A coworker and I had a first date 3wks ago I thought went well. He hugged me goodnight andasked that I text him when I got home. He said he had fun and should do it again some time. When I didn't hear from him for a week I texted to ask how his weekend went and he responded and asked if I was around the weekend coming up. I said I was free and he said "Great! I'll definitely be around too Ill let you know about Saturday I have to work I think." and I said "Great! Definitely let me know if you're free Saturday!"
Not much communication during the week he texted something once and liked one fb pic. Saturday arrives and I dont hear anything so 5pm I text:
Me: Hey! I wasn't really sure if we had plans today or not? I didn't know if you were busy with work but I figured I should at least get in touch with you and ask.
Him: Hii. I'm sorry, I meant to reach out.. I was sick as a dog last night, had to go to work this morning and now Im back in bed :(
*(Here I think If you knew you were sick since yesterday why didn't you text me and I had to text myself 5pm the day of to find out?)
Me: Okay, no problem
Him: Sorry! This thing came out of nowhere. Hows your weekend going so far
Me: Its okay, really. And its good so far I spent most of the day with my roommate
Him: Nice.. It's been so sh*tty out all weekend. So unmotivating haha
Me: Haha yeah pretty much. Anyway, I hope you feel better have a great rest of the weekend
Him: Thanks! You as well
I think I was a bit cold but I thought him not letting me know he was planning on canceling was a bit disrespectful and I perceived it as him blowing me off so I was trying to be polite but clearly not okay with it. I wouldn't have cared if he canceled if he had at least TOLD me/offered to reschedule but he didn't so I took it as disinterest but now Im wondering if I made it a bigger deal than it is? I haven't heard from him all week now. I like him, Im just disappointed at this and I feel embarassed I wasn't nicer about it. What do you think?
Most Helpful Guy
Sounds like he has 'working too much indifference'. Ie his activities take up so much of his schedule that basically any notions of a girlfriend are a bonus and some fun. If he was interested, he would, and will, put in more effort. I think you should distance yourself unless he shows a more spirited interest.
And you're right, I think your passive aggressiveness may have affected your ability to be sympathetic. The thing is, you want one thing (him), and the evidence is showing something else (his indifference or busyness). If you try and fight the reality of his signals, it is always going to lead to less than optimal behaviour... That's just my take anyway, what do I know!1
Most Helpful Girl
To me, everything you've said sounds perfectly acceptable, and really nice even. I would like to say a couple of things though. When I've really liked a person or them, me, it may be a few days, but there is usually a lot more contact or at least, it's been like you'd expect after a good date with us making plans and following through, unless you know FOR SURE their job or life is crazy busy like they are on call or work long hours, etc.
To me, it sounds like, you aren't making a big deal of anything here, but rather he really isn't all that interested. Three weeks to say one or two things... If you're still interested, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt in that maybe, just maybe he did get sick and plans just slipped his mind, but rather than you continue trying to be the sole one contacting him, I'd wait and see if he tries to contact you or make plans on his own because you have clearly shown you're still interested. If you don't see anything, no calls, texts, or signs that he's still interested... probably time to move on to someone who really wants to have some form of dating relationship with you.0