Hi everyone, it's been a while since I was last on this site, sadly not much has changed. Still a virgin at 23 which is really destroying my confidence and mental health. I've tried dating at least three different women the past year but I didn't go far, I've also lost 24 pounds to help myself look nicer but to no avail. I regularly use tinder and plenty of fish but I rarely get matches. I also changed up my image to help my confidence. The social anxiety is still with me which doesn't help when talking to women.
Overall I just want to know how I can date more, increase my confidence and self esteem because I don't want to be a virgin both in terms of sex and relationships because its becoming a red flag at my age.
Positives for the past year which has helped would be that I have become more social, I've got more tattoos and have lost weight. I am also joining the Royal navy in September which is my dream job. Posted my image to see if it's my physical appearance which cud be the problem
23 year old virgin, starting to get really depressed?
I used to really struggle with social anxiety and speaking to women too, but I got over it and did justfine. I can tell you right now that most of the advice you'll get here will be useless. Lots of vague, kind of patronising, "feel good" nonsense pretty much that doesn't help you at all ("being a virgin is fine", "aww you're a sweet guy you'll find someone, never change").
Hopefully you don't take offense to the things I say because I'm not trying to be a dickhead, it's just better not to sugarcoat these things the way most people do. I'm speaking mostly from my own experiences too having been where you are right now.
You're not a bad looking guy, so that's not the problem - but those glasses don't suit you. That's the first thing I'd fix there. You look like you're in shape too so thats good. You went on three dates so obviously some women find you attractive initially. It's your behaviour that turns them off.
What I mean by that is the shyness. You say they saw you as a friend, that's because of the shyness. I know it's hard for you to be more direct and flirtatious, but that's the main thing you need to fix, and there's no magic pill for that - the only way to get over that is to do it more even when you're afraid to.
In fact it's perhaps best not to think about confidence, but instead about courage - or "balls". Confidence comes over time and at the time when something doesn't really bother you, but while you're still afraid of it, it's courage you need. Courage is being afraid of something but doing it anyway. With some women, if they like you, even if they can tell that you're a bit nervous they'll give you a pass if you show some courage.
Don't be afraid to show the girl that you're attracted to her. You can do this in a number of ways. You can be verbally direct and compliment the girl, tell her you like her or whatever. Or you can show interest non-verbally, plenty of good eye contact for example.
The most important thing to understand about dating and attraction is the idea of masculine vs feminine polarity, or masculine vs feminine "energy". This is something that most people won't think about, will perhaps even think is nonsense and might even discourage because it's politically incorrect, but it's important. So much of attraction is about the "vibe" of the interaction.
When you act really shy and nervous, and you let her lead which I'm guessing you probably do even if you don't realise it, you're acting like the woman. This is why they see you as just a friend. As the man you have to lead. This is really simple - you plan the date, you make decisions, you pay (at least on the first date), and you "take care of her". That's masculine energy. When she's the one leading you and taking care of you because you're shy, she's in her masculine and you're in your feminine, which is a complete turn off for her.
You might think that might put her off but most women will prefer that, because so many men are so indecisive. Taking the lead is only a turn off if you're overly pushy about certain things - but you being the way you are, you don't have to worry about that at all. You're probably all the way at the other extreme.
Nerves on a first date are normal, but you have to control them. Your nervousness probably shows itself through your body language. Nervous ticks, awkward laughs, maybe a goofy "I'm so happy to be here" smile, avoiding eye contact. No matter how nervous you are force yourself to cut out those bad habits.
As for conversation, the easiest way to get over that is to avoid boring interview style conversation ("what do you do for work", "what car do you drive", "what do you do for fun") and find different things to talk about. Even better is if you can get her talking. Everybody's favourite topic is themselves, so get her talking about herself.
What you've got going for you is broad shoulders, and (from what I can see) better than average musculature, a decently strong jaw, good smile, and an overall masculine look.
One of my recommendations would be growing your hair out (if possible), as it would help with covering some of your forehead and hiding your hairline. I know you said you were joining the Navy, so you have to keep your hair relatively short, however, I do believe they allow undercuts with somewhat longer hair in the front. That's what I recommend.
I also recommend experimenting with different types of facial hair. I don't think your lack of facial hair is necessarily a problem because you don't have a weak jaw, but it's worth trying out different looks, because you never know.
But the easiest fix is your glasses. Frankly, that round lens shape doesn't look good, at least on men. (Some women can pull it off if they have an artsy fashion style, but it's rare.) Either get rectangular lenses or wear contacts. That's the easiest, fastest way you could drastically improve your look.
I think your only facial feature that might be giving you trouble is your forehead, which is why I recommend growing your hair longer, at least on the top and front, if not the sides too.
