He lied about being on Tinder. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy for over two months. We started sleeping together about 2 weeks ago. Anyway, about a month into dating, he said he'd deleted the app. Now, I still have the app on my phone but I never use it and forget its there because I'm dating him. He's never asked me if I still have it, and even if he did, I wouldn't deny it. Anyway, the other day I logged in to change some settings on my profile and hide my profile card from being seen, when I noticed his profile bio has changed and still logs his location. We've never raised exclusivity, but we're really close and have feelings for each other so I'm just letting things progress organically. He's also not the cheating type, and neither am I.

I've also supported him through some serious crap recently, so this comes as a bit of a blow. Should I raise this with him? And why did he lie to me?

Updates

+1 y

Update - we met on Tinder.

[mwin2030]

In my opinion: If he will lie about something as simplistic and small as whether or not he's still on Tinder and whether or not he deleted the app or not deleted the app then he's untrustworthy and will mislead you when it comes to something larger and more important.

Granted, people make mistakes and he may just have been embarrassed about getting caught or when you brought it up he may have just shrugged it off telling you he deleted it, but then didn't get around to actually completing the deed; there are several variations we could apply to this. However, I still hold with the belief that if someone will lie regarding one issue they will lie about another. And given you're in a relationship together, he should not be lying to you about anything. That's not how you build a lasting relationship together.

In my opinion, you should confront him regarding the lie and then judge his reaction. He could apologize and make steps to mend this breach of trust with you or he could attempt to shrug it off like it isn't important and you shouldn't be worried about whether he's on this social media site or not, especially since by your own words you've both never brought up being exclusive with each other, but either way, whatever his reaction is, or some place in-between, you'll need to reflect on his answer and decide whether or not this is someone you can trust with your heart and not hurt you or betray you in the end.

You deserve to be happy and with someone you can trust with all that you are. This is my opinion and belief and if you come to the conclusion you want that too and you're not getting that from the guy you're with then, again, you need to reconsider whether or not you want to stay in a committed relationship with him or if this is a breaking point for you, a limit you don't want to cross, and you need then to break it off and seek your happiness elsewhere. Follow your heart. Follow your instincts and do what you feel is best for you. End of story.

[burlen]

You could confront him with for lie. Whether you should confront him depends on the shared understanding of the status of the relationship. The fact that you both have the dating app on your phones after a month of dating suggests the status of your relationship lacks clarity or at least one party lacks clarity.

Partners in a new relationship take a while to grasp the actual status of their relationship, particularly if the relationship started in a non-vanilla courtship. You both would have to determine if the relationship is exclusive, friends-with-benefits, or just-for-fun, and then move on from there.

[Asker]

I made it clear from the beginning to him I wasn't after a fling, and he said the same. As for me being still on Tinder - I can't stress how much I don't take that app seriously. I just thought Id struck it lucky with him on there. He's one of the few guys I've dated I've really clicked with. What is serious to me; is being lied too. And he knows this about me. And I've supported him with some real shit recently - he even gave me the option of leaving if it all became too much but I stuck around and he seemed really thankful for that.

[emmabee11]

As you said it's not exclusive so why are you treating it like it is? but will he ever want it to be exclusive? but it's far too early to be asking that right now, if he's sleeping with other women then he's aloud to because he isn't in a relationship with you but honestly id be careful he may just want sex with you and that's it, honesty these "dating sites" are full of losers, pervs, weirdos and psycos, i've never had good experiences on them, people i know never have, a girl i'm friends with on FB who i get along with she went out with a guy from Plenty Of Fish and it turned out he was a complete psycopath, he was a hacker too which he failed to ever mention, he hacked into her email and took over it knowing she had photos of family on it she wanted to get from it so she had to just forget it and create a new email, she had to wipe all her computer because well... how else could he of got into her email than thorugh her computer? although he may of just guessed the security questions but stll... you never know... he also stalked her, kept creating new accounts on FB to stalk her, put photos of them both together on FB and on Plenty Of Fish saying she's his girlfriend when he doesn't care at all... doing it just to taunt her because he knew she kinda had feelings for him, he played it real well for while. I've also almost got into trouble because of a guy i met on Tagged , we were just friend online and that's it but one day he started things up and called the cops making something i said out like t was 100 times worse than it was. These sites are just full of weirdos and people just wanting to hook-up, they aren't safe at all so if you contnue to use them be really really careful.

[emmabee11]

I'll tell you what i've told a few people in similar questions too, there asre some guys out there where it's not enough just to be physically attracted, they will give you amazing sex in order to make you have feelings for them and women tend to fall quickly for men that are really confident and self-assured like that who know exactly what they are doing in bed (been there), they like the rush of making a girl fall for them because they know you wouldn't ever hold back and let him do whatever he wants to you and you do whatever you want to him, some guys like that are really sick and evil and want it both ways, a girlfriend AND a piece on the side and they can be cheaters, some are just realy greedy so he may be that type of guy.

