What's more important to you, romance or sex?

[WhiteShoulder]

Romance is defo more important to me, but you can't keep the spark alive in a romance for more than a couple months without some sort of sex, even if it's just sexting. That's my opinion, at least. What do you think?

Updates

+1 y

When I said sex, I also meant to include making out

[nightdrot]

Somewhat to my own surprise, I would say sex.

Don't get me wrong. I love sharing time with my girlfriend - obviously. We've lived together for over a decade and have three children. I love making her happy and surprising her. Sometimes with something as simple as flowers, sometimes more.

Every year, around our "anniversary" - both when we met and when we moved in together - which out of sheer coincidence also happens to be around Valentine's Day, we take the kids to spend the weekend with "Bumpa and Munga." (That is Grandpa and Grandma for the un-initiated.) Then we either go to spend the weekend at the Hotel Washington - we live in DC - or at a B&B on the Chesapeake.

Then we have a weekend filled with dancing, romantic candlelit dinners, breakfast in bed. Long walks hand in hand. We do it up big. Oh, and yes, plenty of sex, too. I love the romance. I love seeing her smile. I love seeing her in a dress. Every bit of it turns me on and it is probably the weekend I most look forward to all year - even though I otherwise detest winter.

However, for all that, what matters most is when we have sex. In that moment I feel our deepest intimacy and most accepted. We tend to a very animal sex. Not BDSM, but very natural and primitive, with licking and even some biting and scratching.

That would seem kind of rough, but the truth is, in that moment, she is accepting me. There is no pretense. I am nothing other than what I am, stripped of everything but my raw self and giving her the most elemental thing a man can give a woman - my sperm, my seed. There is nothing else and yet she accepts me and gives herself to me unconditionally.

It is total giving and sharing and I need that. I need that to feel truly loved and secure. The funny part being that I am - generally but not always - the dominant alpha male. She subordinates herself to me and yet it stuns me that she trusts me and loves me so much to do that. I am actually at a loss for words just how loved that makes me feel and I love her all the more intensely for that.

There are moments when I need to be held and comforted. There are moments, especially when I suck on her breasts and she holds me when I suddenly - and I know this sounds more than a bit weird - feel like her baby and she is protecting me. It totally turns everything on its head.

Yet, in general, when I can be that beast. When we are just two animals breeding in a field and she just wants me inside her and dominating her, that is when I feel the most connection and the most love and I need that.

As I say, I do like the romance - especially because my girlfriend seems to much to enjoy it. For me too. She is beautiful and I love to see her eyes in the candlelight and her smile and to know that she feels loved and happy.

As you can tell, I love her with all my life and yes, I would be lost without her. However, there is something about sex that makes that real and palpable in a way that nothing else does.

[SpiderLady]

My cheeks just got hot.

[nightdrot]

@SpiderLady Ha! Not really my intention but I am glad I could help. Thanks.

[WhiteShoulder]

@SpiderLady mine too

[Investigator]

Romance is something I used to enjoy many eons ago, back when the simple act of taking out a girl I liked on a date was just fun and a good way to pass the time and not encumbered by assumptions of gender stereotypes and explanations about how men should still pay on a date despite women making as much as men while also being "Ms Independent" who "doesn't need no man". I know that the question is "does romance matter more or sex?", but the entire premise of this question is predicated on there being no assumption of finances or long-term planning. It's supposed to be this exciting thing that people engage in "because hormones", but that's the thing. Logistically, it just... isn't.

Riddle me this: why should I spend my time and money on a woman, if there's a higher-than-chance likelihood that she's currently trying to pursue a career and using me as a meal ticket because she has more important things to do and just can't be bothered, effectively wasting my energy? Life is finite and I have no need for a woman in my life who takes up space and offers me no value. If romance is how I get sex and time is money, then romance = sex = money spent. Surely, there is a way to optimize this equation, so that I get maximum return with minimal expenditure. Therefore, the short answer is "sex", but the long answer is "romance, because there's MAYBE more sex available or at least better sex." Probably "better", because engaging with fewer partners means less chance of spreading or contracting STIs.

