Should girls take the initiative more often and ask guys out?

Question

Asking someone out even for a cup of coffee is a terrifying ordeal at times, especially if you don't know who the person is. Therefore, I feel that it is kinda unfair for guys to ask us out every time. Plus, there is nothing in the act of asking someone out that would make it necessary for a guy to do, unlike lifting me in the air or something like that). Obviously, some guys are super confident and would need no assistance, but there could be others who are not so decisive. So what say people?

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

I don’t think women should ask guys out more often than they do- bc this maintains the established order of thjngs ( men being natural initiators)

I think people should just be encouraged to make a move if they are interested. Not bc they are a guy nor bc they are a woman who should give guys a break once in a while. Just a person with an interest in a person. Rather than reinforcing old ideas by trying to help out, just be a person and go after what you want

Keep in mind many women do ask guys out and many guys don’t like it. It’s a hiccup in everyone just being a person when a few are loudly complaining about it.

But on the other hand, no one has to listen to negativity. On the third hand it’s nit just in the firm if ckmkjsjbts. It’s little subtle and not so subtle messages all day long.

It’s romantic for guys to Persye women ir be preoccupied by a girl. A woman can maybe ask out once to coffee , but anything else desperate and if she does even ask him to coffee she has to be making some kind of feminist statement. She can’t just “be”. It’s not simply a matter of women doing it more. Guys have to learn to be fiexhvje and huge up their proverbial seat at the table.

syxibxni · Accepted Answer

Rejection and failure is two of the many things I hate in life. And I'm one of those people that hates the thought of going out alone and is super nervous whenever I walk in public alone. So you can guess how much courage I had to muster to ask this guy out to watch Wonder Woman with me. He agreed at first and so I booked everything. On the day itself, he didn't reply to my message and I was nervous at the thought of him ghosting on me but I reassured myself that maybe his phone died or something and I'll just wait for him at the entrance. Of course, in the end he's a no show. First time I watched a movie (or went out to the mall) alone. Went into the toilet before the movie starts to calm myself and complain to my sister. Didn't contact me at all since. But he told my brother that his phone got spoilt or something and he looked for me around the mall. I don't know what to say but honestly if he had a brain, he could've waited at the entrance of the cinema since that's where all the patrons will be passing by and he could've seen me there. But, whatever. I don't dare take risks anymore or ask guys out after that.

Nexovous · Accepted Answer

Ya, sometimes I have no idea a girl is in to me so I don't make an effort to get to know her if she doesn't immediately catch my eye on the physical level. Though, if she just at least talked to me and maybe implied her interest I would otherwise be stocked to hang out some time. There's also the girl who doesn't know how to subtle check a guy out and comes across weird or creepy and I don't plan to talk to her because she's always looking at me "weird". Also, the other day there was a girl in Walmart at self checkout who I cought checking me out way too many times and she was very obvious with her interest and what threw me off the most was that she was standing right next to her boyfriend. I'm not really a sex fiend unless i'm in a relationship with a girl so I find that kind of thing unattractive. Don't be that girl.

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

Yes I think it would be more fair if girls shared that "responsibility". The pressure can be quite heavy as a guy. Same thing on dating apps, it's presumed the guy has to take the first step.

The reason some guys are all confident about it is because they either saw the simplicity in it or they've been doing it so much that it doesn't require much effort anymore.
It's also more common that these types of guys are players, because they find it easier to pick up girls. I think that's also why some girls feel like they only meet untrustworthy guys. Because that's the sort of guy that approach strangers with succsess. Ofc not all are the same but it sort of makes sense.

Logorithim · Answer

Yes, they should and the main reasons why are they get the guys that they want to go out with them, not just the one who asks, as well as not having to wait around for a guy to ask them out.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Guys fal Into that dumb gender stereotype and It really Is just dumb. what's worse Is the excuses that women make up to defend this stupid stereotype If a guy likes me then he should make the approach or I'm not approaching cause I got my heart broken It just so stupid us aren't all confident and for avereag dudes working up the confidence to tell a female only to get rejected Is a pretty big deal but we get back up and eventually try again. To say you got hurt one time so your not ever trying again Is such a close minded attitude to have. Us guy have to approach make the girl like us, set up the date, plan what to do on the date , pick the girl up for the date and pay for the date. but because your s female you get to just sit back and do nothing yet there are those females who want every single thing to be equal for men and women I don't get It. What's worse some females are just disrespectful In the way they reject guys espicaly the more attractive females that claim they get aoorached all the time so I guess it give them the right to just be direspctful. But sorry I went on a bit of a rant. Yes I do think females should aprraoch men more Ibeliev It would change the dating game way mire and really help remove all of the pressure placed on guys In dating bumble dies It why can't we seriously.

