I've heard so many people say that "X is such a great guy or girl, she's/he's always there for me and loves me unconditionally. But I really don't feel a spark for her/him, I thought I could be with her/him forever but I realise I can't do it. So I broke things up with her/him."
I don't understand, what is this Chemistry in love that they are referring to? Is it related to lust, or is it the feeling of being the same? I don't believe that it matters that much because nobody can be lovesick forever. And I also believe that if you are with a person long enough, you'll have an affection for him/her too, isn't that just natural?
I am dating a girl and we both don't have chemistry for each other. But we want to date each other. We're putting in our due effort. And we're working towards the same goals in life together. And despite not naturally having chemistry, when we try our best to make things fun, we do feel emotionally connected, if just for a few hours.
So why so much insisting on having "chemistry" in a relationship? We can definitely do without it.
Most Helpful Guy
Sorry that this is controversial, but if you don't feel chemistry, I don't see how you can be in love. Chemistry comes from the heart and is wholly natural. Many societal relationships come from the head, ie, I'm with this person through convenience, because they're a good match in terms of job prospects or similar interests, or because they offer me security. They're relationships based on societal conditioning, people, friends, family, whom tell you would make a good match. Many (not all) familial relationships, again in my experience, fall under the afore banner. They're relationships out of obligation. There is often no deep chemistry there. They're not people you would hang around with if not out of social bounding.
Relationships that aren't built on societal notions of love, can truly soar. I've said it before, but I've felt some the greatest, most transcendental and spiritual experiences of love, often with complete strangers. To the extent of feeling a pulsating energetic rhythm in my chest.
Having said that, just because you can't formally recognise chemistry, does not mean that chemistry is not there. Perhaps there is. There must be something attracting you to one another.
Lust is not chemistry, nor is it love. Not that I'm condemning sex, I just think it's a conflating influence. Ideally, you'd be deeply compatible on emotional, physical and spiritual levels. Whether such ideals are attainable, or even desirable to be sought out, is another question.
"Only one percent of people know a little bit deeper. Poets, painters, musicians, dancers, singers have a sensitivity that they can feel beyond the body. They can feel the beauties of the mind, the sensitivities of the heart, because they live on that plane themselves. But a musician, a painter, a poet, lives on a different plane. He does not think, he feels. And because he lives in his heart, he can feel the other person's heart. That is ordinarily called love. It is rare.2