How to get better at holding a conversation?

Question

So I've never been good at holding conversations with women, if I'm friends with them it's a little easier, but when I just met them, it's really hard because I feel like there expecting me to say some dirty to give them a reason to leave. Maybe it's just all in my head but I really don't know how to hold a conversation without being boring. Any tips?

LightEnd · Accepted Answer

Because you are always deep in thought, you are over thinking the interaction. Usually a women will know if she is interested in you or not pretty quick. It's not always based on how well you initially talk to her.

Usually people who are intelligent are more socially awkward because they do not like to "small talk"

I find it very hard to engage in small talk and usually want to talk about deep subjects which people aren't really interested in, especially when they are first trying to get to know you.

Dont over think things, just be yourself, if someone likes you they like you, if they don't, no big deal. When it comes down to it you want a girl that clicks with your personality. You dont want to try to force yourself to change to get someone to like you.

Stop over thinking it, your good just the way you are.

Laozi · Accepted Answer

You don't know them, right? So how about by knowing them. Ask them regular personal questions (not too personal) like study, work, hobby etc. And make it simple. Be funny like telling them funny stories (but don't be a joker or insult someone), compliment them (but don't overdo it). And go by trial and error method. Rome wasn't built in a day. So talk to them without hesitation. Notice and learn something (if something goes wrong) from every meeting and don't do those mistakes next time. And that's how you'll get better at holding a conversation.

emmamarie · Accepted Answer

I think a good start would be to ask the woman about herself because that right there separates you from other guys. I know it sounds simple, but with my experiences, guys that I’ve talked to don’t really ask about me, they tend to just talk about themselves or something that is sex related. When I say ask about herself, I mean like open ended questions because that’s really going to show you the kind of person that she is. I hope this helps!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

you can start by giving them a compliment about their hair clothes or anything they did nicely. it shows you pay attention to someone. same as complimenting something they did or say something nice about them

tinkey666 · Answer

it depends on your relationship with them, are they new or are they someone you already know.

if they are new, start by obviously, getting to know them. pay attention to their body language and the way they are talking to you. ask question, poke and prod a little. compliments always go well, just not too creepy like. make her laugh, evryone loves to laugh and women (as far as i know from the women i have met) love when guys can make them laugh. simple directions but ones that can't be forgotten.

if you know them, think back to previous conversations youve had with them and bring up topics from those conversations, women (again, from the women i know) love to knoe that you listen and remember things. again compliments are always good but dont cloud the interactions with them, over complimenting is worse (in my opinion) then not complimenting at all. try to make a runnibg joke that you bring up everytime you see them, it will make them laugh and it will create a bond between you that will hopefully strengthen any attachment you two have.

Browneye57 · Answer

Practice practice practice. Social skills are learned.
Do this...
Everyday, from now on, EVERYONE you meet or run into, strike up a conversation with them. EVERYWHERE. Get good at drawing them out. People love to talk about themselves.
Soon you'll have no trouble striking up a conversation with anyone - I can, and I'm an introvert and just as soon ignore everyone. But I was in sales for a couple of decades, and got really good at it. You can too.

Practice outcome-independence. This is the ultimate freedom to do and say as you see fit, for you know in your hearts heart that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS you'll be fine. Just fine thank you. And never do anything you have to apologize for. EVER.

This way when ms. right comes along you'll have NO problem striking up a convo and keeping it going. You'll be so good at it she'll think you're a god.

And go here and read - up your manliness: www.theartofmanliness.com

And never forget YOU ARE THE PRIZE! So start acting like it. Women are bowled over by confidence. Irrational confidence. Money helps too, so make a shit-ton. Money gives you power and choices, opportunities. And no woman worth her salt wants a dead-broke guy. She wants to know you can take care of her and the 84 children she wants to have with you.

Gunnar1978 · Answer

Really? I've never had that feeling. Maybe I should have done it?