I'm a virgin at my age man. And I can definitely tell you virginity is not your problem. How you already look at yourself is. You still think that way even if you end up losing that. You got to have a rational and logical reasons to be involved with somebody. And stop counting the days in the time. Your physical appearance is not the problem. You got a soul problem. Social anxiety and all that stuff has to do with mental health. And I highly suggest you seek counseling. You don't need to date. You need to increase your confidence on your own by being around people who really cares about you and want to be invested in your life. Your problem is that you have self-hate and you have to learn to really love yourself. Getting tattoos and losing weight and all that stuff you're just making stuff up more unattractive, and that's not a good thing man.
Fix your personal life first. Then figure out if dating is really something you should pursue. But whatever you do please do not have premarital sex. If you want to be married and have a family, you got to figure yourself out at the person first because you're going to be investing in another person's life. That's what makes a relationship and of course by extension a marriage.
If you want to improve your appearance shave your head. Hair plugs look too fake and a toupee isn't going to help. Try growing a beard that can change your look immensely. Hit the gym because every bald guy just looks better when they're muscular ie Terry Cruiz Vin Diesel Since you're depressed getting into a relationship isn't a good idea. Get your shit other no one wants to spend their life with a depressed sack. Maybe get a better style? Practice talking to people. We live in a world where people complain and whine and play the victim card. If you don't like something stand up shut up and do something about it. Not getting sympathy points from me
Take care of your skin too. Try face masks with clay in them. Skin care with Salicylic acid and Benzoyl peroxide is a good start. Moisturise invest in some good face wash. Make sure to groom yourself trim shave wax whatever you need to do to look more put together and presentable. Post pictures of you in a suit makes you look hotter and put together
As a fellow virgin and someone who hasnât had any kind or relationship or intimacy with a girl before, I understand your anxiety.
I would say that itâs important to focus yourself a lot. Try and figure out what you like in a girl. Spend time with friends and family as much as possible.
In terms of the sex and virginity, it sounds like you are feeling the pressure of being a virgin at an older age. I think I can say with confidence that itâs not worth worrying about at all, the biggest mistake you can make is having sex before youâre ready or with the wrong person. Youâve got the rest of your life for sexual encounters and experiences.
Again Iâd say just focus on yourself. Masturbate and try and figure out what turns you on and what satisfying sex is for you.
Finally Iâd just say be yourself and you could also go get some professional help with these worries if you feel like it would benefit you.
You sound like a great guy though so Iâm sure youâll have some great experiences with dating and relationships in the future.
I think that you're probably going through what a lot of people go through which is finding yourself. It's really stressful when you feel like you're being judged at all times and it makes you contemplate sentences as they come out of your mouth or what you wear or how you carry yourself. You sound like you're in the awkward stage of that where none of your choices really add up to who you really are.
It might sound stupid but you might want to consider meditation bro. Learn to look at yourself from New perspectives which are your own. You can care about what other people think of you after you get yourself figured out.
Who are you? What do you like? What looks good to you? What do you care about what are your priorities? You're not ready to date someone until you have answers to these questions, even if the answers aren't as accurate as they could be you need some idea. You need to figure yourself out.
And once you can feel comfortable in your skin that's when talking to girls is going to get easy.
Don't listen to people saying "don't change" definitely change life is all about change. Just make sure you're doing it in a way that's true to yourself dude.
And by the way, fuck anyone who has a problem with virgins. If they see it as a red flag then they don't have a very mature mindset. And I bet a lot less people see it that way than you think. Every virgin I ever met is insecure about being a virgin and feels like the world looks at them in disgust with x-ray vision or something! Lol it's not like that. Not for guys, not for girls.
But I think you sound like a decent guy and you have a lot of potential to find a high quality person to be with. I just think to gain the ability to put that impression on someone which ultimately makes them want to know more about you, you're gonna need to do some self development.
Seems to me youâre now a decent looking guy. Social anxiety plus overweight no doubt crushed your younger dating years. Keep working on the social anxiety. The work on your appearance -has- worked itâs just it wasnât the only issue.
But Iâd suggest you pretend it was. If your lack of dating experience comes up be semi honest. Just say you were out of shape and then shy as a teen. That explains your late start without actually seeming weird. Or maybe itâs that when you havenât dated girls are wondering âwhy? What red flag did other girls spot Iâm not seeing?â So give them an answer - oh he used to be less attractive but got fit and grew into his looks.
As for your mental state: you may be 23 but for all intents and purposes youâve only been active in the dating market for a short while so donât compare yourselves to others. Just try not to let the baggage of the past infect your brain now. Itâs tough but... do what you can. Youâre going to have to up your flirting. Women may respond well or poorly - thatâs the point. Itâs a subtle way of hinting at mutual interest that can be played off as having never happened if itâs not mutual.
Change of frames would do wonders. Forget about being a virgin that's only good for bragging rights and your beyond needing to do that. You're looking fit. Just know you will eventually be with someone very special. when you do hook up respect her with all your being because you know how special she is. Value her but pick a girl worth valuing first.
I hardly remember most of the women I was with before 26. So you have a few years to forget nobody so far lol.. There is no rush be thankful you have no regrets far as destroying relationships yet, lol. All is good bro.
