Boyfriend not ambitious enough?

[Anonymous]

I am currently dating this guy who is head over heels in love with me - He is very serious about me and always treats me well. I feel very lucky and deeply cherish him because my past relationships were all not so pleasant.

The problem is that we have opposite backgrounds: he comes from a lower class family and is not academically successful, while I come from a rather affluent background and am attending an Ivy League school. We met through mutual friends and despite our differences in backgrounds, we managed to start dating and none of us had any idea that we would become this serious.

My family strongly opposes this relationship because they all feel like I should date someone of similar background and from my school, because it's better for my future. I do agree with them but at the same time I feel like this guy treats me really well and I really don't want to hurt him because I do care about him deeply. What should I do?

[SinghSong]

I wonder- let's try flipping the genders, and see what this sounds like when the boot's on the other foot, shall we?

"Girlfriend not ambitious enough?

I am currently dating this girl who is head over heels in love with me - She is very serious about me and always treats me well. I feel very lucky and deeply cherish her because my past relationships were all not so pleasant.

The problem is that we have opposite backgrounds: she comes from a lower class family and is not academically successful, while I come from a rather affluent background and am attending an Ivy League school. We met through mutual friends and despite our differences in backgrounds, we managed to start dating and none of us had any idea that we would become this serious.

My family strongly opposes this relationship because they all feel like I should date someone of similar background and from my school, because it's better for my future. I do agree with them but at the same time I feel like this girl treats me really well and I really don't want to hurt her because I do care about her deeply. What should I do?"

What do you think a guy in your position would do? And what would you advise a guy in the same position to do? Even if you end up being the main breadwinner in your relationship, why should that bother you any more than it would bother a man, in this day and age? Or is it all about the money and 'keeping up appearances' to you, with everything else fading into insignificance in comparison?

[SaramadHill]

He treats you well; your past relationships were nothing compared to him; and you're willing to let that go because people think you're better than that?
They think someone more successful is better for your future? I'll tell you what's better for your future-- not settling for some successful guy who only kinda likes you. In the end, loving who you're with trumps everything... Either way, you're not going to end up broke if you stick with him-- you just won't be as rich as you could've been. It's definitely a viable outcome. Anyone who thinks they're better than someone else for superficial reasons like that is misguided. I don't think you're a bad person, but you should really consider your happiness before anything else. If this guy *didn't* treat you good, I could understand wanting to find someone else...
That's just how I see it. I'll go back to being a peasant now.

[natured]

You agree with them? Are you serious?
Here I am, graduating from a very Important University and working as an Accounting assistant, and my boyfriend is just a simple Gardener, and HELL I WOULD NEVER CHANGE HIM FOR NO RICH MAN IN THE WORLD, because he treats me amazingly well, and being LOVED is priceless.

Just the fact that you AGREE with your family, makes me vomit, because it's unfair... it's unfair to categorize people this way...

Just the fact that you asked " WHAT SHOULD I DO" makes me vomit even more, because you are already doubting to LEAVE your "low class" boyfriend behind and get with a "rich academically well built dude"

Your choice, but I would never listen to anyone, because it's YOUR LIFE, not theirs...

[xxander]

#respect

[Asker]

Wow. First of all, calm down. My opinion is mine, no need to bash others' just to justify your own. I see that you're in a similar situation, and i see that you are just as in love. The reason I agreed with my family is that we have already been looked down upon by a lot of people due to our differences - it's more like a problem of dealing with social pressure.

[natured]

I dealt with social pressure, i dealt with the difference because guess what? THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE? and I DON'T LIVE TO SATISFY others...
I am angry at this because I know a lot of young Men and Women that are HURT BADLY because if this.
And please, don't compare MY SITUATION to yours because I never doubted one single second...

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@natured. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

[SaramadHill]

Excellent rant, could've been a little nicer though, lol.
It's sad... her family thinks she's above dating this dude.
What is this, the medieval ages? Nobles dating nobles for money? Why dump someone who treats you well-- aren't relationships about love?

[natured]

@SaramadHill Sorry, I always get a little mad about this topic because it happens so much.

It reminded me of some of my female friends who dumped their boyfriends because they where not financially stable, but where great guys, now they are dating rich Men, don't get me wrong, they are also nice I have nothing against them, but guess what? Those Females envy my relationship with my man, because we LOVE each other unconditionally, and we enjoy our life to the fullest and they see it, and that's something they will never have with their Man...

[SaramadHill]

@natured Don't worry about it, lol. I just try to word my stuff nicely even when I'm offering a dissenting opinion. I loved your comment either way. I also didn't know this was a relatively common subject: now *that* is something I'm worried about now.

That's their fault for giving up on people who loved them, I torn between feeling pity for them and feeling nothing at all. People have GOT to start realizing that money doesn't make you a better person, whether you're a gold digger or a starry eyed cashier, relationships should not be catered by who's got the biggest wallet... You can't take your wealth with you to the grave, whether it be your car or the money your government prints. So with that said, your love for your spouse should never be devalued, since ultimately that is what makes your life worth living-- having someone you actually want to share it with... it shouldn't matter how rich they are (as long as they aren't a total deadbeat ass-hat, and actually try to keep a job.)

[nevermoregirl7]

If he is working and is not spending his days playing video games, seems well rounded enough to me. I have a similiar problem. Although I am not Ivy League, I am in a Masters Program. My boyfriend tends to hop from job to job, but he wants to one day own his own business. As far as I am concern, he is fine as log as he helps pay the rent.

