If you take someone on a coffee date, how long is that really going to last, maybe 20 min, and plus you don't want to drink too many cups of coffee, because well coffee can act like a natural laxative at times, and I really don't see the fun in trying to not sh*t your pants in front of the woman of your dreams.
They way I see it is, a coffee date just like a lunch date means friends not potential relationship. You don't get dressed up, it happens during the day, It's more along the lines of a hi, bye type of situation, nice to meet you and we will probably never see each other again. Plus your friends are going to ask how the date went and what is your response, we had fun, we drank coffee, talked. Talk about a boring date, well maybe not, maybe the coffee was really good.
So who here has actually gone on a coffee date with a chick, they just met and actually had fun, and continued to date that same person?
How many have gone on a coffee date and haven't been on another date with the same person, and how many people think it is actually a good first date? Everyone feel free to answer.
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First of all,
Stop overanlyzing things with a negative lense, in an attempt to justify & excuse your unsuccessful dating life thus far to yourself.
Things happen in baby-steps.
You don't apply for a job, and wait to get considered for a raise or promotion! You apply, you get a phone call back, you make an appointment, you go for an initial interview, then a second, then a third with multiple & more important interviewers, then a company outing to meet & interact with the rest of the company, and that's just so you can get hired!
Ask yourself this question;
What's the point of dating? I mean, really! It's all just sex-motivated, on both ends. Girls are looking for guys they would have sex with, to reproduce with, pass on good genetic information, and successfully raise the byproduct of those genetics. Men are looking for the same thing. So why go through that whole process? Forget women. Let's just talk about YOU. If you KNOW that you found a girl who satisfies that criteria, why don't you just tell her to come with you to your place, get undressed, have unprotected sex while she's ovulating, and start a family? Hmm? I mean, what's the point of everything else? Right?
The point is, the mating process is complex & multi-faceted.
One part of it, is both a man & woman wanting & accepting each other's genetic information. That's the motivator for sex. But that's just ONE part of the mating process.
The other part of the mating process, is the man & woman feeling comfortable & connected to each other. After the byproduct of sex comes along, the pair should still feel motivated to stay with each other, they should enjoy each other's company, they should still want to have sex with each other & not feel motivated to seek it elsewere, they should love each other & care about the other's happiness & well-being; since it directly affects the physical, emotional & financial health of their children.
Comfort-building & familiarity is a process.
And the process starts off in baby-steps. You can't go from meeting someone, to wham-bam, kissing. You can't go from talking to wham-bam having sex. And you can't go from having sex to wham-bam getting married or even just being in a serious long-term relationship.
It's not that these things take time. They take COMFORT BUILDING!
If YOU (or her) don't feel comfortable enough to go out for a cup of coffee, then how will you feel comfortable enough to go on a less-casual & more meaningful date? How will you feel comfortable enough to touch, or kiss, or have sex? How will you feel comfortable enough to open up emotionally & fall for each other? How will you feel safe enough to trust each other & be vulnerable with each other? How exactly do you imagine getting from first meeting someone to being in a relationship?
And if for nothing else; coffee dates are a great way to sample new & exotic flavors of coffee..
My dating life has been very successful, I have dated multiple women, and I currently have a gf, not one time did I go on a coffee date. And yes you can go from meeting someone to kissing them, and to even having sex with them, I have, are you saying you haven't?
If you like a chick, why waist 20 mins over coffee, when you could take her to dinner, back to your place for a movie, maybe a drink,and who knows maybe even sex.
Why yes.. we can all sit here all day and exchange big talk with no underlying evidence or proof to support our claims.. welcome to the internet..
you asked why.. you got an answer as to why..
if what you've been doing or haven't been doing has been working out for you.. then just ignore the analysis..
if it's been limiting your dating life to where you'd like it to be.. it might not be a bad idea to at least consider it..
no need to defend yourself & try to insult the other person
I enjoyed the e-slap-in-the-face
I agree with jdcpa. Dates are simply a way to spend time together to find out if two people mutually want to continue spending time together. Whether it's over coffee or drinks or dinner or skiing at the Alps, as long as you're spending one on one time, you are getting more information about the person that will inform your decision about whether you want to continue seeing that person. In fact, from the perspective of a woman, if a man will not go on a coffee date with me, I will assume that he is really not interested in spending time getting to know me, which does not bode well for the relationship. Any man who would consider spending time getting to know me a waste of time because it's a coffee date is really not interested in anything long term in my opinion.
A lot of people do online dating and people commonly lie about their height, weight, etc. Also I have been at a coffee shop for over an hour. If you like each other then you can go somewhere else. Coffee or meeting for drinks is low key. Also you're weeding out the gold diggers or women who are going on dates only for free meals.