Boyfriend hit me last night?

[lainax]

Last night my boyfriend and I were leaving a friends house and we got into an argument. After I got out of his truck he followed me and wanted to keep talking but I told him I was tired. He grabbed my arm, yanked me towards him and pushed my face to the side.Then he pushed me down. I don't know if that's considered "hitting", but my neck still hurts from when he pushed my face and my arm has a huge bruise. This has never happened before, the worst he has ever done is call me names. He called me tons of times last night trying to apologize but I just kept hanging up. He's still texting/calling. What should I do? This has only happened once and we've been together for almost a year now, I really care for him. What if it was an honest mistake? Guys, would you ever? And girls, what would you do?

Updates

+1 y

No, he wasn't drinking at all the whole day.


And I did go over to his house and I let him say what he needed to say. All he said was you know I have a temper and you really shouldn't test me, then apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.

[sammysamson84]

it should never get that far ... but that's theory ...

sometimes things get a bit out of control ... usually I try to get away if that seems to happen ... I've never hit my girl, but I got close to that point twice ... one time I had to replace a door chain (I don't know the english word ... those chains that allow you to open the door without letting someone in)

well some people have a temper ... I hope that it will never happen to me...

on the other hand this isn't a guys only thing: ... my girl hit me a few times ... I don't want to say it didn't hurt, or should be seen as totally acceptable, but I think it's a difference if a guy looses control compared to the "average" girl ... I can stop her until she calms down a bit ...

but back to your question ... was it a mistake? well, after almost 1 year you should know him good enough to tell ... from what you wrote I would say it was... but I wasn't there ...

... try to think about his position ... would you have lost control? did you provoke him unintentionally? did he have a reason to argue with you? did you both or one of you drink too much? (drunken driving ...?)

my point is: there are many things that can have influence on how well someone can controll himself ...

my advice: talk to him about what happened ... communication is the key to a relationship ... and there is always some tension ...

there is a german saying "Es wird nichts so heiß gegessen wie es gekocht wird." (Nothing is eaten as hot as it is cooked) so don't overemphasize this ...

[Praisebear]

Today, it is widely documented that the propensity for violence is most often seen by those who are the closest to a violent person. It is also well documented that a confession of a bad temper is simply a warning that control of it is not within reach. He has a problem, he needs to seek help on his own, he has to want it badly. There are enough cases in America where the victim, someone close to a violent person, has been seriously hurt or killed by someone that they knew had a violent temper. Your willingness to allow this to pass is not helping him. If it is not a big deal to you, it will not be a big deal to him. Give him space and allow him to seek (on his own) help for his behavioral dysfunction. Do not at any time until he has done this, allow yourself to be alone with him. This is going to be hard for both of you. He will resist, but you must insist. If you really care about him, let him know that this is a very serious matter to you, and that it will not ever be dismissed as nothing.

[naturally]

Honestly, if he could resort to that after a year of being together, imagine what he could do after 10 years and 2 kids?...and kids test your patience!

From the guys I've known things like "i have a temper" and "you should'nt test me" are very common EXCUSES by abusive men used to justify their action... but there is absolutely NO justification for physical aggression towards a woman or vice versa...NEVER PUT UR HANDS ON ANOTHER PERSON, trust me it can get you into such deep sh*t

I understand that you love him but I'm afraid that if you listen to your heart that you will become just another statistic of the thousands of women that are physically/emotionally abused by their partners.

I can't say much because I don't know the man. But if you wish to give him a second chance, make sure you tell him that you will not tolerate this (guys only do what they think they can get away with) say:

"this only has to happen ONE more time and we are OVER, no third chances, this is it. So you better learn to control your temper real quick, yell all you want but never lay a finger on me out of anger again"

If not, You deserve better, you're too gorgeous to settle for that

was me? I'd run in opposite direction, not prepared to gamble my future

Be safe

[Anonymous]

ask him to apologize and tell him if it happens again you will leave him but this is the last time it should happen.

ask him why he had to hit you... tell him to figure some other ways to show his anger. I think hitting is just WRONG.

If my boyfriend hit me, I would never talk to him again for a few months... I would totally call my parents and tell them about it so that they can call the police on him...

but yeah, my boyfriend doesn't hit me (or hasn't *knock on wood), he just likes to THROW stuff around and also call me names. He's thrown my laptop, my digital camera, my purse and all sorts of stuff all over the places smashing some things to pieces (like my digi camera =(...) but yeah, I know it was just because of that little arguement and it was partially my fault for bringing stuff up that doesn't do any good for us... but still he shouldnt' have thrown stuff... he should just take a walk... or go and sleep it off... that's what I do... you know what I mean? well good luck

[Simple-Simonette]

I could see giving him another chance until you said what his "apology" was.

Despite the fact that to err is human, he needs to be very aware that the problem is HIM and not you. There should be no caveats of how to behave around him because in a relationship you have a right to behave the way you want without fear of physical repercussions.

