, my children will never have to worry about being put in that position. There won't be any accidents leaving them destitute and deprived. All of my close friends have similar arrangements. Most successful people in the world do. Everything is great now, everything is great is us parents die. They are spoken for by many. If that bothers you, then I fear for any unfortunate children you may have who may suffer due to your selfishness and shortsightedness.
@wolfcat87 Jokes on you, Iām an officer at the airforce getting into F-35 pilot training soon. So if you base quality primarly on profession, then you got nothing on me there, girl. Also I can tell youāre easily triggered, hence why you wrote me 2 essays trying to get your point across through useless shaming tactics (which donāt work by the way). Oh Iām not āhigh qualityā in your eyes, because I donāt share your views (just as other people from the looks of it), now Iām by definition not āhigh qualityā. Sure, if that helps you sleep at night š
Sorry girl, but if you think any high quality man is going to accept his girl having back-up plans and opening doors to issues, then youāre dead wrong. Same goes for them being in open-relationships. You call me selfcentered, but all you do are things that are selfcentered (open relationships and having back-up plans).
Also, when it comes to the village raising a child, most people here in the west donāt live in villages needing to take care of a child. They either have 1 or 2 parents doing it for them. Yet, you misuse that context in order to justify your shitty self-centered choices. Your kids donāt have to be raised by a village, so there is no excuse for you to bring that phrase into the argument. Before you go on and even try to āinsultā people, make sure you donāt expose yourself as a pathetic hypocrite š
Looking forward to your next 3 essays (which nobody is going to read by the way š)
@TruthBringer Ohh, the irony... Right over your head. Look up hypocrite, then re-read what you've written. Ha ha ha. You don't speak for anyone but you. You don't speak for men, high quality men, or even soldiers. You're just someone irrelevant to me or my successful life. You have not even accomplished anything. Going to does not count. Get back to me when you are actually someone. As for triggered and essays... You went on a ignorant tirade under my eloquent answer. You're clearly a very obnoxious and uncultured person. Again, I defined high quality. You offered no intelligent definition, just irrelevant assumptions that my life proves false. Such a small minded in inexperienced child. Most people in the West are miserable. We have off the charts incarceration rates, crime, sinking IQ's (you demonstrate this very well), most parents hit their children rather than parent (80%), 1 in 3 to 1 in 4 children will be raped or molested, etc. Yes, your way of parenting is going just swell...
@TruthBringer You wanted another essay, how high are STD rates right now? Half of all people in the U. S. will have an STD by the time they are 25. Abortion is a thing, because people don't know how to use birth control or not have sex. Self control is not an option. Divorces, single parenting, spousal abuse, child abuse, poverty, bankruptcy, foster homes, suicides, shootings, child sex trafficking rings, etc. are all constants in Western society. Yet, none of these issues are in my household. My children are not exposed to any of this. If you call amazing parenting selfish and self centered, then you are at least consistent in not having a decent grasp on the English language. While you think normal parenting involving ignoring kids most of the time and hitting them or yelling when not ignoring them and putting their futures at risk is "good parenting". Riiight. That's called insanity. No, thank you. I'll pass. Also, triggered is such an idiotic term to use in daily vernacular. It was meant for people with real issues like PTSD and rape victims with flash backs. I doubt you know much about anything though, so you would use that. I mean, you think successful millionaires are somehow people of low quality and you aren't an idiot. Ha ha ha, egocentric narcissism at its best! At least you're entertaining.
Lmfao as I said, no one is going to read your essays. I stopped as soon as you said I haven't accomplished anything. You clearly don't know what it takes to become a fighter pilot in training alone, let alone the F-35. This includes all the certificates and degrees I had to accomplish in order to get accepted in the first place. All you do is use futile shaming tactics. Why? Because not only areyou intellectually incapable to come with a valid response that does not include "insults", but alsp because you're triggered that I said that no high value man is going to invest in a woman who keeps back-up plans warm while he is in an exlcusive relationship with her. And the fact that you are jumping from topic to topic, in essays that have nothing to do with my original statement + your little PM (another essay which I didn't read) that you sent after I commented to someone else who disagreed with you, shows how triggered you are. And since you are in an open-relationship, you don't speak to anyone who is against open-relationships. And then missy talks about irony, narcissism, selfishness etc. while she can't let go of her back-up plans for her own benefit. Missy wants to have her cake and eat is too. Oh, the IRONY sure has it's humor.
And this took me a lot less characters to write than you š.
@TruthBringer I lived in a military town. I know what it takes to become a pilot in the military. I also know everyone gets many awards in the military. I was offered a pilot position in the Navy, but they said with my high scores they could use me on submarines more working with nuclear reactors to power them.
You don't know anything about me at all. Yet, you still made many idiotic comments and many hypocritical ones showing that you lack any real depth of thought or understanding. My responses included facts. Yours only involved opinions based on nothing but your own idea that you are someone. You can't comprehend the difference.
The PM I sent was in response to something you wrote under a conversation I was having. You clearly can't handle anyone responding to you intelligently. I handle it just fine by responding with facts. I can do this all day every day if I'm not busy, and travel is restricted. So, I'm not as busy as usual.
@TruthBringer Do you know what kinds of people whine about essays? People who aren't very bright. The same people who brag about writing less. Is that the kind of accomplishment you are proud of? Reading less and writing less? Wow, you really are such a catch! I'm surprised no one worth mentioning sees it... No, you are not very intelligent. You wish you were, you want to think you are, but you lack comprehension and the ability to follow even a simple conversation or even substantiate your position in a discussion. Intelligent people can do that easily, and I love intelligent people. I would never call an actually intelligent person anything other than that. We recognize each other easily, and there's a mutual admiration. You aren't it. I was close with one of the leading HIV researchers in the world, but he's not valuable to you. Drone engineers, helicopter engineers, NASA rocket engineers, air traffic controllers, professors, politicians, charity board members since I was one, architects who design and build our society, doctors around the world, scientists of multiple kinds, nuclear missile builders and maintainers, and submarine nuclear reactor workers. But, no, you are going to fly. Somehow that makes you more valuable than all of these people. Pilots aren't even the most intelligent people in the military! Especially when you are bragging about a failure of a plane that is a huge money pit with no real budget for it. We need tanker and bomber pilots far more. So, you're irrelevant.
@TruthBringer If you knew anything, you'd know it's work to handle one relationship, much less multiple. It's certainly not an easy way to go nor is is something most people can do and do honestly. Again, my relationships have already outlasted most in Western society. You certainly have no relationships even remotely close. My selflessness is why so many men are willing to compromise to engage in serious, long term, committed relationships with me. My idea of an open relationship is not just random sex. It's searching for deep connections and people to keep around forever.
Also, my issue with you is not against everyone any more than you are able to peak for everyone. Again, very egocentric and narcissistic... Obviously, most of my friends are pro monogamy. And, most people I have relationships with did not start out pro-polygamy or open relationship. I have no problem speaking with them. YOU are specifically an issue. You do not know how to communicate with people well, you are very ignorant and inexperienced, and you think everyone must be like you or somehow they are "wrong". It's a pretty pathetic way of thinking and extremely unevolved and uneducated. There are societies that have lasted thousands of years doing things my way. Most societies have to a degree. Yet, you think this new way of doing things is magically the right way and only way because you think it should be... No. I based my family structure on many years of study.
@TruthBringer As for people being triggered, you are constantly posting comments on topics like this. It's clearly a sore spot for you. You even posted on multiple comments here. I am happy about my highly successful way of life, so I spread how happy I am about it and how it works well. Comments here even state most people have backups according to studies. But, you are set off, miserable, and extremely against something you say has nothing to do with you. How odd... Might as well be holding a sign outside saying kill the Jews or you hate gays. You in the same realm of bigotry. Good company. Arrogant, self centered, short sighted, and foolish.
4 Essays. TLDR. The fact you already got so many dislikes from men alone and not to forget women shows that I'm not the only one thinking the same way. You think so highly of yourself, yet get riled up over 1 opinion and statement. Cry me a river and go grow a spine. Your insecurity is pouring out of you.
@TruthBringer I'm riled up, yet you're ranting under MY comment. You are a very confused man incapable of reading your own words and comprehending how you look ranting about things you are doing yourself.
