Why should I beg a seat at someone else's table when I can create my own table?
First of all, I'm a childless myself. So why should I burden myself with responsibilities of children not my own. Why should I invest my resources in furthering another man's offspring and not my own. The only way I may see this work out is when I am old and the woman I'm dating has kids that are already independent.
But being a young lad who can easily get with childless women, I don't see the point in it. Next to fact I refuse to be an ATM machine to someone else's genetic offspring, there is no benefit from dating a single mother over dating a childless woman. There are way too many negatives than positives.
I have no respect for men who date single mothers unless they have come to a senior age and the kids are self-sustaining and living their own lives. Why? Because these men have no means to attract a childless woman, so they would rather go for low-hanging fruit and subjugate themselves to the misery of being a step-father, just so they have someone in their lives.
I take advice from men who went that road, and every single one advised me not to do it.
I’m w one now. Have been for 14 years. It’s been a real learning experience. If I was younger knowing what I know now. Probably not. Too much to deal w. First of all the kid will always come first, which they should. But as the man you’re competing w the kids for time. You can never really just get up and go on a trip. She doesn’t want you to replace the kid’s father but expects for you to bring food for everyone if you come over. Can’t discipline them but wants you to take care of many responsibilities, especially financially. Some want to be treated like a Queen, to prove to her that you’re worthy of her and her family when she’s really the one who needs the help. There’s just too many things to deal w. Especially if the father is a dick, never cared for his kids but the minute she started dating someone all of a sudden he’s the world’s #1 dad. Plus if you build a relationship w the kid (s) then things don’t work out it just hurts the kids. I think a lot of women who are single mothers made poor choices. Picked a douche who they thought was wild, cool, dangerous, got knocked up by him then realized he would never change. They never wanted the plain, simple hardworking man because he was boring. Now that they’re single mother’s boring men are good enough to be w her lol yes I know some women may be single due to other things like their partner died. I wouldn’t mind hooking up, but serious dating, no.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This is exactly the thing I'm talking about in my own comment section. There is very little benefit of being a step-father. It's a lose-lose situation full of risks. Researching this topic, I find your experience to be a very common thing among step-fathers. Hence why I will never become one. At least not with a woman who still is taking care of kids and not them being grown adults who already moved out.
Until that happens, if it happens, I'll stick to childless women and build my own biological family.
I was a single mother with 2 kids. Their dad is heavily involved. I can't have any more children due to medical reasons. My boyfriend was single with no kids. He is mature enough to handle us all and the fact my ex is still around and the fact I can't give him children. We are happy, life is great.
Too many needy dudes want too much of their girlfriends attention and time. A single mother’s number one priority will be their CHILD (REN). Some dudes just can’t handle that.
A responsible single mother will NOT let a new guy anywhere near their child (ren) for two reasons:(1) The new boyfriend might be a pedophile that targets single mothers to get access to kids, and the most common reason (2) A responsible single mother doesn’t need to let her child (ren) become emotionally attached to a man/men that don’t intend on hanging around long. It is unhealthy for children to see that mom has a revolving door of men in and out of the house.
Fatherless children are almost always looking for that father figure. No need for them to get hurt while their mother is dating around for the right man that can handle the responsibility.
If these children do have a father living outside the home he could seize the opportunity to sue for full custody if his child (ren) show signs of physical or emotional trauma or even manufacture false accusations.
The right guy looking to date a single mother should accept this. The wrong guy will violate those boundaries.
The right single guy will also be on the lookout for a “Susan Smith” type single mother and get himself as far away from that situation as possible. If he does come across a Susan Smith he needs to take the responsibility of alerting the authorities.
I would date a single mother but it isn't something I prefer to do.
The reason why is simple..
I had a relationship with girl and she a child so overtime I actually bonded with her child. I started caring about her child but in the end when the relationship didn't work out...
I lost not only my girlfriend but I also lost the child at the same time. Its very frustrating when you provide and take care of someone elses child, you bind with that child and then you end up with nothing in the end after investing all that time and energy into it
I have never seen what the big deal is about dating a single mother.
To each there own I guess. I understand in some ways. And think it's kinda selfish in other ways.
