Why does it seem like women tend to "overrate" their own attractiveness while men "underrate" their own?

[Anonymous]

+I am not saying every man or woman follows these behavior patterns but this seems to be the general case.
+Women tend say they can't find an attractive "enough" guy while men tend to just say they can't find a girl at all.

Updates

+1 y

*As an example a woman on a dating site who is clearly overweight will describe herself as slender on 'body type' when clearly thats not the case.

[Theguyoverthere]

I've seen about an even share of insecure girls going on and on and on with the "I'm fat" bullshit to the point where I think they just want me to overly compliment them. But I've definitely seen dating profiles where they put their body type as "average" and I see them and think "average american.." I don't think I've ever seen a fatty put "slender" on their profile.

But if you're getting your ideas based off the dating profiles keep in mind they're "selling themselves"(not in the prostitution way) to potential dates. If they put a dating profile that says "I'm fat and I watch TV all day" no one will really message them. Positive vibes do bring positive results

[Bluemax]

I'm not sure that's true. I've heard a lot of women on GAG and in real life say that they're unattractive when I very much disagree.

We tend to tolerate men bragging more than women. A man who touts his looks is likely to be considered confident. I feel a woman who touts her looks is more likely to be perceived as stuck up.

[CommieDearest]

This is so true, I said on a "rate yourself" question that I sometimes feel like I look like shit but other times I think I look really good. The girl downvotes came faster than you can say "Don't be a hater dear." If I had said I felt ugly all the time they would have been like "omg no ur so pretty!"

[Bluemax]

@CommieDearest
Indeed. I have also noticed that women will say, "I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm a mess." or something similar as a cue for their boyfriends or husbands to disagree... vehemently. My wife did that from time to time. I liked complimenting her by disagreeing. However, I've known my share of women who do this every five minutes. Then it gets irritating.

[kheserthorpe]

@CommieDearest Quite interesting, reading the two of your answers, it really strikes me how much men are EXPECTED to say they look good, regardless of how they feel, and women are EXPECTED to display insecurity or modesty.

So there's likely a significant gap between how attractive men and women SAY they are vs. what they feel.

[CommieDearest]

@Khesorthorpe I totally agree with you on that. Women are supposed to be humble all the time, men are supposed to be confident. There are exceptions as with everything but generally speaking, yep.

[CommieDearest]

@Kheserthorpe I mess up your name in the same way every time. Apologies.

[kheserthorpe]

@CommieDearest it's okay. I know it's a subconscious revolt against my bourgeois support of chicago-school capitalism (perhaps laid over a reduced danish style social safety net, i am Canadian after all).

[CommieDearest]

@Kheserthorpe that's totally it, and I didn't fuck it up this time.

BlueMax- sorry for hijacking your opinion.

[Bluemax]

@CommieDearest
Oh, don't worry. Other GAGers would tell you two to get a room. However, I like to watch...

[Bluemax]

@kheserthorpe
I agree with much of what you said and it's interesting. Over time, however, repeated telling oneself that one looks good or bad starts to sink in. Sometimes the person starts to believe it.

[been_waiting]

Wow I've never seen that.
I think that it appears girls are pickier because guys approach girls- girls end up being asked out by several guys over a year, and she might say that she wasn't attracted to any of them or didn't like any of them. She's not being "too picky" its just out of the small pool of guys who asked her out, she didn't like any of them.
Guys only ask out girls they like, eliminating the "picky" factor because the only girls they ask out are ones they're attracted to. So they might complain that none of the girls that they asked out liked them, so appearance and such won't come up.

[been_waiting]

Guys interact with women on the basis of his attraction towards her (unless it's platonic.) So all the girls in his company are attractive to him.

Girls interact with guys based on HIS attraction towards her... attraction isn't mutual most of the time

[Asker]

So how attractive are the guys who desire you for a "relationship"?

I'm asking about your previous boyfriends not simply people you've hooked up with, because let's be honest any man no matter how attractive he may be is usually "easier" to hook up with than a woman.
So how attractive were the guys who actually stayed around?

[been_waiting]

I've never had a boyfriend actually.
Out of the 3 guys who have asked me out recently though, I'd say only one was attractive to me.

[Asker]

I guess 1/3 isn't bad, are you a virgin?

[Asker]

-been_waiting
If not then how attractive are the men who you have hooked up with?

[been_waiting]

Only been a couple guys but yes they were attractive.

[Asker]

Good thing they didn't stay, hopefully those guys you rejected find someone who can see inner beauty, : )

[Asker]

Kindness, generosity, and honesty that's the attraction element. What do you look like, honestly, I'll tell you what I look like?

[Asker]

How old are you?

[been_waiting]

Um, I didn't reject them solely because they weren't attractive. All of them were assholes. And I guess you don't mind dating someone you find unattractive then? Since you're shaming me for not dating someone unattractive.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to be negative towards you. I'm simply trying to point out that you've hooked up with attractive guys but you've never had a boyfriend. Why?

If you really are 18 or over then it doesn't sound appealing as a guy to hear that.

That tells me something about your decisions and what you "value" in a partner.

[been_waiting]

Clearly, you're not trying to avoid insulting me lol. I never had sex with those guys. But I'm not gonna go into that.

I've never had a boyfriend and I am 18 as of last month. If that's a turn off, okay. I'm not worried about it. It takes a really long time for me to like people. I've actually only seriously liked one guy my whole life, and I don't see the point of dating someone you aren't crazy about. That's what 85% of high school relationships are... just dating someone because they asked and they're attractive and you're bored.