I'm insecure for enjoying the many pleasures of life with no chance of any downfall until the day I die. While you're crying me a river about how bad I am for enjoying my life my way... How sad do you have to be to make time for that? The fact that you are so afraid of anything different shows how insecure you are. Do you see me bashing monogamy? No. That's all you. Your many comments make it very clear that you are very afraid of not being able to hold on to a woman. Narcissism and egocentric views are also strong indicators of deep insecurity.
The fact that you think likes are an indication of success or that they are even relevant is hilarious as well. Most people don't even believe in science. Most people hate the rich and still want to be them. Most people respect, fear, and/or envy doctors. Your mistake is in thinking most people are any more relevant than you are. Most people are failures in most parts of life. Most people have much lower levels of intelligence. Most people are not very successful. If 1,000 men ask me out, I may only have conversations with 3-5. I might only bother to meet 1. Out of 5,000- 10,000 only 1 might be worth closely befriending. That doesn't even guarantee romantic entanglement. So, for you to think a few dislikes from people not worth my time on an anonymous website means anything... You're funny.
@TruthBringer All successful people have haters and people who don't like or agree with them. Does that make their wallets any less full? No. Does that take away their yachts, empires, or world leader positions? No. So, you made no intelligent or relevant point when pointing out a few tiny dislikes. I don't need people to like me. People who meet me in real life just do. They hand me everything. I'm generally the picky one.
It's really sad that you are intimidated by a bit of reading and writing. Spitting out essays is easy for me. Always has been. It's not my job to dumb things down for you. It's not my job to do anything for you. You don't buy me the buildings I rent out, fill my investment portfolio that is making me much wealthier right now thanks to this beautiful recession, pay my bills, grade my papers, take me on trips, buy me cars, care for my kids, put rings on my fingers. You don't contribute anything to me or to the other 7 billion people who don't know or care who you are.
@TruthBringer What do you do besides preach fear and hate online? Oh yeah, you might fly a plane. Okie dokie then. Good luck with that. Pat yourself on the back at night thinking you did something that helped the world or that anyone really cares about you or your job. Hint- They don't. You clearly don't have enough of a life to be happy. Happy people don't whine about how other people live their lives not hurting anyone and just being happy. They are just happy for each other.
You are miserable, and misery loves company. I'm happy I'm me and not you. Very blessed. I get paid to barely work, and you work hard to get ordered around constantly, sit in briefings, and constantly dig for the approval of others. My kids will watch me live a life outside of the box most people are afraid to dream of. Yours will watch you demonstrate how to be a cog in a machine and an underling. *round of applause* If that makes you happy, then go for it. Don't tell me it's worth pursuing though. It's a great way to work constantly until you drop dead, and no one even remembers who you are or ever were. You're just forgotten like you never existed. I don't settle for less for me or my family, and I'm not a pet or an underling. We don't all want to be you. Most of us don't want to be you. Thank goodness we have options!
"Happy people don't whine about how other people live their lives not hurting anyone and just being happy. "
in the mean time: *Writes mutliple essays ranting about someone's life she knows nothing about other than him being a fighter pilot* Irony just made a homerun once again.
You are miserable and insecure. Sitting here bitching about random users on GAG writing them books on why you are much "better" than them and how "miserable" they are. And then you try to convince us you are a happy individual lmfao.š
Oh yeah, TLDR (meaning: Too long didn't read).
@TruthBringer As for growing a spine. I'm standing up for a life completely outside of the box. It's more than you will ever be capable of. It takes real guts to just be a boring typical guy... You're so brave for telling me off for doing things my way. What a hero! I have enough spine to do things my way and the right way for my family in spite of what ignorant people think or say. You'll never be capable of that much spine, willpower, or courage. You don't have the balls.
@TruthBringer Again, you confuse "them" with "YOU". Stop thinking you're a spokesperson for anyone. I don't have an issue with anyone, and I'm speaking directly to you. Not to whatever imaginary entourage you delusionally think you have.
Again "Writes multiple essays ranting about someone's life [he] knows nothing about..." You sum yourself up so well. You knew less about me when you made your initial post than I know about you. You've added nothing of value to the discussion other than you have an opinion that things you are afraid of and do not understand are bad,. If you fear something, then everyone else must fear it with you. If someone tell you that you are wrong and backs it with fact, then they are yelling at everyone who agrees with you. Why do you think everyone must be behind you? Because, you can't stand alone without the inherent idea that you need someone to have your back and you must be part of a crowd to feel safe and okay with your ideas. Again, how sad and unfortunate. Like I said, live your miserable little life. You're not making me any more poor, unsuccessful, and undesirable. You aren't even in my league. So, your life means nothing to me and does nothing for me. I won't cower like you wish I would when you say something dumb though. This is the real world kiddo. Get over it.
*Yawn* Unfortunately, you've been arguing with an imaginary person inside your head. 1 statement and you wrote a book projecting your insecurities on people (which no one read). Things aren't this deep, sweetie. Go work on your anger. I can sense the bitterness in you. You're always free to come to Amsterdam and try out the famous weed. It will help you relax. You will need it, especially for your narcissistic superiority complex š
Oh wait, she's still writing a book that no one is going to read. I'll let her finish
@TruthBringer You didn't write one statement. Ha ha ha.. Can you count? anyways, I can see you like to argue about nothing whining about things you are actually doing yourself. It's very circular. I was entertained, but now I'm just bored. All of the things you listed are really just projecting. So... more irrelevant junk. No thanks on the weed. It dumbs people down. Explains a lot in your case though. It stunts brain development and lowers IQ in people under 30. Thanks for pointing it out though. Great public demonstration. Weed and alcohol are for people who don't have lives worth living. I have more fun without that junk.
@wolfcat87 Glad we can agree about staying away from drugs and alcohol (including weed). I don't do any of that stuff. And you're the one talking about IQs and projection. Damn who hurt you? You're such a bitter and toxic individual. All because someone doesn't share your views/opinions lmfao šš
This is also why women don't fight for their relationships, because they have a back up so this one isn't nearly as important. You burn your bridges and you have no other option but to move forward, but with having a back up man your not only stringing one guy around until he realizes he is wasting his time (manipulating and using him like he was a tool instead of a human being), your also saying that your relationship isn't particularly stable or important so when things get hard instead of staying and fixing the problem you can just bail out on him (which is probably why almost all divorces are filed by women instead of men, because while a man is fully dedicated to his wife, a wife is never fully dedicated to her husband.)
So its not sensible, its cowardice and deceitful. Never make an excuse for weakness.
@hellionthesagereborn If that were true, I wouldn't have such long relationships... My husband and I have been together over 14 years. That doesn't happen without strong commitments to each other and a willingness to work through problems. He's had a backup plan from the start, and I've had them for around 7 years since I met my second partner.
I've never strung a man along or manipulated anyone. I'm very blunt and honest. Every man I've been with or had in my life knows all about me. Honesty is one of the most important traits to me.
I'm not aware of what bridges you think are burnt? I rarely burn bridges with anyone. If I do, it means they genuinely did something very bad like lying, betrayal, and backstabbing. Otherwise, I'm friend with most people. I move forwards working on issues as they arise and carrying my loved ones forwards with me.
There's no divorce on the horizon. We are very happy and satisfied with staying married forever. We've seen it all and are still here. The people close to me are all very stable and important.
I think people make a lot of silly assumptions based on some preconceived biases that may or may not apply. The problem with that is that no one person can think like everyone else. There are many people who will think and act in ways so different from you or what you would expect that they aren't even considered. In my case, there's no deceit, no cowardice, and it's all very sensible. Everyone knows everything, and it has all worked out very well. I would not have it any other way. I love the people in my life more than I love myself. And, I love myself very much. I'm not very capable of deception nor would I enjoy the practice. Lying is something I swore off in my high school years, because lies are the root of many evils. If everyone were honest, life would be much better.
70% of divorces are filed by women, the most sited reason being no fault. This usually occures after about 10 to fifteen years of marriage. Also your argument is ancedotal, I've survived a car crash without wearing a seat belt, does that mean I should never wear one (the answer is no, by the way, I absolutely should wear one)?
As for not leading a man on, how exactly do you have a back up man if your not leading him on? Have you told him that your not going to be with him but if something should happen your going to jump on his dick then but he shouldn't wait around? Exactly how does this work out? Actually I just saw your other statement, your in an open relationship which means your not in a relationship, thats how. Never mind.
As for the bridge remark, its a common phrase. Burning your bridges means dedicating yourself entirely to something by making sure you don't have the option to run away when things get hard. This doesn't apply to people in open relationships because they have already ran away, their is no commitment, no dedication, just friends with benefits really (or roomates depending on how things go).