I've got a friend who lost his virginity at 27. He then dated that girl for about 2 months and got his heart crushed and is now single and depressed again.
My fiancée lost hers at 28. She dated a guy for 15 years and had sex a total of 30 times, roughly. He wasn't interested in it.
My point is, you're still young. Don't rush it. And just doing it once doesn't guarantee you doing it again. Be a good person, a genuine person, and you will attract good people. People that WANT to be with you.
Aww you're so handsome. Being a virgin is beautiful! It shows pureness & self control, please don't act by compulsion, don't feel pressured by society, nowadays they mess around withouth even knowing the consequences, there are women out there looking for a man like you. Please don't do anything stupid...
don't worry. I see guys asking if it's alright to be a virgin at 26, 27 years old. I would personally admire a 23 year old male virgin. I myself am a virgin, and it shows to me discipline, integrity, and respect for oneself. it also shows that you respect women and don't want to have sex just for the sake of bragging to your bros about it. I do not find men who like to "conquer" 10 women a week attractive in any way. in fact, the fewer women they've been with, the better in my opinion.
you seem like a sweet guy. your image is not the issue. I think it is your lack of confidence. women like charisma and confidence. I've seen guys with really hot women and I wondered how he managed to get that woman. then he opened his mouth and I realized why. he was interesting, funny, charismatic, a good leader. work on building your self esteem. forget about women for a while and about what you don't have. focus instead on what you do have and understand that it is enough.
Your energi tells that you are more mature than people who are mature (wich you are not) and it makes the energi around you telling that you are older than 23 year. You look like a person who expect to much. your face look funny, charming and nerdy at the same time and innocent. But your body tells that you look like someobe who had sex since he was 16 year old.
Faking it won't work, it is visible. Be urself, keep good work and be sure of what you are looking for, because you seem to be looking for a girl to lose your virginity with and maybe have a long term relationship, even if you would be in the navy. Ask yourself what you are seeking for.
Greatđđđat least you know what kind of girl you want. Why dont you write on you prifile on dating site that you are looking for (a girl who has a nerdy and geeky side). but dont write that you generally like smallee cute girls because that hould sound weird on a profile. And aslo dont wait for girl to come to you, keep triying and go seek for them.
Why? Is it bad to get advice from kids too? Some kids have a mind like adult and some adults thinks like kIds. And no that is not from my own experience.
First off I'm still young so I may not understand but why is losing your virginity so damn important why do you need a significant other you really should not let this kind of shit get you depressed I'm almost 17 and I've still got my virginity and I haven't had a girlfriend but I dont let that depress me here is a little life tip in this world you only need one good friend.
It all starts within, you have to love yourself. Be proud of who you are! There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, there's nothing wrong with you. Dating sites are horrible, I would suggest getting off of them.. When this coronavirus is over go out and join a fun class, volunteer, adapt new hobbies to meet new people. Just have to put yourself out there and you'll find her eventually. It might not be your time right now, you'll find her unexpectedly.
Save up a few bucks and spend a couple of hours with a hot escort. Seriously, these women are the hottest and nicest women on the planet. They will treat you like a king (for a few hundred $$ ). In the U. S. you can spend an amazing 1.5 hours with a super-hot woman for $350. You get to fuck her every-which-way and she will be as friendly as can be.
That's what he's tryna say love, that it hasn't happened yet and his little flute is dying to get some wet action all that penis gets is friction burns from kleenex
You seem to be on a good trajectory and I can imagine you'll reach your goals soon enough if you keep working and stay positive. Lots of women like military men, as long as you don't make it your entire personality. Some women also prefer men with no former partners. Good luck forward 👍
@Gavilar1 you dated 3 women? that's awesome. I am 21 and never dated any guy. I too have social anxiety. suffered from some depression. I am going to my final year of university next year and I am so worried that I may not get into grad school, that i'll end up working a minimum wage job for the rest of my life, that i'll end up a failure, that I won't find anyone to love me. then I woke up one day and realized that only you can save yourself. you are your greatest ally, but also your biggest enemy. it is all psychological. you must be strong and accept that you have great value. you don't need a woman to validate your self worth just like I don't need a man or a six figure salary. it may be hard to accept, when you are depressed and have little self worth. I am struggling with this myself. always had insecurities, doubt, about my acne, about my weight. I lost 35 pounds since last year. what's most important in life, and I hope you realize this: is your health, happiness, and your family. and when you stop worrying so much, and when you stop searching for "the one," she'll find her way to you. you just have to radiate confidence, with modesty of course. you have to focus on yourself. and hey, you got your dream job. i'm still searching for mine, but always hanging in there and not giving up.
Could be that youâre aiming for women that think they are out of your league. This sounds bad but, try aiming for someone that you think you are better than.
I reckon change the glasses to a smaller frame and grow your hair out a bit. But maybe that wouldn't suit you. It really depends how you carry yourself.
Can't really think of anything else that might help now.
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