Why do some men chase women out of their league then complain?

[Anonymous]

a lot of guys especially guys my age do this. they chase girls who are hot/attractive and way out of their league looks wise and expect her to say yes. some people dont believe in leagues but lets be real here i am not going to approach a ridiciously hot guy and expect him to say yes. unless the man is attractive or has something to offer i understand why he would approach such a girl. plus these kind of men also approach these attractive women expecting to get along with them just because they look good , i just dont understand because whats wrong with being with a girl who isn't super attractive? everyone around my age these days seems to just wanna be with the hottest , the prettiest regardless of how they themselves look.
and dont take this personally because i said 'some' men not all.

[Anonymous]

It’s evolutionarily embedded in us. See it as a default setting. But since no one handed us a manual it’s kinda hard to change said default settings. Evolutionary pressures for mate selection differ for genders. Women seek men that will do (broadly speaking) two things: produce healthy, viable children and provide support during the vulnerable period of child birth. Since humans have a long gestation period and a ridiculously long childhood that second part is much more important for our species. Women who had children alone in the wild were targeted as prey far more often than women with a mate. Meaning women who didn’t value mate compatibility as well as general attractiveness didn’t contribute to the gene pool much Men on the other hand only have one evolutionary pressure produce healthy viable children and our parental sides come about only due to the fact that men who stuck around gave their kids higher chance of survival. Men who didn’t stick around didn’t suffer as much as single women because they could spread their genes around more than the man who committed. So men although they can be and often are very similar to women the roots of our brain are wired up from a different set of instinctual patterns. Same end goals but different paths. So men from a cold scientific view point would receive more value for repeatedly shooting at the women of “highest value” seeing long term compatibility as a secondary issue. Not saying this is how things ought to be just stating how it is.

[Asker]

i agree very much. quite depressing but science isn't supposed to be fair.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah science is depressing but it’s mostly just a type of history. An attempted objective observational history but still a history. It was never meant to be something to bring hope to us. It’s just a tool. We get to decide how to use it. And if you believe that at least a few good people exist then I don’t see why it’d be a bad decision to believe they’d eventually be successful in making everything a little better for everyone over time. Better than living with an unnecessary absolutist negative assumption about the world.

[boggboss]

The reason there are no leagues is because there is no objective attraction we all find differnt things attractive yes asking someone out and feeling they must say yes is stupid but just saying u don't look as hood as someone means u are not allowed to try is plain stupid

[Asker]

sure some of it is subjective but anyone with eyes can know the difference between an unattractive and an attractive person , in an objective way of course. and obviously most attractive people are with other attractive or sometimes slightly above average/average people. looks play an important role on attraction since its mostly about passing down your genetics and reproduction.

[boggboss]

Yes it's important but like I said a lot is subjective if u have been on here lo g enough u will understand that nearly all body types are desired by one said group of guys and when u say objective attractiveness that just comes down to how easy on the eyes u are and for that not all are as harsh as u would think

[iva_m]

I think it's natural to go after and want something you're the most attracted to, but the problem comes in when people start getting bitter about rejection. Some guys for ex. expect a girl not to reject them just because they are being 'nice'. These type of guys think being nice to a woman means they deserve to get 'a chance' with her, even tho she's not pshysically attracted to him, or maybe as you call it, "out of his league" (even tho I don't believe in leagues, I think either you're attracted to them or not, cuz I know people that get attracted to conventionally/socially unattractive considered people).

[Anonymous]

Meh... there really should be more to it, other than just looks. Like most people I know who have liked guys below thier league, like them because of personality. If personality is awesome everything else falls into place

But, knowing the perspective of one of my guy friends who has openly admitted to liking girls way out of his league, he just likes them he wants a person who looks good 🤷🏻‍♀️ And a few other qualities, what can any of us do?