Shar98 · Answer

Yes. The whole men should approach women thing that society created doesn't benefit any party really. Some guys don't approach women Just like that. If a women Just hopes she gets approached, while she feels she could approach herself, and doesn't she probably won't be happy either. Both the man and woman see a wasted opportunity. Food for thought is that a guy who approaches women like it's no problem may very well approach 5 other women that same day. This womanizer isn't relationship material, but hé is the one that will approach you. If you're afraid of not feeling feminine: try it and see how it feels. The Guy could always still prove himself or whatever if needed later on.

Hityahardman · Answer

People should be more initiative if they are interested, regardless of the gender.

From my experience, unless i think he likes me too i won't ask him out. (Most) men are dominant in their instinct and their natural reaction is to approach first if theyre interested. This can be translated to his feelings about us

Bliss-taylor · Answer

I'd prefer to be the one asked out. It's just an attractive quality when a guy is confident and takes control. I would and have asked guys out though. I'm sure a lot of guys would want women to be more forward in that way, maybe even for the same reasons.

MaximisPryme · Answer

Absolutely they should... If women only let guys do the footwork, then they are BY DEFAULT filtering out many, if not all the 'good guys'... If you let guys approach you, you are only letting the jerks/players date them... I say that, because all the players/jerks are always the ones that are good at pursuing women... I am sure that there is a really nice guy in the shadows, that is too shy to ask you...

It bugs the snot out of me, when women complain that they only attract 'bad boys'... Well, maybe if they started pursuing men themselves, you may find that really nice guy that was just too shy to ask her out.

Feminism is all about equality in society... Let's try to follow that trend with asking men out shall we, instead of gender roles/privileges?

Sad_Anime_Boy · Answer

Yeah definitely. I know a shit ton of guys (myself included) feel shitty about themselves a lot because they feel like they don't deserve love when there's probably more than one girl out there who likes them but is too nervous to say anything. I've heard plenty of stories about guys like that in high school who reconnected with a ton of people from high schoool on like Facebook or whatever DECADES later and the girls were like "Oh yeah I totally had a crush on you." I feel like it would be a win win for everyone if girls started asking out guys more.

Trentonator · Answer

Men are hunters. It's in our nature to do such things. While that can be exciting for the majority of us there are a few that are an exception to that. Same with women. Most of you want to be pursued, but if you don't personally feel that way then don't let anyone stop you from doing the hunting. If a guy turns you down (which he probably won't) especially due to feeling imasculated or something stupid like that then move on and ask the next lucky guy.

spartan55 · Answer

I say good for you for recognizing that guys are the ones who take the most initiative, and therefore have the most exposure to rejection. Think about that terrifying feeling you mentioned when asking someone out and imagine going through that every time you date. Good times.

Shane_B · Answer

Yes 1000%.

If girls did this more, I might actually find someone who has an intrest in me for once in my life.

But every girl looks at me like I'm some ugly perverted freak and they avoid me/ ignore me/ or reject me and say 'I have a bf' or 'Your not my type'.

I guess I'm gonna be single and a virgin till the day I die...

ShardsofGlass · Answer

Just ask. If you see someone you like go for it, sometimes guys are just clueless and need someone to come to them.

At least if you try then you can find out the answer, rather than never trying and never know. Or you wait too long and he loses interest and goes for someone else.

Specka02 · Answer

Absolutely I think we both deserve the chance to be able to ask the person we fancy out.  So many times when ya women have to wait for the guy to ‘man up’ and ask us out

Meninist · Answer

Women usually give “fear of rejection” as a reason why women shouldn’t ask men out.

Bitch please, you don’t think men fear rejection? You don’t think it makes us feel like shit? We hate it, but women seem to think we can just bounce back from it whereas women can’t.

They also want to consistently challenge society in order to achieve equality, yet when it comes to things like how horribly one sided they help make the dating game, they refuse to acknowledge they’re doing anything wrong.

deric_97 · Answer

Man some dudes just really like confident girls (me, for one). Girls that really don't care about what people think, girls that are just being themselves, when you take initiative, you put yourselves a step ahead than other girls, it'll make you appear confident, in my dictionary, attractive.

JayParris · Answer

No.

