Would you date a single mother?

[piscesbluedreams]

Hello!

I'm asking because I'm looking at my future prospective dating life thinking negatively. I am 22 years old, have no problems attracting guys. I just don't know if any guy would be patient enough and not waste my time.

I feel like all men should date single mothers because we truly follow our hearts. We are brave and we love deeply. We aren't needy cause we worship our children instead of material things. Plus we love what our bodies can do. I just don't know if people know this lol

Thank you (I'm asking this question for fun)

[sineater8]

Im not going to lie, i have met a lot of gorgeous and amazing single mothers but the fact they have a kid severely kills my interest in them as a partner.

here are the simple facts.

1. Its a relationship with instantly big responsibilities. no matter how much a single mother tries to say the want a man but don't want him to fill the role of a father the simple fact is you will become one. that means you must play that role no mater what and you will need to be both mentally and financially supportive with the mother.

2. Your dating two people, not one, you have to get the kid to like you, or its likely the relationship will have a conflicting foundation to begin with and as the child ages the conflict will grow. so you must placate the kid to keep them happy with you.

3. Third party involvement and drama, if your lucky the kids father would have just disappeared, but if he is still involved in the kids life there will be resentment and conflict over raising the child with them, maybe even residual jealousy over your relationship with the mother in which he may manipulate the kid to hate you, creating more problems.

4. your sex life will always be cautious and guarded, no more days walk around the house naked and banging randomly on the living room furniture, not when kiddies might pop up at any moment. It can stifle your sex life.

5. Life gets more complicated as the relationship ages and grows, especially if you want more kids, or focus on a career, etc.

I have dated and been in a relationship with a few single mothers but i don't have nature to fill these roles or deal with these problems. There are quite a few types of guys who don't mine taking up that mantle or even long for a family life type of relationship though so it's not hopeless.

[piscesbluedreams]

Ah that's a very reasonable answer thank you! I respect the honesty.
However most these points apply to having your own child. At least you'll know what to expect from someone who's already been there/done that.

[FakeName123]

"I feel like all men should date single mothers because we truly follow our hearts. We are brave and we love deeply."

Bullshit. That's the opposite of what most single mothers are. Most single mothers have had a reckless youth and are now where they are because of that.

Not to mention there is NO single benefit of dating a single mother.
- You essentially have to deal with another guys child
- If that father comes into play its just drama
- The child always comes first and you can't emphatise with it fully, because its not your child
- Many single mothers have mental and emotional baggage
- Many single mothers are reckless as fuck and turned into a single mother not out of a relationship that they think would last forever, but because of irresponsibility

So why would any guy want to date a single mother? The woman would have to be amazing and outstanding to really cope with all the negatives. And that only in combination with the pregnancy really having happened for non-reckless reasons (which it usually didn't)

[WingGirl]

I sure hope when you get married and then you start a family your wife cheats on you. But wait you still have to pay the child support cause she is the woman. And guess what? No girls will want you cause your damaged goods with another bitch in your pocket and some kids from another mother. You wanna judge everyone so harshly and are black and white. I hope you get your just desserts and get to see the other side.

[FakeName123]

@WingGirl

Truth hurts. I know.

The irony is that your reaction pretty much proves my point. You feel I am attacking you and instantly lash out instead of being an adult and realising I wrote "MOST" and "Many" single mothers. But sure, everything I view is black and white.

[WingGirl]

I'm not a single mother 😂😂😂

[WingGirl]

Your just shallow and I'm here to point that out.

[TheMoroccangirl]

Woman he corrected op on what she said. Her perspective sounds dreamy. His perspective sounds or even is more realistic. Not to mention he built up his statements with arguments which op didn't.

I'm sorry for what she's gone through tho. Hope everything gets better in the near future.

[piscesbluedreams]

I may have had a "reckless youth" whatever that means but now I have a house, a good job and lots of nights in nourishing another human/reading books and growing as a person. I think this isn't just single mothers its motherhood full stop. Except I had to do it by myself. (Hence the brave part). I can recognize these things in myself because I see other mothers do it. I moved into a house with concrete floors and ripped wall paper and me and my baby slept on a sofa (the only furniture I had although the neighbours helped with curtains) until I slowly turned it into a beautiful home. Childless me would NEVER have done that. Women and men change when they need to build huts and provide for their babies. Married or not.

[KrakenAttackin]

@FakeName123. Exactly right! She deliberately got pregnant with Chad's baby, than Chad bounced, and now she is looking for a provider Simp... all the while longing for Chad.

