I wouldn't sleep with him and so he stopped talking to me?

Question

I've been on a couple dates with a guy who wanted to sleep with me. I flat out denied him twice because I'm not looking for someone to have sex with; I'm looking for a relationship.

Do you think that he would have continued to talk to me if I'd slept with him? There's probably no way of knowing, but it IS disheartening that so many guys only want to sleep with you and possibly split after. What about my personality? I'm more than just a body. It makes me so frustrated!

AdamThomas · Accepted Answer

The reason that dating today is hard is because there are so many people who like to play games, manipulate people and fuck them over.

I can understand why a woman would want to wait a while before having sex with a guy. You don't want to be used of course, and a good guy will wait right?

The trouble is, many women don't seem to respect a guy who waits anymore. I was always willing to wait. I was looking for a relationship, and I could never use somebody like that. I'd feel horrible for making someone else feel so horrible.

What would happen though with the girls I dated is that I'd wait, we'd go on a few dates and everything would go great, texting all the time, she'd be interested, telling me what a great guy I am. While I wanted sex of course, it wasn't on my mind and it would just happen when it happened.

Eventually though, these girls would friend-zone me. Very often they'd also reveal that they'd just had sex with some other guy at a party or something, or maybe an ex, and they'd get with that guy instead. Inevitably it would fail, the guy would use her and dump her and she'd complain that she just wanted a nice guy and she'd wonder why couldn't she find one?

Eventually I asked a girl who did the same why this always happens to me, and she said that I wasn't aggressive enough. That the other guy seemed to want her more so she went for him. From then on I had a rule that I'd always try for sex by the third date at the very latest.

When I did, sometimes girls would protest at first. They'd say they weren't that kind of girl, that they wanted to get to know me better first etc. The other girls said that too by the way. Then they'd have sex with me anyway. Strangely enough, these women would then become keen to see me again. They wouldn't friend-zone me any more.

So whether it was the fact that I had sex with them made them like me more, or whether they liked me enough that they'd have sex with me quickly I didn't know, but all I knew was that if I didn't have sex with them by the third date they would most probably friend-zone me, and if we did, they wouldn't.

It could be that he's a user, or maybe he's had a similar experience. I can see both sides of this, and it sucks that we have to play these stupid games rather than people just being more straightforward about what they want.

scotty123 · Accepted Answer

Men and Women can't be friends unless one or both of them is asexual/gay/whatever
Personality doesn't mean shit if your not going to have sex. Thats some kind of weird friendship, where you just want his company, but not sex. What your looking for is a friendship with a guy. Good, go to a gay bar. There are plenty of friendly men there.

If you have sex with them and they split after, then something is wrong with your personality. It could be that your attracted to guys like that, so you go after them. Or something is off with your personality, hence why they leave. There are plenty of guys not like that, people who want a relationship. But that is what they want, a relationship, i. e. sex with you and your personality.

As a result men and women want sex in a relationship. If all you do is just date, the man will lose interest. Sex is part of a relationship. If you don't have sex with him, he will take it as your not interested in sleeping with him, only want to "be friends"/get a free dinner.
If he senses that your not going to sleep with him, he will wonder what the relationship will be like. Will there be any sex? If there is no sex, its not a relationship but a friendly thing. Why would he want that? His dating you because he is ATTRACTED to you i. e. sexually. If there was no sexual attract then either he is not into you or is gay.

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

well if if wasn't what you were looking for then you did yourself a big big favor
He just wanted to use you and you did get rid of him, that's good , you will find what you're looking for
And yes he would have keep talking to you if you had slept with him, but that wouldn't be worth it

BaddieBunny12 · Accepted Answer

A guy who is also looking for a relationship with you would not take the chance to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't think he would have treated you right. You dodged a bullet girl. Wait for a real man

mooky06 · Accepted Answer

Good chance he wouldn't have kept talking to you if you did sleep with him.  Did he tell you his intentions from the get go? How come you didn't move on if you knew? (That's if you did)

Chanel1981 · Accepted Answer

At least you found out early on! We're you not attracted to him or just wanted to wait a bit longer?

Mega_illuminati · Answer

Dont beat yourself up. He would not have. If he really was interested in you he would have tried getting to know you better.

I think you dodge a bullet here. It is good that he stopped talking, because it confirms he was pig and just after your body.

I am almost certain he would have stopped talking to you, even if you would have slept with him. Unless if he wanted to hook up again.

SnapTsch · Answer

you are perfectly in the right deer, dont feel disheartened because what you are doing is actually protecting yourself from being hurt.
why?
because if he stops talking to you because you didn't wanna sleep then that's the only reason he was doing all of the things he was doing
don't worry, just don't give in to someone because that will usually be the decision that you will regret for life

Jenom · Answer

You have provided the answer in the theme of your question. He was after one thing. And when you denied him twice he knew not to waste anymore time with you. Unfortunate if you liked him, but this is beneficial for you - You aren't being used for sex.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

Would he have continued seeing you? Probably not, since he couldn't even wait for a few dates (I'm assuming the dates weren't spread out over months and I'm also assuming you don't have a history of sleeping on the first date with everyone before him).

tyber1 · Answer

A man can want sex without only wanting sex. In such an instance, it's entirely possible for a lack of sex to still be a dealbreaker. You will never know if he was 'only' interested in sex, you only know that sex is a requirement for him.