“even if the ball is all the way on the end of the court, you still miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for thanks for then mho😊

[Logorithim]

It's the disappointment of getting turned down. Nobody likes it, no matter how realistic their chances were. I have to disagree with you on not hitting on someone "out of your league". I think both guys and girls should do this at least some of the time, while understanding that they will probably get turned down. It's good for your self-confidence to try and have a good convo, let alone if you succeed. It's also good practice, especially for controlling your nerves and talking to an extremely attractive person without getting intimidated.

I once hit on a really, really attractive woman and her sister became interested in me as a result (this guy had the courage to approach my sister- he must have something on the ball!). Was definitely worth it, and as a side benefit it raised my street cred with the other guys I was with when I did it.

[PillowThief]

I agree with you, but I legitimately don't understand why people think that being attractive means you have certain traits. Romantic and even sexual attraction are both relative, both highly subjective. This is why there's no such thing as a 'league'. It's an outdated and unfounded social construct, and I know this beacause people are conformists in society. They prefer whatever they're god-damn told to prefer.

[Logorithim]

@PillowThief : Absolutely correct, IMHO. There is much more to a person than their looks.

[MLGbreezy]

You know females do the same thing its not just guys but we are more vocal about it cause females have 90% of the freaking advantage in the dating game and yet you still have something to complain about the guys do almost everything and there are really kind hearted guys out there with great personalities as well but some girls like you can't get off your high horse long enough to see that and then go after the guys you desreve the ones that break your heart and then THOSE same females who talk about leagues this and that wanna go and complain that every guys a jerk or whatever but by your definition he was out of your leauge. You attract what you give off I've seen plenty of unatrctaive men with beautiful girls explain your stupid leauge theory then cause it shouldn't work that way by your definition right cause the girls are out of there league right. It's not about the looks as much ad you think it about the person you are and your actions more then anything and looks can always be improved on anyway there are so many ways to do that these days so i hope that my unattractive dueds out there work on themeselve imporve there game and prove these females wrong

[MusicMayhem]

Because if they have shit personalities those girls absolutely are in the same league or even lower than the guy. Only weak guys lose their shit at a hot girl. Quality guys know that the girl has to prove her worth to him through their personality too. It's just that looks is the only thing we can judge a girl on before meeting her so we may as well approach the best looking ones first. Then we can select the hot ones with the best personality from there.

Oh also, the guys that can successfully get with the hottest girls have approached thousands of girls, put in a ridiculous amount of effort to learn how to attract them and provide value so have earnt the right to choose the very best. They are often not the hottest guys. Hot guys can be boring, and awkward because they have got girls easily in the past well below their league.

[Drifter83UK]

I don't believe in people being out of peoples leagues. I'm not the best looking guy.. I've always dated some real stunners (dancers/models mind blowing professionals). I think for a guy, it's mainly about charisma, cheek, confidence, mystery and humour... Firstly let's be real, if you don't believe in your self, why should someone believe in you? cheek, humour and a little mystery keeps things interesting and keep a woman on her toes.
Positive charisma provides that charm and general assertive qualities.

[JohnFrost]

If you approach someone that you don't know you only have one thing to measure the person. You can't see good character like that. What people consider leagues is only looks and can be compensated. Most my exes where out of my league if I had to believe other people. Just because someone is hot doesn't make them worse in other parts.

I would step towards someone below my league even if there super nice because I don't know there nice. I think it's on the side of the lower league to make the first move.

[Tobion22]

I feel that most people want the dream. We see shows and movies where the guy gets the girl. And we want that. Like it might be my time to shine. I still feel that don't let looks stop you from talking to someone. I have a bad case of bells palsey. So my face expression is off. Sometime I close my eyes to release stress from keeping my eyes open. And when they are closed I like to listen to someone I might like just to get a more personal feel for them. Try it out.

