I keep getting ghosted by people who seem to be really into me, why?

[Anonymous]

I am a 22 year old woman. I have never really dated or been in a relationship. I never really put myself out there to be in one until moving to a nearby city (I'm from an uber small town). I have met up with 3 people since living here. They all ghosted me. This last guy, he openly said that he was interested in dating me. He was constantly making me feel like he was genuinely interested in me was always trying to make plans. Yesterday, we had plans to meet up. I was supposed to pick him up after I got off of work and we would spend some time together at my place. He seemed like he was excited. I started messaging him letting him know I would be ready soon, no reply. I waited a while and noticed that his username was appearing instead of his actual name (we were talking on Snapchat). I had an inkling that he must have blocked me and I was right. He also either blocked me or unmatched with me on the dating app where we first started talking as I couldn't see that either. The only thing I can think of that might have scared him away was a talk we had the night before. We were talking openly about our past relationship experiences. I was open and honest and said I had never been in a relationship. He asked if I was a virgin, I told him yes. He thought he wasn't the best person to date a virgin, I told him it didn't matter to me. My "virginity" is not something I'm protecting or saving, I don't really care about it tbh. The only reason I am still one is because I've never been in a relationship before and I am not interested in casual hookups. By the end of our talk he didn't really seem fazed by any of this and things went on like normal. And like I said before, the next day he seemed like he was genuinely looking forward to finally meeting. What is wrong with me? Why does this keep happening? Are people really so turned off by lack of experience? I feel stupid and my feelings are incredibly hurt. Any advice or insight or whatever is appreciated

Updates

+1 y

It's been a while but I decided to update. I reached out to him and he was just nervous about getting into any kind of relationship with me as he has a lot of relationship experience and I don't. He felt bad about ghosting me and actually wanted to pursue something. We have been hanging out a LOT and are actually in an exclusive relationship now. Some of you were very kind, and some of you are very hung up on purity culture which is very sad. I really like him, and am happy :)

[btbc92]

They treat you like that because you don't treat yourself with higher respect. You have to care about your virginity because they think you are a hypocrite for saying you don't care about your virginity but you don't want casual sex. In fact, it is not about casual sex. But the fact you have never been with any guy period. That sends a red flag like your not interested in sex. They see your pretty face, body, etc. That's what's attracting them and your personality. Your standards are what's driving them away. They would rather take somebody like me seriously who is a virgin, never dated AND believes in waiting for marriage to have sex, then somebody like you who could have had sex, and still didn't YET you had not 1 boyfriend. They assume you don't really know what you want and just dating any guy who pays attention to you.

That's why you wait for marriage to have sex. Because they want sex no matter how they got to get it. Plus at the same time, his main focus is sex for himself. He never cared about you. Thank God you had those talks. That's why you don't date, you befriend them and get to know them. You got to know who he really is. Don't try to keep him. He is a red flag. Block him, delete his info, and don't worry about guys like that. Care about your virginity. Care of YOU. Save that for somebody more worthy, NOT a boyfriend. Boyfriends come and go and will treat you the same too. If you god forbid marry the wrong one they also do the same. Take your time and be comfortable in yourself. You're worth it. Don't settle for losers.

[bamesjond0069]

This is hard but either your virginity is important or it isn't. If you want normal fuck boy kind of men then just fuck a rando and lose it already.

BUT dont cry and complain when fuck boy dudes dont want to marry you because they won't.

OR your virginity is important, men who are the kind who focus on being a family man with morals and who are trustworthy and responsible will love that you are a virgin but it sounds like you dont like those men.

The only thing is if you push them off now by sleeping around they will never come back to bark up your tree later.

Id think long and hard about what i just said. If your future is an open relationship with a man who plays video games all day and smokes pot who will leave you a single mom eventually and you want him to accept you having purple hair and being fat and nagging him to give you children you want. Then by all means you should spread your legs asap to help attract those men.

If you're future is a man who marries you and is a good husband and father who cares about making you feel safe and wants a family eventually then dear God please realize your virginity is very important.

The choice is yours. Good luck

[Laozi]

Have patience. It's not the end of the world. There are lots of guys who would like to date you and don't give shit about you virginity or lack of experience. It's just a one bad experience. Have faith.

[cavmanier]

That's weird. I guess he was probably looking for something more casual than serious. That's how online dating tends to go from what I've heard from girls.

"Are people really so turned off by lack of experience?"
I personally think it makes a girl more attractive / appealing.

A lot of people are not serious. Many guys are talking to multiple girls which they may drop along the way. It can take awhile to find the right person. You just have to keep trying. I recommend looking for someone with similar values. There are serious people out there.

I never did online dating so I can't relate to that, but I did go to clubs. I think they tend to be fairly similar. Girls at clubs mostly want to kiss / make out / and some want more. They didn't seem serious so I wouldn't look for a girlfriend there. A better place to meet men besides online would help a lot. You are looking at a place where men mostly want to play and have fun.