[misstalia_95]

Not to be negative, but single moms are off-putting for a lot of guys. The big issue is, there's always going to be another guy in the picture -- your baby's father; if he's alive, that is. One of the first things my fiancé told me when we started dating was that he loved that I didn't have kids (his previous wives did). He explained that, the only kids he's truly interested in raising are his own.

So yeah, a kid from a previous relationship is a strain on a guy. In addition to winning you over, he also has to win over your kid. So finding a guy up for the challenge won't be easy.

[piscesbluedreams]

I would be wary of any man that says he only cares about his own biologically children. Especially when he was fine with banging the mother whilst the children slept peacefully under the same roof.

Obviously people change but the fact he says this maybe isn't a good sign that he would be a good father to his own. Considering the amount of work it takes. 24/7 and very intense.

Not judging your fiance'! Just talking from my own personal experience and what I have seen.

[piscesbluedreams]

I really don't mean your fiance by the way. It just reminded me of someone I know.

[misstalia_95]

It's okay. No offense taken.

[BabyBirdy]

Yes, men will still want to talk to you, date you, have sex with you, and be your significant other.
Here’s where it’s a problem... parents that only talk about their kids or most of the conversation is about their kids. That gets mundane and it’s uninteresting after a while. People forget that they’re still their own person- you’re not just a Mom; you’re a woman with hobbies and interests. It’s important to not obsess or lose your identity when you have children.

You’re a pretty woman and if you have a great personality too then you won’t have a problem 👌🏻💯

[WingGirl]

I am really sorry I bombed your feed. I just want to say you are brave and you will find a lot of good guys who would date a single mom. Some have their own past and some are gonna be single no kids. I have seen friends male and female go through this and it's very hard but they are all some pretty awesome people and have all remarried or found the right person and are very happy now. I think it speaks volumes of your character to not abort if you can afford to have it.

[TheUglyMonk]

I have nothing against dating single mothers as long as she is cool but then again if the guy raised the child as if it's his own child the child would never be considered his child.
Let's say he raised the kid for 9 years and then one day the mother decided she no longer wants to be with him, he is not entitled to anything like visits to the child or even shared custody because technically it's not his child which is scary especially after investing so much money, time and effort in helping the mom raise the child.

[WingGirl]

Oh I understand completely. And that is a huge risk trust me. I'm not saying don't be careful or that all single mothers are a a good idea to date. But there have been people in my life I know well who were really good people and some things just didn't work out how they planned. On guys wife left him after she recovered from breast cancer and moved his kids across the country.

[WingGirl]

One girls dad had a stroke one week so she was super busy and forgot her pill two nights she was at the hospital and wound up pregnant and came to find the guy she had been seeing for 3 months was actually engaged to someone else and she was the side chick.

[WingGirl]

Both ended up finding someone and are happy and much better off.

[TheUglyMonk]

I'm not talking about the mother herself, if the mother leaves, the mother leaves and there is no changing that but I'm talking about the fact that when they leave they can just take away the child and remove them from your life like you are nothing.

[WingGirl]

Oh I understand. I know what your saying.

[piscesbluedreams]

Aw thank you! Your posts were very refreshing standing up for another woman even though you are married. Appreciate it :)

[Claire2017]

I'm a newly single mother and I think that you are really romanticizing the reality. We are all individuals - we don't all truly follow our hearts etc.

Many men will simply see your kids as baggage. You'll meet someone eventually who's right for you and embraces everything in your life.

[piscesbluedreams]

Of course this isn't everyone. I'm talking about single mothers that do follow their hearts. Which is a crucial part of being a successful single mother.

It only reflects on the individual man if he thinks children are unwanted baggage.

[Claire2017]

Well just sayin'. You say in your post that single mothers follow their hearts. I think that is specific to certain people and not necessarily reflective of whether they are a single mother or not.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the guy. Some will but it will definitely turn some guys off. But it's not "hopeless". You just might have to look a little harder. Protect your child is my advice. If you're going to date, get to know him pretty well (you see the relationship going somewhere) before introducing them. And let the guy know early that you are a mother. If it's not for him, best to find out early and not waste anyone's time (or hurt feelings if you wait too long).