[Pejtu]

I dont know why they do that its stupid u have to find someone that u match with
Saying looks dont matter is bullshit BULLSHIT
If u are ugly dude or girl u got no hell a chance dating a good looking guy or girl
Thats how the world works sorry but im just honest
Girls do that sometimes too i had few "accidents" walking behind me trying to get my attention in my past years but im like wtf... look at yourself... i didn't tell her that but thats how i felt
The girls FEEL the same thing
Males and females THEY got to LIKE what they SEE first and then we go to the next level

[Pejtu]

Every male and female has her own prefference and type if u dont match those u are out at the beginning

[Pejtu]

Really good honest topic finally someone had the balls to move into that u are 100% right girl

[winterfox10]

For many guys, chasing women is less about who you think you can get, and more about who will look the best while shutting you down. That's true of women at any league though. So, from a pride stand point, I would so much rather be shot down by a woman who can do way better than me, than by a woman who I'd be doing a favor by going out with.

[kharos]

Some say I'm an ugly pickle and so am I. Second there are leagues of course, and thats thanks mostly to media. There is no ugly girl living with a hot guy, thats so unreal to me. Same opposite. That just must mean the hot person must have a good living to not to be bothered with in the rest of life.

[thecd1979]

It’s called nice guy syndrome, where those certain guys feel that by simply being nice to a woman it entitles them to a date, sex and for all women to take a romantic interest in them. It never fails that those guys exclusively go after these model quality women. It also never fails that those same guys are overweight, poor hygiene, lacks confidence, dress ridiculous and have the personality of a coffee table.

[zagor]

It is the same for men and women; a girl I worked with once asked my advice on which single co-worker she should go after - the two she was considering were the two best looking guys in the office, and she was average.

For both, 90% go for the same 10% of the opposite sex.

[GnarCute]

I mean girls do this more and make a bigger deal out of it...
Like its actually becoming more of a problem on our side, A guy doesn't want to be with a girl because she is too big for him and not his type he is labeled a fucking asshole Female oppressor.

I can see where your coming from, But again this is a problem BOTH sides have and it will never change some people are egotistical Narcissistic cunts.

[DonRollins]

because whether or not someone is out of your league is completely opinion. You sound like some piece of trash that believed some narrow minded indoctrination of awful ideas that your school or parents taught you.

Reality check: not everybody thinks like you, and collectivism is evil and ignorant.
Maybe you should look in the mirror and consider you are just a narrow-minded bigot and need to change who you are.

[guydudemanmale]

I mean attractive is subjective but for most men it is just yes or no whether they are interested. But if the attraction is not there then guys are not going to go for it at all. If he is interested even if it's a long shot he has nothing to lose all she can do is say no and then it's on to the next one.

[Ki_Wavy]

Um, maybe they go for hot people because if they never shoot their shot, they'll always miss? For all we know, it could work out one time. Never say never, ma.

[Anonymous]

WHY DO ALL YOU WOMEN CHASE MEN OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE

FROM THE UGLY TO THE HOTTEST GIRLS,
WOMEN ARE MORE SHALLOW THEN MEN LOL

PLEASE STOP TALKING YOU SOUND DUMB (caps lock lol)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vqRbScCIPU&t=407s

[SnakeOilByShore]

Both genders do this, partly I think because society tells people having a super good looking partner is a huge accomplishment.

[Lance1965]

It is a human thing like wanting that car you could never afford or that dream home. However it is unrealistic. Goals are good to have but they have to be reasonable and attainable. Some people live in a fantasy world and end up very disappointed.

[Felicity_Smoak]

Because they're entitled. They think we're all just here for them to pick and choose. They can be fat, ugly, gross, smelly, have nothing to offer but still think they deserve a Victoria's secret model. Unrealistic and idiotic

[MindTime]

Some guys only value physical attraction but I have found you need attraction mentally and emotionally too- it's not enough to just like how someone looks. And they have to feel the same towards you

[deric_97]

They are weak men. Pay no attention, cuz they deserve none.

[MMM369]

I don’t know what league I’m in and if I go for a ‘hot’ girl I’m probably providing more than her some way or another may not be money wise but I’m doing more and bringing more to the table to make up for it

[Didi1337]

Most likely men thinking with their penis and are not interested in the person itself, just the body. Sadly I've never been a boy like that so not sure why they do it.

