Should girls take the initiative more often and ask guys out?

[Anonymous]

Asking someone out even for a cup of coffee is a terrifying ordeal at times, especially if you don't know who the person is. Therefore, I feel that it is kinda unfair for guys to ask us out every time. Plus, there is nothing in the act of asking someone out that would make it necessary for a guy to do, unlike lifting me in the air or something like that). Obviously, some guys are super confident and would need no assistance, but there could be others who are not so decisive. So what say people?

Updates

+1 y

Edit: Well, I didn't log onto my GaG account for the last 5-6 days due to an assingment I needed to complete, so you can imagine how surprised and delighted to see so many responses.
It is really great to see so many of you supporting this proposition, since I personally feel that this is one of the traditions that have outlived their usefulness. It would be a huge confidence booster for women to work up the courage to ask men out and would reduce the stress on men...

[VIVANT]

I don’t think women should ask guys out more often than they do- bc this maintains the established order of thjngs ( men being natural initiators)

I think people should just be encouraged to make a move if they are interested. Not bc they are a guy nor bc they are a woman who should give guys a break once in a while. Just a person with an interest in a person. Rather than reinforcing old ideas by trying to help out, just be a person and go after what you want

Keep in mind many women do ask guys out and many guys don’t like it. It’s a hiccup in everyone just being a person when a few are loudly complaining about it.

But on the other hand, no one has to listen to negativity. On the third hand it’s nit just in the firm if ckmkjsjbts. It’s little subtle and not so subtle messages all day long.

It’s romantic for guys to Persye women ir be preoccupied by a girl. A woman can maybe ask out once to coffee , but anything else desperate and if she does even ask him to coffee she has to be making some kind of feminist statement. She can’t just “be”. It’s not simply a matter of women doing it more. Guys have to learn to be fiexhvje and huge up their proverbial seat at the table.

[Nerdking]

Not sure I've heard a guy complain about being asked out before in my lifetime

[VIVANT]

@Nerdking

have you ever asked a guy out?

[VIVANT]

I thin women who approach guys just do it. We don’t do it thinking I’m a women approaching guys for a change. It’s just a rational thing to do if you like someone. Women don’t need to be encouraged to do it there just needs to not be emphasis on any particular sexual doing it. Without ibstruction people will do what they need to do to get what they want.

Women are not tokd they are entitled to men intestate they are tokd NOT to do it themselves , or they can do it as an exception , which is still making men the default. . Take thatcaway and it will even out.

[syxibxni]

Rejection and failure is two of the many things I hate in life. And I'm one of those people that hates the thought of going out alone and is super nervous whenever I walk in public alone. So you can guess how much courage I had to muster to ask this guy out to watch Wonder Woman with me. He agreed at first and so I booked everything. On the day itself, he didn't reply to my message and I was nervous at the thought of him ghosting on me but I reassured myself that maybe his phone died or something and I'll just wait for him at the entrance. Of course, in the end he's a no show. First time I watched a movie (or went out to the mall) alone. Went into the toilet before the movie starts to calm myself and complain to my sister. Didn't contact me at all since. But he told my brother that his phone got spoilt or something and he looked for me around the mall. I don't know what to say but honestly if he had a brain, he could've waited at the entrance of the cinema since that's where all the patrons will be passing by and he could've seen me there. But, whatever. I don't dare take risks anymore or ask guys out after that.

[davidrees]

Don't let that one douchebag scar you for life! I'm sure there are guys out there that want to go see a movie with you and are just waiting for you to ask.

[syxibxni]

Maybe one day, when I've gathered enough courage again lol. It's hard to trust that the other person wouldn't back out.

[davidrees]

Noooo! Have some self confidence!

[syxibxni]

I am confident. My pride just can't take rejection or failure much.

[Nexovous]

Lol, i conquered the hell out of that shit. If i want to go do anything alone i'm down and doing it already. Race bmx bikes? Take my bike to the track and find randoms to race. Want to play laser tag? Fuck it, 14 year olds always play that shit and i always get my ass kicked but hey! It's fun! (It's embarrassing to be named "Princess peach" and have a 14 year old smack talk you after a game. That's how i met his sister though ;). She's a babe!) I mean shit, if i want to go watch a movie alone, which seems to be a cardinal sin of movie going to most people our age not to mention. I'll be the guy with a big soda and a bucket of popcorn and my feet stretched out in front of me looking 110% chill like i was watching this shit at home. Funny thing is when you can do things alone and don't require others with you it gets easier and easier to do it again and again. Along with the fact that it actually gain attention to some degree.

[Nexovous]

When you can do things alone like that and confidently, people tend to gravitate and want to be a part of your activity before you even realized what happened. I mean, just today i went out of the house and decided i ended up were i ended up. Turns out i ended up at a gaming lounge playing video games on pc's and i ended up playing PUBG with a complete stranger and by the way i fucking suck at that game! He invited to me get tacos so i said fuck it! We talked and i got to know a lot about the random dude and completely exited my comfort zone by a damn long shot. I was in what i would consider a sketchy bar that happens to sell tacos. Place had good tacos though and the waitress was a bombshell who from what i could tell had an eye for me. Better yet, the guy i was with knew her. Connection? The point i'm making is be the person who goes out on their own because the exposure will do you more good then always leaning on your friends for confidence when you're with them.