Yes, people lose their tempers. Yes, things get out of hand. BUT he's trying to make you share the responsibility of his violent actions and that doesn't fly with me. He was the one who knows his temper, he is the one who should understand what his limits are and walk away. That is HIS responsibility.

I say, unless you can make him understand that when he f*cks up, he needs to own it - you should leave. Bottom line - if he isn't aware that the mistake is all his, he will continue to make excuses to behave the same way over and over again.

Good luck.

[mickeymusic]

Never ever put up with this kind of treatment. Its totally unacceptable. What's he`s done here really concerns me. This is not just a mere reaction to an annoyance, but a sustained atttack. You say he grabbed your arm, yanked you towards him and then pushed your face to the side! That's 3 violent actions in quick succession. Your call my dear, but I`d say he show`s a definate violent & domineering streak. My personal advice would be to dump his ass and find a guy that treats you with respect. Everybody deserves to treated with dignity. Arguments are par of the course in most relationships, but violence is the cowards way. Have pride in yourself and demand to be treated as someone special.

[hapa18]

Ok so does he call you names all the time? teasing or trying to be mean? If he was using them in a mean way, then that is verbal abuse. The fact that he grabbed you hard enough to leave a bruise is physical abuse.after I read your update, hun you need to leave this guy. It's only going to get worse. the fact that he said "you really shouldn't test me" is something I have heard from other guys who are abusers. I don't care what anyone says or "how nice a guy he is". the second he landed a hand on you, it showed his true character. And to be honest, I told my guy, if he physically hurt me on purpose, I'ld kick his ass. NO ONE has any right to physically do harm to their significant other. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck with whatever your choice is.

[Anonymous]

don,t bet on it this will happen again you need to call the police and have him put in jail for push you in the face and grabbing you and leave mark on your arm he is out of control and need some help right now I have seen this kind of thing be for it only get worse he told you what you what to here and you need to do this asap because you my not think he will do this again but take it from me it will what he has dune here is called assault and batty for putting his hand on you and leave marks on your body don,t tack is light,y what he has dune is wrong so call the police and report this and get him some help now be for you real get heart

[caleb399]

I don't mean to add to your already going pile of mental anguish...but any man who would hit a girl/woman is a p**** (I don't care if he is drunk; or "wasnt thinking"...that is cowardly...I know you said you really care for him...but I would tread very carefully with this guy.

[a319dr]

Please don't be one of these girls that says "My man beats me..but I still love him"...I'm just brutually honest here...change your number and change your locks and tell him to "take a hike"...he is so insecure...the next time might land you in the hospital...RUNNNNNN

[Eva8686]

There is a first time for everything...just becuase he had never done it before doesn't mean he won't do it again...next time it could be worse...there is never a reason for anyone to be physically abuse towards someone else. It does sound like it could escalate since he had just called you names before which is still unacceptable. Yes, I am sure you love him, but love yourself enough to know you deserve better. Its either you get out now, or later on when something worse may happen..

[lostxinxlove]

Was he drunk? Everyone deserves a 2nd chance but if he messes that up then its over. Its was a really bad choice, but mabye if he is not a sensitive guy he doesn't know how to show his feelings and it was just a spur of the moment thing. Now this doesn't make it right but I have been hit before and he felt so so bad and I forgave him, never happened again.

[MrKkibbles]

Well, first I think you are being rude by not letting him make a full apology. As for him, it depends if he was drunk or not. Some people have totally different personalities when they are drunk and unless they are alcoholics it is just something to watch out for. If he was not drunk then you might want to watch out, being physical wasn't an accident, the only thing that could have been was the amount of force he did it with.

[MrNomNom]

F**K that! if a "man" (hes an immature boy) sees you so low as to hit you? how can you possibly see a relationship there...either you...

A. get a crowbar and F**K his S**T up!

or

B. Leave him, block him from everything, and ignore calls...not to mention press charges (dduuhh)

[Anonymous]

i'd like to agree with the others that if you really love him and this was a first time thing you should give him a second shot but I can't. my dad was, still is a bit, abusive like this and when it happens once its bound to happen again and it just gets worse.

[Anonymous]

i don't know how bad it physically was for you but never put up with this kind of crap. because even this behavior is domestic violence and you can´t accept that. if you think he´s worth it you should talk with him and tell him if something like this will ever happen again it´s definitely over. if he really likes / loves you he will understand that and could never do this to you.

you just have to be conscious that it doesn't escalate and you get seriously hurt.

[Littletad]

This is a precursor. You should get out while you can. The longer you stay with him, the more you'll regret it later.

[dudeman]

well he shouldn't have hit you but you also shouldn't have walked away. if a women hit me id leave her. I a women didn't talk to me id also leave her,

[Seannn]

he probly lost it, give him another change, if it happends again dump him

[Anonymous]

You DO realize most guys have NEVER hit a girlfriend or pushed her to the ground, right? Get yourself a better guy if you haven't already.

[brfive]

it will happen again. save yourself.

[dx021]

sh*t happens. doesn't sound that serious