Boyfriend threatened to hit me, not sure what to do?

Question

So, we had a big fight recently because of his refusal to compromise, he changed his passwords and pin after catching me "snooping", which I don't agree is a thing in realtionships as you should be open about all things so he changed all his paswords and his pin and I asked him to compromise by not changing his pin and trusting me but he refused and we got in a big fight and he told me not to be such a damn snoopy controller and JUST IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT I tried to slap him by reflex, and he caught my wrist and said "don't you EVER try and hit me again" and had this really intense look on his face so I came back with "yeah or what?" and he said something like "because if it ever lands the returning blow will be something you don't like" and I said "you'd hit me?" and he said "only if you hit me first, remember that" and now i'm a bit scared and don't know what to do?

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

Here I am wondering what on earth could lead people hitting in a relationship? Seriously how does a disagreement lead to invading people's space and aleady getting physical? Really? I don't think that's a reflex reaction. Hitting in anger or trying to is still a choice.

If he ends up hitting back instead of leaving right away, neither of you are right for the other. It means both of you are toxic and shouldn't be in any relationship. Someone should be the bigger person and leave (if not him then you), not escalate things. As for you, I don't think I have too much sympathy. You title is misleading in comparing to the story.

sassy_receptor · Accepted Answer

i mean you threatened to hit him. that’s not okay. i grew up in a household where my father taught me to never let a man hit me and told my brothers to never hit a woman. i believe that and will teach my future son (s) the same things. but i will also tell my daughter to never hit a man.

there is no reason why people should be putting their hands on each other. it’s disgusting and abusive from both sides. you both were in the wrong here, especially you OP.

Wood-Carver777 · Accepted Answer

I think no one should be raising their hand with the intention physically assault another person. It seems that both you do not trust each other and if that's the case, why stay in such a relationship that produces negative feedback than positive response?

It would be best for you to leave the relationship and move on with your life as this relationship is at it's early stages of toxicity. Good luck.

sirderpsalot123 · Accepted Answer

You don't get to start the violence just because you didn't get your way and then try to justify your bad behavior by saying that it was "in heat of the moment"

He could have handled it better. He should have just broken up with you.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

I don't think it's right for him to hit harder than what you would have hit. But other than that, I would say you're the toxic one here. You should not be snooping or expecting that it's okay to expect a partner's password. It clearly sounds like you don't trust him to begin with if you're snooping.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Okay, so if I'm understanding the story correctly; you overstepped your boyfriend's boundaries, he called you out on it, you lashed out at him and tried to hit him, he stopped you and then told you that he would respond if you did hit him... I"m sorry, but how do you think you were in the right at any point of this situation? You have been the aggressor every step of the way.

Your boyfriend didn't threaten to hit you, he has set a boundary with you.

admles · Answer

You tried to hit him, he prevented it.

He warned you never to do it again, or he would defend himself.

What you should do is let him break up with you.

IT IS NEVER OKAY TO RESPOND TO VERBAL WITH PHYSICAL.

You are in the wrong, 100%.

Anonymous · Answer

So you invade his privacy

Give him shit about him standing up for himself

YOU take a swing at him

YOU tried to strike him

and HE’S the bad guy?

You’re a terrible human being. I hope a bird shits on your head. I hope little half-digested berries get smeared and matted into your hair. Your behavior is truly reprehensible.

Anonymous · Answer

Umm.. so you're telling me that you tried to slap him first after going through his phone and he decided that he would not tolerate that behaviour from you and would instead give you a taste of your own medicine. And now you have the audacity to say you're scared? I'm sorry, you were wrong and you need to apologize. HE SHOULD BE SCARED OF YOU!! You violated his privacy and tried to hit him. If he did that to you what would you do?

KHBOO · Answer

When I was growing up that was normal it took me a long time to figure out that’s not a healthy relationship. When you’re having a heated argument take a break then come back to it when everyone is calm and I know it’s really hard sometimes to walk away but sometimes that’s the best thing you can do. Any violence on both side is not healthy for you or him. Hope everything works out.
You learn from your mistakes

Shamalien · Answer

Women, listen up. YOU WANNA HIT SOMEBODY YOU CAN FUCKING GET HIT, UNDERSTAND? you’re scared of someone defending themselves? You should be afraid of yourself. You attack people. Think about that.

TrueConfection · Answer

What to do? My advice is to not threaten him with bodily harm.

spartan55 · Answer

Fuck you are WAY too immature to be in a relationship.

dustybiker · Answer

No healthy relationship threatens violence. End it before it actually happens, next.

dudeinohio · Answer

Just don't hit him. He'd be reacting in self defense. You were in the wrong trying to hit him in the first place. You sound like a borderline abuser for that and for requiring his password.

Anonymous · Answer

Time to go... violence in any manner is not acceptable. Do not let him beg8n a cycle of "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again". Need to go...

Fireguy17 · Answer

Time to leave before he does. Don't fall for his lame ass I'm sorry crap. He will at some point carry out his threat. Leave now!

fred_durst · Answer

here is what to do dump him and get new boyfriend that dont mind being slapped , submissive sissy guy are usually like that ( some of them even turned on by it) good luck

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry but you're wrong in this situation. Violence is NEVER okay, no matter what. Being a woman doesn't give you the right to hit someone and expect them to just stand there.

msc545 · Answer

Don't hit him - it is that easy. You are not so special that you are permitted to hit people and not expect consequences.

ItsLily · Answer

Yes I think you should leave him. It's getting violent.

Anonymous · Answer

Bitch, break up and stay the fuck single. He deserves better than someone nosy and on the brink of violence. You are unfit for relationships.

Anonymous · Answer

If feel like you need to look through his phone then I don't think you should be with him. You shouldn't be attempting to hit your boyfriend either.

Msputiton · Answer

Keep your hands to yourself.

Boyfriend threatened to hit me, not sure what to do?

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