Guys: Would you date a single mother?

Question

This doesn't necessarily apply to teen mothers under the age of 18. I mean mothers who are in the early 20s to 40s.

Guys: Would you date a single mother? Or will feel that the stress of her being a mother will take away from the intimate time that you and her would have?

My step-father for example dated my mother for 4 years after asking her to marry him. They have a pretty stable relationship and balance things out like any other married couple. He loved kids so me and him were close when I was younger and they had my brother who is now 13.

I asked a group of guys on my college campus how they'll feel dating a single mother and their responses were horrendous. Probably because I expected something different. Majority of them said that they WOULD NOT date a single mother because they'll assume that she is a "slut" or "can't keep her legs closed". Those statements bothered me in so many ways. To assume that if a young woman gets pregnant she is automatically a "dirty slut" is like stereotyping single moms.

While the other group of guys said that they wouldn't care. They would date a woman based on how beautiful she is, her intelligence and the funniest one was her skills in bed.

That was me asking a young crowd of guys most under 30 years old.

So, what do you think?

Select gender and age to cast your vote:

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the honesty people. I would like to point out that I've seen some harsh comments and answers here and there, but everyone is entitled to an opinion.

GracefullyEccentric · Accepted Answer

I am currently dating a single mother at age 27. She is 28 and has one daughter who turned 8 this year.

I was quite apprehensive about dating her initially despite having experience working with kids as a volunteer youth work. Everyone in my family urged me to rethink the whole situation and find "some other nice girl." Truth be told, every stereotype I heard thrown around by friends, in particular, quickly dissipated the more time I've spent around her. She juggles so much in raising her daughter, who by the way is awesome and very well adjusted, and still manages to work extremely hard. Let's not forget she still manages to find time for me too somehow. I begin to doubt all the research that shows children in single parent families are mentally unstable.

This is the best kind of relationship you can have. I realise all the qualities that were important in parenting, listening, compassion and understanding, are quite important in adult relationships too. She has all of these amazing qualities that many childless single women probably would lack until they have children themselves and are forced to learn the art of patience. Sometimes she has to cancel of our dates for various reasons. Her daughter was sick once so she cancelled last minute on me. I can live with the occasional let down.

I probably would never have dated a single mother in my early twenties, though now I am in my late twenties there has been a change of perspective.

I hope that helps. You should not need to date someone old enough to be your Dad if you happen to be in your early 20s. There are plenty of maturer single guys in their 20s out there who might benefit from the change in perspective. I think you definitely need to make sure they are the ideal role model for your kid (s) to be around too. I'm said to be somewhat mature for my age, though a lot of the time I simply act like at 27 year old. My Dad was 27 when he had kids. Surely I can contribute something positive to the life of a stepchild if I ever hope to have kids of my own.

Best,

Ugliness · Accepted Answer

When I say yes, I mean that in hindsight since I'm married.

But when I was single I was all in favour of dating a single mother. In all that time I linked up with ONE single mother via the personal ads. The others never replied. Sadly I think I hit it off better with her little boy than I did with her and she chose not to bother with me.

But I was one who was always fond of children.

> they'll assume that she is a "slut" or "can't keep her legs closed".

Um. Or maybe she was married when the child was born and since divorced.

I don't stereotype single moms unless they have an attitude about them that deserves to be stereotyped.

But that's the same with any subculture (bikers, etc)

becca123 · Accepted Answer

I think this is very age-related. In your teens and early 20's, most people swear they never ever want kids and would never ever date someone who has them. This changes for a lot of people as they mature.

I think dating someone with kids is highly situational. At my age, for instance, I don't expect anyone to financially take care of my child or be a daddy. Ain't happening. She is mine, my responsibility. I don't let her even meet guys until there is enough time and stability in the relationship; my current boyfriend just met my daughter after dating for 6 months. Also, I have a very fortunate relationship with my ex-husband in that he doesn't interfere in my life and we are friends.

Never say never; where you are now isn't where you will be in a few years.

If you don't want to date single mothers, don't. But don't lump us all together negatively; each situation is different.

Deft_maiden · Accepted Answer

Any single mother that is worth anything would be the one who is selective and careful who she calls a boyfriend or anything else for that matter.

For all you bitter, immature, judgmental boys I hope you moms and sisters don't get a divorce and end up with a guy like you.

BriLove · Accepted Answer

tbh, now days if you are pregnant young its a  bad rap, or its a sign to gu ys that, "hey, she effed him, I can't get me a eff too!" so just saying. a 25- 40 year is grown, she should have kids already lol or starting...

Habakkuk · Answer

Definitely not. It's the #1 deal breaker for me, no matter how much I like the girl. This is for several reasons, let me name them (no offense to any single mothers, I know it's hard)

1) I can't live with the knowledge that the child that I will be raising came from another man, I feel that I may never fully accept it, which is bad for the child

2) I don't want to have the burden and responsibility of raising a kid if I don't get the privilege and pleasure of having a part in making it in the first place..

3) If I do get attached to the kid (which I probably will) then if something doesn't work out, the break up is horrible. Not only will I be losing my S.O, I will essentially be losing my child as well. So the break up is twice as hard. Also, the child is losing its father in the process.