Personally, while it's not an "automatic deal breaker", it's something I take very seriously and doesn't work in her favor. I have no interest in being a father figure, and even if that's not the intention, we are going to bond somewhat over time. If the relationship fails, it's not just you that's hurt (potentially), but the child also. Plus, a child takes up a tremendous amount of your time and energy, what's left for me/us and our relationship? And if the father is in the picture, potential "drama" there that a lot of guys don't want to deal with either. Like I say, it's not "hopeless", some guys have no problem dating single mothers, but it is probably going to make your search a little harder for sure.

[Maik567]

Follow your hearts? No offence but many of the single mothers I know just ended up getting accidentally pregnant or they were dating a douchebag who immediately dumped them when they got pregnant.

The reason single mothers (or single parents in general) are not popular is because they come with baggage, and especially being a young single parent often tells that the person in question makes poor life choices.

This might come off as rude but I believe that every child should have a father and a mother figure in their lives, so to me it's extremely irresponsible to have kids with someone you're not sure you're gonna stay together with.

[piscesbluedreams]

I didn't choose but I'm glad it happened. I mean if you are living together with someone and have sex twice a day - chances are something will happen. It did so I decided I couldn't abort.
Not all men can handle fatherhood or supporting a family. Unless they actively CHOSE to be a father. Men need a good salary, their own house and a good mentality before taking on that role. I was sad because I knew my 23 year old ex wasn't ready.

You are looking at it from a male perspective. Which I appreciate.

[Maik567]

If you are in a sexually active relationship with someone and you know they aren't ready to be a parent then you should make sure that birth control is taken care of. That's the way I see it, in my eyes I don't think it's fair to put your kid through growing up without a father figure just because of something like that.

[WingGirl]

Birth control fails

[Maik567]

@WingGirl Extremely rarely if used properly. Birth control pills for example, when taken correctly, are up to 99.9% effective.

[piscesbluedreams]

@WingGirl is right. It doesn't matter what the situation is. If you are having sex then you should be aware. Its not as simple as putting all the responsibility on the girl. I can't wait for a male contraceptive to exist. The condom is already hard enough to encourage lol

[Maik567]

Yea I don't want to come off as if I'm putting all the responsibility on the girl, for the record I definitely think you're the better person in this situation than the guy who just left, but still ideally both parties should be responsible enough that situations like that wouldn't happen as much unintentionally.

[WingGirl]

That's kinda how it came off. I'm sorry.

[burpzzzzz]

"Men need a good salary, their own house and a good mentality before taking on that role. I was sad because I knew my 23 year old ex wasn't ready."
This is wrong. Men do not need to own a house for be a good father. In fact buying a house is the worst financial mistake a person can make. Your mistake was having sex before marriage. Also your attitude make me want to cringe. Being a single mother isn't something to be prod of.

[xHeyUx]

Yes, though I'm much older and have kids part time too. It can be a challenge taking on someone else's kids, and that's the major reason that tanked my prior relationship. It's important to manage how you, your kid (s) and prospective SO get introduced and phase your relationship in with them. ... be maybe I'm getting ahead of myself anticipating your success. Yes, people will date you.

[gGreat]

I think you are eulogizing your status too much. Being a single mom for most parts also means failing at a relationship.
I am not sure there is any correlation between being a single mom and bravery. How is it brave? If a woman is single mom and relying on state support to help her, then she is just a person of poor judgement. Why should any self respecting guy take a single mom seriously?

[snowangle]

Because birth control can fail, and she chose to keep her baby rather than abort? Not all women are comfortable ending a life inside of them.

[WingGirl]

Ew!!! I can't believe I thought you were cute!

[gGreat]

Sure that's the known risk, why be with someone who is not going to follow through in worst case scenario?
As an individual you can only control the choices you make. If as a person one knows that they can't go through with abortion, have courage to say no to sex out of marriage. Isn't that the whole point of women empowerment?
And please keep in mind I said 'for most part', so there is always an outlier scenario.
Of course in-spite of all right choices things could still go wrong, and in such cases definitely men should be open enough. But distancing yourself from any responsibility of your own actions and then expecting someone to ignore that is just malicious.

[gGreat]

@WingGirl being compassionate doesn't mean being stupid. I am here to freely share my opinion, you might not like all of them.

[snowangle]

First of all, I don't believe premarital sex has anything to do with courage. The two are just unrelated. And female empowerment is actually about enjoying our sex lives the way men are free to. If we want, of course. Not all women enjoy an active sex life, but we should be free to make that choice.

Second, would you feel the same about a guy who got a girl pregnant? Or only if he stuck around to care for his child? Or no, isn't that responsible of him to provide for a child he helped create?