It's just as much his right to walk away as it is your right to say no. You both probably frustrated each other, let's not paint him out to be a villain. He's no more evil for requiring sex than you are for denying it.

JSmuve · Answer

"I'm not looking for someone to have sex with; I'm looking for a relationship."

I don't know if its just me but this sentence gives off the impression you'd rather not sleep with someone you're in a relationship with, which no guy would be happy about. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NoUsernameSelected · Answer

If the person I'm interested in doesn't want sex after two dates, that means she is not attracted to me. That means the pursue isn't worth it. It also is most likely the case that I'm just plan B.

Fuck that.

I will stay with a girl that has sex with me when we meet. I desire her, I require that desire from her. If she acts like sex is something "I do to her" and not something "we do together" than I'll ghost her after the second date.

Justinaveragedude · Answer

I hear you. The sad thing is that many guys who aren't willing to wait, just won't stick around even if younsleep. with them. Do not lose heart. You are worth the wait, just remember that. And before you give up, I am a virgin tell you this. There are guys who will wait and get to know you and not insist on sleeping with you.

Anonymous · Answer

If he stopped talking after straight up asking you to have sex and you denied him honestly telling that you want to get to know him more/you are not ready yet/want to wait and date more before you go to bed with him then good riddance - if thats the case then he clearly wanted just that (he might have kept talking to you after if you slept with him and maybe even turn it into relationship, he might have not, but if it was too soon for you then there is no point in thinking about it - never do anything against your "inner rules"). But if it was just your assumptions, if you didn't tell him what you want and how you want it then there is a good chance that he thought you simply don't want to date him any longer and he just moved on - then there is no way to know if he wanted to just sleep with you and part ways after, if he wasn't interested in waiting and getting to know you, if he really was one of that "many guys".

Anonymous · Answer

Some people get their need for someone's personality through friends and don't need that in a lover.

Would he see you after having sex? Probably if it's to have more sex. Many guys nowadays see zero value in a committed relationship and rather just have a FWB/NSA relationship.

WolfieRoze · Answer

He wouldn't have stayed with you much longer after the sex. You did great, and don't worry. Some of us are decent and im sure you'll meet someone. I apologize that most of us are disrespectful

nobodyhome8787 · Answer

if a guy is truly into you, then he will want more than just sex. Do want makes you feel comfortable and if he is not ok with it than he is not worth it. Sex does not equal a relationship, sex can be a part of a healthy relationship if you both want it.

xButterflyKisses87x · Answer

if a guy leaves cause no sex F him, he's an ass... seriously and you deserve better

Apollo75 · Answer

Guys who don't realize it's worth it to wait arnt worth it. I mean we all go through phases where we don't want commitment, but honestly if he can't respect your decision then good riddens.

Starrysky94 · Answer

He was after you just to get you in bed. Dont waste your time thinking about him :).

meatballs21 · Answer

You wanted different things from a relationship. He wants physical stuff, and sooner. You don't. When he realise this incompatibility, he decided it was best to stop wasting both your time and his.

oddwaffle · Answer

A relationship without sex is a meal without salt. It has everything except the taste. Ever guy will leave for greener pastures.

slatyb · Answer

Perfect. You found he wasn't really that into you after only two dates. Pretty soon you'll start figuring this out before the first date.

akadatank44 · Answer

No he just wanted to fuck. And he'd probably try and convince you that he wanted to be friends with benefits or fuckbuddies. Just be happy it never got that far.

RachelleDraws · Answer

Don't give into what he wants. If he truly loves you, you not wanting to have sex shouldn't be a problem.

Pink2000 · Answer

It be like that. I hope you find the right one who won't foot it and boot it :). at least he was honest with you from the beginning and didn't lead you on.

johndie19 · Answer

too be honest I think he was just looking for a one night stand. If you would've slept with him , he would've still left. you'll know when a guy really likes you because he'll find excuses to talk to you and he'll want to talk about life and goals.

Booguy · Answer

Well, people at Starbucks are note a vending machines, but you most likely treat them like one. It's all about needs. Will you say that you are not just a personality, but also a body, if someone will not sleep with you? I dont think so.

reptocarl · Answer

It's all he wanted and if he did stay he'd only be staying because you're fucking him

Alonn · Answer

If he liked you in bed he would've continued with you.

Hardearnedwisdom · Answer

He wanted casual sex You want a relationship. Good that you two saw the difference in goals and stopped dating. Men who want relationships will and can wait.  See the signs and accept them

Anonymous · Answer

you struck out. You didn't have sex with him, so he has lost in his investment. He will move on. if you had sex with him, you would likely still be talking to him.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Good riddance. He showed his true colors.

ccal28 · Answer

you can do better than that ass hole

Surgence · Answer

Yeah that's probably too soon

Anonymous · Answer

He obviously wasn't looking for a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

good that you got rid of such a person

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should wait

Darknut123 · Answer

That's just wrong.

Midget_Hug · Answer

Damn

Jok3r21 · Answer

Hmmmmmm...

pascalone · Answer

it is right...

I wouldn't sleep with him and so he stopped talking to me?

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