@hellionthesagereborn My evidence is allowed to be anecdotal when you make accusations and throw around labels that don't apply... Your words and assumptions do not apply to me, so your stance is inaccurate and necessary to correct. Comparing marriages to seat belts is pretty incomparableā¦ Seat belts can be understood with using physics formulas to determine their success in an extremely solid way. Marriages have endless possible ways to succeed or fail.
We are not talking about stats on who files divorce first. Most women are not divorcing over any backup plan. Most divorce over their man not being a good husband, cheating, or financial problems.
You think a 14 year marriage is not a relationship? Wow, I think you just unmarried billions of couples currently and throughout history! People who were polygamists, kings with concubines and mistresses, presidents, every person who ever had sex outside of marriage even once. That last bit would eliminate the majority of marriages historically since men cheating was the norm. It would also eliminate the marriages of thousands of years of polygamous societies. All are/were magically unmarried and not in relationships based on... What? How silly. How long have you been married again?
But, ignore anecdotal. Pick up a dictionary. Still a relationship and a marriage by definition and in practice. Speaking of which, burning bridges means to destroy connections and opportunities. My way of life creates many more strong connections and opportunities.
@hellionthesagereborn Open relationships are as varied as regular marriages. They all have their own rules, standards, work to keep them healthy, complications, and levels of commitment. You seem to have these solid and narrow ideas that you think apply to all open relationships. Do you also somehow think that all monogamous relationships are forever, healthy, and good? They aren't. Both are only as good as the people in them.
I tell men in my life exactly what I am interested in relating to them in my future. I don't hold back or sugar coat the truth. That would be very unproductive and counteractive to future goals. I find that educated and successful men are very open minded and flexible about relationships.
I stated this above, I am very picky. I've only actively pursued one man other than my husband in 7 years. He essentially plays the role of a second husband in all ways other than on paper. We've been together 6.5 years now.
@hellionthesagereborn Other male friends have attempted romance and such, but I make it clear when I am not interested and why. I tell them about the men already in my life and what any chances int he future are very accurately. I don't move quickly either. Men generally pursue me. I generally dodge them. I've come with a warning label since high school. I always tell men that I am a handful, and most men cannot handle me or keep up. Why waste their time or mine when it's not meant to be? Life is too short.
So, they generally end up being friend zoned with their full knowledge and acceptance. If they pursue me and show immense dedication and care for a few years we may discuss future options. At that point I would have asked them many questions to see how compatible they are, spent a good amount of time learning who they are and what they want in life, and have had time to see their true colors. Sometimes they date other women in the meanwhile. I don't see an issue with it if it does not alter how they treat me properly. If it's meant to be, then it will be.
@hellionthesagereborn
Right now I am enjoying my two special men, and I spend time with my male friends sailing and traveling the world. In a normal year I would travel somewhere every two months. Anywhere I want to go. It's great! Just last fall I was in Bali and Flores celebrating a male best friend's birthday. We've been lucky to be close for almost 6 years now. Every man in my life knows where they stand with me. I think that is a very rare thing in this world. They know no one could ever get between us except for them. I would never abandon or betray a person I care about for anyone else. They know that I would care for them when sick, never lie to them on purpose, stand by them when they make hard decisions in life, let them freely express their thoughts and emotions, and support them in living their best life and succeeding. Many end up calling me family and closest friend. If they fell, I would be there to help them back up and cheer them on.
Encouraging people to fully experience the great things in life is something I very much enjoy doing. Many men will never experience anything like it, and most men find such a fortunate situation to be so incredible it's almost surreal. No guarantees of sex or marriage necessary. People can greatly benefit from each other without either.
None of this compares to roommates or friends with benefits... They won't have your children, tie their selves to you for life, change your diapers when you are old or injured, put you on their bank accounts, share their deepest thoughts knowing they won't be loved any less, carry you when you cannot carry yourself, and help with every facet of your life. This is what a dedicated spouse does and so much more.
@hellionthesagereborn Very well said! And now she has written you 4 essays trying to "prove" you "wrong". I wonder if you're going to read it all. I suggest you not waste your time with this toxic narcissist.
@TruthBringer The man with a fear of essays returns. You really need a life. I'm here because my job involves very little work with very much pay, so I have lots of free time. You claim you have a job that involves actual work and an actual girlfriend, yet you're always on here non-stop just trolling. She must not be around much at all. Did you know trolling is a signature behavior of someone suffering from the Dark Triad? You have many symptoms...
You tell me that I need a life, yet you're writing books on GAG. A forum that's not even supposed to be this deep. Your books are all about you and how much "better" you are than everyone else and bring subjects that have nothing to do with which is being discussed. And as soon as someone speaks against you, or simply has a different opinion, you lose your shit. Typical narcassist being a psuedo intellect.
I came back from class and going and going to train soon with my girlfriend. We are also going on a road trip in a couple of days seeing many interesting places, while you're here trying to advertise yourself out of insecurity to a community that does not give two shits about you š. You keep contradicting yourself. The amount of projection and insecurity is mind boggling šš
"Right now I am enjoying my two special men, and I spend time with my male friends sailing and traveling the world. In a normal year I would travel somewhere every two months. Anywhere I want to go. It's great! Just last fall I was in Bali and Flores celebrating a male best friend's birthday. " How is this relevant? At no point did I suggest your not doing things, only that your relationship isn't a real one. You are decadent, you are enjoying pleasures, but your not building anything, your not sacrificing and dedicating yourself to something with purpose. Your opening statement is not an argument but a rationalization, you have traded love in for lust (you cannot love because that requires sacrifice and dedication which you clearly are not making), you are trading purpose for entertainment. If this was not the case why would you even bring up traveling the world or any thing else like that which is completely irrelevant to whether or not its wrong to have a back up man and whether or not an open relationship is something that is equivalent to a monogamous one.
In short what have you built? What have you done beyond experience new delights? I mean their is nothing wrong with experiencing things, nothing wrong with entertainment, nothing wrong with travel, but when that is what your proof is that you have a relationship is that you have done these things, well that says a lot and none of it is good. It means your empty, your relationship is empty.
You did not even attempt to prove the worth of your relationships with something beyond the material and that shows it is only material.
You say nothing can get between you and your "two special men"? How many men have you had in your life? You went down a list of men you have dated (or rather their occupations (which shows how little those relationships meant to you. It was status not the person that mattered)), clearly something got between you and those men, why would these be different?
As for them being special, how so? "Special: better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual", does this describe these men? Again, you went through a list of men you have been with, how many of those men were "special" at the time of dating them then ceased being special? How are these men special when their only defining characteristics of your "special men" are their ability to entertain you? Their occupations, their money, their status? Clearly not all that special, at least nothing that is unique to them as people.
Again, you list off all these things you would do for them and yet you leave a trail of men in your wake whom you did none of these things for. Clearly your words are not particularly meaningful, I can promise the world but it doesn't really matter if I don't follow through with it and so far you have openly stated that their are many many men that you have left behind whom you have said the same things about no doubt.
So yes, it is a friends with benefits, you don't feel an attachment to one or the other, they are entertaining to you and when they stop being entertaining you will leave, just as you did with all of those other men. You will also be unhappy because you have not created anything with any one, you have simply filled the void with things and experiences instead of purpose and dedication.
This is why statistically women who are non traditional are the least happy, why traditional marriages are happier and more sucessful, why traditional relationships and families all fair far better then what you have, because their is purpose, dedication, and love. What you have is entertainment and novelty and eventually those go away. Again, don't believe me, look at the list of men you have left behind, that should be proof enough of the failure of your mindset.
@hellionthesagereborn Very well said! A clear sign of her being unhappy is not only is she rationalizing and imposing her so-called "great life and relationships" on a (shallow) forum such as GAG, but she also tries to chip away at people and their successes simply because they don't share her views, which make her insecure š. That's why I don't even bother reading her essays. It's filled with cognitive dissonance, rationalization and self assurace šš
@TruthBringer It is what it is, its important however to combat the destructive narratives people create in order to preven them from being in an echo chamber. She has the right to live her life however she wants, however she doesn't get to pretend her view of the world is the real one if data shows otherwise. Most women make really poor decisions in life partly because other women don't warn them against it, because even though they made those same crappy decisions they rationalize the behavior which means the next generation comes in and does the same thing (which is why for the first time in history, women are more depressed then men, and significantly so (and male unhappiness has been going up since the seventies so that says a lot). Its the reason why women are the biggest consumers of antidepressents, they rationalize behaviors that end up being self destructive and that make them unhappy so they end up not fixing the problem.
