Why can’t me, a 15 year old girl, date a guy that’s 20? But a women that’s 20 can date a guy that’s 25?

Question

Consent laws are not reasonable. Like come on it’s the same age gap.

allele1127 · Accepted Answer

One of the main reasons is that you refer to yourself as a girl, and the 20 year old as a woman. Teen girls shouldn't date post-pubescent men, and teen boys shouldn't date post-pubescent women.

5 year age gaps are a huge deal while you're underage. Should 5 year olds date newborns? Should 10 year olds date 5 year olds? Should you, a 15 year old, date a 10 year old? The answer to all of these is no, because despite the small age gap, each group is developmentally different. Biological studies support this. Any 20 year old person will tell you that they are not the same person they were when they were 15 years old, which is good. 20 year olds are adults who have to have a much heightened sense of personal responsibility than teenagers. It's for this same reason that you're not allowed to drive unsupervised until you're 16, not allowed to vote until you're 18. I mean, look around in your gym class... do you really think -all- those people are mentally mature?

I've always believed that people should -generally- date people who are in a similar station in life as they are. You know, high schoolers dating high schoolers, college students dating college students, etc, because those are your most formative years that set you up for the rest of your life. High schoolers are just starting out, trying to figure out what you're going to do with yourself. You have to worry about getting home before 10pm and what college you're going to and the prom. Lots of people have their very first relationship in high school, and are thus very inexperienced. But trust me, if and when you get to college and are living on your own, concerns like that are so far away from you. I have to think about establishing credit, paid internships, budgeting for groceries, getting my security deposit back, figuring out if my insurance policy covers blood testing, and what I have to do to in 2 years to start my career. The increase in responsibility is unbelievable, and every concern I had as a 15 year old just seems silly.

But think about a 30 year old and a 35 year old. By that point, both are likely working adults who are considering whether or not they're ready to settle down. Their concerns and priorities aren't going to be vastly different because they're in similar stations of life. The more you get older, the more age gaps among adults are less important. You essentially are done growing, done maturing (hopefully, at least) and are already doing what you want to be doing with your life (again, hopefully).

If there's anything that truly separates a 15 year old from a 20 year old, it's maturity and independence. I used to have to ask my mom if it was okay for me to hang out with my friends at 6pm. Now, that just sounds so stupid to me. At 19, I do whatever I want, whenever I want, and my parents trust me to be responsible and safe. They don't have to know where I am every hour of the day.

Furthermore, I think you'll find that older people don't want to actually -date- teenagers, per se. There are so many restrictions - different priorities, different interests, and you can't even go on dates with them freely because their parents enforce a curfew. They're just attracted to your youth. There are too many adults out there who see young bodies and want to feel that for themselves. It's the sad, sad truth. Personally, the last thing in the world I want is to deal with a 15 year old boy who just grew his first chest hair, or just talks about his favorite video game streamers on Twitch, and I think lots of other women my age feel the same.

I hope you can think of this law as existing to protect you and other people your age, not as unreasonable. It's important, and holds adults responsible for taking advantage of people that are younger and more vulnerable than they are in the worst way. If not for you, then for all of the other people your age who are insecure, learning about themselves, and need more time to mature without an adult preying on them.

Smiley_face101 · Accepted Answer

You are in highschool, he might be after collage. In that age we change a lot, I know the girl I was at 15 is nothing like the woman I am now.
When I was 15 I dated a 20 year old and trust me I am glad I stopped it before anything happned.
They want things that you are not ready to give them.
There are many sweet, cute and hot 16-17 year old guys out there ❤

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

In "theory" a 15 year old girl isn't mentally mature enough to be capable of consenting to a sexual relationship with a guy five years her senior.

In REALITY though, most 15/16 year old girls are plenty mentally developed and cognizant of their own choices, actions, feelings etc.

The age of consent law does seem somewhat arbitrary in that regard. But I guess the state is overprotective, and there's probably a legal precedent because older men with abusive tendencies have historically preyed on younger girls who are perhaps more easily taken in by a predator's charms.

In that regard, the consent law doesn't so much PREVENT YOU from having sex with a 20 year old guy...

… so much as it PUNISHES HIM if he's caught having sex with a minor and reported to police.