Which brings us to, taking care of a child that you conceived IS taking responsibility of your actions.

[gGreat]

I think you missed my point, I didn't say no premarital sex = courage, pre marital sex is an example.
Making a conscious choice and living with it's consequences is courage, regardless what sexual organ one carries. No one can empower anyone, the notion is idiotic.
I feel very strongly about men owning up to their deed, but that's not what the question is about.
Thats why I make sure that I always use condoms. And, only with the woman I love and trust, is that thing coming off. Hence I think it's very doable, as a man being responsible. I owe it to any future child.
If a girl is sure she can't go through with abortion, don't have sex with a guy without bringing the topic up first. Is it not common sense?

[snowangle]

Is it possible that the single mother is the same as you? Maybe she was in a secure relationship and they were happy. Maybe she and her partner wanted the child together. Maybe the relationship went downhill, maybe even he was abusive or he passed away. Literally anything could have happened. A single woman having a child doesn't automatically mean she was irresponsible.

Also, my friend is currently 28 weeks pregnant even though she used a condom. So even you who usually wears a condom may end up with a surprise. Like I said, anything can happen. It's silly to judge the person on the simple fact that they have a child.

[gGreat]

All the cases that you have mentioned here are outliers. And as I said, if it is so, it has to be looked at in individual manner.

Again, it's a choice for single men too, because they would be taking up a huge responsibility. And its only out of deep care for the girl and child that it can work out. And, personally I know it's something I am not capable of as of now. Hence I am also not interested in taking advantage of such a situation either.

I am not sure how much or what kind of dating scene you have exposed yourself to.
I have been on dates where educated women start a conversation with an assumption that me being from India is an assurance that I am a sexiest at best or perverted rapist at worst. This is not exaggeration.
But I made up my mind that any girl who showed genuine interest in me, I will at least meet her once in person. Being a single mother is a deal breaker as is being a short guy or being from a specific country for girls.

[piscesbluedreams]

You contradicted yourself the moment you said you would take off your condom with someone you love & trust.

I completely understand NOT wanting to date a single mother. What I don't understand is the judgements. Maybe you are trying to rationalise your prejudices.

[gGreat]

Judgements? I gave the reasons for not dating single mother, because that's what the question is.

Yes, sex is ubiquitous and not necessarily out of intentions to be together forever ever. So in such cases I don't intend to make babies, hence the condom. I think the reasoning is pretty linear.

[WalterRadio]

Only as a throwaway, meaning I wouldn't tell her my last name or let her know where I live. They have way too much emotional baggage to let into my life. Plus anyone dumb enough to have a kid without being married isn't going to be someone I want to have multiple conversations with.

All else equal, I would rather date a married mother.

[Mexicoman101]

I wouldn't. I don't want to have my relationship complicated by some other mans children, who she'll care about more than me. I want there to he a unqiue & mutual sense of importance that motherhood tends to complicate. Definitely after having my own kids, if it doesn't work out, I would change my stance on this but I want to give a chance to my ideal life.

[Subflics]

If i knew her and liked her absolutely.
First thing that comes to mind for most guys is that they'd have to help raise the child that isn't theirs biologically which most don't want to do. How would a guy feel if the child knew and rejected him? That's something to think about too

[piscesbluedreams]

Yeah you'd have to enter a good foundation set up by the mother! It depends on the individuals dynamic and how they introduce you to the child.

[Subflics]

I agree. It's pretty sensitive process.

[kettu]

Don't worry about finding someone, I believe that whoever a parent is with, needs to be able to get along with both the parent and the child (ren). If I was single, I probably would as long as my kids are respected.

[piscesbluedreams]

That's a really cool answer. Agreed.

[kettu]

No problem. good luck hun,

[Anonymous]

''I feel like all men should date single mothers...''

https://i.imgur.com/P5TeuEh.gif

[babbiuc]

Yes. But everyone is different. So you have to find the right guy. A lot of guy are wonder about kids or "scare" because maybe they don't like kids or they don't know how to treat them... but there are some guy that don't matter about that and just look at you and how you are beautiful, or they like kid's and play with them. But for me is yes, i can date a single mom also because i think you are stronger than the others girls

[piscesbluedreams]

Aw that's sweet!

[Manuel2]

I have always dated single mothers, but how old are the kids and their father you get on with. I find some single mothers want you to bank roll their kid because the dead beat dad won't. So I am here for pussy and friendship. His kid he must pay for. That is only fair to everyone.

