Do you view spending Christmas separately from your partner as okay?
Example you are living together, and been together for 8 months. You don’t know each other parents.
They want to spend the day with their family as it’s their tradition but I believe you should be together wether it’s with family or just the two of you.
I view this just as if this relationship isn’t serious enough, and should’ve been better off spending it alone altogether than spending the night with them, when they couldn’t find time for you during the day.
I wouldn’t meet them at night either 🤮
I would meet them at night, it’s okay 👌
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+1 y
Ps: For those who haven't gotten time to read update yet. It's over. I found out he is still on Tinder which explained a lot. Last time when I tried to leave, he wanted to prevent me from leaving by changing the locks. He begged me in front of my house for 2 hours to come out and eventually I gave in and came back. This time he is blocked everywhere, I took my stuff while he's at work so he can't prevent me again, he can beg me as much as he wants it's over.
Do you view spending Christmas separately from your partner as okay? Am I right or nah?
It's not unheard of to be separate during the holidays, it happens. Here's a good example, your sister is coming to show off her boyfriend and say she's want to marry him at Christmas in front of your parents and needs your support while your partner has a dying family member on his side and the family wants him to spent time with them before they pass. Both perfectly understandable and unavoidable situations. I'd say Skype is a solution too and if you can lock the door maybe playing with him a bit, it's not perfect but it could be a way to be with each other. But I also agree it depends on the situation, if he clearly is going to his family without needing to and says he prefers to go alone, I'd want to consider that further and ask why. I could see not the right time as an option but don't forget that for next year. However, still make him do video chat, :)
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He has nobody dying so its his choice... i think he's bad
Holidays such as Christmas or any other , if you are serious about relationship then its a good time to bond with the family and partner. But only if you are serious in a relationship and you are like engaged or married. if you just been for few months then both of you better off spending with own family; its all depend on how strong is your relationship now. There are many ways , even parents may want to go visit their parents or some other family members sometimes than waiting for someone to come.
At least I believe no one should be forced to choose between family and partner; and whom do you prioritize stuff. If one is in such situation then one relationship is not strong enough yet. I at least believe there is always some possibilities to spend time with every one even if they live far away with reasonable distance; its mostly how much you are willing to manage it and take some trouble. If i were you , I will say if we are couple then we are celebrating Christmas or any other kind of holiday together, I don't see any other way. I think if you are living together then you should think about decorating your place; take some time and consult with family and make arrangement before hand when you will be visiting your family and his family but most importantly you both need to make time for yourself too and spend time both of you together. I already told , holidays are best times to bond with families and partner. Don't rush the things, take it slowly, he might be confused what to do himself. Sometimes you need to present some alternative, how both of you can do something together. You got to decide together, you both to find a way that will work for both of you together and be happy together and that's how relationship gets stronger. Somehow if he ended up going to your family and ended up celebrating whole Christmas there , then he might be happy about that but still could feel sad he did not get to spend with his family and maybe you feel some dissatisfaction that you did not end up having some alone time together; sames goes other way too, if you ended up spending whole Christmas with his family, Life is all about managing these sort of small things too and finding a way that could both of you can be happy and satisfied. whether its in relationship or not, one should never look happiness in expense of someone else happiness. both of you need to be happy with decision you will come up; its not individual decision anymore if you are together.
Thank you but Im not decorating anything. Its not worth it. He is a piece of crap if he doesn't think its necessary to be with me durig Christmas. Is he gonna marry his fam or me... nobody is dying and I believe nothing is a must so if he decided to soend it away he could.. they would accept it sooner or later and if they dont then fuck them. This dude is a kid. I am definitely not meeting him at night, after he finishes with his family. If his fam is more important then he can be there even at night and even for new years eve. I had a guy who introduced me to anyone, he included me in every event I felt like a part of him. With this guy I just dont fee it cause I can't. We live together, been together for 8 months and I’m not worth it to be with him on Christmas. Disgusting. I mean its even better. And when I want to leave he will come and do everything to keep me. I told him last time its over and he shouldn't come cause im not meeting him. He still came and was annoyin for 2 hrs. He won't leave until I come and give up. he's manipulative af... but he won't act right as u see based on this. Im not important... I wanted to leave and he changed the locks so I can't take my stuff?