@hellionthesagereborn Honestly, I can only understand why so many men are MGTOW or choose to be bachelors. If I had a dollar for every woman I've met (especially on this website) who contradicts data and science, they all would flock to me.
@TruthBringer I do not think MGTOW is the right way to do things but I absolutely understand them and find myself inclined towards them. Women get away with doing wrong so they then justify why the behavior is justfiable (because it must be because they have been allowed to get away with it). Men have to stop tolerating low quality women who would do this because they will never learn otherwise.
op, you didn't have to type all that , we already know you are a thot lol.
and he is right, no real man would date you.
I know you're lying about attracting high value men because high value men aren't attracted to anyone. Their not on dating apps or anything like that. High value men are the ones attracting the traffic. All men know what high value women want. Why? Because all women are considered of high value. It's why the world sacrifices men to go to war and not women. Don't flaunt what you don't have.
It may be smart but you go for the first guy and if that doesn't work out you will treat the secound option as a secound option. No man wants to be the after thought. It's true men die a little sooner than women do. What isn't true is men cheating more than women. Statistically proven, women in relationships with men initiate the break up 70 percent of the times. If that's not enough for you. Lesbians break up more often than gay male relationships. Your friends that you treat as backup plans won't want to be in any relationships with you. You have backup plans because you know you can't make it in life without someone else. You'll subject your kids to a horrible fate such as bring random men Iver to replace their fathers. You think they'll enjoy that? If your male and female friends have back up plans than please, show us pictures so that if we ever see them we will know to avoid those sex addicted people. Children are suffering due to a womans lack of consistency. 70 percent of relationships breaking up due to women is staggering. Taking the easy way out of your life problems leaves no work for you but some random man you picked off from your list to pick up after you is the harder part for men. Most men don't want women with children. So if your friends are looking for someone, it's not you. You want to be adored? Adore yourself first, you want to be cared for? Care for yourself first. If you actually care about your children's needs. You'd stop finding back up plans and spend that time taking care of your family and being a proper mom and a proper wife. You don't actually care about your children's needs. You don't attract high value men, you're one of those women that put themselves in a pedestal and treat men as a replaceable tool. Replacing someone first starts in the mind. You've replaced your husband in your mind already since you apparently have back up plans. In a few years you'll replace your husband with a new man physically.
Did I miss that memo? Because when I used to be in relationships in the past, I was only focused on ONE guy: the one I was currently dating. Not having a backup plan. I didn't even assume things would fail because guess what- I try to pick my guy wisely so I won't need a "backup plan." When I date a guy, I go into the relationship assuming he's going to be a longterm partner that I'm with and we're going to last!
See crap like this nonsense is why dating is so convoluted y'all: people actually assume their partners have backup plans instead of trying to find a good partner the first time that makes you only want to be with them and no one else.
That would be like me asking the men on here do they have a backup plan in case they don't like the woman they're dating- I would love to see what they say to that...
Good point, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when people go into a relationship EXPECTING their partner to be disloyal. Sadly there are women who do this, men also, so "once burnt, twice shy" can be an unfortunate reality for those who've been on the wrong end of this situation
Unfortunately, in today's world, people often DO have back-up plans. They are often disguised as "friends", "co-workers" or you name it. Social media and dating apps have boosted this issue. It's so easy to get someone new lined up (ESPECIALLY for women). True relationships are diminishing more and more. Modern "feminism" is also to thank for this.
Do some women have a backup plan? Sure! Reading your description though and looking over the responses, I think many people are looking at this the wrong way.
A lot of people are thinking about this way - A girl is dating a guy and just in case the relationship fails, she has a backup boyfriend she can turn to. Does this happen? In some relationships, but it depends on the girl.
Now... here is the way I look at it - Before you met the girl, she has had/still has good male friends. During the relationship, she is probably still communicating with those guys. Again, because they are friends she may have known for years prior to meeting you. Now... when you and the girl break up, those male friends could be a shoulder to lean on or a friends with benefits situation. That's the way I think about it. It's not like women are plotting a backup plan if the relationship fails'; however, things can happen with her and her male friends after the relationship has ended.
This has happened to me once. An ex of mine had some male friends she would keep in contact with. I met them. They were nice guys and I was never insecure with her talking to them. We dated for 2 years. After our relationship ended, her male friend asked me if we really over, because my ex had asked if he wanted to fuck some time a few months after our relationship ended.
you should have alienated her from her male friends during the relationship, that could have sabotaged this from happening.
Opinion
56Opinion
Maybe it's the girls you dating... Or what videos/stats you referring to 🤔
Because I've seen some guys on here taking way more about having a back burner chick, or giving that advice to other guys... But I still wouldn't ASSUME ALL men are that way, just like you shouldn't make assumptions against MOST WOMEN.
And this right here is what is ruining dating... Forget the me me me culture, there's a new one on the rise...PICK APART CULTURE..
If people would take more time to REALLY get to know people instead of spending all their time picking apart, bashing people by their gender instead of their own personal actions, maybe there wouldn't be all the dating issues people complain about but are guilty of creating in the first place.
50 percent of women have backups. This is according to some stats.
I am unable to emotionally invest in one person, let alone two or more lol
Women keep back-ups for many reasons. They don't have to be emotionally invested. It's usually to get constant attention from outside the relationship. If things go south with the main partner, they would have lined up the next dude. even if she doesn't start a relationship with the oribiters, she still feels wanted and validated. That's why many women keep back-up partners. If you're not like that, kuddos to you.
Also: what makes you think he is an incel? You women love to throw that word around I see
@Sevenpointfive why's your name that?
@sensible27 that's what i rate myself out of 10
@Sevenpointfive is the rating linear or on a normal distribution graph?
@sensible27 linear, but on within one and two SD's
Sd? wdym?
@Sevenpointfive a bit odd though, do you have a girlfriend? A partner? Romantic.
@sensible27 no. my physical characteristics aren't why i'm single
@Sevenpointfive sd meaning? Then? Choice? Thought the rating was... as a person though.
@sensible27 SD = standard deviation (s) if i rated my personality it could fluctuate anywhere from 1-10. i have an anxiety disorder which is why i'm single
@Sevenpointfive is it really that bad? I have anxiety too but there are others with similar problems too right?
@Sevenpointfive what do you think the problem is? This might sound a bit harsh but... Do you like... being that way?
Nope Iād rather be single than with a guy I consider to be only good for leftovers
It isn't.
What is the case is that, since someone spread this story on the internet that women are ALWAYS looking for a BETTER deal - it means they want a different guy.
We are all looking for a better deal, but it doesn't mean a different person.
The trouble is that the girls who are happy to stick around and get a bit less got abused, and those that manipulate got things given to them - so it became a 'well she is always looking for someone better'
Nothing to do with the truth, just asshole boomers who wanted to commoditise relationships, sex, people, skills - you know, you're a brick in the wall - now how do we make some money off of that? Ah, well, we say that each woman always wants better, you get depressed, you work your ass off for us, we never give her to you - we get our retirements at 4000 euros per month, and you are a sucker - ha ha
Those morons won't stop until we force them to (I am thinking the civil servants of the European Union - the biggest asses there are, corrupt morally - but 'clear' on paper - because they are 'special' and they passed their 'concour' to get a contract for life)
The thing that saves it is that their rule book says that in the interest of service they can be fired at any point - they just didn't read it (because they are assholes who are grander than the rest of us - as if they do anything to keep Europe together - nothing more than just milk the young and blame the rich)
Not necessarily a backup plan, but if I were to get dumped today Iām confident I could have a new boyfriend this very same day. Iām faithful when Iām in a relationship, but at the end of the day Iām still a pretty girl with a cool personality and I canāt force guys to stop liking me. I get compliments and asked out multiple times a day on a daily basis. I donāt have any backup plan, but if I were to get dumped all Iād have to do is put on makeup, do my hair, put a cute dress on, and go outside and the men would come flocking.
I don't think that its that common in the way you are saying but I do think that most women who sleep around today have a backup guy. This backup guy is normally a good friend of theirs who is interested in taking things farther but she "friend zones" him because while he would be a great husband/life partner for her. But in her head, she is still looking for that 10/10 perfect guy they see in media who doesn't exist so they spend their 20's dating around and trying different options while feeling safe that they always have a guy to fall back to. But that guy will find a different girl after years of watching the girl he loves have sex with a bunch of d-bags and comforting her after they break up.
