Why is my ex who left me still trying to sabotage my life and dating?

[Finchie40]

My ex was the one that decided she no longer wanted to be with me and now that she no longer lives with me , she still tries to sabotage my life. I know she is mentally insane but why bother me if you no longer want to be with me? Why does she care if I am dating someone else, when she clearly has been doing shady shit before and after we separated. I have asked her what her fucking deal is , and she takes no accountability for her actions and behaviors whatsoever. She is running around like she is this victim when she is clearly the villain. I never had an ex that wanted to end things with me that decided to continue bringing havoc into my life. The girl needs her fucking ass kicked. I have tried being mutual with her because we have kids’ together and she still starts shit with me. So my only option is to move far away from her crazy ass once the house sells. I don’t want to get the cops involved because I already experienced that shit on how the cops favored her crazy ass when she attacked me first while I was sleeping and then I end up going to jail. So cops are not the solution , I ignored her phone calls and texts which just pisses her off even more. I asked her what her fucking deal is that I am not her convenience, she also got upset with me because I no longer wanted to sleep with her anymore because I knew it didn’t mean anything but just getting off on each other. I told her I don’t want to sleep with a girl that doesn’t want to be with me 100 percent , I don’t want STD’s especially if she is screwing other guys’ and if I meet a great girl , I don’t want to do that to her either. My ex is going through menopause on top of her mental illness and I told her she needs to go get help immediately , but she turns everything around that I am this bad guy when she is clearly the bad one. Have you ever had an ex do this to you?

[LatinaXv7]

I was in a relationship with a person who made me go through a lot and even put his hands on me while I was pregnant. I became tired of his drinking and of him disappearing for days at a time. I pretty much gave the him a ultimatum go to AA meeting and put yourself through therapy and we may have a chance of working out; long story short.. he did not and I broke up with him. He would harass me and show up at my home to see my child (my aunt used to baby sit her there) and then he would bombard me with texts (quotes or simply stating I was the bad person for breaking up our home). He would then show up and scream at me or belittle me for getting into a relationship and he stopped financially helping me and then took me to court when I then decided to stop the visitations. He was told to give me more money than he was initially and the visitations were pretty much what I had already set in place prior, so of course he was livid. He now has my daughter calling his current partner mom which he knows is something that would get under my skin (but I never bring it up or have brought it to his attention). He does small things to frustrate me I just stay quiet and then when I do the same things, he of course sends me messages hinting his frustration. Then he sends me ai generated text messages (like full blown paragraphs) I just don’t respond. I have learned that people like that always want a reaction or response, the calmer you are and the less you let them know the more frustrated they become even with themselves. I avoid eye contact and I literally avoid speaking to him unless it’s via text. I won’t even speak to him on the phone, the more paper trail there is the better, this also lets me better analyze his messages and think things through before I provide a response. I don’t spite him to rob my peace anymore; my peace of mind is way more precious and because people like that are energy vampires i chose to keep my distance to preserve my energy. Your own peace, energy, mental health and happiness should be a priority don’t let her take that from you. The more you allow access and show her that it bothers you the more she will do to keep getting that reaction. My suggestion would be keep messages simple and cordial if she sounds like a jerk you hit back with kindness or nonchalant straight to the point messages that are only centered around your child (ren). If she rambles.. no response (which in turn is a response) and she will eventually see that she is no longer that fuel to your fire. It won’t be easy, it took me over a year and now I don’t let him see / hear my reactions and I just respond via texts.