[Nexovous]

Ya, sometimes I have no idea a girl is in to me so I don't make an effort to get to know her if she doesn't immediately catch my eye on the physical level. Though, if she just at least talked to me and maybe implied her interest I would otherwise be stocked to hang out some time. There's also the girl who doesn't know how to subtle check a guy out and comes across weird or creepy and I don't plan to talk to her because she's always looking at me "weird". Also, the other day there was a girl in Walmart at self checkout who I cought checking me out way too many times and she was very obvious with her interest and what threw me off the most was that she was standing right next to her boyfriend. I'm not really a sex fiend unless i'm in a relationship with a girl so I find that kind of thing unattractive. Don't be that girl.

[CaptainOverthink]

Yes I think it would be more fair if girls shared that "responsibility". The pressure can be quite heavy as a guy. Same thing on dating apps, it's presumed the guy has to take the first step.

The reason some guys are all confident about it is because they either saw the simplicity in it or they've been doing it so much that it doesn't require much effort anymore.
It's also more common that these types of guys are players, because they find it easier to pick up girls. I think that's also why some girls feel like they only meet untrustworthy guys. Because that's the sort of guy that approach strangers with succsess. Ofc not all are the same but it sort of makes sense.

[Logorithim]

Yes, they should and the main reasons why are they get the guys that they want to go out with them, not just the one who asks, as well as not having to wait around for a guy to ask them out.

[MLGbreezy]

Guys fal Into that dumb gender stereotype and It really Is just dumb. what's worse Is the excuses that women make up to defend this stupid stereotype If a guy likes me then he should make the approach or I'm not approaching cause I got my heart broken It just so stupid us aren't all confident and for avereag dudes working up the confidence to tell a female only to get rejected Is a pretty big deal but we get back up and eventually try again. To say you got hurt one time so your not ever trying again Is such a close minded attitude to have. Us guy have to approach make the girl like us, set up the date, plan what to do on the date , pick the girl up for the date and pay for the date. but because your s female you get to just sit back and do nothing yet there are those females who want every single thing to be equal for men and women I don't get It. What's worse some females are just disrespectful In the way they reject guys espicaly the more attractive females that claim they get aoorached all the time so I guess it give them the right to just be direspctful. But sorry I went on a bit of a rant. Yes I do think females should aprraoch men more Ibeliev It would change the dating game way mire and really help remove all of the pressure placed on guys In dating bumble dies It why can't we seriously.

[Naruto_Uzumaki]

The stupidest thing you did is that you judged someone based on their personal experience.
Have you ever thought about the fact that not every guy is nice to you? Have you ever thought about the fact that some guys play with people's feelings? Apparently not or else you wouldn't say such shit about people you don't even know
Who gave you the right to judge someone that you haven't even met in person?
You're not better than anyone else so don't act all high and mighty

[Shar98]

Yes. The whole men should approach women thing that society created doesn't benefit any party really. Some guys don't approach women Just like that. If a women Just hopes she gets approached, while she feels she could approach herself, and doesn't she probably won't be happy either. Both the man and woman see a wasted opportunity. Food for thought is that a guy who approaches women like it's no problem may very well approach 5 other women that same day. This womanizer isn't relationship material, but hé is the one that will approach you. If you're afraid of not feeling feminine: try it and see how it feels. The Guy could always still prove himself or whatever if needed later on.

[Hityahardman]

People should be more initiative if they are interested, regardless of the gender.

From my experience, unless i think he likes me too i won't ask him out. (Most) men are dominant in their instinct and their natural reaction is to approach first if theyre interested. This can be translated to his feelings about us

[Bliss-taylor]

I'd prefer to be the one asked out. It's just an attractive quality when a guy is confident and takes control. I would and have asked guys out though. I'm sure a lot of guys would want women to be more forward in that way, maybe even for the same reasons.

[MaximisPryme]

Absolutely they should... If women only let guys do the footwork, then they are BY DEFAULT filtering out many, if not all the 'good guys'... If you let guys approach you, you are only letting the jerks/players date them... I say that, because all the players/jerks are always the ones that are good at pursuing women... I am sure that there is a really nice guy in the shadows, that is too shy to ask you...

It bugs the snot out of me, when women complain that they only attract 'bad boys'... Well, maybe if they started pursuing men themselves, you may find that really nice guy that was just too shy to ask her out.

Feminism is all about equality in society... Let's try to follow that trend with asking men out shall we, instead of gender roles/privileges?

[Sad_Anime_Boy]

Yeah definitely. I know a shit ton of guys (myself included) feel shitty about themselves a lot because they feel like they don't deserve love when there's probably more than one girl out there who likes them but is too nervous to say anything. I've heard plenty of stories about guys like that in high school who reconnected with a ton of people from high schoool on like Facebook or whatever DECADES later and the girls were like "Oh yeah I totally had a crush on you." I feel like it would be a win win for everyone if girls started asking out guys more.