Outside of that cost:benefit analysis, there's just no reason at all to date. Honestly, I want to go back to those times, when I was naive and it was new and fun and something I looked forward to, but I've since matured and now I know better. It's wishful thinking, at this point, to draw any other conclusion than "unless there is a high chance of immediate return on investment, with minimal intermittent issues, I'm wasting my time".

[Daylight7550]

Very well stated sir.

[ask4any]

You are my fucking hero!!!

[WhiteShoulder]

I’m sorry. I don't know anything about investments, so I literally got lost after the first paragraph.

[Investigator]

@WhiteShoulder Here's the bottom line: what is the objective of romance?

If a guy is going on a date with a girl, what is going through his mind? If he is like most men, he is engaging in a never-ending cost:benefit analysis of things he has to buy or do, in order to prove he is the kind of man she wants to date, but the woman isn't required to respond accordingly. Why? Because women want a man with value and he has to demonstrate this value.

Contrary to most womens' opinions, dating is not a "free lunch"--literally or figuratively. If the guy is spending time with her, he expects his investment of time in her to be met with reward of some kind, otherwise what is the point? Maybe the time spent is the reward, from her point of view, but not from his. If to a woman sex succeeds romance, then to a man romance precedes sex. Since prostitution is basically illegal everywhere--it would make "dating" so much easier and less filled with subterfuge if people could just admit what they want--he instead has to play a game of "how much time and energy do I have to spend to get sex?" Like it or not, this is the reality of dating and women are all too eager to exploit their end of the deal to effectively get something for nothing.

[WhiteShoulder]

That’s awful!! Most girls are not like that. A lot of us don’t even know what cost-benefit analysis means (I do a little bit cause I work in the corporate world).

[Daylight7550]

Sorry but I don't agree with that. Most women DO know what they are doing and want and how to use men. It's a pandemic.

[ask4any]

Investigator, you are WAAAYY off the mark. And hopefully the market. Goldiggers like yourself don't deserve the time of day from a man that is" decent" , " respectful" , and doing his damnedest to show his"Value" . But unfortunately, value in your opinion includes dollar signs. Whereas value in romance, dollar signs are second fiddle.

[Daylight7550]

@ask4any it's only dollar signs to those who put it as a second matter. Which to most women, it's their main concern.

[ask4any]

I believe that's what I said. Isn't it?

[Investigator]

@WhiteShoulder "I don't know anything about investments"

I did not explicitly say it before, but I was calling bullsh*t on that claim and then you go and confirm my suspicion by saying you work in an office job, aka "the corporate world". It is preposterous that you've worked in such an environment and also have never observed or heard a cost:benefit analysis. Maybe you've never hard of the term by name, but surely you've seen it in action. It's how like 80% of all business deals go down. In fact, everyone who has ever lived life with a goal in mind has used some kind of cost:benefit analysis to assess the risk of doing something compared to the payout. You are engaging in one right now, determining the value of responding to me relative to the value of doing basically anything else.

Additionally, you don't know anything about investments, huh? You've never had a boyfriend or thought about spending time with a guy? You've never bought a smartphone and then realized you were locked into a 2 year contract? You've never scheduled a day to hang out with friends? You've never filed for a loan on a car or student debt? All of these things are both investments and activities you've no-doubt engaged in. As such, I don't buy into your claim that you are clueless what an investment is.

"That’s awful!!"

That's life.

"Most girls are not like that."

I can't tell if you actually believe this or if you know it's a lie but WANT it to be true. Either way, you don't know what "most girls" are like. Maybe YOU are not like that, but lots of other women most definitely are.

[Investigator]

@ask4any "Goldiggers like yourself don't deserve the time of day from a man that is" decent" , " respectful" , and doing his damnedest to show his"Value"

I'm not a gold digger. I'm not "in it" to make it big, just so I can make a lot of money for the sole purpose of bonking all the women. As I said initially, were it so easy to go back to when I wasn't aware of any of this, life might be slightly more pleasant, but "facts don't care about your feelings" and everything I'm saying is reality as best I can observe and/or judge it.