[Finchie40]

Sorry to hear you experienced that with your ex , he sounds like a basket case and a half , very similar to to how my ex treats me , the only difference is she is the one that wanted to be separated from me while thinking she can still have the convenience of me , so I put an end to that once I realized what she was doing. I tried saving our marriage and family but realized I was wasting my time trying because all it did was backfire on me making me realize she was just taking advantage of of me even more , her main focus is money and she would only be nice to me when she needed money. I have tried being mutual with her mainly for the kids’sake and because she was a part of my life for many of years , it wasn’t until the kids’ got older that she completely changed on me and showed me her true colors. My ex and I were inseparable for a lot of years why we got married and had children together. I have always been a devoted husband and father to my family and worked my ass off to give my family nice things , as for her she barely would keep a job and acted like she shouldn’t have to work , and she wouldn’t of had to work if she could control her spending habits. So I feel used and taken for granted , she only loved what she could receive from me. I am not saying I am perfect but I know I didn’t deserve the way she ended up treating me and betraying me. She became friends with a girl that influenced her to be against me and I feel they are more than just friends by how they are around each other , not only do I see it other people see it as well and think it’s fucked up. She made her her top priority over me and that’s when I knew she was up to no good , so I told her to have a happy life with her and that I know I can’t force her to stay with me , so we both agreed to go our separate ways , she stopped sleeping in bed with me and made the basement her new bedroom , It was hard but I realized I deserve a girl that wants me by her side that wants to make

[Finchie40]

Me her top priority the same way I make her mine. And realized my ex was a selfish POS person. I thought her and I could stay mutual until we sold the house but not until she attacked me when I was sleeping and then had me arrested for grabbing her wrists to defend myself and to calm her down , but of course the cops took me away instead of her , so I was in jail for one night until i saw the judge that told me I couldn’t go back to my home until o go to court which was 2 weeks away , so I ended up staying at friends’ houses and hotels during that time , I was told I couldn’t t make any contact with her or I would be arrested , so I followed the rules and didn’t contact her at all , but she was blowing up my phone and sending me texts that o didn’t respond to whatsoever, basically she was threatening me to send her money , so I called the cops myself and told them what she is doing and the cops told me to ignore her and present that in court and she will get in trouble for harassment. So come the court date , she then decided to drop everything and I was able to go back home, once I got home I told her to pack her shit and go live with her brother because she is not staying her after what she did to me. I also lost my job because of my record , because the court mandated me to take 24 classes for battery and domestic abuse , so I can not land a job until this shit is off my record , so I been collecting unemployment and doing under the table jobs to make extra cash , while I am getting the house ready to sell , once I see I am moving away from her , Her and I have talked and we are now on ok terms but I still don’t trust it whatsoever, I went on a date with another girl and my ex went ballistic over it , I was dumbfounded as to why? It’s like she wants to live this happy go lucky life and that I am suppose to suffer , the girl is mentally insane

[LatinaXv7]

I think that when people behave that way it’s more about control. They feel like they can manipulate you and control you to a certain extent because you either will feel like you’re guilty for not helping or being around. Unfortunately, it changes us to a certain extent you’re no longer as trusting you are no longer emotionally open and available for others. Then at one point you start to separate things and realize that this should only be a rule specifically for them and that really bothers them because they feel that if you’re not available for them, that you shouldn’t be available for anyone else.

That’s sad she went to such extreme lengths to hurt you.. I never called to cops on my ex because I didn’t want that to affect him forever. Sad how that works; I had several reasons and still thought how that would affect him. Meanwhile your ex was selfish and completely conjured up a whole story to get you into a negative situation which not only caused issues for you, it literally made a permanent impact on your record. She should reach out to my ex they would make a perfect couple. smh

I really despise people who are toxic, narcissistic and manipulative, but then act like the victims. Worst part is they are good in acting like they wouldn’t even kill a fly to get others to believe them.

[Kassandra1994]

Make a quick sale on the house if possible move to a diffrent state. Try Texas they dont take woman seriously in Texas and cops will be on yourside.

If I had a crazy ex well yeah. Not my ex fiance but in 2014 . I stop by at my grandparents house to help out with the Thanksgiving dinner all the family was visiting even from out of state. My geandma told me she wanted to have a seriously conversation with me told me the dude I was dating at that time red flags and told me the reasons we I should break that relationship off.

Long story short turns out that my boyfrie at the time stoped at my grandsmas house without my grandparents or I for that matter noticing. He was at the porch listening to the conversations my grandmother and I we were having. The week after Thanksgiving the dude confronted me to the point he remember the whole intire conversation my grandma and I were having. That was creepy of him stalking us and listening to our conversations which as rude and nosy of him.

