Girl rejected me and keeps texting me b/c she says she enjoys talking to me and I'm sweet, but won't even hang with me just as friends, advice needed?

[therealissuehere]

So there's this girl that I tried to be in a relationship with. I took her out once and we texted every day for months, we stayed up late, we said things no normal friends would say to each other. She convinced me to go to a concert with her and her friends. We enjoy practically all the same stuff. She is everything I want in a girl and she knows she lead me on when she finally broke the news to me she's now dating some 6'2" (I'm 6'1") football player that she was friends with when she was little. I gave up because I felt so broken, but the day she saw me after that she starts texting me again. I respond because I legitimately really enjoy talking to her. I've asked her multiple times if she thinks we could ever lead to something more and not once have I gotten a straight answer. Regardless of what I say too she keeps texting me, but (and we go to school together) when I asked her why she didn't want to hang at school she says she couldn't handle what my asshole friends and her asshole friends would say because everyone knows something happened between us. When I talk to my guy friends, they say prove myself the better man (whatever that means) and when I talk to my girl friends they say they can tell how much I really like her and they say she must care for me a lot to keep talking, etc but have no clue what to do. Her boyfriend doesn't go to school with us by the way and to me it seems her biggest issue was not knowing me that long because she's only been with people she's known for a long time. She also has a bit of trust issues.

Whats really confusing is she's more of a tomboy than a girly girl and so she has plenty of guy friends so I don't know if I'm just over analyzing things. She's also a bit awkward, as am I.

Whats really troubling is she's told me, trying to comfort me, that she never has and never will love her bf, she's just trying to have fun as her last year being a child.

I guess I'm wondering what you think her intentions are at this point.

[TheatreNerd]

okay! my turn to help you! honestly, she's probably just as confused as you! she liked you y'all hung out and then this other guy asks her out and she's lonely and wants a relationship so she said yes! now she's in this relationship which is going good but she really likes you and would like to be with you but she's afraid that things won't turn out or won't be as good as it is with the other guy and if she gives him up for you and finds out that she should have stayed with him she will never be able to get him back and that freaks her out bc she finally has this good thing going on and she doesn't know what to do with what she has: you wanting to be with her and the other guy obviously being with her! so what you need to do is be perfect! do things that you'd do if you were dating her and just be all around perfect! okay? show her what it'd be like to be with you and try to be better than the other guy! ask her about her day, support her hopes and dreams, protect her but don't overprotect her! just be there for her! maybe even try little things like if she's having a rough day leave her a little note in her locker saying that she's beautiful and no matter what kinda crap she's dealing wiht, you know she will get through it and that you're always there for her! or if she had a bad day the day before, get there first thing and leave a little gift like her fave candy or something and a note! you can even sign them with a pen name! (obviously make sure she's gonna know it's you! haha) this would be a good idea if she's as uncomfortable with people placing you and her together at school! that way, she knows and you know and it can't cause any problems between y'all and ur friends because they have no idea who it is! basically, take a possible relationship (minus the courtship physicality) out for a test drive! i wish you the best! <3 go get her tiger! ;)

[therealissuehere]

omg thank you that is really helpful, like that makes a lot of sense. You're actually awesome :D, best of luck with your own endeavors

[therealissuehere]

lol it says too soon to make most helpful comment, but I disagree

[TheatreNerd]

awe! thanks babe! and don't listen to those guys! trust me! she does like you! she's just confused! ik how she feels... im in a very very similar position... aka my previous two questions! lol! just go for it and see what happens! best of luck babe! :)

[therealissuehere]

Thanks so much! I owe ya one ;D

[Anonymous]

She's is stuck between a rock and a hard place, I would recommend you to move on, I doubt you can because it's not easy just to move on, avoid the tragic ending and some pain, my friend went through the same thing

[therealissuehere]

hmmm... true

[rjroy3]

Only read the title.
Stop texting her. That's all you need to know

[therealissuehere]

Well, I'm not even initiating, and she's still a good friend that would seem quite rude?

[rjroy3]

You still like her and if you want to truly be her friend, for both your sakes you need to tell her you can't talk to her for awhile. Give you time to move on and get over your feelings, because right now you're just the friend that wants more and it is torture. She may not see it like this, but she is using you for her emotional needs. She knows how you feel and she wants you as a shoulder to lean on. That's not fair to you. You need to stop texting her, she won't even bother to hangout with you as friends, so would it really change your life? She's not in your life, that won't change.
You don't have to be a dick about it, just be honest. You need to get over your emotions for the friendship and to do that, you need her to leave you alone for awhile.

[therealissuehere]

hmmm... you present a good point, no matter how much I don't like it its got sense to it.

[rjroy3]

I know it sucks and sucks to hear, but what your relationship is right now is she texts you when she wants to feel good about herself. And you jump at the chance to be her white knight, because you still feel like she's a part of your life this way and then she stops texting when she feels better. You're really offered nothing and in the end it will only hurt your confidence.

[rjroy3]

The best thing you can do for yourself is let her know you can't text her for awhile. Don't be a dick, just say it's so you can get your emotions straight. Then go out with other girls. Date around. Then when you can honestly say that you're not in live with this girl, feel free to hit her up in the future. You left on good terms so she'd have no reason to hate you. She might even miss you by that point. But again, that's for being her friend

[therealissuehere]

That makes sense it does, but you have to understand I go to a fairly small school and I'm not a social person I can't really date around and I see her most of the day, plus I'm a very reserved person that frankly doesn't really want to date a lot of people. Maybe there's a good chance it will hurt myself to keep talking to her, but I feel like I'd rather do that, I don't really have a lot to lose.

[rjroy3]

That's not good for you, but it's your decision. Just don't let yourself get angry or resentful if you decide to stick around.

[therealissuehere]

Well thank you very much, you've been very helpful regardless of what I decide to do.

[TheatreNerd]

darling can I just say you are too perfect? soo polite even though you know you aren't going to take his advice! <3 that about you! okay, so the point you should take from "rjroy3" is that you shouldn't invest all of your feelings in this girl! definitely keep your options open and don't just jump at any bait she might give you! my advice earlier was to be like perf right? well, take that and be her knight in shining armor! but not when she's baiting you! does that make sense? like don't come around with your white horse if she's been like reserved and is suddenly begging for your attention or whatever! ya catch my drift? I mean ya can always text me with specific sitches if need be! ;)

[rjroy3]

what she said pretty much, I've just found out the best way not to invest all your energy into one girl is to date other people or at the very least focus your energy somewhere else like work hobbies And friends

[pr3ttybr0wn]

ur just someone to talk to when she's bored

[Blueeyes81]

You're just a friend. Simple as that.

[therealissuehere]

hmmm... I don't think things are quite so black and white, would you care to elaborate?