"But unfortunately, value in your opinion includes dollar signs. Whereas value in romance, dollar signs are second fiddle."

That is the opposite of the truth. All I'm proposing is things as they objectively are: the ugly, festering reality that more and more people are increasingly aware of and wish they could go back to being naive about. But the genie is out of the bottle. Escapism is nice every so often, but I'd prefer to live a difficult truth than a pleasant lie.

[VIVANT]

After the initial attraction

Respect compassion trust compatibility
> Romance > Sex

Romance is more important than sex but it is not most important for me..

I also am really not sure if I round get frustrated without sexual interaction when there is an abundance of physical affection. I’ve never been In a situation where I felt overloaded affectionately and deprived sexually.. I suppose what could get weird is it could feel too familial instead of romantic.

[WhiteShoulder]

Definitely

[ClearerAtN1ght]

I find them equally important. Sex without romance feels mechanical and forced after awhile for me. Without they emotional connection that comes with romance it feels to clinical.
On the other side all the romance in the world doesn't completely make up for no sex. The physical closeness, release of tension etc is hard to live without.

[WhiteShoulder]

Very good point

[DizzyDesii]

Romance with lots of kisses. Hugs are just ok. I only care for em from behind or when he's drowned in cologne. Holding hands is ok but my hands cramp up after a while. Kisses are everything 😍 and getting fingered. I could survive off those two for years

[WhiteShoulder]

I agree

[Guardian45]

Really?

[WhiteShoulder]

@Guardian45 I would miss oral and real sex, but making out is really fun

[Guardian45]

So you prefer fingers to tongues?

[WhiteShoulder]

@Guardian45 me? No. I prefer oral. But especially early in the relationship, being played with is fun.

[DizzyDesii]

@Guardian45 i prefer finger over tongue/dick 🤷‍♀️

[SydneySentinel]

Romance... but sex is definitely included in that for me with a partner I care about-- a way of expressing my feelings for them.

[mikita]

Both

[mikita]

Either

[mikita]

Both eiyher

[mikita]

That's what I'm saying both romantic/sexual always hot sexy feeling good kiss AND home we horny erotic watching us have fun

[mikita]

can't sex always

[SydneySentinel]

I'd choose both.

[lernulo]

I agree with Sydney, you have both or it doesn't deserve the effort.

[SydneySentinel]

Well said, @lernulo.

[Apope16]

At the moment sex. In life romance and love.

[Apope16]

Same still holds. I just want to eat pussy. Like I wsnt to badly. snd I want to cum DEEP inside a woman. I have not had sex in like 3 months. With my student dentist though... i think I am falling in love.

[WhiteShoulder]

Happy for u ❤️

[Apope16]

Uhm. Dont be. I have not achieved what I want yet.

[WhiteShoulder]

True. In that case, good luck 😊.

[Desconhecida]

Romance, of course! Sex is a plus!

[WhiteShoulder]

Agreed

[AwesomeCookie]

I'll have to say romance but that includes sex

[Ronald_25]

Only sex is popular with late teens and young adults, but romance is where the depth comes in. Ask any man who is in a deep loving relationship with his partner, what the difference between romantic sex with his love and a one night stand with a random. In my books Romance trumps sex every time.

And when I have sex with the one I love, when I lock eyes and see her so happy and satisfied and almost glowing, I know she's the one.

A successful relationship starts with and emotional connection at first, the stronger the connection, the faster and more intense the sex is that follows...

[Burtonfan]

Yeah but sometimes I just wanna Fuck. No romance just Hot sweaty hard Fucking. We can cuddle when it rains.

[WhiteShoulder]

@Burtonfan hope you find a girl who wants to fuck too

[Burtonfan]

Lol. Thanks. Got an older sister? I don't know you probably think I am too old for you

[WhiteShoulder]

@Burtonfan she's married.