Lets just say I made the choice I would never walk in the Catheral in a white dress at all.

Also make sure your ex did not instale a tracker on your car an ex did that to me once without my concent.

[Kassandra1994]

Oh and also believe me Karma will bite your exs butt back. I may take years but since she's the one who hurt you bad things will come in her way.

It happends all the time. My ex fiance he is 32 years old now he has aged and I mean aged a lot a 50 year old looks way more younger then my ex fiance not only that but he was not hable to be succesful in his career his wife suffered a miscarige last year. Did my ex fiance made me cry the moment he made the choice to abandonad me in the altar yes I cry for two whole straight years but karma got his ass.

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s crazy, I am sorry to hear

[RavVid]

Was she the one that wouldn't leave? I seem to remember but maybe I am getting jumbled with some one else. At least you have made progress if I remember right.

I have had an ex that wanted to ignore we were broken up and I have heard of other girls doing the same. But not this crazy. Making you the bad guy and claiming victim hood is standard operating procedure for girls though. I have had a girl call the cops because I hurt her blocking her punches but it turned out better for me than you.

You said no cops. But if she is this pyscho your children might be in harms way or experiencing trauma. Do you get to see the kids enough to know they are OK? From an abundance of caution perhaps you should express concern, as googling there can be pyschosis at menopause and things like bipolar can be exacerbated. Maybe hormone therapy could help her. Maybe there is a child authority not directly linked to police you could go to.

I guess anything you do will set her off. Best I can suggest.

[RavVid]

Hoping things go better for you soon

[HarveyLaw]

Fortunately, no, I haven't. I feel you, Finchie. You're doing the right thing by protecting yourself from her toxic behavior. I feel so sorry for the kids especially... but there's only so much you can do when she's making your life miserable even after breaking up. Try to find ways to talk to your kids without going through her and keep in touch. Honestly, getting as much distance as possible right now sounds like the best way to avoid all the hassle.

[ohsheeT]

Yes the only thing that I can suggest is stop all Communications with her if she wants to call you let her call you answer the phone that I get to the point and Say Goodbye you don't need to carry on any other conversation with her whatsoever you don't need to put her down tell her she needs help because all that does is keep the conversation going say okay thank you very much have a nice day goodbye

[Finchie40]

Yea I been doing that and she is finally getting the hint for the most part lol

[ohsheeT]

Well it doesn't matter what she thinks or what she does it matters what you think and what you do you can either open the door and allow her to walk in and start all over again or you can keep the door closed and talk through the window keep it short and sweet and Let It Go you have to be the boss in this situation or the leader and the leader would have nothing to do with her just be kind to her and keep it short short you control the scenario by not saying anything let her have what she was looking for and let it all go

[Micheal6918]

I guess she is sad you left because she enjoys it more with you in her life so she can keep making your life hell, Narcissistic behaviour

[sawno]

You know why. Its in your post, specifically the " I know she is mentally insane " part.
If people are insane don't expect them to think logically, she is acting emotionally.

[DryGermanGuy]

Stop wasting your time with her. Reading it here for the hundredth time makes me wonder, who really does the sabotaging...

[NathanDavis]

why? because you let her...

[loveyouoak]

Maybe she is still in love with you.

[Finchie40]

She was the one that wanted to end our marriage and started treating me like complete shit , putting me down, criticizing me , belittling me so she could play a victim instead of admitting she is the vilian, so if she loved me why would she even consider doing that to me

[loveyouoak]

She might be trying to control you because she is still obsessed with you. Maybe she wants to get back together with you.

[Finchie40]

That ship has sailed with me

[Iron_Man]

How old is this woman?

[Finchie40]

She is 52 and acts like an immature child

[Iron_Man]

Yes she does

[robocop666]

do your kids like her?

[Finchie40]

Not really

[robocop666]

thats a good sign

[Alexson_stormzy]

Fear of the unknown