Overall it's probably a good thing the consent laws exist, because predators come in many forms and it takes some maturity to know the difference between true consent and coerced/ manipulated consent.

But in situations like yours-- where you've presumably thought things through and used self awareness and critical thinking etc-- I suppose it can seem kind of archaic or rigid in some sense.

I'm not sure there's an easy solution. The law won't change anytime soon, and even if it did, you may look back on that change ten years down the road, and worry about the implications it could have for vulnerable underage girls. But then again, you could always choose to just operate outside of those consent laws. But if you did, then it would be the guy who goes down for it if say, your father or brother caught wind and went to the police. So the implications are serious.

Or just wait til you turn 16 and enjoy yourselves worry-free.

ecfresh · Accepted Answer

It’s the law which determines when someone is an adult. Mostly due to how the brain develops and people are responsible for decisions. Before the age of adulthood parents are responsible for kids’ decisions. Once you become an adult you become responsible.

Also you have to consider abuse. An adult typically will be able to have more power and influence over a child and that opens up the possibility of abuse both physically and emotionally. If both people are adults these chances are reduced.

Finally the fact that you believe the laws are unreasonable simply based on a 5 year age gap is proof enough you shouldn’t be dating an adult right now until you become more mature. Someone at age 10 could ask why not date a 25 year old when a 30 year old can date a 45 year old. See how just an age gap isn’t a good reason?

Shafaq_Mahnoor96 · Answer

Well this is simple to answer. The guy is 20 and you are 15. It would've been completely okay for you to date the guy if you were at least 18. But you're underage and the guy is of legal age. You're a minor and he's not. So basically you're still classed as a "child" if you're under 18, he's an adult if he's 20. He could get put in Jail for talking to or dating a girl that's underage, because people usually see an older guy talking to a younger girl as a predator.

And what people usually ask is "Why is a 20 year old guy dating a 15 year old girl?". They think "Why is he not dating a girl of his own age or around his own age?". Then people automatically think that he doesn't really like her and he's taking advantage of her or using her. That's what older guys usually do to younger girls. Trust me I've been there I used to like a guy that was 23 and I was 16 at the time. He made me puporsely believe that he liked me back, but Instead he was Just using me and taking advantage of the fact that I feelings for him. I was left with nothing but hurt and anger at the end.

It's plain and simple guys only date girls who are more closer in age to them. If they notice a younger girl is into them that isn't around the same age as them, they'll usually take advantage of her having feelings for him. He'll try to see what he can get out of her or how to use her. He'd usually act like he's attracted to the victim then take advantage and use her as much as he can, then dump her when he's done all while having a girlfriend on the side of his own age, the girl he truly loves. The reason a 20 year old girl can date a 25 year old guy is because they're both legally adults. Don't be naive. The world is a harsh place.

That's what kids don't understand. He would be seen as a predator if he were to be engaging in sexual acts with you, and would get arrested. It's fine between adults. There's a reason law exists, don't bash or hate on it. It's to keep younger girls safe from older guys who would be potential predators. This is the exact reason young teenage girls get raped, or get pregnant at 14, 15 or 16. You realise it when you see it all over the news. Teenage girls have been lured and then raped, killed or murdered or ended up pregnant all by older guys. If you (15) were to be dating him (20) and let's say you were holding hands with him in public someone would report him and get him arrested. It's like a 16 year old dating a 27 year old.

He would be seen as an older predator targetting a younger girl. Age gaps don't matter when you're older but matter when you're still a bit younger. Older guys know that younger girls are naive and an easy target. Also he's probably in college or uni while you're still in high school or middle school I assume. He's probably got a Job aswell. You're on different levels. It's not a match. You're not on the same chapter or page of life if you get what I mean.

So If you really want to date, I can make a suggestion that you date a guy of you're own age. Like a guy that's 15 like you or 16 would also be more than okay.

Anonymous · Answer

Because a 15-year-old is not as mentally developed, mature, or experienced in life as your average 20+ year-old. 15-year-olds are not known for making the best decisions for themselves, and tend to be very naïve due to their lack of life experience, which makes them very impressionable and easily taken advantage of most of the time. There's less of a mental and emotional difference between a 20-year-old and a 25-year-old, because both are out of the hormonal teenage stage, usually relatively experienced in life, and better able to make sound decisions and understand the consequences of them more (though I'll admit, there are a lot of adults who still don't get it).