[Matthew2222]

I doubt it is anything you have done wrong. Dating in modern society has really gone downhill. Not sure why he bailed, but you should not sweat it since no gentlemen would ever do that to a girl anyway. I consider a girl being a virgin a major plus, so much so that I will not date a girl that is not. Where do you keep meeting these guys?

[Asker]

See, I don't want people to look at it as a commodity though. It's not something I am either proud or ashamed of, it just is a little fact about me. I understand that he would maybe think of the stereotypical partner that gets super attached to her first and whatnot but I thought I made it clear that I am not that kind of person. And I work a lot, so I meet people through dating apps mostly

[Matthew2222]

" I don't want people to look at it as a commodity though", if wishes were fishes we would all have a fry. Perhaps you have gotten to this point by happenstance, but it is time to do some personal introspection and decide how you feel about it going forward. There are two kinds of guys out there, those that like virgin girls and those that do not. Those that do are the relationship type. Those that do not are only interested in casual sex. His issue was probably that he was the second type, wanted some and thought a virgin would be apprehensive. I understand the convince appeal of dating apps, but understand you are fishing out of a very polluted lake stocked with invasive carp. For higher quality guys you need to try hanging out in a coffee shop or something.

[Asker]

I'm sure you are right about people who don't like virgins probably being interested in casual sex. But not everyone who wants a virgin is interested in a relationship. I have come across many who saw it as a fetish and wanted me only for that. It's gross and creepy. And I would hope those that are looking to be in a relationship aren't excluding men and women that are not virgins because a person is not less valuable if they have had sex and I think it's really harmful to think otherwise. I personally am not a fan of purity culture. It's why I don't put much stock in the whole virginity thing. I made it clear weeks ago that I was looking for a relationship before we even had this talk, and he said the same. But the other people who ghosted me didn't even know about my lack of experience. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong here.

[Matthew2222]

You are right that some guys looking for hookups are into virgins. However this line, "a person is not less valuable if they have had sex" is wrong. Such a condition is a signal of the values, intentions, and personality of a person. If you want a relationship rather than a string of one night stands you need to realize that relationship oriented people do put value on not having had sex. People who reserve sex for marriage are well over half of the "relationship" crowd that is left today.

[BestUserName100]

seems like they only care about sex. Not really someone you should care about losing really should you. He probably just didn’t want to take the time and it turned him off or something. You could try befriending a popular slutty type (as long as they are nice) on the hopes of they could hook you up with their friends. Or the nice fat girl type who is popular and do the same. That could help.

[termanator]

Still a virgin here girl, don’t worry about him take it as a compliment that he didn’t want to be the guy to “ruin” you for lack of other words. You’ll find a good guy one of these days , meanwhile if you know any good girls in North Carolina, don’t hesitate to send them my way. 😃 have a goodnight

[LightEnd]

No dont think like that. Nothing is wrong with you. Just wait for a guy who is interested in you. Guys from my generation liked virgins, I can't speak for the younger guys but I don't think that's what it is

[LightEnd]

That guy below me talking about marriage and virginity hit the nail on the head.

[ALEe4]

If he was asking for relationship but ends up doing this then he was only into you for s*x don't take this on your heart his loss
It is better to be with someone who cares for you let it go think of it as your gain and their loss be happy😊

[Nearlifexpirience]

I am 21 years old and virgin as well. I have never dated or been in a relationship either. If i lived close to you i would probbably like to date you. The fact that you are a virgin makes you perfect. I would only date virgin girls. I dont want to have anything with girls that are not virgin.

[mattdzz]

Wow, that would have been the jackpot for me, but I guess he just wasn't looking for anything that wasn't casual.

[Avicenna]

Is it possible he assumed you were not going to lose your virginity until marriage? I can't think of any other reason.

[Asker]

I don't think so because when he asked why, I told him that I wasn't into casual hookups but had never really been in a relationship before either. I don't remember exactly what I said or how I phrased it because I can't see the conversation anymore but I did say something along the lines of "If I met someone I like and wanted to be physisal

[Asker]

Sorry, Accidentally submitted that too early. I don't think so because when he asked why, I told him that I wasn't into casual hookups but had never really been in a relationship before either. I don't remember exactly what I said or how I phrased it because I can't see the conversation anymore but I did say something along the lines of "If I met someone I like and wanted to be physical with them then I would. It's not a big deal to me"

[Avicenna]

That's a shame. Maybe he met someone else.

[Nahid1707]

I’m sorry that happened, dating is difficult and hope you find someone you get along with

[anametouse]

He is going for hookups and probably intuitively picked up that you would probably want something long term so being the child that he is he decided to ease his way out of it instead of telling you his intentions

[winterfox10]

taking a girl's virginity is a pretty big deal. You should probably just keep that info to yourself in the future.

[Iron_Man]

They aren't true friends or boyfriend material

[steegee]

Your seen as a mystery 😂 don't worry about it