Yeah you really need to sort it out with him, these kind of stuff are really bad. I mean spending with family is good thing, but certainly leaving you behind is a bad thing; at least he should have asked you to join with him. It like he is not considering you to be a part of the family; There are certain thing that are unacceptable like if you are living with someone and planning to marry in future , one of them is treating them badly or making them feel they are not part of family is an unacceptable. Family is family , they are on their own place, you are on your own place; If he really hesitant to share you with his family or be with your family, then there is problem; You really need to rethink about the commitment you both made to each other; One of thing you need to reconsider is Does he keep his commitment and promises at best of his ability that he made to you? It works in both way and look at yourself are you doing the same or not? I at least can't live with people who frequently breaks their promises and commitment.
That's you to decide. You have live with him, you know how he is and you have given some time of your life; you know the whole picture. I always recommend, everyone need to make their own decision.
In general, 8 months is only 8 months. If my guy who I'd been dating for 8 months was taking me for Christmas with his family (unless his family had specifically invited me) it'd be because we'd be announcing we're getting married or engaged. I know it's a bit different for very non-traditional couples/families but unless that person is family, they're not family, so it'd make sense to come along to birthday's or national holidays but nothing as intimate as Christmas. If, next time you're might find yourself in this situation, you spend early morning with him, he has lunch with the family & you see him again at dinner, I think that's pretty reasonable.
I think it's fine. 8 months, in the grand scheme of things, is barely anything. If both of you want to spend the time with your family, one of you shouldn't have to sacrifice that so you spend the day together, that's not fair to expect from someone, especially when you've not really been dating that long anyway.
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In my opinion if you love someone you would want to spend any holiday or any day with them. Regardless whether its with family or not both of prtners would be inckuded. It would seem like a serious thing.. we even live together but this doesn't seem serious t me at all..
I find it extremely weird not to want to spend Christmas with your bf/gf especially if you are living together. I know he might have traditions with his family, but if he sees you as his future family then you two should be creating new traditions together. Ideally we'd have breakfast together and spend morning together, and then spend time with each other's families, because Christmas is family holiday after all.
Did he completely wipe you out of his Christmas plans?
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He said he will see me at night but I have pride. If I am not important during the day then I don’t need him at night either. Would you think the same
I would. It just seems so weird to leave you out of his plans completely, you should be spending time with him and his family if he wants to see them too. It'd be selfish of you to ask of him to spend the whole day just with you, but sending morning together and then visiting his family also together seems normal to me. This is breadcrumbs he's giving you.
Same here. It makes me extremely sad. Do you agree with me cancelling him even at Christmas night since I’m cut out the plan during the day... I even thought of cutting new years eve together as well. If he can’t give it all he doesn't have to give anything
Well I don't want to overreact now but it would make me really sad too and I would want to discuss with him how serious does he consider your relationship to be. Just silently shutting him down doesn't seem very productive.
I wouldn't try to make him cancel plans with family. What's the point of him doing it if he is forced and not truly wanting to do it. I would ask him where does he see your relationship going and is there a reason he doesn't want you to meet his family. Because you thought you are pretty serious considering you live together. And if he doesn't offer any valid reason (which honestly I don't see what could be) I would leave him. It may seem hasty but you're supposed to be on the same page and this shows you're not all that important to him.
Yeah but I dont wanna ask him to invite me cuz if he doesn't want himself then there's a good reason... no i didn't mean make him cancel plans but I meant should I cance plan of meeting him at night cause he offered to be alone with his fam then see me at night... but thats low to me. I have much more pride
You're completely ignoring everything I said. Meeting him on Christmas day or not is the least if your problems. He doesn't seem to see you as valuable part of his life.
Ps the reason he says he doesn't wanna introduce me is cause “he never knows when ill be gone” as I tell him everyday that its over. i think its a bullshit but never know
Celebrate at one family's place for Christmas Eve, and the other family's house for Christmas Day.
If there is hesitation to share in the familiy life of one another, maybe you need to rethink the commitment to each other?
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+1 y
Exactly. And its not from my side. He is the one wanting to spend time with fam on Christmas and see me at night only after he finishes with them like I’m some kind of second choice. Cause they “will be angry” wtf really are u with them or with me fool. It really makes me upset. And I hate it when I want to leave he will not let me, but he will treat me like shit and act like nothing is wrong.
