I pushed him away and he ghosted me. Do I just move on?

[Anonymous]

Long story short I had this amazing connection with a guy I was dating. I pushed him away more than once because I liked him and was afraid to get hurt. He forgave me quickly when I tried to end things the first time and forgave me when I cancelled plans a few times (again, I only did it because I was scared). I know I messed up and I feel awful. It’s been a little over a week now and he’s ignoring me. The morning of the day he started to ignore me he kept saying he was confused because he got close and is afraid to get close again so I asked him if he just wanted me to go away and he said no. I asked if he just wanted to move on, be friends or try to hang out again and see how we feel and he chose to hang out. I suggested we talk on the phone and he agreed but didn’t answer when I called and has disappeared after he said he thinks he’s up for hanging out again. He’s called me flighty (fine, deserved) and he’s been curt with me so why not just end things? It’s not like he was afraid to hurt my feelings. Why put in the energy of explaining your feelings? He said part of him wants to talk but part of him is afraid how many more times I could push him away. I’ve learned a big lesson here but now I regret what I’ve done. Any suggestions? Do I just need to forget about it and move on? I’ve apologized and explained to him why I did it. He seemed to be hesitant which I understand but now he’s just flat out ignoring me. Thanks in advance!

[worldscolide]

You chose to play a stupid manipulative game by pushing him away. Men these days my self included, aren't interested in head games. He did the right thing and you need to move on, learn from your mistake and be a better person for it.

[Asker]

I didn’t intend to be manipulative. I got scared and I’ve apologized and never meant to play games.

[worldscolide]

irrelevant you made the choice. Relationships are all about choice. You chose to push him away and give in to your fear. Because of that he felt manipulated, disrespected, and felt like you werent worth his time.

[Asker]

Then why would he say he didn’t want me to go away, he still wants to talk to me and hang out if he was just going to ghost

[worldscolide]

probably letting you down easy. Its what i would do.

[Charlie_King]

Well said brother. The only games worth playing are on a computer

[worldscolide]

@Charlie_King Right!!!

[Asker]

Wouldn’t you just say sorry it’s over... I asked him if he just wanted to be done. He said he was open to talk on the phone, he said rather than move on he wanted to hang out, he still wants to talk to me. Why waste all that energy... wouldn’t you just say you’re done?

[worldscolide]

maybe he is giving you a way to come back when you figure out what you want. My suggestion is that you dont push him away. Ever. maybe it will work out.

[Asker]

This has been an enormous lesson. I know I messed up and he didn’t deserve any of this. I feel awful, I really do. I know I’m a good person but I let my past get in the way. It felt safer to try and run. I feel like a complete jerk to hurt someone like this.

[Charlie_King]

If you give into the fear then you make the fear come true

[worldscolide]

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

[Asker]

@Charlie_King I see that very clearly now

[Charlie_King]

Yoda really said it best, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

[worldscolide]

@Charlie_King yup did you see my DUNE quote?

[Charlie_King]

I'm not familiar with DUNE so it skated right by me.

[Asker]

I highly doubt it. He has ignored every text from me. It would be hard for me to ignore these texts too because you can clearly see that I’m trying so hard to apologize and letting him know being ignored is hurting me.

[worldscolide]

@Charlie_King You should check it out sometime. Amazing book

[WTFever]

Well, yeah, you pushed him away, so you need to move on.

[Asker]

I know but I’ve apologized and explained why a few times. He has ignored every message I’ve sent. The last time we talked he gave so much hope he was still interested and then fell off the face of the earth.

[Asker]

And I didn’t do it to be a jerk. I was afraid to get hurt. I do feel so terrible.

[WTFever]

Okay, it doesn't really matter about any of that. He obviously has no interest any more, so it's best if you just move on.

[Anonymous]

he's not worthy

[Asker]

Do you mean he’s not worth it?

[Opinion Owner]

if he ghosted you, means he's not worthy. if he really love you. he will never will ghost you

[Asker]

We didn’t date that long for him to love me. Only a month and then within that month I pushed him away a few times

[Opinion Owner]

then you both aren't meant to be

[Opinion Owner]

if you both are meant to be, he'll come back.. but I suggest don't wait. let the time decide.. Just don't wait. if you wait you'll be crazy. better move on.

[worldscolide]

No Ms Pink anon, men dont like to play head games. Thats why he left, not because he was unworthy, because he didn't want to be toyed with..

[Asker]

@worldscolide I didn’t mean to toy with anyone. I’ve been in some very bad relationships and I was scared to get hurt again. I’ve apologized to him many times.

[Opinion Owner]

she said sorry many times. can't he understand her? basically he is unworthy.

[worldscolide]

There is a point where sorry doesn't cut it, Especially when you repeat the behavior the word becomes meaningless. That doesn't make him unworthy it makes him smart to get away from a person who can't decide what she wants.

[Opinion Owner]

@worldscolide meh. he's just doesn't want to waste his time and he feels like he need to find other easy woman

[worldscolide]

Nope. If someone constantly canceled plans on me, Apologized, and yet kept doing it, yeah id move on, i dont like wasting my time, getting ready for something then being stood up repeatedly. Its both wrong and a waste of time and resources that could be focused on other things.

Reverse the roles, How would you react if the man was the one doing those behaviors to you, canceling and pushing you away? I guarantee you would ghost.

[Opinion Owner]

@worldscolide I won't ghost. I would wait while looking for other man in meantime lol. means I'll kill 2 birds with one stone and first come first serve

[worldscolide]

exactly you would still move on. that makes you unworthy by your own logic.

[Opinion Owner]

@worldscolide why would make me unworthy? I don't cheat

[worldscolide]

never said you did. Your logic is that he should not ghost and give her chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance and not move on, not search out other prospects. But its perfectly ok for you to do it Your words exactly "I would wait while looking for other man in meantime lol. means I'll kill 2 birds with one stone and first come first serve " yet he is not permitted to do the same. seeing as he is the one being played with, and having his time wasted.. That makes you a hypocrite

[Opinion Owner]

@worldscolide well could do the same thing too. so when she come back to him,. and he's still single, means she still have a chance. means they are meant to be

[Anonymous]

You just got to realize what is done is done and just move on.

[Avicenna]

I think you have to move on here

[Iron_Man]

Tell him the whole truth and try again

[Asker]

I have tried a few times... he just ignores me completely. The last time we talked he said he doesn’t want me to go away and wants to talk and hang out but then fell off the face of the earth and is ignoring me.

[Iron_Man]

He's a nut Job find a stable guy

[Asker]

Why do you think that? I mean I have been apologizing for two weeks now and he knows I feel bad and he knows how much ghosting and ignoring hurt me.

[Iron_Man]

Normal stable guys don't do that you're wasting your time on a flake. Your feelings are blocking your Judgment. Down the road you will be glad you moved on when your feelings go away for him

[Asker]

You’re probably right. He called me a flake so now I’m just trying to fix the situation and it’s clouded for me because I messed up in the first place. I know I messed up but I don’t deserve to be tortured like this.

[Iron_Man]

I am sorry and hope you feel better soon. 🤗

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Iron_Man]

You bet