Women can't handle rejection, plus if I were interested and available, I'd casually start a conversation and go from there. I've had women overtly hit on me, and they can be every bit as creepy as men. That's actually what taught me to be very casual about it. One chick was really hot, but her awkwardness kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

I'm not bold to ask a girl out often, but if a girl is bold enough to ask me out, she's getting turned down. If she's not willing to wait for my move, then we're going to have a problem.

If she's going to take issue with something as trivial as me waiting to ask, she'll have a lot more to complain about after going out.

One girl asked me out; I ghosted her.

MackToday · Answer

Girls do pursue guys , and will even be pests about it. All men have been chased and bothered by women they didn't really have any interest in. They don't ask you out as often as they just hint around a lot. Whether it seems fair or not that men usually ask is irrelevant though. Human beings evolved the way we are and you can't change it. Men and women are different, they have different psychologies and different gender roles evolved along side that.

Caelum86 · Answer

I don't think it's a good idea... Eventually it will lead to more women proposing... NOT a good idea.
First, because your much more likely to get ditched... This will ask when/if they are ready. Or he will wimp out and say yes when he doesn't feel it... Not a good recipe.
Also with our society being as fair as it's getting... The person doing the asking should be the one doing the paying. And you women may want to lie your asses off... But we all know you want the man to use that wallet...

lostgirl_searching · Answer

I always thought that the girl should make the first move. I always do it especially when he seems shy to even walk up to me to even say hi.

spinfire86 · Answer

Sure, just be ready to handle rejection. It's a good thing for everyone to learn. Often times men excel in things, not because they are better but because there is less pressure to be perfect. Part of "being a man" is to "take it like a man." If there was less pressure on women to be perfect in what they do, then asking a guy out wouldn't be as scary, because the rejection would be more acceptable to her, internally or externally

OpenWine · Answer

yea maybe even being more obvious about your intentions would do fine.
there is no need for an approach from the woman itself but there is a need for women (who are not already that way) to be more straightforward with what they want and be more obvious about liking someone (eye contact n such).
if you are able to get out of your shell feel free to do so

Philyouup · Answer

It would be lovely if women started sharing some of the task of asking out a person... But I doubt it will every happen.. Girls are already too scared of rejection, and its easier to say no, than to say, "How a bout a cup of coffee sometime?" to a stranger.. And some guys have a sensitive ego that could bruise and would be put off by a girl strong enough to ask a guy out. I see it as a threat to their masculinity, and girls know this.

Catie101 · Answer

I think girls should. I'm trying to take my own advice but it is terrifying. I don't want a guy to choose me though, I want to choose him. In this scenario, I more or less have to do the pursuing... ahhh

MyExBackCoach · Answer

Yes! Guys like to be shown interest and feel attractive, desired, etc. as well as women. If a lot of women would get out of their own way and make things easier for good guys, their (women's) own lives would be easier.

illan · Answer

I would love that! But ask if he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend) first. really nice way to do it would be to ask. *IF* I were to ask you for coffee, would you say yes? That way you haven't actually asked the question so it avoids the awkward no but if he says yes, then you know! And if it's no you will probably get a very honest reason why that person can't or the timing or they are taken without suffering the rejection.

bubble_tea · Answer

I think yes. You will either get to pick out your boyfriend or you will get over your crush very fast. Either way it's a win.

Teddy51 · Answer

Of they want to go out, yes. They take much less risk than a guy in making the inquiry, and they can be just as picky with their partners. I don't see how it's anything less than inpowering to start going after what you want. They won't, though. Not in a majority of cases, at least.(reasons will vary)

Buckzor · Answer

We wish, but it'll never happen because of the minority of guys who's ego gets deflated by not being able to "chase" or whatever.

That being said, I think both should do it, but then if both are shy it'll never happen, which is an issue.

theharlequin · Answer

A lot of guys would probably approve, but I've never yet gone out with a girl who has asked me out. It's an immediate turnoff for me, but I'm sure I'm in the minority.

ladyduke · Answer

It has been going on or it might have been that it had been going on. You do not know how you smell around others. You do not want to know what those scents are. The day you care... But be pragmatic...

Anonymous · Answer

The reality is, if you want better dating outcomes you have to be the one asking. Otherwise you just get what comes your way. For really hot girls, what comes there way is pretty much everything, so they don't really need to do the asking. But for most, you're likely to end up with someone you like better if you go out there and look for it rather than waiting for it to come to you.