And honestly, any 20+ year-old wanting to date a 15-year-old is most likely up to no good. I've known older guys who go after very young girls, and they usually like them because they're easy to manipulate. Or, on the other hand, some of those guys might like such young girls because they're extremely immature for their age and can't relate to other adults, so you'll often see them hanging around young teenagers despite being well into their 20's or even older.

slatyb · Answer

Because a 20-year-old is generally more mature than a 15-year-old. "The same age gap?" A 60-year-old can date a 35-year-old. Should a 37-year-old be able to date a 12-year-old.

To protect teens from predatory adults there are laws that deem teens of a certain unable to consent to sex with older adults. So you may believe rightly that you are capable of consenting to sex with an adult male but the law believes that most 15-year-olds are not. And in five years you may look back and say "What was I thinking? I was just 15."

DWornock · Answer

The age of consent in more than half the state is 16 and for under 16 many states have a close to age exception. As far as I know, if they are not having sex, there is law that prevents a 15-year-old from dating a 20-year-old. However, having sex would be risky for the 20 year old. In theory, no one needs to know what you do in private. However, if you are having sex, you might tell someone; especially if you break up and you are angry. Also, you might get pregnant and the law could find out that way.

DWD1994 · Answer

Its the same reason why it wouldn't be acceptable for a guy aged 25-30 to be messing around with a 13, 14 or 15 year old. There's a big gap in maturity and brain development.

I'll concede that age 16-17 isn't really as big a deal in my own opinion seeing as that is the age of consent in at least half of the U. S as well as in countries like Canada.

But at age 13, 14, or 15, you're not on the same level of maturity of someone that is in their 20's. I know especially for me personally, I definitely was very vulnerable during those ages and could've easily been taken advantage of had someone tried to lure me or groom me.

JohnPrestwick · Answer

In an ideal world, it would be maturity, not age, that decides whether someone is ready for sexual relations. This means having had the emotional development to understand what sex is and how to benefit from it.

But how could the law tell? There might be 15-year olds who are mature enough, and there might be 16-year olds who are not. Because there's no real way to assess someone's maturity, they use age as a dividing line. It doesn't suit everyone but there aren't really any alternatives.

BeMuse · Answer

Because arbitrary lines have been drawn in the sand depending on where you live based on the moral judgment of the society. You just have to deal with it until you are judged legally capable of making those decisions on your own. So suck it up and date people your own age for a few years or whatever the age is where you live.

This_is_my_username · Answer

Because in the laws eyes... you're not emotionally and mentally capable or developed enough to give consent to an adult. It's considered pedophilia. I'd wait until you hit the age of consent or find someone your own age. I can't see what a 15 year old and a 20 year old have in common anyways.

Anonymous · Answer

Cause when you're 15 you still count as a kid or teens. And your consent isn't your own, but ur parent's. And those that 20 or older are the adult. They have their own consent. You see the difference?
Its easy for 20's y. o. guy if they want to take advantage of clueless 15 y. o. girl that maybe not mentally mature yet.
And if u wanna do sexual activities ur 15 y. o. body haven't developed to the fullest yet.

RHK36 · Answer

Because a woman at 20 is a woman and a girl at 15 is a girl. You even labeled it as such. Outside of the law stating that you're a minor and she's an adult, at 20 years old you got some adult experience under your belt. At 15 years old, even if you think you're mature you just aren't. Not trying to offend, just enjoy that age of being in between trying to figure life out. Enjoy that you can still be a kid with no real responsibility. You'll have time to be a grown up, don't rush it.

genericname85 · Answer

because the speed of personal development and character formation slows down considerably with older age.

the difference in personal development and character formation between a 30 and a 40 year old is almost smaller than the difference between a 10 and a 11 year old.