I have nothing against single mothers, I love them to death but I would never get in a relationship with one. And this is not just a bunch of theory I'm spouting out, this exact thing happened to my best friend. He's been through that situation, and when he DID break up with his girlfriend (she broke up with him to clarify) it was very, very hard on him, and now that little girl is without her daddy.. I blame the mother in this case, but that's not always the case.

nicenthic · Answer

Men here know there are countless reasons dating a single mother is a terrible idea. Any man who unwittingly wanders into the clutches of one of these harpies is doomed from the start. Once she has her talons in him he’s stuck raising another man’s offspring and before he knows it, she’s off looking for an alpha fux (her ex in a lot of cases) to compliment her beta bux. A no-win situation for the poor sap.

Single mothers make great fuck buddies. They’re unselfish in the sack and available all the time (watch how quickly they can find a last minute babysitter when alpha cock is calling). But making her anything other than a coitus companion is a huge mistake. As soon as she gets the idea that she’s anything more than a moist hole for your salty swimmers she’ll expect to be treated like a girlfriend thinking you’ve finally taken the bait.

“How ’bout the occasional coffee date?” Nope. Bang buds are for banging, not having romantic little chats over lattes with.
“What about watching a movie at her place?” Two conditions: 1) Her kids aren’t there. 2) It leads to sex. Bounce like a bad check when the dirty deed is done.

“Friends with benefits?” Negative. She is not your friend and you ain’t givin’ her benefits. Leave that to her orbiters and the government.

Giving an SM any allowance of your time, money, or attention only leads to trouble. Underestimating her ability to weasel her way into your resources would be a gross misstep on your part. Don’t give her that opportunity. Fuck buddy is the only status she deserves.

As obvious as this is there are a lot of men out there who don’t understand that single mothers are damaged women that make terrible significant others so let me sum this up as succinctly as possible: a single mother wants nothing more than to trap a beta to provide for her children so she doesn’t have to.

Cryostatic · Answer

All my life, I said I wouldn't ever date a woman with kids. Then one day, I met an absolutely awesome woman through mutual friends who happened to have a four-year old girl from her previous, long term relationship.

Yes, daddy was still in the picture, they'd only been broken up for a few months, yes, he was a little psychotic, and yes, it's been some drama from that end.

But I've always loved kids, and her daughter is so freakin' adorable. Plus, she really is an awesome person. I fell in love with her almost immediately, she was very interested in me, and after long hours and days of reflection, I decided that whatever bullsh*t the whole situation might bring, she was worth it.

I trusted my gut, and I was right, and our relationship has been the best I've ever had.

Little-Hippie · Answer

Not Gonna Lie:

I wouldn't date a single mother with serious intentions.

We'd likely hang out and date casually, but I couldn't see myself pursuing it intently, as if I were planning to move towards marriage to this woman. More likely, it would be something that I only intended to keep going for a short period of time,

Because:

1. I hate kids

2. I like a girl who isn't tied down to the point where she can't be spontaneous.

3. The idea of raising another man's children to the woman he bore them from just seems a lot like losing the game of Darwinism.

l-hedoniste · Answer

"Would you date a single mother?" Have dated, am dating, will date.

"Or will feel that the stress of her being a mother will take away from the intimate time that you and her would have?" It would be hugely selfish of me to think that; I cannot expect her slack off on parenting to satisfy me. To the contrary, my job is to make it easy to both date me and be a parent.

"Majority of them said that they WOULD NOT date a single mother because they'll assume that she is a 'slut' or 'can't keep her legs closed'."

This is great news for single moms; these guys are *ssholes. If you were a single mom, would you want to date one of these guys, knowing what he thinks of you?

sixstring · Answer

Maybe later in life, definitely not now.

-It's a huge responsibility getting into the kids life. The last thing they need is another men coming in their life and then leaving them again. I'd need to be 100% sure I can do it on the long-run before things get too serious, which is pretty much impossible to be.

-In a relationship, the girl is my first priority. I'd like to be hers as well, but for a mother her kid(s) will always be her priority (or at least it should be.)

Anonymous · Answer

I'm mid 30's, married, three kids.

IF I were ever single again, I can only see myself having a serious relationship with someone who has kids. I love kids. I'd be happy to raise more kids, but I don't want to _have_ more kids. So in a long term relationship, I'd be looking for a woman who loves kids but doesn't want more - which sounds likely to be a single mother.