[Burtonfan]

Lol. Then I guess that leaves us. All alone. Now what are we gonna do? Any ideas? I'm open minded. Try me.

[WhiteShoulder]

@Burtonfan nooooo :-). I'm taken too. I meant I hope you find someone in general.

[Burtonfan]

Ouch shot down in flames for the world to see. That's how you do it guys. Dont be afraid of rejection. Embrace the sting. It proves you still feel.

[Burtonfan]

So you are married?

[WhiteShoulder]

@Burtonfan no. Not married. I have a boyfriend.

[Burtonfan]

So I still have a chance. I will fight him for you. To the death.

[Ronald_25]

@Burtonfan truer words have never been said good sir! Rejection is the stepping stone to the finish line which is the search for love. It is what most men learn and most women don't, then complain to me that "there are no more nice guys left" then I'm like "damn girl it's 2019, go buy that nice guy a drink and chat him up!" Vunerble guys like myself love confident nurturing women!

Also I cannot allow you to kill Miss T's boyfriend. This is because Miss T is my bro In accordance with the Bro Code, Article 22 (see links below).

https://ibb.co/vY2CW58
https://ibb.co/gJJ4XNx

Miss T, her boyfriend and all of her potential side pieces 😏 are under my protection until further notice 😂.

Also if you would like to start with me, I have a black belt in kickboxing, served time with a government organisation not too disimilar to MI6 until I got bored, have a license to carry a rifle and assist the police if called upon and have moderate psychopathic tendencies coupled with Anger issues 🙃

[WhiteShoulder]

@Ronald_25 thank you!!! :-)

[Burtonfan]

It an honorable duel to the death for her honor. Nothing to do with you white night. Its between gentlemen. If you'd like to wait your turn you may
I'm a white guy in Halem Bring it. If you'd like to duel say so. I'll pick the weapons and location.

[Ronald_25]

No problem Tee, please see how you can be fully anointed as my bro as per The Bro Code Prologue's philosophical question WHAT IS A BRO? https://ibb.co/6RjhRjH

Yes but I stand between you and her boyfriend in accordance with the Bro Code and old timey chivilary towards women. I would take off my leather glove, slap you with it and challenge you to a due good sir! 🔫🔫

I have golden brown armour ⚔️ so I have black Knight and White Knight tendencies depending on my mood 😏

Lol weapons? Where's the fun in that? We'll do a fist fight to the death. The thing with psychopaths is lad, were trying our best not to kill people 😂 we'd rather the monster stay in the cage, but every now and again, someone comes along and thinks it's a good idea to open the latch 🙃

[Burtonfan]

Ahh you are well versed in my weapon of choice, words, words which I will use to slay you. My venue is the internet, where all the world can witness your demise. I pity you, as it is evident and to which you admit that you dont get out much and you are a creature who needs to be locked away.
But you are just a boy, under developed and still weak in mind so I will let you live so you can learn the hard truth in life that Age, Experience and Treachery will always win out of Youth and Over exuberance.

[Ronald_25]

Good sir, please don't pity the caged lion, nor should you underestimate it's power, strength and will, though caged, some still tremble at its growl. Some beasts are better behind a reinforced tempered PVC shield, but don't think I can break through it whenever I want 🦁

Only a fool undermines a lion.

[honorboundHeart884]

I ve had neither...

This world is crazied, either people be sexin like rabbits or loving like snakes on a plane lol

In all seriousness,

Romance , without for thought, and care is irresponsible.

Foreplay statistically is key in mutually reaching desired outcomes some of the time.

This need to mindlessly screw away, without, some common sense is why STDs and stis are on the rise.

If you want love and sex, choose to find real facts, choose your partners wisely, beyond their surface levels.

I may not have the experience you all may have, but I know what's is right and wrong, maybe a what is fools erand.

Sex is a primal act, love is requires more than just the physical to sustain what you precieve, desire.

At the end of the day, some people change like the wind, some are constant like time.