So when the girl is 29-30 she gets fed up with all the d-bags and goes to be with her back up and finds out that he is married and has a family and then normally you have a breakdown.
@Nice222 You are not the only one. It's sad but its and ever-increasing truth. Also, a big reason why divorce rates are sky high is that people are dating for lustful reasons since the only thing people care about now is sex. The problem is that lust always fades so people are left in a sexless and loveless marriage and bad things happen. We need to go back to dating/courting for love and to find a life partner to have a family with. I think that women were much better off before feminism came and told girls that "men are pigs so we should sleep with everything that moves and be bigger pigs to be even". There is a reason that female happiness has consistently dropped since the destruction of the nuclear family in the 1960s. For biology women naturally went one consistent partner over many for the guarantee protection needed while pregnant. But what do I know? I think that being a housewife where all I had to do is a few choirs and hang out with other housewives all-day and jump my husband when he gets home for sex sounds better than working in an office. haha
Can't speak for most or all women. I know for myself if I'm in a relationship I don't have a backup plan. And I never really liked anyone who would wait around for a relationship I have to fail, I cut them off. I think it's weird.
But if we break up and I find someone I like not long afterwards, it's more coincidence than anything. I didn't plan it. Also, if I think there are better dudes than who I'm with I'd break up with who I'm with anyway, cause I don't like to settle or feel like I'm being mistreated/missing out on something.
Do you flirt with guys while in a relationship?
No, I don't.
Do you think its cheating in a way or normal?
I think it depends on the people really. Some people are naturally flirty kinds of people. It's their personality, but it doesn't mean they're going overboard or indulge in anything. While others flirt only with the intentions of it leading to more.
So yeah, lol. Depends on the individuals together and how they feel about it as a couple/unit.
For me personally, I don't mind flirting too much from my partner as long as they aren't going overboard or intending to do more than just being charming.
Um. No. I've never had any guys line up for me lmao. Also I'm strictly monogamous AND demisexual so like... literally there's no space for anyone in my heart/brain other than the guy I'm with. Plus going through a breakup is the worst, and the last thing on my mind when I'm going through shit, is guys. And what the hell would I be doing in a relationship anyway if I had one foot out the door? Sounds like emotionally immature shit people pull who aren't even ready for a real relationship. I just don't have the capacity to deal with more than one guy at a time, nor do I even WANT to do something like that because it honestly sounds so disrespectful and disgusting.
That's disgusting. If that's true I am certainly not one of them. I am in a 3-year relationship and I've been hit on and asked out during that time. I always politely decline and would never ever accept a phone number. It's so disrespectful.
I would never have a 'backup' for a number of reasons. First being that I adore my boyfriend. The idea of being with anyone other than him is repulsive to me. Secondly, in the unlikely event we were no longer together, I would need a looooonngg time to get over that pain. There's no way another man could get straight in.
I don't know if you can call them backup plans but it's known that every woman has at least five or six guys in her dm's.
They came on their own she never had to chase them and she doesn't really give them a shot but keeps them around to stroke her ego since she enjoys the attention.
So naturally if her relationship falls apart there will always be options she jump on right away which makes it look like they were backup plans she deliberately made.
See that's not exactly her fault society is the one who dictated that men have to be the chasers and women the chased. So a woman will be able to sit back and have guys lining up for her but guys actually need to put in the effort when they meet a woman.
Yeah and some of them use guys as āplaceholdersā as well. They date a guy they are only semi interested in until something better comes along.
But as for the ābackup planā Iām really getting sick of generalizing women but yeah I believe it is true. Some of them are so insecure and shitty they will keep orbiters around them ājust in caseā. They friendzone these guys but throw āthem a boneā if they start to fall out of orbit.
Of course there are decent women who are not like this at all. But I tend not to trust women who have lots of āguy friendsā. They always try to justify that bullshit. You donāt see straight guys with lots of āgal palsā unless they are white knights.
I agree with you. What do you think of girls who flirt with other guys/guy while in relationship?
It should be judged just as harshly as a guy who flirts with a girl when heās in a relationship. But itās not? Why?
Women are hypergamous. That's why they go for the 'better' dude and ditch their current partner. And yes, it's safe to say that most women DO have a back-up dude. They often allow male "friends" orbiting around them and turn to them when things go south with the dude they actually want. Don't let them bullshit you by telling you that's not true and that they are "just friends".
I have an ex who is like that. The second I broke up with her, she immediately started following her old orbiters back on IG. And that's just 1 story of the thousands out there.
That's why it's important to find yourself a girl who isn't like that. How do you spot a high quality woman? If she has no or very minimum male "friends" around her. And she is focused on her own life rather than fishing for compliments on social media.
It doesn't make her low quality that she can replace you immediately after you guys BROKE UP. Was she not single at that point? She was. And, she was valuable enough to have options. Nothing wrong with that. No different than a gorgeous man or woman. That indicated high value more than anything. A person of low value would struggle.
A woman can be focused on her life and have male friends as much as she can have female friends. Gender isn't very relevant. Friendship is healthy. It sounds like you are just upset that she moved on so fast. That's called resilience. Cearly you two were not meant to be. It happens to most relationships.
I do agree that no one should need to fish for compliments online... I'm not sure why it's relevant though.
@wolfcat87 Oh she was a serial dater. She moves on from dick to dick without problems. She started fooling around with me 2 weeks after she broke up with the last dude. So no, I'm actually glad she "moved on" so quickly. I wouldn't need to worry about her trying to contact me, especially since I was the one who broke up. I'm in an amazing relationship now with a hotter girlfriend, who not only got things going on for her life, but who also doesn't allow orbiters around as back-up plans. She oozes femininity and class and isn't afraid to be alone for a longer period of time. That's what we call a high value woman.
When it comes to my ex, she happened to have desperate orbiters around her that she uses for free validation constantly. She ditched all of them when she got to know me, but ofcourse, she needs her back-ups to fall back to when things went south with me. Any person who can't stand being alone for a period of time is low-value. And she was definitely unhappy with her body and her personality. So she needs male validation in order to feel "beautiful".
Your views on male and female friends differ than mine (and also differ from that of my girlfriend) so no need to go into that. It seems you're so desperate for my attention, that you skimmed this page only to reply to my comment and leave out all the rest š
I actually responded to more than one post, and I don't bother looking at names before replying. The bold lettering was a bit hard to miss... Very "look at me!". This post does explain why the topic bothers you so much. Were you truly over it, it would not even be worth mentioning. The real question is why is she still so important to you?
I don't know your ex or your new girlfriend, so I can't really compare the two. I've seen men display some pretty undesirable women as trophies, so I'm not one to just take a brag about a partner without a massive grain of salt. You chose to be with both. They both reflect on you as a person.
Enjoying being social isn't really a flaw. It's normal human behavior, so nothing inherently wrong with that. Most people do not enjoy being alone in most cultures, it's abnormal. The majority of people are extroverts. Only 25-40% of people are introverts. Both are acceptable.
The most important thing was that you two were done, so it doesn't matter what she did after that point. It's her life. Seems a bit obsessive and controlling to be so judgy about what she did when you were not even together. It's 100% her business at that point. It does not concern you or me, and it does not make her look bad. She moved on.
@wolfcat87 Lol the reason why I mention it is because the question reminded me of her. People often reflect. Reflecting and not forgetting doesn't mean they aren't over something or someone. So Nice twisted logic you got there. I only used her as an example to the topic, since that's where I have experienced this topic to be in my own personal life. Not to mention that of my friends. So she is as important to me as a piece of information that allowed me to distuingish women like her from other women. In other words: knowledge and experience.
Often, people get with people with a certain view. This view gets distorted or changed over time because they get to find out the true face of another person. Often, people hold a facade. And according to psychologists, this facade can't be held more than 3 to 4 months. Hence why that's the time where so many relationships end. So saying "that is a reflection of you" is also a very flawed argument considering the expectations did not match the reality. If there is something that reflects a person, it is the expectation of what their partner is or should be. By ending a relationship, you've pretty much shown that the relationship does NOT reflect you as a person, hence why you don't want to deal with it.
