Boyfriend is really feminine?

[Hannah313]

He only had his mom growing up and he acts like he is gay. I really like him but I am attracted to masculinity as he is attracted to femininity. Help? I'm not gonna leave him... he just isn't masculine except for his looks

[englisc]

You're probably not gonna change him, and he'll probably get upset if you try. I think the best thing for you would be to leave him. However, since you say you won't, the only way I can think of that might make him consider becoming more masculine is just mentioning it indirectly.

In our society today men are a lot more feminine - in fact I'd say that it's even encouraged by certain people and that masculinity is increasingly demonised. Add to that the fact that many men like your boyfriend lack strong male role models and that's what you end up with, a society full of effeminate men.

Just talk about that either with him or in front of him rather than saying to him that he isn't masculine enough. If he isn't beyond help, he'll try to figure out what it means to be a man, what he can do to be more masculine.

There are plenty of people nowadays who notice this and look to encourage men to reclaim their masculinity. The best books I've read on the subject are "The War On Boys" by Christina Hoff Sommers and "The Way Of Men" by Jack Donovan. The War On Boys is about how boys are targeted and punished in schools for displaying natural male behaviour, and are expect and encouraged to act like women. The Way Of Men is more about exactly what masculinity is. As there is a lot of confusion over the definition of that, and so many people trying to change the definition to suit their own agendas. Both of these books influenced me massively.

Is he interested at all in feminism and that kind of stuff?

[Hannah313]

Well I talked to him today and I realized he isn't that feminine. It's the way he talks and carries himself. I know he likes women. And I know that he has some masculine traits. He sticks up for himself and won't allow for people to walk over him. But he isn't a feminist.
He is very emotional--which I like. It's more of his mannerisms and the way he carries himself. But once you get to know him it isn't a big deal.
I guess deep down he's masculine but he was taught to act a certain way. He has a gay best friend too.
So it isn't a big deal. I'm not going to leave him because of it, I'm sure some things he doesn't like about me. But it's feeling like--I know I'm too young for this--but I want to feel like a woman with him. Not his BFF. I'm not having sex before marriage, and I know that's one of the deep rooted masculine sides I want to see in him.
He just talked to me and it isn't that bad. The other day he was acting especially feminine.
I think with me it'll balance out.

[Hannah313]

The whole gender roles thing isn't bad. We are naturally attracted to either feminists or masculinity--it is our biological makeup. But to encourage something one way or another is wrong, and to be a single parent should try to be avoided at all costs. I like him for who he is, I just like feeling like a woman. I want to be with someone who makes me feel that way. Not because I like gender roles, but because it's my natural preference. It's science. But there's nature and nurture and with him nurture won.

[Knuckles77]

Of course you like masculinity. You're probably a normal well adjusted girl. That said, he is who he is and you aren't gonna change that. My advice to you is to move on.

What's gonna happen if you stay is likely one of two things. You're either going to try to get him to change him and fail. You'll fail because: 1. No one changes unless they want to and 2. he is who he is.

The second thing that will happen is you'll hang in there desperately hoping he starts acting like a man, which he won't only to become more and more discontent and disillusioned with the relationship until you end it and you both get hurt.

A thrird posibility is a monstrous concoction of both possibilities.

Another possibility is he is gay and in denial but leans more toward being the submissive, efffeminante one in a relationship of that nature.

He may also be bisexual.

So basically what you've got is a guy you're physically attracted to, whose probably a decent guy,, but you don't like him, you just like that he's a decent guy and his looks. You can't be attracted to him emotionally or for who he is because you already said you like masculine dudes and he ain't one. So now your all confused.

Long story short dump him and move on. This can't end well or any other way as far as I can tell.