[Cosytoasty]

Well if you were all as great as you described... you wouldn't be single in the first place.

[piscesbluedreams]

Not all men can cope with fatherhood especially in their 20s

[WingGirl]

Okay duckface! Cause you get to judge!

[Cosytoasty]

Alright, so you're saying you mad a bad choice in choosing who you had a child with (actually a monumentally bad choice given your age too).

Soooo i'll ask, why should i date a woman who makes bad choices? Surely that'd be silly on part?

[WingGirl]

I haven't made any bad choices. My husband is up my ass 24/7 would never stray. But I sure don't judge people so harshly and presume to know what anyone else's situation is and think that you would steer clear of an awesome person because of your preconceived notions of how they got into their situation then you deserve someone as judgy and shallow as you!

[piscesbluedreams]

I didn't make a bad choice I became pregnant because I'm fertile. The last time I took the pill I ended up in hospital. I told my partner this and we used condoms (which worked effectively for a year). I knew I was okay with the consequences of having sex. And so was he. We were so incredibly in love when I was pregnant. But things change when the baby is in between the sweet space couples have. I now realise its very rare for a couple to handle that. Takes a lot of maturity and support from family. Neither of us have family in the same country.

[Cosytoasty]

@WingGirl I'm quite obviously not referring to you... But i'll bite.

Unless your husband was literally the first man who would have you, i'm going to assume you have your own requirements for a partner, right? ... Guess what, other people are entitled to have theirs.

[WingGirl]

That is completely fine and not at all what made me call you out. It was the presumption that she is going to have to go it alone so she can't be all that great. If your gonna say something mean and ridiculous to some poor girl on the internet I'm gonna give it right back cause I've had two margaritas and I'm bored.

[JayFromEngland]

If I knew at first, I think it really would put me off. But if I grew to know and like you first, then found out, I think that I'd be okay with it. You could also try looking into single dads for dating.

[LEOSTUD]

Since I have kids, my next relationship Most definitely will be with somebody with kids. It make to easy for the parents to be on the same page

[Grouch225]

Depends on how bad the kid is. And if the father has shared custody or not

[piscesbluedreams]

That's very true! I imagine both people would have to be incredibly mature and adaptable though!

[Smegskull]

No. Not because of them but because of the legal precedents that can force me to pay alimony if we break up for a kid that isn't mine and I have no rights to.

[piscesbluedreams]

I didn't even know this was a thing and I don't see how that would be possible.

[Smegskull]

Of course it's possible the law is way anti man, courts follow the deluth model ffs.
www.google.com/.../
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3672474
www.divorcenet.com/states/nationwide/palimony

[JSmuve]

If you have no problem attracting guys, why are you viewing your dating life negatively?

[piscesbluedreams]

It's one thing attracting it's another actually dating. Guys can ask you out just for one thing and I don't have time for that really!

[piscesbluedreams]

Literally not going to invite a stranger who only wants sex into my child's home.
It would have to be a special man that has patience to date outside once a week until there's trust.

[JSmuve]

So your problem is keeping a guy

[piscesbluedreams]

Well I've not tried to date anyone yet just getting a perspective from people!

[JSmuve]

So you don't really have a problem, its just you think you do based on no actual experience. Seems like you're projecting

[RuthAnn1781]

I wouldn't because I'm straight, but if I were into ladies, yeah. I don't see why I wouldn't. Kids are sweet and moms are people too

[Giacomanzo]

No, but that's because I don't have have a salary, hence no money to sustain her kid, and I surely don't want the infant to be deprived of a decent childhood.

[piscesbluedreams]

I'm sure most single mothers have enough money to support their children otherwise they wouldn't have any money to date! So it's probably a good idea to worry about your own circumstances before you consider letting someone in your life!

[Giacomanzo]

Yeah, exactly. I'm not someone who wants to mooch benefits from others, especially if that would mean to take them away from a child.

[Anonymous]

I have a list of things that if I find out a woman is I will not date her. For example if she is a gold digger or a feminist. Being a single mother is on this list. So no, I would not date a single mom.

[vjedi]

Yes, I would.
A related question, would you date a single father? Dating is actually pretty hard for us too.

[piscesbluedreams]

Of course! One great example is Steve Harvey. It's complicated but for the right man I would. NOT a replacement mother. He would also have to be excelling in his role as a father. Not looking for someone to lift the burden.. lol