Why did she log off as soon as I messaged her?

[Anonymous]

I've like this girl a while, but don't really know her and only ever see her on the off-chance that we happen to be in the same bar.

So, I added her on Facebook a while ago, and she accepted straight away. Well just today I plucked up the guts to start a conversation. She'd been online for like an hour, but as soon as I started to chat to her, she logged off without replying.

This is what I sent her;

"Hey, how's it going. Haven't seen you in a long time, what are you doing with yourself these days?"

Seriously, am I reading too much into this, or should I just accept that I've got no chance with her?

Also, now I'm in an awkward position. I'm pretty sure that she won't reply to me or start talking to me at a later date, but I also think if I try again it'll be a little bit like I'm trying too hard. So what the hell should I do now?

Updates

+1 y

So, taking in points from all of the answers, I should do the following.


1. Wait a few days or perhaps a week before contacting her again.


2. After I've waited long enough, say: "Hey what's up" as soon as she comes online.

[Anonymous]

hey let me help you out man.

Rule of thumb: When you IM a girl of interest for the first time. keep it short and sweet, you don't want her too know you are interested right away, because that's what every guy does.

Always 3 to 4 words. other wise you look desperate and its an IOI.

You want to say, "Hey what's up" That is standard and if she has any interest in getting to know you, she will respond.

Most guys make the mistake of writing out a whole paragraph. its bad game.

Also another personal rule of thumb for me:

Contact as soon as you are added, or she is online. It lets her think that you did it spontaneously without much thought of her reaction.

The best thing to do as of now, is not pay much attention to her. If you see her at the bar pass by her and don't give her a glance, but let yourself be seen having a good time. You got to build yourself as high value. Don't try to hard. start all over again once she gives you IOI

[Asker]

That's really good advice, so thanks mate. But what is IOI?

Also, since you seem pretty clued up on this, how long should I wait now before I try to talk to her again? A few days? A week?

Thing is, it sounds a bit pathetic, but I'm 24 and only came out of an 8 year relationship last summer, so I'm literally clueless when it comes to this kind of thing, basically because I've never had to do it before. So any extra help you could give me would be seriously appreciated.

[Opinion Owner]

IOI = Indication of interest.



As for contacting her again. I would not do that. I don't know how well you know this girl or if you have really ever talked. But she most likely already has an opinion of you. All though I'm not sure what that is, as I am not there first hand. Any other details could help.

And as for just getting out of a relationship and into the single life, Good for you man! And hey its all trail and error. Most important is to not give up!

[Asker]

Well I met her a few years ago, but we were both in relationships. Obviously nothing happened, but we talked for quite a while. Since then I've only seen her a few times in a few bars, but I've never approached her because she's always got her pain in the ass group of girlfriends surrounding her.

That's pretty much how well I know her. So, I ask of you; what the hell do I do now if you're advising me not to contact her again?

[Opinion Owner]

If you guys live in the same town. I would be at a bar she is at with your friends. Then make a move. Get to know her friends a bit too when your at the bar, its a shoe in the door.

The only reason I said, don't contact her Via IM. Is because you already did. And if she is not interested in you, that is why she didn't answer. you want to try a different approach. That's just my opinion. I don't know the girl so I can't give you an exact reason why she didn't answer your IM.

[Opinion Owner]

She may have just been signing off when you decied to answer you know.

[Distant]

You should try sending her a private message instead. If you use the instant messaging system via 'Facebook', they may sometimes accidentally log out and not get the message which seems to have happened in your situation. If you send her a private message instead, she's far more likely to read it. If she can read it, she's far more likely to respond. If she doesn't respond at all then you should just move on because she's not interested.

~Distant

[Asker]

I get what you're saying 'Distant', but if she did get my instant message and did log off to avoid talking to me, then by sending her a private message, aren't I just making myself look a bit desperate?

[Distant]

That's true. You do have to worry about that aspect. Perhaps, you could wait a few days and mention the fact that she may have missed your instant message so you've decided to write her a personal message instead. That would be giving you and excuse to private message her even after she hasn't responded on purpose.

~Distant

[Costello_Rio]

give her the benefit of the doubt. Facebook chat is all kinds of weird. She may have lost power on her laptop,may have shut down her computer ( as you said , she was on it for a while ) , her boss may have been walking by. There is nothing wrong with what you said...just try again, and perhaps don't leave it till she is about to get off facebook :D

[anonymous2121]

Have you tried "poking" her on her fb page? Click on "poke" and it will send her a message that she has been "poked" by you.

Sometimes that is a way of flirting that is not as hurtful of a rejection (if she doesn't send you a poke back) as logging off during an instant message.

[missjane]

I did this the other day to a guy I know, but I flat out told him I would never date him and he still keeps trying so I logged off. If she isn't interested she needs to a least have the guts to tell you that much and not leave you hanging.

[ATadTooNice]

She might not've seen the message, or she had to log off quickly for whatever reason, happens to me all the time. Don't take it personally :P There isn't always a deeper answer XD

[nekoneo]

that doesn't mean that she doesn't like you at all. I think it was just bad timing. she could of been busy and didn't want to chat or just not in the mood to chat. she could of not of noticed it too. I have done this many times well with e-mail most like I will read it and then not message back right away.Sometimes I don't message because I'm either really excited, not in the mood to chat, or I don't know what to say. why not send her a message to her inbox =)

[Costello_Rio]

wait two days max and give her 10 min as soon as she comes online. Facebook chat deletes previous days messages...so if she did log off she wouldn't know you sent a message.

[Ashleynyc1]

It is easy and obvious. She does not want to talk with you. I log off all the time when I want to avoid a dude. Sorry man.

[Anonymous]

Option #2. Give her a second chance as it could have been coincidence that she logged off after you said hello before. If she engages in conversation with you this time, ask her out!

[Anonymous]

She does not want to talk with you. I log off all the time when I want to avoid a dude. Sorry man.