If your boyfriend threatens to hit you, but then later says "i would never actually do it," how should you take this?

[Anonymous]

i said something he "didnt like," and then he asked me if i've ever gotten hit before and if i'd like to get hit. i told him the next day that what he said really scared me. he replied saying that he would never actually do it and that he didn't mean it and that he loves me too much to ever hurt me, its just he was angry. i forgave him but his threats are still lingering in my mind.

[SammyGurl]

You should break up with him, this is totally unacceptable behavior, especially since he was so out of control that it scared you. Abuse is a progressive thing. He's emotionally abusing you; I'm certain you know now, is as bad as physical abuse.
Do you have a brother (or two) or large male friend (or three) who could take Mr Psycho aside and lay the law down to him, (even if you've already broke up). Who will make him understand in an intimidating way if he ever looks at you in a mean way they will knock it off his face!!! If you've already broke up with him, then your male buds can make him understand that he needs to stay away from you, because if you don't call the police, they will make him wish you had! (My brothers totally would have done this for me.)

[Anonymous]

Get rid of him. Granted he only threatened you and that's only words, but it's only a matter of time before words become actions. What if he just skips the threats and goes straight for the punch the next time you make him angry? Then you're possibly embarking on a viscious cycle of him crying about how sorry he is and how much he loves you only to do it again and again.

He's lucky he isn't me. I spent five years in the military and have no problem with popping a man right in the face if I feel I'm being threatened.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I wouldn't be okay with this and will take it rather seriously. The type of person to even imagine hitting their partner let alone vocalizing it seems really off to me :/ Even during arguments or fights, you should still show love and kindness towards your partner (unless of course they cheated on you or did something really terrible) and what he did/said is not showing any sign of love and kindness towards you.

[Asker]

@niknac09 could you please stop posting this comment on this question's replies please. its not related to this question whatsoever. thank you

[KaGilliam]

I don't know what you said. But I don't take threats. Uh-uh!!! If that was me, I would go straight to his house with a bat and knock the crap out of him. Don't ever let him threaten you like that!!! SERIOUSLY, he needs to control his anger. And don't let him scare you. DO NOT BE SCARED OF HIM. All I can say is to just be cautious of him.

[Twin2814]

thats bullshit what he said. a threat can hurt just as much. why the hell would he ask you if youve ever been hit before... and then say he didn't like what you said.

its called freedom of speech and
he is not some athoritative figure that can control what you say.

thats bullshit. for him to try to assume control is crazy and childish. if i were you... id confront him and have a serious talk with him.

if he does it again. call someone. father... brother... uncle... mother... police. i dont care who it is. but you need to get away from him.

sorry for writing a novel. just the thought of relationship abuse just infuriate s me.

[Alexcc]

Sometimes I'm about to go to sleep and I read a question like this and have to stay and reply, what you just described it's textbook abusive behavior, leave this guy at once, at once!!, there's no love in hurting people, and in the future he'll try to make you feel like it's your fault for making him angry, people do not threat loved ones, make sure you share this with your family or close friends, he will try to isolate you and keep you from telling more people, he threatened you!! I don't know you, but it pains me to read what you're going through, so save yourself from this situation, nothing good will come from it

[notallthere98]

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
Get out of that relationship now. Seriously, that is a huge marker that he is physically or at least emotionally abusive. I've known people who've been in physically abusive relationships, and that is exactly how it starts. He's grooming you by slowly showing you that side of him until you excuse what he does no matter what. Seriously, PLEASE get out of that relationship before it's too late. Abusive people will tell you they love you to guilt you into staying, or to make you believe that they aren't that bad.

[heath2000]

I been in the same situation basically... I had a boyfriend and I also did or said something he didn't like so he threatened to hit me but he never did.. he basically just slaps my butt when I do something he doesn't like or he gently hits me

[notallthere98]

How does someone gently hit you?

[heath2000]

just on the leg or arm a gentle slap most of the time

[notallthere98]

That still sound sketchy, even without knowing more details. Is it done jokingly or does he do it like it's a reprimand?

[Asker]

but he has never actually hurt you?

[heath2000]

maybe a few times for a few minutes but not severely on purpose

[notallthere98]

That's abusive. He's still hitting you and hurting you. Even if he says he doesn't mean to hurt you, that's just him making excuses so he can keep doing it

[Curious625]

Best to leave if you can. Those words should never be said to someone you love especially over petty things. Words lead to actions. It's not good enough to say sorry or take them back after the fact. Words can hurt just as much as physical abuse.

[writing_essays]

Break up with him. Some guys are really nice to you at the start of a relationship and as you become closer to them or move in with them they become more and more abusive.

[Izumiblu]

Tell him if he ever threatens you again, even accidentally or even in jest you walk. Then do it when he does. Get right up in his face when you tell him, let him know you aren't afraid of him.

[Izumiblu]

@niknac09 can you post this as a question?

[niknac09]

It won't let me still :/

[Izumiblu]

@niknac09 Whats happening?

[niknac09]

It's saying I can only post 2 questions and something about closing... I can't close them tho

[Izumiblu]

@niknac09 I see, so you've posted to your 2 question limit and you can't close them until after 24 hours. Wait your 24 hours, go close a question and re-ask. Id say he's interested, yeah.

[rubyrose83]

Yeah, he "would never actually do it" cause I'd be gone

[bellaf666]

At best, he's a piece of shit. At worse, he's a violent psychopath. What he said is not something to be taken lightly. In any case I'd dump him.

[bellaf666]

People show their true colors in moments of anger. If his first thought was to threaten you then I'm sorry but it wouldn't surprise me the least to hear in the future that he eventually did beat you.

[SongBird3]

Run! Next time it won't be just a threat. Threatening someone is considered assult

[laleahh33]

Leave him. Quick. He sounds like a psychopath in the making.

[Jockfulcrop]

if this is his firat time and he said that he'll never say that again then I would break up with him if he says it again

[morgan27]

Id be scared too! If you really trust him stay but if he has said other questionable things I think its best you leave.

[JohnDoe3000]

Actions speak louder than words, so that's how you should take it.

[JohnDoe3000]

@niknac09

Yeah, I'd say he was enjoying himself, he probably likes you, or at least finds you attractive.

[JohnDoe3000]

Not sure why I got downvoted for my original opinion. To clarify: in my view him threatening was the action, him afterwards saying he'd never actually do that was the cheap talk.

[Aduxx]

I dont think you should be with him. Many abusive relationships start this way

[Aduxx]

for example - if your boyfriend hit you and then later asked for your forgiveness and said he'd never do this again , would you really believe him?

[Asker]

he's never actually been abusive before though, this was the first time

[Asker]

*first time i saw him like this

[Aduxx]

I'd definitely talk about this more with him

[Aduxx]

I'd tell him that I'm scared about this and talk this through

[Decentguy]

maybe he said that in anger, but he never really meant that

[Blitzkrieger]

Empty threats are usually a display of powerlessness.

[jman46241]

That's instant grounds for dismissal..

[beachflamingo]

That's a huge red flag!

[egi22]

He was very angry, I guess.

[ouzaki]

I run away from him. That is a Turn Off

[EmiDork]

A threat like that sounds fucking psycho