CandacePerry · Answer

Most of I guys I ask out turn out be player. Not letting me chase guys around . guys should chase me.

zaza111 · Answer

Yes, we should take more initiatives, I am preparing right now to make a move on someone, will see how it goes, I have never did it before...

jsdfreedom · Answer

Sure! Neither I, nor any guy I have ever known has turned down a woman who puts herself out there and comes on to us. There's something about that confidence that most of us find irresistable.

alexb07 · Answer

Yeah well personally, I think it's nothing strange or weird if a girl wants to make the first move. Some people seem to against this by saying propose things or asking someone out on a date should be a guy thing while the world has been calling for gender equality!!! All genders should feel free to do what they feel like, people should change their thoughts and stop being sexist!!

Vicky157 · Answer

I'm way way way too nervous to do that sort of thing. I've honestly never even had a boyfriend and I think this is the main reason, and apparently I friend zone guys, but I really don't even notice that I do it. I'm just not a flirty person.

beeks · Answer

I think girls should. For an average guy it takes us a lot of confidence to go up to a girl. And most of the time we don't even make the effort because of the fear of being denied. Asking someone out is a scary thing but I think times have changed where woman asking someone out should be socially acceptable and might become the norm

Ronlbaam · Answer

I dont think a girl should ever ask a guy out explicitly. If a guy can't work up the courage to ask, he doesn't deserve the date. But, i do think girls should try harder to let guys know that its ok to ask them out. Give us some more hints. These days gusy dont grow up with as much practise being social and in the beginning girls are SCARY AS F***

MrMAC777 · Answer

It would be refreshing to not have to constantly analyze and read signals that might not even be there in the first place. So yes ladies, please ask the guy the like out more often, or make it known that you would be interested.

MaxPlum · Answer

It's 2018! If women want to fully bring out gender equality then let's get rid of that dilapidated tradition where men have to chase women and pay for all the dates.

mattai787 · Answer

Yes definitely! When you know the guy is shy and an introvert, and if you like him.. Go ahead and ask him out! Whats the big deal? Why do you girls keep waiting and then nothing develops?

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone says yes like suddenly they will get the same amount of attention a girl gets. My response is no need. If i aproach a girl and she turns me down there is no need for her to make the firstmove because she wasn't into me to begin with

AngelJames · Answer

Yes, Yes, Yes!  Women have been striving for equality forever, so yes, get up and be the first to ask.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

Of course they should. Sometimes you won't find who you want because they don't approach you first. Sometimes you have to take things in your own hands.

MaddyMax · Answer

Yeah, it could speed up the process and make you look more attractive, since confidence is a attractive quality.

ilakya · Answer

We speak about gender equality and most of the time everyone expect men to take initiative. Men are also insecure. So women can ask out , will take of the burden from some guys

Subflics · Answer

Here's the F'ing problem with guys only asking girls out. You all (girls) hate asshole guys but it turns out most of the asshole guys are the only one to approach and ask out girls. Think about that one for a sec.

InsertCoolName · Answer

Yes. in my opinion the ratio should be close to 50/50, not because "muh equality", but because relationships should be based on respect and sharing of responsibility, which isn't well reflected if guys are expected to take care of all the work

Blonde401 · Answer

I don’t ask anyone out anymore. Tired of embarrassing myself!

Cheer1785 · Answer

I don’t think so guys are the ones that they should ask the girl out and not the other way around

Kentaiwan · Answer

Ummm, girls can take the initiative first and see how the guy will react, and then determine your next step, like back off or do something further.

md_tilley · Answer

Absoultely, The common mindset is that guys should ask girls out. We will probably say yes 100000 percent of the time because we've never been asked to do anything like that by a girl, so.

djmzes · Answer

Same question  Same answer Same result

Dread1987 · Answer

Absolutely. It's a common gender stereotype that the guy always has to chase the girl or more the first move and that sucks. Not all guys are as outgoing and not all guys are going to be. A girl taking the initiative can really help.

skittles2017 · Answer

Girls should take more often the I initiative... if they like the guy then they should do it instead of waiting for them to do a move... maybe they won't because we're not very smart some of us and don't pick up the signs...

tolerableasalways · Answer

Yes, everyone is demanding equality right now and women should be held at the same standards as men, especially in relationships. It's not fair to put the entire burden of initiating first contact on to one person.

1nquisitiveAF · Answer

One should be clear & upfront with his/her feelings, regardless the gender term. being reticent will only reduce the possibility.

Scarlettblaze · Answer

Absolutely! Taking the initiative is great, doesn't matter the gender. :)

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes i think more girls should ask guys out cause there's lot of shy guys out here who are afraid to ask a girl out.

bendogtoy13 · Answer

I'd say go for it. Guys can be oblivious at times or even chicken.

Should girls take the initiative more often and ask guys out?

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