And you're right, it is none of our business what she does. That's why I don't bother stalking her or whatever. I moved on aswel. Still you can see how people are by their actions. Saying "I love you" and then surround yourself with orbiters the second your relationship ended. Lmfao but whatever floats your boat. Our view on high and low quality people differ š
@wolfcat87 actually, it does make her low quality. Why? Cause she apparently knows there are people around her that want her when she's in a relationship and she's keeping them around her. For ehat purpose is she keeping them around her? Well, to replace someone quickly. Having more options of men to choose from doesn't make you any more valuable than some nerdy girl with glasses and freckles who doesn't get dudes. by the way, that was not an insult to nerds with freckles. Nerds with freckles are cute. What makes them valuable is whether or not they have something to provide to society and if they can make a home for their families. Moving on faster isn't called resiliency. Taking the time to properly process the emotions of a breakup is resiliency. Moving on quick allows for the brain to just forget about processing and loving something as a replacement. A man isn't of value because of his looks. A woman has some value in her looks amongst other things she needs to have or is born with. Men are valued by what they can provide for society and their families. Meaning, men in their early 20s or mid 20s or even late 20s don't have what it takes to be valuable. Women Moving on fast is a way to avoid the long issue.
@Nahianchoudhury Having options means a person is higher quality than a person who has no options. Clearly all of those options who actually know her are judging her and are each sure she has more to offer than the woman that no one is picking. So, they are willing to wait for her. That means she has more value.
Your argument is akin to you picking up a grain of sand and trying to argue that it's worth more than a brick of gold just because you want it to be worth more. But, all of the bidders willing to pay for the brick of gold is what makes it more valuable.
Resiliency is literally by definition the ability to bounce back and recover quickly after a setback. On to the next relationship, and she's bounced all the way back instead of crying in the corner like you're advocating. What you are describing is a person who lack resiliency and needs more down time to get back on their feet.
Men with good looks definitely have value just like women do. Both are also valued for providing for their families. Most men get married by the age of 28, so clearly their spouses found them to be valuable...
Women move on faster because we can and don't need to waste our lives crying when we could be happy and move on with our lives. Moping around wasting every day would be pointless and a waste of a finite resource...
Dude, my guy, my bro. They always do. I've been with chicks and they show just about 90% dedication to the relationship and 10% on finding a fall off plan. I've been told straight up and i quote "I won't cheat on you and I hope you never take it wrong, but I will flirt with some guys because relationships are difficult and there is a chance for a fail on either side". There was nothing bad running in my head because I knew she was right. Although they don't mean to make you feel as less than your worth they still have to have plans beyond relationship. You can't say they are wrong for taking care of themselves.
I do not know any female friends or colleagues that do this. So I'm not sure where that vid you watched get their stats.
For me, I'm currently seeing someone and I liked him a lot. I would never think of doing such a despicable thing as having another back-up guy nor do my friends.
Do you flirt with guys while in a relationship? or do you think its normal/ok?
Well this girl, when Iām in a relationship, there is no back up man or other guy I would think of seeing. The guy Iām seeing now weāre very much into each other, I donāt want anyone else with him. If a girl is doing that, she doesnāt need to be in a relationship, just date around.
Do you flirt with other dudes?
No, as a matter of fact another guy did approach me because he was interested but I set him straight. He was still persistent which I hate and find disrespectful but once I told him I wasnāt interested he backed off finally. I donāt believe in flirting/entertaining other guys when Iām already settled on someone else. I really like this guy and want to make it to the girlfriend stage. Just like I would be upset if he were entertaining other girls.
What research have you taken this from? Some do have back ups, but it isn't that high of a proposition...
And "women" dont "always" do shit all, like guys some do and some dont so people need to stop generalizing it the the whole gender
Yes, they naturally do this, even unconsciously in most cases.
I guarantee you every woman has a least a guy or two in the wings she could call if she needed to.
Guys would do well to do the same.
The term you're looking for is 'hypergamy'. You can google it, or just go to this site and read up on it: www.therationalmale.com
And yes, women are snakes. You'll see.
No as a mormon girl this is wrong on my agenda. If a girl has a backup plan it shows she isn't mature and emotional ready for a serious relationship that is just my opinion. When a girl truly loves a guy she deals whatever it takes and puts up with whatever the guy does. If she had a back up plan that means she isn't ready for a relationship.
Sure. My backup plan is to adopt a bunch of cats and swear off men for years to come.
Do you flirt with guys while in a relationship?
This is a stupid question, at least for me.
When iām in a relationship, iām loyal and wonāt think about someone else. Instead of having a backup plan, i try to improve myself as a person everyday and make sure to make my boyfriend happy.
Iāve never heard of having a backup plan or choosing from a roster of guys (which is what it sounds like when you say that women accept applications and go for the better looking guy).
Your assumptions about women sound super negative. Not sure what led you to craft such devious yet detailed ideas about the average womanās approach to dating?
it is the truth, thats why. look at the replies here, a lot of girls even admit to it.
... ok. Maybe thatās what the answers of girls who voted would imply that but remember- thatās only a small portion of the girls who voted. Which is a small portion of the girls who read the question, much less use or even have accounts on this site.
Do you really think the thoughts of this small portion of women would be an accurate representation of the billions of women across the globe?
this portion? no it doesn't represent the majority of the women on the planet. Also , different populations of women from different cultures will behave differently in regards to this.
However it is a commonly observed phenomenon in women which is often discussed in male communities like the redpill communities. you can look up monkey-branching and orbiters.
i have read about it and afterwards observed it with women. in my personal experience this is 100% true.
Lol red pill is a community whose sole purpose is to demonize women and blame them for members not having a perfect success rate in romance/sex with women. Thatās the place to look when you want to find distorted stats and propaganda to fit such narratives.
I was trying to see if youāre approaching this in a fair and objective manner but.. I see youāre a redpiller yourself. Nvm, good luck blaming everyone but yourself for all your failures in the future š¤£
red pill is a community that is actually truthful about women.
Its the most scientific approach towards female nature. you seem mad that we exposed you
and you do realize that players and pick up artists are also a part of the redpill community. redpillers are actually way more successful with women than the average guys who dont understand female nature.
so you understand what science is and how it works.
a science based approach is basically a study of a subject where you have hypotheses and try to prove ( or disprove them) by experimentation.
It is not belief or superstition. it has a fact based approach to it.
All redpill theories follow this method. This is why i think anyone who disregards the red pill as "demonizing women" is either an idiot or they have never read anything regarding it.
The mainstream culture and mainstream media will have you believe that women desire men who are decent, kind, agreeable, and stable.
Men ( who we call blue pilled men) eat this up and follow this trend. then many end up unsuccessful with women, unable to connect with women, or rejected and cheated on and abandoned.
Those people want answers as to what they did wrong. They want to know why this happened to them. But there are no answers in mainstream culture.
When these guys start searching for answers, that's how they stumble upon the red pill. And then it makes sense and the answers become clear.
Sure many men would get upset at women in this situation. Don't you think thats natural? wouldn't you be upset? but that doesn't take away from the fact that the red pill is the truth.
Blue pilled men will never truly understand why 50 shades of grey and 365 days are so popular with women, so much so that they even got to the top of the charts. But we understand perfectly.
And i think you women don't like that we are figuring you out.
i will link you a study regarding hypergamy. Personally i think its one of the most important theories that the redpill talks about.
This study is done by cambridge university and is largely neutral, so you won't find much bias in there.
www.cambridge.org/.../82BADB41DBF5B71F72E4A001F95623C8
its about hypergamy and marriage and compares modern marriage to marriage in the old days.
but i would advice you to google and understanding the meaning of certain words before going into these topics.
Hypergamy basically means that women tend to date up or equal, not down. This is mostly in terms of social status and power, but also in terms of the partners sexual market value.
it basically means that women prefer quality over quantity, which is not the case for men. You might want to look up sexual market value to get a better idea of it.
also look up monkey branching and preselection.
you might like or identify with these things. i won't force you into it, read and look up however you like. but its good to get to know certain terms before you start reading articles.
also, you may not be impressed by anecdotal evidence, but its interesting to see for yourself. if you read more redpill stuff you can think about it and see if that makes sense irl. You can also look for scholarly articles to see if those theories have any hard backup of course.
but you can also think for yourself. It might clear up things that you dont understand regarding men too, or male-female relationships. like why people (like arnold for example) would cheat with women who might not seem to be as good as their wives. Its because quality isn't a deciding factor for men, unlike for women.
Well I donāt know if most women have a backup plan, but if sheās bored or disappointed with the guy sheās in a relationship with, she might want another taken guy if sheās jealous that the other girl is prettier than her. This is known as mate poaching. But usually only a complete attention whore would do that. An attention whore will never be able to get enough attention from her boyfriend, and will simultaneously try to get attention from other guys when they fight or he ignores her.