I guess you think I have shitty values? I want to be with someone I'm very serious about and that I connect with and that I can see being with for years. I think i've got my values in place. I'm also incredibly shy so I guess that's a factor that prevents me from meeting more people.

[Asker]

I won't get into a lengthy discussion but they so seem to be misplaced. I think having good values helps you find a more successful relationship.

You'll still come up fail from time to time
but at least if you find someone that is compatible in those strong values then it's more likely to last and be a happy relationship.
You said you hooked up though and that does imply some "form" of sex.

[been_waiting]

Message me lol.

[Asker]

But honey, we can talk right here, : )

[been_waiting]

Okay.
Well on both occasions I was drunk and I don't drink anymore. It was just a really stupid period of my life and I've moved past that and I don't mess with alcohol at all anymore, and I avoid people who do. So yeah I've made some mistakes, but your mistakes don't reflect your core values, goals, ambitions, or ideals. If a guy in the future won't accept me because of the mistakes I have made then he's just not for me :) I'm sorry if all you are the type of guy who can only see a girl as a sum of her sexual adventures, because there's much more to people than that. :)

[Asker]

You're making some pretty deep assumptions. No I do not make decisions about whether a woman is right for me or not based on those things you said. That's not true of me at all. However I do prefer to be with someone who makes "smart" decisions.

Hmm... Alcohol, : (
You're 18, I'll PM you but I won't respond if you try something "shady".

[been_waiting]

You've been judgmental this whole conversation, and even when I told you what I value you basically told me I don't have those values.

"Hmm alcohol :(" yeah, and I said I'm done with it? And "try something shady"? Lol what kind of person do you think I am.

[Mgoods]

Apparently on a scale of 1-10, on average, we rate ourselves 2 points higher than what we actually are. I don't remember the source of these particular stats, or the study, I just remember I was rather depressed about the whole thing when I read it lol.
I would question the validity of these results, but somehow it seems true...

[Asker]

Yeah not all do it but many do. As with men.

[Mgoods]

Well the study was inclusive of men and women and said the same for both.

[TonyNoTiger]

Women usually overrate themselves because they're all gassed up from untruthful friends, and guys trying to have sex with them.

Men on the other hand also overrate themselves i. e penis size, height, physical.

[Asker]

Actually I am straight up, I'll tell a person my stats, I ain't packing, LOL!

[CommieDearest]

Honestly I tend to think the opposite haha.
etlock.com/.../...s-What-Men-See-In-The-Mirror.jpg

[Bluemax]

Funny!

[Jibaku]

Thats me in the mirror
It's not real but it's fun to pretend ;o

[Asker]

@CommieDearest
This is true of men but when it comes to women in the states I think the two women in the top mirror need to be reversed.

[CommieDearest]

Yes I got that from the nature of your question. I was saying I think the opposite. HOWEVER @Kheserthorpe brought up an interesting point in what people SAY and how they feel down below on another opinion.

[bubbletrouble]

Took the post right out of my mind.

[TWINCITYDEZRAY]

Actually most women are pretty insecure about their looks. But what they over rate is what kind of guy they deserve. They think they should have a top notch guy when the girl ain't shit. That's where the insanity lies. They have been taught this by the media and their ho mothers.

[AutumnBloom]

I generally say that I know I'm not ugly but I don't feel attractive either but I'm working on it.
Maybe it's the girls you surround yourself around?

[Asker]

Girl, hush. You are too freakin beautiful 😘

[Negrodamus]

i see most women on here downplaying their looks, but on dating sites, they'll sometimes exaggerate it. I really thing venue has a lot to do with what a woman will say about how she looks. On here, downplaying your looks is more socially acceptable than the reverse is.

[molan]

Both men and women are both over and underrate obviously, it's all about self-confidence.

That said, I'll have experienced more insecurity's with women than men, so if anything I would say it's the other way around - but that is only my personal view, it not objectively.

[Anonymous]

I actually see the opposite more. Women seem to be under rating themselves as supposed to men overrating themselves. Both men and women have insecurities but I think its more visible from the female perspectives.

[harakiri]

Do they? I swear I see the opposite. Bleh men thinking their god's gift to women and gorgeous women who are so scared about not being seen as decent-looking.

[RationalMale]

... and that is how average looking guys end up with female 8's, lol.

[kittykatg]

Really I usually find that both sexes underrated themselves. It's kind of sad.

[Dbt25677]

I don't underrate myself.
I'm a 1.3 and I'm ok with that.

[justaregularguyy]

I feel like a lot of girls say they are ugly just so they can be called pretty! I mean I used to actually think I had unique good looks but I don't know I think I am way too hard on myself now.

[Anonymous]

i think most women know exactly how attractive they really are: not at all...

its a self defense mechanism that most people carry out.

For guys: they "all" act like they are getting hot tail even though they are the worst ( inside and outside ) with no real confidence but they all like to pretend. Thats just people. I think only the dumbest people actually believe they are great lol

[justanotheruser]

You're talking about standards they set for their partners. It's a complete different story.

[kangy]

Don't think so. . both genders have insecurities especially women

[Jackblue]

Women talk pridefully to disguise how insecure they are. Men talk humbly to disguise how insecure their not.

[Kshppatel]

I feel like some hot people say they are unattractive just to be modest.

[Dbt25677]

It changes from person to person, but I'd say both underrate themselves equally.