[Trentonator]

Men are hunters. It's in our nature to do such things. While that can be exciting for the majority of us there are a few that are an exception to that. Same with women. Most of you want to be pursued, but if you don't personally feel that way then don't let anyone stop you from doing the hunting. If a guy turns you down (which he probably won't) especially due to feeling imasculated or something stupid like that then move on and ask the next lucky guy.

[spartan55]

I say good for you for recognizing that guys are the ones who take the most initiative, and therefore have the most exposure to rejection. Think about that terrifying feeling you mentioned when asking someone out and imagine going through that every time you date. Good times.

[Shane_B]

Yes 1000%.

If girls did this more, I might actually find someone who has an intrest in me for once in my life.

But every girl looks at me like I'm some ugly perverted freak and they avoid me/ ignore me/ or reject me and say 'I have a bf' or 'Your not my type'.

I guess I'm gonna be single and a virgin till the day I die...

[ShardsofGlass]

Just ask. If you see someone you like go for it, sometimes guys are just clueless and need someone to come to them.

At least if you try then you can find out the answer, rather than never trying and never know. Or you wait too long and he loses interest and goes for someone else.

[Specka02]

Absolutely I think we both deserve the chance to be able to ask the person we fancy out.
So many times when ya women have to wait for the guy to ‘man up’ and ask us out

[IsoUser]

With all do respect, why shouldn't girls/women ask guy for cup of coffee, Please tell me me we don't have to be PC an Start " Another Dochebaggery #Menslivesmattertoo" LMAO

[Meninist]

Women usually give “fear of rejection” as a reason why women shouldn’t ask men out.

Bitch please, you don’t think men fear rejection? You don’t think it makes us feel like shit? We hate it, but women seem to think we can just bounce back from it whereas women can’t.

They also want to consistently challenge society in order to achieve equality, yet when it comes to things like how horribly one sided they help make the dating game, they refuse to acknowledge they’re doing anything wrong.

[deric_97]

Man some dudes just really like confident girls (me, for one). Girls that really don't care about what people think, girls that are just being themselves, when you take initiative, you put yourselves a step ahead than other girls, it'll make you appear confident, in my dictionary, attractive.

[JayParris]

No.

Women can't handle rejection, plus if I were interested and available, I'd casually start a conversation and go from there. I've had women overtly hit on me, and they can be every bit as creepy as men. That's actually what taught me to be very casual about it. One chick was really hot, but her awkwardness kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

[JayParris]

The problem is that women don't seem to know how to show clear signs of interest. A woman who has charm can lure a man she's interested in from across the room. She can make the first move without moving at all.

[Adam_INTJ]

I'm not bold to ask a girl out often, but if a girl is bold enough to ask me out, she's getting turned down. If she's not willing to wait for my move, then we're going to have a problem.

If she's going to take issue with something as trivial as me waiting to ask, she'll have a lot more to complain about after going out.

One girl asked me out; I ghosted her.

[SoCk3t_PoCk3tZ]

You sound like a twat

[SoCk3t_PoCk3tZ]

As if you would ghost a girl jus cos she had more balls than you 😂

[Adam_INTJ]

Well considering that we disagree religiously and that she is suuuper boring, it would have sucked if I tried to keep that going.

If I'm a twat, fine. Then my girlfriend has gotta deal with a twat. But I'm not going to put up with a girl that can't wait. Guys get cucked by girls like that. My own dad did. I'm not putting up with it.

I'm a man, so I take the lead; people who get in my way will be rolled over, and I prefer not to roll over girls.

[Adam_INTJ]

Pff. Hilarious that you think you even know what it really is to have balls.

Yes I ghosted her.

No she didn't have balls; she had autism, so she's not predisposed to care about what people think of her asking me out.

[Djaay]

Dude , right on man. keep your morals and principles. Don't listen to these emasculated pathetic cucks with 0 ambition or a bunch of feministic women. Its just Eve and all the Adams following her.

[MackToday]

Girls do pursue guys , and will even be pests about it. All men have been chased and bothered by women they didn't really have any interest in. They don't ask you out as often as they just hint around a lot. Whether it seems fair or not that men usually ask is irrelevant though. Human beings evolved the way we are and you can't change it. Men and women are different, they have different psychologies and different gender roles evolved along side that.

[Caelum86]

I don't think it's a good idea... Eventually it will lead to more women proposing... NOT a good idea.
First, because your much more likely to get ditched... This will ask when/if they are ready. Or he will wimp out and say yes when he doesn't feel it... Not a good recipe.
Also with our society being as fair as it's getting... The person doing the asking should be the one doing the paying. And you women may want to lie your asses off... But we all know you want the man to use that wallet...

[lostgirl_searching]

I always thought that the girl should make the first move. I always do it especially when he seems shy to even walk up to me to even say hi.

[spinfire86]

Sure, just be ready to handle rejection. It's a good thing for everyone to learn. Often times men excel in things, not because they are better but because there is less pressure to be perfect. Part of "being a man" is to "take it like a man." If there was less pressure on women to be perfect in what they do, then asking a guy out wouldn't be as scary, because the rejection would be more acceptable to her, internally or externally