Shamalien · Answer

This is a situation where the law is dumbaf. The only str8 up illegal shit should be actual pedophilia which is attraction to prepubescent children. Different people develop at different rates both mentally and physically. I do think that your father should have to meet and vet the guy though and thats how it was done back in the day and it worked well cause he's smart and has ur best interests at heart

Jacksoscar · Answer

I can't even begin to even geuss what the two of you would have in common at 15 and 20. I also feel that you are probably not mature enough at that age to know if your being taken advantage and stand up for yourself if you are. Twenty year old guys can be pretty good at manipulating females of their own age. I just find it hard to believe that his intentions are just benign. Then there is the matter of age of consent. Those laws were put in place just for people like you.

PrettyRegular · Answer

It's because many people think that 15yo is too immature. Here the limit is 16yo. I could date someone who's 15 if I loved her, but I wouldn't have sex, because in theory you could go to court from it and I wouldn't want to break the law. I'm a good boy after all. Age os not the biggest thing. My first girlfriend could be anywhere from 15 to 30.

simonqq · Answer

It just depends what country you are from. In Sweden the age of consent is 15. So it's legal to have a sexual relationship as 15 years old with any age. However it's usually condemned by society if it's like a 15 year old and a 20+ year old.

Agape93 · Answer

You’re still a child. By your reasoning, it would be fine for a teenager to date a 10 year old. Wait a few years.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you are still a child and they are an adult I know you may not understand now but when you have kids you will understand why there is laws in place to try and stop adults from dating kids who are underage

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I'm supposed to tell you its because your too young to understand what you're consenting to but the real answer is that no one respects you because you don't work a full time job yet

outside_Toronto · Answer

What can you possible have in common? Sure the age gap is the same, but experience and mentality are very different. You'll see as you get older.
Would you seriously consider a guy that's 10 right now?

WalterRadio · Answer

Because if you do, he will go to prison for up to 20 years and have to register as a sex offender for life. It isn't the age gap, it is your absolute age.

R_ūshī · Answer

Cause at 15 , you don't think similarly to a 20 y/o woman.

Ripper_E · Answer

Because you are still a kid. When you are of age of consent, or an adult, the age gap can be 50 years if you want.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

The painful truth is that at 20 you are an adult, and at 15 you are not. In my country it is clear that at 15 you are not an adult or ready for dating or relationships and teenage pregnancy is a serious issue here.

-Asca- · Answer

Why can't you date a boy who is 10? Ever thought about that?

Also the older you get the less important an age gape gets. The difference between 90 and 100 is not the same as 10 and 20, don't you think?

Twalli · Answer

My girlfriend wished she knew me when she was 18. She said she wishes we started dating then. I pointed out that wouldn't have happened because I would have been 13. Age gaps are less important as you get older.

livelovelearn · Answer

It's not the age gap. It's the life experience. It's easier for older men to take advantage of younger women before they gain life experience

aguyintheworld · Answer

That's a good question although I don't care cuz I tend to like older women but tell me I get it if you like the person and they like you what's the problem take it up with your lawmakers that's all I can tell you

codycccccccccc · Answer

Same reason your not responsible enough to vote drive a car drink or smoke pot because your brain isn't completely developed

okeydoke · Answer

There a huge developmental difference and lifestyle difference between a 15 year old and a twenty year old.

Browneye57 · Answer

Cuz you're still a little kid. A child. It's called PEDOPHILIA.

Gedaria · Answer

Your age you are still a minor, underage , illegal...

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Simple math. 80% is more than 75%. Also, 20 (her age) is greater than 15 (your age).

Manhart1999 · Answer

Oh, by that 5 years should be able to have sex with 10year olds?

BHooper · Answer

I get what you're saying right. But would it be okay for you to date a 10 year old.

MzAsh · Answer

Because 15 is a child and 20 isn’t.

wankiam · Answer

because you are a minor and she is an adult

WhiteShoulder · Answer

Is there a guy u like for real who's that age?

Tree_Hugger45 · Answer

Because you’re a child. Jesus

Giggletr0n · Answer

You're a minor, that's why!

zagor · Answer

Meh, go for it, for all I care.

beatcoock · Answer

You can date for sure  Who said you can't?

KristenKT · Answer

Exactly!!!

Why can’t me, a 15 year old girl, date a guy that’s 20? But a women that’s 20 can date a guy that’s 25?

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