Happy and safe ventures you frisky fornicators lol

[Gods_Gift]

Sex
I want a nice, long-term relationship with a woman who's as attracted to me as I am to her, who I get on with and who I have things in common with. But sex is the deal-breaker. I can't have a celibate relationship, I'd just look for someone else.

Whereas I could have sex without a relationship, with the right woman at the right time. I'd rather not to be honest - I'd rather have the emotional connection of a relationship in the background - but if the circumstances are right it's doable.

Consequently sex is the more important thing. And consider this: who has relationships with a gender they're not sexually attracted to?

[Jackieboi]

I was about to say "keep the romance alive for months?" but then it hit me i find it ok if its not someone that lives near. So as long as its not someome that lives near the romance can be upheld for a couple of months. Anyway assuming i can meet the person regularily id say romance, mostly because then we can have sex as often as we want and relationship is "endgame". But if its not someone i can meet regularily id say sex from expecting there to be a lack of it. And besides if i can't see her regularily and were still keeping romance alive for months id have to admit it might be something worth the time.

[Jackieboi]

I meant romance when i said "relationship is "endgame"". And at the end that if the romance is that good then sex is probably going to be mlre important. It depends a little on how the balance is in the first place i guess. But all in all romance is always more important as it is relationship, or "endgame" as i was saying.

[JNewbb]

Lol so sex isn't romantic at all? Attentiveness, admiration, spontaneity, effort, listening, respect, trust.

What is your definition of romantic? Planning a day out perhaps; so attentiveness, admiration, spontaneity, effort... well you get the idea.

[JNewbb]

I guess sex can be a form of romance, but it's easily possible to have romance without it.

[Stingray444]

Love/romance is.. you can have sex, but emotional sex can't happen unless you truly love someone with every littlest bit of your heart, and down to the deepest part of your soul.

If you lose them, then sex or even masturbating doesn't even mean anything anymore...

[_SOARER_]

The most intense romances are when you can't have sex for a while. The tension builds up and the couple must find other ways to show their affection.
Through these acts bonds are built, and those bond act as a bridge to sex.

I think Romance, sex is meaningless and empty without it.

[MrsDahmer]

Yeah! 🙂

[rosscore728]

I thought it took romance to get to the sex... where the fuck is the foreplay in this equation? Foreplay is a must. Romance wins the heart foreplay wins the vagina and sex wins the girl

[WhiteShoulder]

I totally agree. I forgot to include anything more than kissing under “sex.”

[R_ūshī]

Romaaance ☺☺
I like being pampered and cuddled and loved and I also like spoiling my partner.

Sex is fun but romance brings a different kind of happiness.

[WhiteShoulder]

Very true

[djmzes]

Simple

[Sacrilege_is_hawt]

can't have one without the other. Why have sex with someone you dont care about? If i just want to get off i can do that myself

[WhiteShoulder]

Exactly!!!

[thedoctormsh]

I can’t do sex without romance. So romance is a major. I ll select romance. Otherwise I can survive with masturbation if I didn’t found a girl loves me to do a lovemaking romantic sex.

Sex without love is something disgusting and gross for me, it looks like a rape

[foriWish]

Romance totally. Nothing is like having sex with a person you have a strong romancing with. Makes one feel special

[WhiteShoulder]

Agreed

[ShadowofRegret]

Romance, a woman stroking my head while telling me how happy I make her is ideal for me.😊

[WhiteShoulder]

That’s sweet 😊

[GhostMochi]

That's so adorable <3 <3 <3
Also, I love your pfp XD

[ShadowofRegret]

Thank you.😊

[clampfan101]

Right on! :)

[UncleRooster]

Both are important. Romance without sex can survive if you're in love but sex without romance is just fucking

[WhiteShoulder]

Very true :-)

[soleil2666]

This is the part women regularly get wrong - all romance, nice as it is, IS about sex.
The whole life revolves around procreating, and sex is the best part of it (love included, preferably)

[WhiteShoulder]

I disagree, but ok.