[btbc92]

He lied because he only wanted sex from you and thats all. He isn't even thinking about being in a relationship with you. You was just a hookup and he has the account still because he doesn't want to give up the account if things weren't going to work out for HIM. That's all. You should have never had sex with him that quickly, but that was your choice. There shouldn't even be a reason for lying except for that. It is your choice to still be with him.

What you need to do now is get a STD test and everything else done, because you have no idea where he's been. And yes you need to talk to him about this. This is your life, your relationship with this guy. It is imperative that you do. You should have made this very clear in the beginning.

[invisiblewolf]

Well, if you do bring it up, he's going to wonder why you're still on it too. I think he said that so that you know he's not looking around for people. The questions is, do you want to be exclusive? and are you looking around for other people with tinder while dating him? If you want to be exclusive, don't bring up that he lied. Instead, say you want to be exclusive. If you aren't exclusive, it shouldn't actually matter in the first place. Yes, he did lie, but I don't think it's worth it if you aren't exclusive anyway if that makes sense. I understand you feel betrayed, and frankly I would too. But right now he doesn't actually owe you anything as it is :/

[Gnana]

I would've deleted the app once I started a relationship. I think he might want to have his options open. I don't think that he's serious with you, sorry. Otherwise he would've deleted it already. And lying? That's a no go, because that makes it even more suspicious.
I honestly would ask for an explanation and if not, I would break it off.

[madhatters4]

i think the fact that he lied about it is a problem. lying is always a problem and when the issue at hands seems to suggest that he's still looking for other people that is even more problematic.

now since you guys aren't exclusive i think it's fine for him to be still looking around but the lying about his activity on Tinder is not cool

[Asker]

I suppose its one of those situations of him playing it safe and keeping his options open, but this hurts because I stuck around and supported him through some serious shit recently. He even gave me the option of leaving if it all came too much but I stuck by him, and he appreciated that. We started sleeping together after that all died down. I have no high expectations of Tinder - its just an App and I don't take it too seriously. I thought I'd struck lucky with him though. He was the only one there that I really clicked with. So confused.

[nakeli]

Ask him is he still on Tinder. Look at his face. Some men are great liars. He probably have it open to continue to get in touch with women. Don't ever think a man is not a cheating type unless you have known him for many years. Even if that, some may cheat and not get caught. I'm sure things are going good. You don't know him, he doesn't know you. It is always good and heavy in the beginning. Never let a man know that he has your heart or he will run with it and smash it. Date other men. You don't have to sleep with them. Until he tells you that it is just you and him officially

[RedRain]

Maybe he changed his bio short after you guys started seeing each other, and maybe he's also logged in to see if your profile was still there? You won't know until you talk with him about it. If you guys want to start a relationship you'll both have to delete the app.

[Brokenheartedx]

He's with u but he's still actively using tinder means he's still looking... if after 8 weeks he doesn't know if you're for him then it's best to break it off.. if it were serious both of you would of deleted it by now.. the fact you haven't speaks volumes

[Anonymous]

Steps you need to take:

1. Get an STD check

2. Go NC

3. Why do you still have tinder?

And maybe he saw your tinder profile and thought u were fucking around him as well and came to the conclusion your relationship was an open relationship.

[Asker]

We met on Tinder. I still have it because I forget its there.

[10dsw]

Didn't you ask this exact same question recently lol?

He could have lied for many reasons. He could be a player, he could want to keep his options open in case you dump him but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by lying about deleting the app... the list goes on.

You're asking for exclusivity way too soon. 2 months is not long enough to ask for exclusivity. He is allowed to date others and so are you.

Cheers!

[Anonymous]

No one really knows a person in two months.. Rather if he's the "cheating" kind or not, only time will tell. If he is active on that site, then it's possible he is keeping his options open. If you are asking these questions trying to gauge him, then I'd be blunt and ask, "are we in a relationship?", then if he says yes, tell him you BOTH need to delete your profiles.

[Anonymous]

If he's lying about that, I doubt
"but we're really close and have feelings for each other"
^^^ that part is as true for him as it is for you. If a guy likes a girl that much, A- he won't be fuckin other girls or trying to meet other girls, and B- wouldn't be such a liar.
He's not in it how you're in it.

[Rosemary805]

tell him your friend saw him on there so you went and looked or that you went to hide your account and looked at his and saw that he's active on there.

[Ladyslipper]

If he lied about it then he will just continue lying about other things and most likely if he's still talking to girls on there he will eventually cheat on you

[pooper89]

Confront him. If he's still looking around, what does that say?

[Sshinners89]

I just had the same thing happen today and instead of accepting what he did was wrong. He gas lighted me instead and said I was crazy and that I need to go to therapy... men are lying assholes.

[blustar]

Dump his ass with that swiftness

[Anonymous]

You do know Tinder is just for fucking, right?

[Hawaiikai]

Fuck him