Girls: Why do you talk about your EX to your new BF?

[Anonymous]

Girls: Why do you talk about your EX to your new BF?

My girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend.

Cut all contact with EX, erased Ex's number, blocked Ex on Facebook.

Has a big crush on me.

But, has kept pictures of him tucked away out of sight in an album

Vents to me on how bad he treated her

Suggested a cologne he used to wear

Suggested some clothes similar to her Ex

I already told her to stop and keep the past in the past because I'm my own person. She has never mentioned him since.

Do you think my girlfriend is still into her Ex?

Girls: Why do you talk about your EX to your new BF?

[Pineapple_Lover]

I'd say most girls mention their exes to their new boyfriend to test the water and see whether the new guy is capable of hurting her in the same way or worse, to analyse potential risk but also to set boundaries on what they don't want. It can also be to see if the new guy is willing to open up about his past experiences and see what his boundaries are.

All this can be discussed though without mentioning specific names or people.

I'd say it's pretty standard for a girl to keep photos in an album locked away somewhere of her ex as old mementos of an earlier time nothing to worry about there, venting about bad treatment is an indirect way of getting reassurance from you that you're not going to do the same.

Suggesting a cologne and clothes he used to wear does seem strange to me though.

I'd say the best thing is to sit down and have a conversation with her about where you want the relationship to go, what you expect of her and of yourself and ask her why she's made the suggestions she's made.

If the breakup was pretty recent then she may still be healing.

[sockz]

Most people talk about their ex, especially if they've recently broken up, or were together for a long time. When you're in a relationship your experiences can be shared (good and bad). And when you're getting to know someone knew, the best way to do that is to share your experience with that person. There are no doubt times when your girlfriend has mentioned her friends, family, maybe even pets in conversation to you. These things don't bother you, and neither should the ex.

I wouldn't worry about photos either. People keep photos to remind themselves of a particular time in their life. Memories are really important, even the not so great memories are things that we can learn from when we reflect years on. The fact that she doesn't have those photos on her wall indicates that she does want to keep the past in the past. Most of the people I've dated have have kept photos of their exes, so I wouldn't think anything big of it.

[kaylaS91]

Of course there's always a chance a girl is still into her ex, but just because she brings him up doesn't mean she's still interested in him. I find myself bringing up my ex now not because I miss him necessarily as I would never take him back, but a lot of the things I do or feelings I get with my guy now remind me of my ex. Last week, for example, I heard a song that reminded me of him and got a little down about it. My boyfriend noticed and asked me what's wrong, so I just explained to him that I'm getting hit with a lot of memories from my ex after whom I was left devastated. I'm just feeling a little upset about it, and it helps sometimes to bring it up with my new guy not because I'm still interested in my ex, but to sort of explain why I'm acting like that and assure him he's not doing anything wrong.

[Theguyoverthere]

She's not over what happened obviously but I personally like to let her own initial motives do the talking.

So I personally wouldn't have told her to stop but I would have seen if she kept at it and then dumped her if it went on for too long. Like if she kept bringing up her ex for days I would have told her she is not ready to date. Chances are she'd probably hit her ex up after the breakoff anyway and that she could still be texting him on the DL. Many girls are sneaky like that and justify their behavior mentally.

[superguy1]

It means you have a " crazy bitch " wanting to settle the score with her EX and you will be next ;)

[Skyemae]

She still seems to be hung up on him in some way. It may be emotionally, or some sort of reflection after finding herself in a new relationship. I've found that after beginning a new relationship, I kind of reflect on my previous one, simply because I usually think 'Wow I'm so happy, and never felt that way with my ex.' Thinking that doesn't last long though and I don't bring it up because it's just a quick realization type thing. The fact that she keeps talking about him, especially after you've asked her not to is kind of a red flag.

[BabyKsMom13]

It may not be that she is still into him, she just still needs time to heal. Just because you are moving on, doesn't meant that it doesn't hurt. Girls talk about their ex's when they are talking about what they like or what they will not tolerate in a relationship. We often use our exes to compare and see which relationship is better or which one is ore reliable in a way. Guys often do it too. They ell us about what some other girl did to compare us to her. Nobody really can ever understand why we all do it, it just comes natural..

[katley]

This is a hard question to answer and I'm 45. Some girls need to vent...but she needs to do the venting with her girlfriends, not you...

You have told her what you expect now, so you have to see if its true and really over...

Take it very slow with her because maybe she not over him yet...you don't want to be a rebound...

[Snow_Honey]

I don't talk about my ex to anyone but I think she's still in her depressed phase and that can make a girl want to have a guy exactly like the one she just left, my little sis did that but she brought home a guy who looked just like her ex boyfriend...

[Betwyn]

I tend to talk about my ex's..

I guess its sort of a way or setting expectations...

What I want.. what I'm likely to do.. what I like..

but then, I'm pretty open and an oversharer at times..

[superguy1]

If you did that with me I would say " I will be back in a minute " = bye ;)

[MissConfused93]

You expect her just abandon that period of her life? You're being unrealistic. There's nothing wrong with her keeping pictures of them nor talking about him. The other stuff might be too much though.

[bubbletrouble]

Lmao don't generalize. I would never talk about ex to my current boyfriend. People shouldn't do that. If you are not ready to start a new relationship then don't. I think your girlfriend just doesn't understand that.

[BayHarborButcher]

I don't talk about my ex's to a guy I'm seeing. I don't tend to think about my ex's in general. She may be trying to get you jealous for some reason or she may still have feelings for him.

[Anonymous]

The reason behind the break up is really relevant. At first, I think the pictures are just for nostalgia sales. I mean I think everyone has days where we miss people. The venting could just be her way of warning you how NOT to treat you. BUT. The cologne and the clothes is super weird and a bad sign. She should want you for you. Not a mini-him. No good.

[saren99]

Ik it sounds weird but we do it to impress guys lol. For some reasons we feel that by discussing the fact that we hd past boyfriends u will think we r popular

[Asker]

Thanks!

[dwiller943]

Because we like to be open and honest about our past.
Plus it's something to talk about.

[Nell_300399]

Means she's trying to move on but she can't cuz she also sorta has a bit of feelings left for him. She probably Also wants to keep the memories they had

[Anonymous]

Just because she wants to get it off her chest but you shouldn't complain. Whatever she says he did wrong, you do right. Whatever she says he did right, you do better. You may not want to her about a girls ex but it will help you.

[jessicaaaaa123]

I don't talk about my exs but my boyrfriend always mentions his and also the fact that allllll his best friends are girls :/

[Anonymous]

If she's trying to make you be like him, she's still into him. no matter how mean he was to her, she may still have feelings. i rarely mention my ex, i feel awkward about him

[Anonymous]

Some cases to make you jealous or feel like you want her more or feel like you're lucky to be with her. But in her case, sounds like she's still hung up on him.

[CrazyInWonderland]

Yah I think she's still into him dude

[Wondering658208]

Provably because she's still hung up on him

[Anonymous]

I don't at least