[MusicMayhem]

Because they aren't ashamed to admit they are sexually attracted to hot girls and take action to get what they want.

[Didi1337]

I guess thats true, glad i was never like that, sounda so tiring over time

[Anon-ymous1]

@MusicMayhem Exactly. Dunno what the problem is.

[MusicMayhem]

@Anon-ymous1 many guys wrongly believe if they show a girl they are sexually interested in them, the girl will run, thinking the guy is a player. Yet girls actually respect these guys for having the balls to show interest, so long as they don't act creepy. Girls want sex too and these guys will make moves on a girl so they get that, not have to wait an eternity for nice guys to think it's ok to make sexual advances.

[Guardian365]

I have no idea about this but I don't know what league im in and don't usually go hunting for a girlfriend but tbh if he's turned down and complains afterwards he is just being ridiculous about being rejected

[BoshoM]

That works only in dating and show off.
If we are talking about relationship and maybe engagement I personally witnessed the complete opposite of what you have written

[Kurαȷ]

I mean, approaching is solely about looks.
If you are betting on a complete crapshoot, you might as well aim for the best possible outcome, right?

[PillowThief]

To suggest that there is a league per person when it comes to something that is growing vast preferences is foolish.

[Mosana263]

There is Nothing such as "out of their league" they are not Gods , we're all humans, even if She is pretty or Smart Be sure that the Guy Can Smarter than her and All what this guys are asking for is Love

[vague1]

My brother you are a legend

[WalterRadio]

You have a lot to learn.

[valualty]

Look who celebs marry lol i. e. christina aguilra. That being said a gender that's extremely reliant on cosmetics and superficial changes definitely should not suggest they're on any league lol the only league is delusion 😂😂

[captain_voidwalker]

For about the same reason some women think they are a 10 when they are a 5 and get pissed that they get hit on by guys who are a 5

[dwiller943]

Because they aren't that bright. Especially when usually under the age of 25.

[000_000]

That one metaphor about missing every ball you don’t swing at

[genericname85]

It's not so easy to determine what's in your league...

[Leo3572]

I don't care what league you play in. Bring me a Pizza and a cola, and I'm all yours.

[BeHappy1985]

Because everyone should aim for the stars. There is always a chance, you just need to seize the moment.

[käsper98]

I know but i won't tell you ;)
Actually if a guy meets a girl he likes why not try no matter the look? Why shouldn't the girl like him back? Beauty is subjective

[torwulf]

There is no such thing as leagues. You never know who like what. No harm in trying

[Anon-ymous1]

Yes there definitely are.

[torwulf]

Not in my experience, ugly men have beautiful girlfriends and vice versa. Limit yourself by imaginary "leagues" and you're just limiting yourself unnecessarily.

[Anon-ymous1]

There are outliers in every society, of course.

[torwulf]

If one man can, why can't you? Do you not have the same biological capability to learn?
Don't limit yourself unless those limits are tangible.

[nekedcountry]

So your pretty much saying ugly people should only try to date ugly people

[WalterRadio]

They can also date fat people.

[Anonymous]

This is actually much more a female thing than a male one. MUCH more.

[CoffeeWC]

I don't do that so I wouldn't know. Probably because they highly value themselves.

[Anonymous]

There’s no such thing as leagues. When it comes to men dating women at least. I’ve seen ugly short guys get hot girls

[Anonymous]

He wants to nail a piece of hot ass for crying out loud. Give the guy a break. Sheesh.

[Dishant007]

It's human nature to achieve or have the best

[username107]

we just like good looking girls its natural

[billybusbrown]

No woman is out of my league

[Guardian365]

Smooth😂

[Prince00001]

I have no idea what you mean

[woooooooo]

Maybe they got more than they can handle.

[Bjorn17]

Nothing like out of league. Just a Snoopy girl

[dieserfabi02]

Many men dont know in which league they are.

[LegateLanius]

Leagues don't exist.

[Anonymous]

It's a secret

[Anonymous]

How do you look?