My Impression is similar but me seeding doubts of me being bi has truly made her consider more competition around her and she is stepping up her efforts to keep me I guess :)
I told her she got new competition lol, it was all a joke but she seems to taking it too surprisingly seriously. Not that I am complaining
Yes and I got two of them. 1 is call Ben and the other ones called Jerry.
Yeah it's real. she's always single, it's just your turn. Hopefully for life! Women don't see that. They fall in love with emotions. Emotion gone, they change. Does not apply to all countries. Mostly USA and some other ones. Uk I hear same as here. Men different. Click in out emotions so we think everything alright. Coasting. Boom.
You have to always be bettering yourself. It's work.
Relax that is not true.
You can have a normal relationship and the odds that your girl will have a "backup plan" are slim. Not near that 50-60% range.
Also if she leaves for someone that she loves more than you, is normal. But if by "better dude" you just mean a guy that makes more money and is hoter than you, relax. She won't leave you just for that.
According to a survey by a marketing agency in 2007 48% of women have a plan B dude. And 60% of the time it's someone the boyfriend/husband knows personally. 20% of the time it's his friend. 5% of the time the husband knows who her plan B is and knows he's a plan B.
So yeah, that number isn't far off from the data we have available.
girls donāt have any more of a backup plan than guys. if anything, guyās have backup plans, girls donāt necessarily have to have a āback up planā because harsh reality is that itās not hard for them to find someone else.
judging from how easy a woman can get new dates or dudes orbiting her through social media or dating apps, it's a very unstable claim to make that guys have more backup plans than girls. On the contrary, looking at these statistics, the likeliness is the contrary to what you said. Often, it's the girls who have "friends", which in reality, they are just back-up plans. So it's a two way street.
wtf kind of shit did u watch maybe 1-3% actually have and do that the rest of us just buys a bunch of cats or find the nearest ice bucket I've been spending many days with an ice bucket when i got dropped never have i had an backup plan
There are studies for this.
also if u come with your robot response im giving u the finger
Also also Those studies are wrong
Do you have mental problems?
Nope
These days I think lots of people have āoptionsā and donāt just commit to 1 single person and they do keep their options open in secret... women and men are both just as bad I think... and itās the innocent-looking ones to watch out for... lots of people are opposite of what they appear to be and these days I also find everyone wants to use everyone... men want women for money these days or do drugs and women like using men to feed them I find... just some observations Iāve made
I 100% today. When I'm dating a boy, I still keep other guys on a close lease in case if this asshole decides to use me and leave.
But... why not look in the mirror and look at yourself from the other side?
You're keeping guys close just in case he uses and leaves?
So wait a min miss.
What the fuck are you doing then?
OTHER GUYS?
As if you're not using all those guys š¤¦š¤¦š¤¦
Haha... Yeaš¤š
whore.
We're not attacking you being a bitch or anything. Just trying to tell you that both guys and girls can be assholes.
Some gals keep backup. And so do some guys. You happen to be in that category.
So you don't really have a voice when you criticize a guy using you and shit. Coz you're basically doing the same thing
@rkf_helps_247 she is just using that as an excuse to keep her side pieces. every guy is a potential asshole who could use her and leave her therefore she should keep her side options.
its classic hoe-logic.
You dont need to entertain her with rational arguments.
Ah, so if he wasn't an asshole and a future is a big possibility, would you still keep your back-up plans? Because if one or both partners have back-up plans, no genuine relationship will ever take place. And temptation will always be around the corner. Form what I know, those who keep back-up plans either want to cheat or are way too insecure to put faith in their relationship.
A real man will NEVER get with a girl who keeps her back-up plans. Same applies for a woman.
@startingfitness yea... You're right. Bitches always snitches.
@TruthBringer you're right brother. But nothing is gonna convince her. She's gonna stick to this excuse so that she can fuck someone in the side when she gets bored of the current one
I donāt have a back up plan. Personally, itās impossible for me to have feelings for 2 people at once. I may recognize a guy is cute. However, I canāt feel an attraction to them. This proved to be a bad thing when I developed feelings for a guy that I never dated and rarely saw. Luckily, I got over him and found the love of my life.
I feel like women are more likely to carry and continue to build emotional connections apart from their romantic relationships but thatās not the same as having a āback up planā.
@Torari well I would be the main one encouraging him especially if he happened to be have more antisocial behavior, as I have met dudes like that. Building emotional connections outside of your little ālove nestā is healthy. And in this hypothetical scenario Iād be working on fulfilling their emotional and mental health needs where I can and where Iām supposed to as genuine, loving partner.
Iām not going to worry about them forming what you call āpotential relationshipsā because I am mature and secure in myself and my ability to communicate and make others feel comfortable reciprocating that effort. If I fail, I fail. But Iām not letting the fear of failure get in the way of a partner's growth.
Thatās elementary and Iāve already graduated college.
you shouldn't be building emotional connections with other men. thats what hoes do.
@startingfitness ok, sure then. If thatās what you call a hoe, I will be that.
shameless women nowadays smh...
@startingfitness immature boys nowadays smh...
how am i immature for realizing my worth. You can't stand it when a man puts his foot down, can you. you wanna have your cake and eat it too. If you are in a relationship with a man you shouldn't have any emotional connections with another man. No one outside of degenerate western people agree with you
@startingfitness If you feel that way, ok.
You are immature for making this about gender probably because you canāt fathom the idea of men and women forming religion that arenāt specifically romantic or sexual. Maybe you and the people around you just lack emotional stamina or proper social skills or general self control. Maybe all of the above. Itās not about forming bonds with āother menā. Itās about forming bonds... period. Regardless of gender. Itās about having a social network that is reliable and comforting so that your boyfriend/girlfriend is not your ENTIRE world.
If you are incapable of respecting another personās ability to thrive in other areas of their life with other people without ASSUMING everything is a sneaky plot to cheat, then YES you are very immature š
no you are immature for believing that it is about self control or "emotional stamina" whatever that means. almost half of all marriages end up in divorce in the west. most of the time women file for divorce. And most of those women have a backup guy. Which again, most of those guys are guys they are close to ( male friend or colleague).
Of course this can happen the other way too.
It doesn't usually start out as a plot to cheat, thats just how it ends up. its human nature. Thats why older religions and cultures had men and women separated from each other in a marriage.
A relationship takes some sacrifice, and you aren't prepared to do it, as i said you want to eat your cake and have it too.
also you have no understanding of men period. all of your male friends wanna fuck you. you are delusional to think otherwise. if you don't believe me , message them telling them you want to fuck them.
lol, women don't have any comebacks for this one.
It is disrespectful for you to keep these guys in your life knowing they want to fuck you , when you have a man. You will never have a real man as long as you do this.
@startingfitness Okay. You are more than welcome to feel all those things.
lol you probably didn't read any of the things i wrote.
Just dont complain 10 years later about not finding a good man.
Its all on you now.
@startingfitness Alright š
Yeah let me form an "emotional connection" with other girls outside my relationship. Let's see how my girlfriend will react to that. And if she doesn't like it, I'll go and call her "insecure". Emotional connections should be kept with your partner, not shared with other men. Also, do you ever think other men don't want to fuck you? Especially when you form that "emtional connection"? Don't be naive. It's often due to emotional connection outside a relationship that has lead to cheating.
@startingfitness very well said, some people just don't get it. I can tell she is the type of person to think the truth is what she FEELS it to be, rather than what it actually is. And indeed, no high quality man is going to invest with a woman who feels like she needs to form emotional connections with other men. There is no justification for that at all. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too, only that's not really how the world works. You can't have it all. But try explain that to women like her.
@TruthBringer the truth is the reality you happen to live in and we donāt all exist in the same reality. I am perfectly fine with allowing my partner to grow and form connections outside of myself. And no Iām not trying to have my cake and eat it too. You make it sound like Iām advocating for flirting and whatnot. Also, I said itās not about MEN. Itās about people in general. Bonding with PEOPLE in general. Having friends and family. If youāre unable to live your life that way, then Iām sorry thatās your experience.
And if Iām a āslutā in your eyes then thatās valid and accept that title.