And family is funny that way. They want the best for us, but that doesn't mean they always know the best for us. If it is such a problem, limit your attendance to family functions.

[Blonde401]

You've found someone who loves and you and treats you like a princess and yet you wanna throw that away? Count your fucking blessings and stop being a snob. Some of us are out here looking for a guy like that and yet you have him and you're taking him for granted. Smh. You should break up with him because he deserves someone who doesn't already have a foot out of the door.

[SaramadHill]

Great comment! ... though it was a little roughly worded.

It's like a noble courting a commoner, except in modern times. Of course her family would be against it, they think she's ABOVE him. -_-

[Blonde401]

@SaramadHill hey, I keep it real ✌️️Yeah it's pretty disgusting to behave like that TBH.

[Bananaman177]

Take a good long look at the marriages and relationships in your family and then decide if you want to be just like them, or different.

As for you not wanting to hurt this guy. . . yeah, you know, you're probably the first good thing to ever happen to him, and maybe that's all he needed to realize his full potential and become the man he was meant to be, a lot of people are like that, seeds who have been buried deep, and all they need is a little water and some sunshine, and a little patience.

If you take a look at the great people throughout History, great leaders, Statesmen, inventors, artists, titans of industry, people who shaped the world, quite a few of them come from affluent families and enjoyed academic success, but most of them did not. Most of the greatest people came from extreme poverty and had little to no formal education, or did not flourish because of their formal education.

So I just think your whole criteria for judging people is completely one-sided and skewed and it's completely inaccurate, too.

That and one more piece of general advice, rich girl:

Lots of poor people are miserable, but most of them are happy almost every day. And have fun, and adventurous lives, maybe they work harder than some, but they become stronger for it, too. Lots pf rich people are more miserable than the poorest man on Earth, and lots of poor people are just as happy as the richest man on Earth.

Money is it's own thing, and so is education, and they're not the same thing as success, or intelligence, or capacity for greatness, or a ticket to happiness.

[Bananaman177]

Just think of this, rich girl:

You might be throwing away the guy who would stay by your bedside and hold your hand as you die of cancer, after all the rich Ivy League boys completely forgot about you and moved on with their lives and got married to other pretty little rich girls who didn't get sick.

All your money won't be worth much when all it does is kill you slower, you know. But a hand to hold when you're hurting and scared out of your mind, that's worth something more than you could ever realize until you're there, and you need it. In that moment.

And eventually, everybody finds themselves in that moment. Rich and poor alike.

[InDetail]

Listen background doesn't always equally the amount of ambition of a person has (rarely) I've skipped several grades and got valedictorian at my graduation, I've had people who I know have tried harder and applied themselves harder than me but some people just can't do it correctly or need guidance that they don't get or just don't have a good memory in or out of stress. I don't think the relationship will hinder you if you simply tell him that both are equally important to you, your parents too, perhaps you should change your ambitions lightly to share those ambitions with someone else, It may be a bold question but a high quality girl like yourself deserves to know these answers tell him your plans career wise and ask him if he see's himself supporting you while you pursue that ; basically just being available (I'm not saying he's husband material but don't you think a relationship would be nice? Screw all of that class/love separation plop)

[Vrunner1990]

I have dated a guy like that. 4 years later he was still working the same dead end burger flipping job. He is super loyal to a company that doesn't care about him. Also he is an alcolic chain smoker. I regret wasting my time dthink he would want better for himself. I left. there are better men out there. Get someone who wants to be something or make a decent living. Masculine men like being providers an supporters.

[akadatank44]

I agree with this. Definitely better guys out there. Yes he may love her but having the same morals, life goals, and interests is important when it comes to a relationship.

[Maria321]

my advice don't worry about school so much whether rich or poor
worry more about his beliefs cause that will dictate how he acts and what he does

example
how he see's the world does he believe in GOD, which GOD, is he atheist, who makes the rules

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Options: #1 Stay with a great guy that treats you with respect and love.

#2 Gample losing a great guy that loves you for someone who is well off educationally and financially but might end up treating you like crap down the road.

The choice is yours.

[SmartiePantsSanchez]

This is your Romeo. This is your Jack Dawson. My mom was once in a relationship exactly like this but she broke up with him to marry my dad, a more "successful man." Now she's in an abusive relationship with my dad.

[Anonymous]

You exist in secret if it's people's comments that are harmful
I'm in a very similar position, from a rough estate (but I'm not low class,. neither is my mum,. she's an English teacher at the college, respectable woman) and she's got so much choice in her life

[i_research]

If you are staying with him out of pity/ or guilt, then obviously don't do that. That's forcing yourself to be in a situation you don't want to be in.

[meatballs21]

Success and happiness does not have to be measured by how much is in your bank account. So long as you are both happy together, and the relationship is stable, that is all you need.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a schmuck too, I say give him a shot. It's hard to find someone who treats you right ya know what I mean. Maybe ask him to go to school a semester see if he likes it.

[sammy_gurl_]

@natured yes I completely agree with you! the different class should not matter at all!

[fulloflife]

Love is love regardless of status and what ur parents think. Do u and love who u want, its ur life. When u look back on ur life will u regret not furthering it?

[disgustingweebtrash]

That's too bad. Ask your parents to get you married to another rich family if that's what you want.

[jackass_d]

It all depends on how you measure life.

materialistic or love

[Anonymous]

it's ultimately what you see in your future, not NOW

[SarahsSummer]

Does he have a job? A career? also in college?

[GirlThatDraws]

Tell him to get a job