[MaraAutumn21]

Don't force yourself to stay with someone your not into. He acts feminine obviously you want something different that your not gonna get with him. What made you get with him in the first place? You said he acts gay/feminine that's his personality that's who he is accept and love him for who he is or just end things. Don't string things along you said you don't want to leave him then why ask this question we can't teach him to be a man. Try to increase his testosterone is the best option I can think of. Sorry if I sound bitchy it's just your asking an illogical question.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao! I see so many guys acting like that now a day. I went to class looking for eyecandy yesterday and femininity is about all i saw. I know most guys dont realize how they come across and I know kost can't help it. But that is the ULTIMATE TURNOFF for me. I can't deal 😂

[Morgan453]

My fiance is the same way but i look at it as he was raised by he can relate to women! He gets hit on by gay guys but he is very much heterosexual! He is super sweet and is more into my feelings than I think any other guy would be!

[jayjay16]

he is who he is, can't change him, either like him for the way he is or leave, don't try to change him to your liking

[alfonsosloan45]

THANK YOU!!!

[alfonsosloan45]

THIS WOMAN KNOWS ALL!!!

[jayjay16]

😂😂😂

[Truthatanycost]

@alfonsosloan45 Lets not get carried away now...

[ElissaDido]

Why did you date him in the first place?😅

[jp612612]

What is there to help? He is who he is. Have you considered that he might actually be gay? There are plenty of obviously gay men out there who date (and even marry) women. There's a one in particular who I often think about. We used to work together at a store in the mall when I was in college and he was a right-wing, gay-hating Christian. I stalked the public portion of his Facebook (we're not Facebook friends) and noticed that at one point, he did that rainbow thingy to his Facebook profile picture. That gave me hope that he accepted who he is.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao wow

[QooLipBite]

I totally get what you saying.

There was a dude I knew from high school who only grew up with his mother and just all the things he says and the way behave is VERY feminine.

His sexual orientation is normal, all it is, is just his behavioral patterns. I think if he grew up to be this way, it'd be extremely hard to reverse he process and make a man out of him.

He's grown this way, can't really unlearn the things he has been doing since childhood.

[Ephemera1]

"Hmm I like masculine men so I got with a feminine dude, how can I make him masculine?"

If you can't see what's wrong then you shouldn't have a boyfriend.

[bizzz]

You like him but you're not compatible. You like him for other reasons not the reasons you would want to like him for. I would be honest with him. I don't think the relationship will last long if you're bothered by this and you don't tell him

[Anonymous]

That's like a guy I know physically he's masculine but he's more feminine in ways making me think he's gay. I turned him down over it but just told him I was only interested in being friends. HH is really good looking, though. I know I'm shallow.

[spoonman2014]

This reminds me of the time this girl was trying to make her relationship with her man seem better than it was, so then I told her I can shoulder press her man. She dumped him the next day

[Browneye57]

Nothing wrong with wanting what you want. And yeah, the latest crop of young men are pretty weak - they've been told since birth they are second class citizens behind the girls. NEXT!

[dolemite68]

there's not much you can do here, i think this is a big problem with guys raised by single mothers when there's no dad around to teach him to act like a man.

[WaterRat]

Not my type either. I can be with a nurturing guy but not gay. Tell him how you feel.

[IZZIRO]

He may be metrosexual, tbh, I think every women deserves better, but if you really like him, help him to become more masculine

[ShayanMortazavi1998]

He deserves better than you. Just leave him so he can find someone else.

[Anonymous]

If you love him don't worry about it, it's just the two of you in this relationship! But if you're doubting yourself, I wouldn't drag it let alone force yourself in believing it doesn't bother you. Just be honest... sweetly 😉

[Anonymous]

You landed yourself a winner.. did he show you all his participation trophies?

[Tflogurl]

In what ways do you mean feminine?

[Truthatanycost]

Why the hell did you get with him then?

[lucky1234567]

I can only laugh at this situation.

[Intraluminal]

Maybe you can guide him to act more masculine?

[NajemEddine]

funny u want to change him
that never works

[JaneShame]

Accept him how he is or leave.

[Dred1614returns]

Leave him.

[Anonymous]

talk to him