Anonymous · Answer

No, too much baggage. I don't want to spend a good portion of my life taking care of some other guy's kid. In some cases, the ex will still be around. If someone did step in, they'll eventually deal with the "you're not my father," and typically the mother defends the child over many of the things the step father says/does. I also think the relationship should start focusing on each other. Kids ruin that. In some places, if you marry a single mother and divorce her, you'll have to pay child support for the kids that aren't yours. Another thing I don't like is that some of these girls are dating crappy guys, but they ignore it, stay with them, have kids with them, and when they leave, they try to find that stable, good guy. Too much for me to deal with. I'm not going to be that guy, and I think that if any guy is willing to do those things, he should be treated like a king in the relationship. He would deserve it.

martyfellow · Answer

Sure I would, and did when I was single, but obviously such a woman isn't casual dating; you have to have a clear understanding from the start  about whether you have any intention of entering a LTR.  Its not fair to deceive her about this.

darko2002 · Answer

I've tried two times and it's hard. not because of the kids but the mere fact when something happens they hit the eject button and self destruct without wanting to work it out, or they let the father of the kid be obsessive over his former partner and expect the boyfriend to put up with him. As hurtful as the experience has been I still wouldn't let every situation dictate me dating a single mom. I'm just more careful and grow from it.

Mr_Solo_Dolo · Answer

If I had a career and she had a career and was an independent mother before I met her and started dating then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm being a little biased or just crude but I wouldn't mind providing for everybody if the kids actually had my genes and I made them.

sikoo31 · Answer

DATE? hell yeah.

Sleep with? f*** to the hell yeah.

marry? not unless I was like 25 and her kid/kids were very young, 2-5 years old.

i'm too young to start being a parent of kids that aren't even mine.

Xx_DRE_xX · Answer

Well My mom is a single mother and I remember her dating a few guys that she actually introduced to my and my younger siblings some of them were good others not so much. I guess for me I really don't seem to mind dating a woman with kids but It would seem to suck being a second priority.

Spirit156 · Answer

yes I would date her but then again I wouldn't get to know only her.. its important to know the kids aswell. I would say even if the two of us would make a great couple the kids are what really matters in a household

dx021 · Answer

Will I *CASUALLY* date a single mother? Sure. Will I EVER get seriously involved with a woman who already has another man's child?

no. I'm better than THAT. And the more I advance in my professional career and personal development, I have to ask : Why oh why would I throw my lot in with someone like that

PS a woman that got pregnant at an early age IS a dirty slut who OBVIOUSLY doesn't choose well with who she f***s

CubanRaftRider · Answer

I would be OK with it as long as she could get a sitter so we could go out on a date or something.

stewartdent · Answer

I am certainly not looking to date a single mother, but sh*t happens. I think it would largely depend on (1) how compatible I was with the girl AND (2) the circumstances of the impregnation and subsequent spilt with the father.

Anonymous · Answer

No thanks, I have trouble supporting myself as it is, I don't need to be a father figure at my age. I don't think I could handle that stress of kids in the picture. Plus, I want a family of my own.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

maybe, but unlikely. Tbh, a single mother will need to really focus a lot on the daughter and the likelihood she could focus well enough on her child (likely also work) and our relationship? Near impossible.

AlexCab · Answer

Yes, I would date her. Don't see a real reason on why I wouldn't.

ThatBritishLad · Answer

Being raised by a single mother from Balham (A mystical land where all are driven only by the snorting of hair-gel and Saturday Night Fever), I'd probably just choke her rotting children with their school lunches, then use my Brixton Blood to insert a bullet cleanly into my sweaty forehead before she can shout "Freddie Mercury!". After all, it'd save the government the effort :P

Emannn · Answer

Yes, if a kind-hearted, lovable single mother comes my way i will marry her.

She Has Enough Knowledge About Relationships. A woman who knows more about a man can handle a man well. She can understand the inner world of a man and what makes or breaks him. This might help her offer better companionship to a man.

rocksongwriter · Answer

I voted C, but there is a 99.99% chance that I would not, and a 0.01% chance that I would.

TheGoodTheBadTheHOT · Answer

Nope.

But that might have something to do with the fact of me being 17. I suppose it would depend on a few things such as;

- my salary/the combined salary

- how much I liked the girl

- and most importantly if she was upfront about having a child.

DishLady · Answer

An interesting question. Curious to see all the responses.

jbmd91 · Answer

I see nothing wrong with dating a single mom. I want to be a father someday. Not saying I'd only date single moms, but definitely not a immediate turnoff.

sweet_18 · Answer

Well I know I"m a girl, but I would not date a guy who had his kids in the picture, that would just be weird as f***

GymStatus · Answer

I would not. It would be too much drama. I would rather for her to reconcile with her baby's father if he is still alive...

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely, single moms are sexy.  Plus I like kids

etrek97 · Answer

vote B. Maybe. But now I have a girlfriend and I love her.t

4thRight · Answer

I voted "it depends.."  If she is in a country where my income (~$5000/m) goes far enough to support a small family in a manner that is comfortable, she is a good woman, I am accepted among her friends and I feel secure in her country, then yes.

Anonymous · Answer

I assume Ir-responsbility. It puts me off. So I put No way.

abc--123 · Answer

I think I'm too young for that unless I really fell in love with her.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know why women are allowed to vote (on this) girls aren't supposed to date other girls anyway. So they don't count smh

yudadagger · Answer

ofc, I don't mind if she's a single mother.

bibmichael1 · Answer

yes why not I am a single dad

spiffy11 · Answer

I most definitely would

Anonymous · Answer

never

Tassos · Answer

No, not for me.

BogeyMulligan · Answer

Nope

Guys: Would you date a single mother?

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