To my experience its good to start with some smalltalk (just some shallow things you both can talk about) in order to relax a bit. When you get less nervous, try to open the conversation to other topics you think that could be interesting for the girl. I once heard the rule to talk about 30% about yourself and 70% about the other, although I don't know if this is really helpful. Try to be funny a bit, if you can. Girls typically like that. (Although I had conversations where I had really funny things to say and the other person didn't ever smirk a bit. Then why bother...)

zed-789 · Answer

Talk about random stuff. “Do u think aliens have dicks or vaginas? How do u think they came up wit dinosaur noises if dinosaurs was already dead by th time we came around? ” I bet most people never thought about that 😂 u’ll be conversating in no time.

Truthatanycost · Answer

I noticed that all of my conversations improved after reaching the state of 'No Mind'. This is when you have extended gaps in between thoughts, and if long enough, it becomes like having no thoughts. When you talk to people and you are fully present, and you have no thoughts, everything you say flows, and you have no worries about what to say. It makes for an interesting conversation because you aren't in your head, and even you have no idea what you are going to say next!

Dr_Spins · Answer

You can ask them about anything they are wearing.

Look for something unusual like her earrings or a necklace as sometimes they have a story or meaning behind them. You can bounce off that on another conversation depending on what her story was about.

You can also ask her about any unique clothing items, shoes or boots she is wearing, you can give her a compliment now and then, even something very small.

It's not so much about you talking, she will appreciate a great listener, just ask away and strike the seed that you are curious and really into her.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

that's why many self-improvement coaches say it's too bad or unfortunate that our schools don't teach conversation-skills or better communication. It's my sarcastic mindset but I feel guys, men need it more than women do since the burden of opening your mouth first always falls on the guys shoulders.

anton_dee · Answer

Always prepare a few fields / topics to talk about beforehand (food, travel, movies, n stuff). I don't recommend talking sexual stuff. You have to portray yourself as an intelligent guy and not the usual guys around. When you meet up, speak on each topic and watch the reaction. You will come to know which topic interests her. Go on from then on and get into that comfortable zone. At least this is what I do. And yes, try to bring in quite a bit of humour. Helps quite a bit.

Anonymous · Answer

This reminds me of something I read on a forum:

A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice, get yourself in as many interactions as possible.

"It bothers or enrages me a lot when people use the word practice, because for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first."

Yeah because the way I see it, the person who has to begin or initiate interaction and lead the interaction needs more social skills training or conversation skills training then the person who responds to it and follows it.

katrina123456 · Answer

Ask them general questions like how’s your day going and talk about the weather you and them, get to know them.

BrownBratzDoll · Answer

Eiather y'all click or y'all dont, but. Try and talk about common interest.

lateralusqueen · Answer

Find a topic you both like & talk about that. Ask them what are their hobbies & interest, what do they work in

4mazing · Answer

I think it helps to not be scared of small talk. People who are good at making conversation aren't afraid of talking about trivial stuff.

niiocorp · Answer

Approach women, you aren't attracted to and ask about basic stuff like the time or directions. Then over time, ask for their opinions and make sure to listen. You will ultimately grow the skill of talking.

Sometimes it is not just talking but making the girl feel you are engaged. They will leave thinking you are good at conversations

David92506 · Answer

Buy the book, "How To Make Friends & Influence People." After I read that book I had so many friends and didn't have any problem conversing.

Dxam0nd · Answer

Well I know imma ve waiting around to see the advice that's given bc I need it too.😂

Koalamate · Answer

When the conservation slows and you dont know what to talk about wrap it up and leave and come back later

serious · Answer

Even I am not that good at it. I can understand what you are saying though.

Champagnesupernova87 · Answer

Wind them up, make them laugh tell them a funny story, tell them a sexy story. The stories don't have to be true.

UncleJessieRabbit · Answer

Nah, being dirty when you don't know her as much is a guarantee you'll be seen a creep or creepy.

Jltakk · Answer

Yea, I'm awful at small chat. I wish I could hold a conversation

jujuju22 · Answer

do you want to meet me here in United Arab Emirates chat me. whatssapp.0588132972. ok

stuntbrain · Answer

Lower your expectations of interesting dialogue

tHISpLACEiSbONKERZ · Answer

Start reading, a lot. That's about it.

outside_Toronto · Answer

Start reading more. Get more things to talk about

KittyMilk · Answer

Pull your pinky out

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