Don't twist your words now. Connections and 'emotional connections' point to different things. We all got connections outside our relationship. Emotional connections however is much more specific and is usually reserved for family and romantic partners. So it really depends on what you mean with "emotional connection". For many people such as myself, an emotional connection is a very strong and deep connection reserved only for romantic and family purposes. I don't form an 'emotional connection' with my Commander at the Air Force, my old drill Sergeant, my friends or my acquaintances. I form either formal connections or connections on a friendship level, which are not as deep as an 'emotional level'. Emotional connections, I form them with my nephew, my girlfriend, my mother, my father etc. Based on what I explained to you, I wouldn't accept if my girlfriend to be forming "emotional connections" with other dudes and neither does she accept it if I do it with other girls. No healthy relationships allow this.
And I never said anything about being a "slut". So don't try to assign false implications to me.
@TruthBringer If you wouldnāt allow your partner to have emotional connections outside yourself, ok.
I would let my partner do it for reasons I already explained.
We just live our lives differently and that is perfectly fine as long as neither one of us are hurting people. I can only speak for myself and say that in my life it has never been an issue because I encourage any romantic partner of mine to make sure I am not their entire world and that I am not the one they rely on and feed off of emotionally. Thatās just the kind of person I am.
@Ellie-V Yes, that's all nice and all, but you completely missed my point, or don't want to get it. I never said my partner isn't allowed to have connections outside our relationship. I explained to you what I (and many others) interpret "emotional connection". And based on OUR interpretation, it is not right to have them outside of our relationship. Other connections, sure no problem.
@TruthBringer I am aware that you were going off your own interpretation. If you find it wrong, then ok. You can feel that way.
There is no "wrong" interpretation. Just people having their own interpretations. Ours happen to differ. I simply take the interpretation of the popular belief. But to each their own. As long as you and your partner are happy in your relationship. I can tell you that my girlfriend and I are very happy.
@TruthBringer I literally never said or implied that your interpretation was wrong but ok
I'm sure some do but I believe some guys do too. But I'venever had a back up plan. I have been with someone who literally had 5 other back up plans so I found out.
I never said guys dont. im going strictly with what the article says,
If it's true that's a big percentage of women and it sucks either way.
A relationship is too much of a work. An alternative will be draining. There are many things in the world which doesn't revolve around keeping alternatives.
Is that why she's been pissy with me lately cause didn't think its nessary I get 500000 life insurance with our health coverage we only been dating a month.. only cause I'm gone surprise her with my trust fund benefits a girl that suck *$## so good must love me... Right
just because the hotter ones have it bit more convenient to find partners at times. Doesn't mean women in general have a "backup plan"
My girlfriend has no backup plans, she's completely honest about everything, when we broke up she stayed completely alone for a couple of months before we got back together.
I on the other hand, was a shallow piece of shit and had backup plans, I spent those months hanging out with other girls while she was missing us and what we had.
I learned my lesson and dumped all of them, now we're together and both with 0 backup plans.
obviously, though I'm pretty sure is far more higher 50-60%
hell those back up dudes can show up all the same night once they hit the clubs and bar and announce that they're single.
Back up plan... No...
I'm must be the dumbest girl out there.
Complete social isolation.
No friends. No man's.
And no family except my mother...
Yes. That's why you have to be careful when you decide to give your heart to a woman. The moment you have your first argument, she's begins the replacement process. Not saying all women are like this, but enough are like this
Yep because men are either warm dildos, emotions to feed on, or complete ass holes themselves. I'd determine about 57% percent of the time. Thats still a lot. Love is now just survival. Relationships are just for others to look at.
Uhh I don't know I think that depends on the person not gender
Do you flirt with guys while in a relationship?
Yep, studies have shown it, women generally speaking, have a back up plan and back up guy.
@Silver158 I find most women are shocked when a guy doesn't play there games (They think that because I'm nice I must be a pushover, turns out they are wrong and they find that out the hardway (and bitch and whine all the while its happening)).
Most don't, but some do. Amusingly, I've even had some women try to make me the backup without even asking me whether I was in a relationship and they didn't even hide what they were doing.
While most girls don't , and am very very sure about this.
I've known a few girls who just go relationship hopping, like they always know which guy would be the next appropriate one.
I've seen girls start a relationship in under a month 😂
Good point,
Its just there to make life easy for feminazy :p
I know I haven't had a backup plan and neither have my friends...
Maybe not officially, but I think every woman has a little bit of that going on.
Nobody can honestly answer that because no one knows "most" women/girls!
Most guys I know either have a backup plan or they dump their girlfriend/wife iif someone "better" comes along.
It might be but I do not have a backup plan. I am happy with my life and do not think about the what ifs
If the female is all for the guy then no she donāt have any but if sheās iffy about the guy then yes some do have someone or a couple people
Do you flirt with guys while in a relationship?
I donāt no. Never have never will
i never have, i kno i could find another guy if i wanted to but i don't have any plans
I never do. You're supposed to have backup Advil, not backup people! Who does this?
If you are worried about the "better dude" you might as well give up now because there is always a better dude.
I have been known to do this. But only if my current deserves it.
Erm, no.. the moment we got a āplan Bā is the moment where itās about to become plan A..
As my platonic F friend and I used to say when we planned on doing something together, "Unless something better comes along".
Basically girls and young women will find a boyfriend and, although they may not be actively looking, they are open to finding an upgrade and when they are certain, they pounce.
I hope it's not true, because I would never date a girl whose heart is divided between some other guy and me, and I would like still less to be someone's "backup plan".
Yes. But you have to understand. Men don't like older women, so we have to line up as many suitors in our 20s in case one goes bad so we don't end up lonely and old
But my man prefers older woman...
@chrstnekyn I doubt he would marry a woman in her 40s
What makes you think you get to keep the orbiter when your looks fade?
How about treating the man you commit to with respect, keeping him happy by not dating him with one foot out the door already, maybe then he wouldn't feel a need to go date someone younger and prettier because it would mean losing a relationship with someone who values him as more than an accessory.
@Torari you are assuming all men are wonderful. Things happen. Some end up abusive, some die young, some cheat.
whore. not an excuse
Lmfao, and let's see how women will react when a guy says he is going to line up multiple women because women don't like guys who don't have much money or who aren't tall. Because he doesn't want to end up all lonely and old
@TruthBringer they do line up girls
And as long as u guys are gonna judge women on our age, then we should have the freedom to have multiple boyfriends
That's what I get for saying women are shit after 30
@TruthBringer i have yet to see a woman be happy about her man keeping options open. you brought up a good point with that, just like in the other comment thread. women may tolerate it but they definitely aren't cool with it. yet on here they say they are ok with it lol.
and this girl completley missed your argument
@Anonymous No. This is what men do, judge on something you can't control, as we men get judged on things we can't control either. Such as height. Are both morally right? No.
And if you think just because random dudes judge you because of your age, you are allowed to have multiple boyfriends inside a relationship, boy oh boy, please never get into a relationship. If it's outside a relationship, be my guest and do your thing.
@startingfitness Them missing my argument is something that happens very often. They read from a defensive point of view rather than see what a person truly has to say. And I've learnt to take a woman's word for granted. They often say something, but mean something else.
I'm not going to lower myself to indirect cheating by keeping women around me as back-up plans. I don't have much difficulties attracting someone new. I just drop a girl and then go find someone else.
@TruthBringer I'm not trying to argue. I was telling you my opinion. I am constantly judged by my age and guys feel they could screw and dump me because my age gives me no value. That's why I go on several dates before I sleep with someone, but I learned even with that, they will do anything to bed you even pretend they are your boyfriend.
If you look at comments all through this website, count how many say women have no value after 30, it's overwhelming.
Of course men can find someone new. We don't judge based on age
@Anonymous I get your point. It's morally unjust to treat someone as something less for their age (something we all can't do anything about). And you do realize we talk about back-up plans WITHIN a committed relationship, right? Not when you're still dating. If you're just dating and are single, then you have the right to talk and go out on dates with multiple people. Everyone does. If you happen to be in a 'relationship' with some dude who wants to use you, you don't even think about back-up plans, you cut them off immediately and go back to dating.
@TruthBringer well I was in an abusive relationship and I had backup plans bc he shredded my confidence so low I really believed he was the only guy on the planet to date me. It made sense in my situation.
However, if you are in a relationship, I agree that you shouldn't. But if you feel things are unstable, you should break up as soon as you feel uneasy
@Anonymous I am glad you got out of that relationship. No one deserves to be in an abuse relationship. back-up plans or not, at least you got out.
@TruthBringer yes I got out, unfortunately not in time
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