It's not a big deal to me. If I like the girl. Then yes I'm going to date her. I also look at it as if it's a package deal And she better treat it like her child comes first Her child is her priority her responsibility to make that child become better than her self that's the way I see it that's the way I would want it
As a bachelor, I am planning to marry a suitable bachelorette, predominantly for that loving feel good beween two happily married people.
I expect her and my children would get created as part of a joyous marriage without much planning being needed.
If it was to somehow end up being a divorcee I'd date, I'd expect her not to expect exclusivity with me since she herself is already divorced. If it was a woman with a daughter of marital age, it would be a question of marrying her daughter and not marrying her. Or perhaps having a sexual relationship with both if they are both attractive and that way inclined/happy to share a husband and a lover and to live under the same roof.
Because I don't like the types of women that would even become a single mom in most cases (women with poor judgment, women who want or are ok with having kids, women who have sex too soon. women who don't know who or what they want, etc.), and even in the rare case where she is widowed at a young age, I don't want kids, especially not some other guy's kids..
I also prefer a virgin. I'm saving myself for the right woman, only fair she does the same for me.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
9 mo
I don't want kids, and even if I did I would never be seen as the father of her kids. My half brother never saw my father and his step father as his father, even though he probably spent more time with his step father than his biological father. My bro ended up resenting his step father and rejecting any advice or discipline he got from him.
Even if we don't get married, I will still come second to her kids. Not a good position to be in as a man.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
9 mo
Probably not, but it depends on her story and how she became a single mom. Most scenarios that lead a woman into that situation are a very negative reflection on her as a woman and a person. I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman like that. Probably the only exception would be a mother whose husband died.
Also, fathers have fewer rights and privileges as parents than mothers do, so I would be hesitant to take on the risk and cost of raising a child that isn't even mine.
Date, as in occasionally hooking up to give her some dick, sure. Date, as in having anything else to do with her or especially her crotch goblin? Hell no! I'm not putting myself in a position to be seen as a father figure to somebody else's kid. Not from my semen, not my problem.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
9 mo
Well she wouldn't be my first choice. But if she proved she was WORTHY of the gamble I'd give her a shot. There's well earned stigma about single mothers
You have to understand a single mother holds about the same attraction to a man as a homeless man does to a woman.
She'd have to share me, because I'd most likely cheat. That's already a lot of baggage that I don't have, and after she has a kid she loses her looks (especially in the body) more oft than naught. If she was an 8 out of 10 in looks or higher, she might have a chance a monogamy but even then...
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Anonymous
(25-29)
9 mo
Only way I would if she was a widow, And it felt like home. Healthy and loving
but to date someone irresponsible that made a baby with some a$$ hole that’s alive and well. That can’t make relationships work, Or made poor choices absolutely not,
If she was a good woman that happened to be a widow, And was NOT a single mom by choice, If I had feelings for her I’d definitely step in.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
9 mo
We would adore dating a single mother again! We had 3 years of being happy together before she move away.
Happy open couple who like having kids around but are not ready yet for our own.
Go on ask us anything asker... Not the random guys.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
9 mo
I used to say no because it’s their fault for being a single mom if their baby daddy isn’t dead. But now, I think I can love a kid that’s not mine. I love kids, and I know I would make a great father. But it all depends on the mom. If she’s a good mother and is a sweet and caring person.
I wouldn't date a single mother because I see it as a red flag. I consider a single mother as a red flag because I see it as a sign of her irresponsibility & misfortune. I also consider a single. mother as a red flag because it would interfere with my rigid lifestyle. Thus, I don't date single mothers.
After a good friendship-period, I would. Or I don't meet the kid too much for a while at the start. Because if I get to know the kid and then lose the relationship, then I also lose the kid. Kids grown on you, it's another type of loss.
I'd feel way too uncomfortable taking on the role of a father that is missing. The only exception I'd make dating a single mother is if a old friend from high school made the the request. And that'd be one huge massive what if.
It depends on if she alienates the father.. If she makes it hard for him to be a father, either by withholding visitation, or making it financially impossible for him to see them, I would steer clear.. Most single mothers are like that, while at the same time claiming to be independent women..