I've been married over 40 years. This is- in reality- a relatively minor problem at its root. If there is no possibility of a compromise on the parts of each person and each family for this type of easily fixed "problem" , I wouldn't think there is much hope of such a relationship moving forward into the really difficult decisions and compromises of life 5, 10, 20 or more years down the road. We will be praying for you.
8 months... And your partner isn't family? Your partner keeps the strings attached for that long, you can put lights on it and decorate the whole Christmas tree with it.
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+1 y
Yeah. Would you be upset as well cause its really hurting me.
Off course I am. This level of keeping a sectret is insane. The impact of being trustworthy with eachother is tremendous. I can't believe this. If I ever got to meet someone special to be in a relationship with, I'll definitely introduce that person to my whole family. Otherwise I feel like you can't trust eachother 100%. Really feel bad for you
Also feel bad for you had to ask 7 times the same q over and over again without getting straight answers😂 I suggest you follow your instincts on this one. You have the urge to cancel meetings with him? Do it. Always trust your gut. Several studies shows no otherwise
Good to know you're a very mature woman. Its a good call to leave him. You don't deserve a man that treats you like garbage and expects you stay with him.
I hope you find someone else thats not gonna play pretend and swipe forever left with no end. Your case really got me to think about how I must enter a relationship. And I think tinder isn't one of them. Will never use it. I must believe in coincidence and change by luck I quess.
Why don't you know each other parents after 8 months 🤨 that's what buffles me most about this situation. It's probably a cultural thing but my parents knew my boyfriend long before we even became a couple. And you even live together. Do your parents never come to visit? I'm confuuuuuuused.
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No. At first I refused knowing them cause I was scared. Then he said we will meet them ok. They figured out about me living there they caused drama they calmed down wanted to meet me guy never introduced me
What an asshole (based on your update, not initial post), especially the changing locks move, that's very creepy. To be honest, it's probably best to first get to know a person, then their family, and only then move in together, preferably after you've known each other at least two years or so. Reason for this is that assholes and jerks can pretend to be fun and nice for a few months, but usually not for a few years. Also, their family and how they interact with them might say a lot about who they are in general.
Yes it's okay. I wouldn't spend Christmas with a partner unless we're engaged, I spend that day with my family and he should do the same... unless he has a crappy relationship with his family, I'd invite him then but again only if it's a very serious relationship.
Right now I'm single but I always liked sharing Christmas with a Girlfriend and or Family I have nephew and niece's so it's a lot of fun but I still like waking up Christmas morning smelling her hair and Christmas Tree
If I was in a relationship I would want to be with her but I would take her with me to where my nephews and niece's are and even go with her where ever but the kids now have there girl friends and boy friends family's to go to so this yes I will either be on line lol or see if they come by my house
because its your family, its the people you grew up with, people that raised you so if someone can't understand that then maybe that person is in the wrong, maybe for the next holiday y'all can work something out like meet each others families and then do something together with both families if this is really a problem between y'all.
well yea but dont y'all have like everyday for each other, remember that the importance in a relationship is loving for someone and spending time with them, it doesn't matter when and where you spend time with them, but there are moments when family comes first, mostly when its like a family tradition, you both should come to an agreement and maybe have like a video chat during Christmas or something but if you have a tradition, i think you should keep it going.
I think I should be a part of everything. If he needed to attend family he should invite me as well. Which fool would rather be with fam and leave his girl alone then see her at night like a second choice? I feel like I shouldn’t meet him at all that day.
Yes he can't be on two boats at same time and he choose his place, he must have been following his family traditions from past 25 years so should change it at least for you to make you feel special
This is really a matter of preference at this stage of the relationship. Do what you are both most comfortable doing. As your relationship last longer, it will get more important to spend time with both families.
At 8 months it makes sense for each person to spend Christmas with their own family but yeah if someone is still on Tinder and just finding time apart to meet other people then no that's nasty and it's time to break up
I see that he also didn't want to introduce you at all to his family. That's a huge red flag to me. A partner should be proud to show you off to family.
Daddies usually don't like boyfriends of their daughters. I can imagine being on better place instead sitting on a table with a drunk asshole who has some objections to you.
One of the core requirements for me in marriage is for both our families to get along well. (My family is super easy to get along with, so no worries.)
It depends on how "serious" the relationship is. You don't take every boy or girl to the family dinner or lunch. It's also a culture thing, I don't know 😅
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+1 y
We been together for 8 months so it should be serious
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